A Simple Game of Chess......?

[Tex]

14 hours ago, cantab said:

I propose the addition of a new rule:

Wow, first time I've ever heard of trying to put new rules in a forum game. Unfortunately I'm personally vetoing this one, because I want my thread to have at least some direction. A lot of people have been derailing my games recently.

"Play ball!" my coach shouts, and all my pieces break from the huddle we were in. My knight then tosses a dodgeball to the other side.

[cantab]

My pieces dodge it, as you might expect. My rook then tosses a banana bomb to the other side.

[0111narwhalz]

The resident monkey defuses the bomb and devours the banana in a gruesome fashion.

Meanwhile, my bishop opens some holy text or another and banishes a number of your pieces.

[cantab]

My King declares a break from Rome and installs himself as Head of the Church of Chessland. He calls back the banished pieces, beheads his own Queen, and launches the severed head in a catapult at the opposing bishop.

[Tex]

My piece hits the head with his racket and sends it back towards the other side.

[0111narwhalz]

My pawn jumps on my knight's horse and spikes the head with the help of the rook.

Meanwhile, my queen informs the Inquisition about the nefarious activities of the opposition. Naturally, the enemy king is unsuspecting.

[cantab]

However, my King gets a codec call tipping him off. Out of sight of the enemy, he disguises himself by hiding under a cardboard box while a few pawns lay claymore mines on the adjacent squares.

[Tex]

Fortunately, I click all the tiles around the mine square, and move on to clear more.

 

I send a heavy/medic duo to try and capture your center control point.

[StrandedonEarth]

Go Fish

[cantab]

I cast my line out and hook the opposing kingside knight, and begin reeling it in.

[Snowstorm]

Blackjack!

[cantab]

You get paid your winnings, but then the casino's "muscle" push you out and tell card-counters like you not to bother returning.

Bishop c5.

[StrandedonEarth]

Ooops, someone placed c4 on c5 and your bishop is blown back to his Maker.

"Nuclear Launch Detected" - Check.... and mate? 

[cantab]

My side constructs additional pylons then sends a pawnling rush at the enemy.

[Tex]

I drive off in my tractor and quickly plant my virtual field of wheat before then using the tractor to try and run your pieces down.

[cantab]

My King jumps in a JCB Fastrac and does a power lap of the circuit, easily outpacing your inferior slow tractor and getting points. Loo-zerrrrrrrr!

[Mad Rocket Scientist]

My pawns use 5 banana peels and make your king slide out.

Edited February 22, 2016 by Mad Rocket Scientist

[cantab]

The King fires off a quake up the track, knocking your pawns skywards and speeding past.

[Snowstorm]

Rook uses attack!  It's super effective!

[WinkAllKerb'']

oops ; ) i think we need to restart ; ) (and sorry for the flu shot, but ha you know it could happen)

Edited February 22, 2016 by WinkAllKerb''

[legoclone09]

I copyright strike the YouTube video for no reason. It's super effective and it dies.

[Tex]

I then slip another piece into the game rack, bringing me up to 3 pieces connected diagonally. One more gives me a win.

[cantab]

I skilfully steer the snake around gobbling up those three pieces then make for the enemy back rank.

[AlextheBodacious]

My laser-guided Boeing B-52 Stratobishop swoops in and annihilates said snake, to go on and land right behind the opponent's king.

[cantab]

My Queen uses steal, removing a key component from the B-52 making it fall to pieces. She then throws an Arctic Wind at the opposing position.