TERRIBLE JOKES!

W. Kerman · January 1, 2017

Senile.com found. Out of memory.

LN400 · January 1, 2017

-Dad, how do you spell 'train'?

-The way it sounds.

-Choo choo choo?

John22 · January 2, 2017

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Nobel.
Nobel who?
No bell, I knock.

John22 · January 3, 2017

On 11/16/2016 at 4:28 AM, Tex_NL said:

What does a frog say when you drop him in water a foot and a half deep?

KneeDeep.

On 11/17/2016 at 2:07 AM, Xorth Tanovar said:

There are 2 kinds of people in the world: Those who can interpolate answers.

One in every five adults believe that aliens are hiding in our planet disguised as humans.

ProtoJeb21 · January 3, 2017

What's worse than five Kerbals on one rocket?

One Kerbal on Five rockets.

WinkAllKerb'' · January 4, 2017

remove hearth or remove H he he he problem solved

John22 · January 4, 2017

Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven ate nine.

LN400 · January 4, 2017

-Bartender, can you call me a taxi?

-Sure, you are a taxi.

Tex_NL · January 4, 2017

A man comes home.
"Wife, something great has happened. I won the lottery. Pack your bags."
"Summer or winter clothes?" She asks.
"I don't care. Just get out."

SAS123 · January 4, 2017

What is White, Black and red all over?

Mars

LN400 · January 4, 2017

A policeman stopped me here the other day said he was going to have to follow me to the police station. I asked why, he said he'd forgotten the way.

A policeman stopped me here the other day, said "blow into this please". I said "why?", he said "these chips are too hot".

I needed to see the doc here the other day. He was ill.

Can you believe it, I was arrested for making snow angels! I guess summer tyres and pedestrians don't go together that well.

Edited January 4, 2017 by LN400

LN400 · January 4, 2017

How terrible do you want them? This terrible?

I had a ploughman's lunch yesterday. He was not happy about it.

Last Saturday I took part in a dancing competition at the night club. Took 2 hours before I broke the record. The D.J. and the others were not happy about it.

I'm on a whisky diet. It works! I've lost 3 days already.

WinkAllKerb'' · January 4, 2017

so you've made medecine study for 9 years, your fresh out school and now start in psychatric hospital with all your teacher wise word in mind, i'm patient take your time and tell me more about it

LN400 · January 4, 2017

I went to this Girls-A-Go-Go and they're not lying let me tell you. When I got there, all the girls were gone.

A man came up to me in a hurry, said "is there a policeman around here?", I said "no", he said "stick'em up".

Cleaning out the attic I found an old painting and an old violin. I took them to an expert who said "here you have a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius". Unfortunately, Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Rembrandt made rotten violins.

Clearing out the attic with my wife here the other day. Dusty, filthy, covered with cobwebs. But she's good with the kids.

All throughout our marriage, my wife has always stood by my side. We only have one chair.

-Waiter, do you have frog legs?

-Yes, sir

-Jolly good. Hop over and fetch me a pint.

John22 · January 5, 2017

On 1/1/2017 at 2:24 AM, Spacetraindriver said:

Knock Knock

Whos there?

The chicken

The chicken who?

The chicken who crossed the road.

So that's why the chicken crossed the road!

knock knock.

Who’s there?

Barbie.Barbie who?

BBQ chicken.

NSEP · January 5, 2017

Boi 1: I want to get to the Moon using nothing but fireworks

Boi 2: Dude, your a Lunatic!

Are you all right? No, you are all left!

Why did people back in the day not take care of any left-handed people? Because it wasn't right.

LN400 · January 6, 2017

A guy came up to me, said "what rhymes with orange?". I said "no, it does't".

Driving past the school, I read a sign saying

"SLOW

CHILDREN"

I though "oh, good thing they can't read that".

WinkAllKerb'' · January 6, 2017

how does an empty cookies taste ? or test some things when full of nothing

Edited January 6, 2017 by WinkAllKerb''

John22 · January 6, 2017

8 hours ago, NSEP said:

Boi 1: I want to get to the Moon using nothing but fireworks

Boi 2: Dude, your a Lunatic!

Are you all right? No, you are all left!

Why did people back in the day not take care of any left-handed people? Because it wasn't right.

On 1/4/2017 at 8:13 PM, SAS123 said:

What is White, Black and red all over?

Mars

1. Humans get a little taller in space because there is no gravity pulling down on them.

2. A car traveling at 80 km/h uses half its fuel to overcome wind resistance.

Edited January 6, 2017 by John22

WinkAllKerb'' · January 7, 2017

what's the difference between a tree leaf and a doll art ... the pay per butt but but what aboout the complex serv her side calc hulls and don't live in bubble whe had a vision

whil in a room full of [insert currency] you ll get breast, in a room full of tree you ll get breath

Edited January 7, 2017 by WinkAllKerb''

Ultimate Steve · January 7, 2017

Pete and repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who's left in the boat?

"REPEAT!"