REAL Order of Star Wars movies

[MaxxQ]

14 minutes ago, TheSaint said:

But, yeah, the Hobbit movies were about twice as long as they needed to be. They also felt way too campy to me. I didn't enjoy them at all actually.

I've looked at the Hobbit movies as similar to the Roger Moore Bond films - basically, everything after The Man With the Golden Gun (although that one was starting to push it).  Campy, too silly, and trying to outdo itself for the sake of outdoing itself.  Fun to watch once (or twice, if it's been awhile), but there's better ones out there, both before and after.

OTOH, I despise that cesspool of a film that shares a title with a certain Robert A. Heinlein book.  And the title is about the only thing that bears any resemblance to the book.  If it weren't for the fact that they've already dug them up, I'd say it could join those long-lost buried copies of Atari's E.T. game.

After nuking them from orbit, just to be sure.

 

[TheSaint]

10 minutes ago, MaxxQ said:

I've looked at the Hobbit movies as similar to the Roger Moore Bond films - basically, everything after The Man With the Golden Gun (although that one was starting to push it).  Campy, too silly, and trying to outdo itself for the sake of outdoing itself.  Fun to watch once (or twice, if it's been awhile), but there's better ones out there, both before and after.

OTOH, I despise that cesspool of a film that shares a title with a certain Robert A. Heinlein book.  And the title is about the only thing that bears any resemblance to the book.  If it weren't for the fact that they've already dug them up, I'd say it could join those long-lost buried copies of Atari's E.T. game.

After nuking them from orbit, just to be sure.

Oh, goodness, yes, that was horrible. Verhoeven actually hated the book. Why do you make a movie of a book if you hate the book? How does that even make sense? They're apparently having another stab at it in the next couple of years, hopefully they'll get it right this time.

[insert_name]

There's one film youve all forgotten, the star wars holiday special. Where does that fit in?

[tater]

I hated how they took away Frodo's agency. What killed the movie from a plot standpoint for me was when Frodo was dragged across the Ford of Bruinen. In the book, he turns and makes his stand there against foes he cannot possibly do anything about. Taking that away from the character was inexcusable, IMHO. It would be like Obi Wan not talking to Luke in the trench, but if they had shown the ghost of Ben knock Luke out, and pilot the craft himself. I loved the look of them, though. Aside from the orcs being far, far too large. Tolkien described a huge orc chieftain as "almost man high." Sam and Frodo disguised themselves as orcs. Orcs are TINY for the most part, Hobbit sized, in fact, or slightly larger.

So by coincidence, Phantom Menace was on TV tonight... I watched Galaxy Quest, instead---what an awesome movie.

[TheSaint]

16 minutes ago, insert_name said:

There's one film youve all forgotten, the star wars holiday special. Where does that fit in?

Well, when you consider George Lucas' dubious film-making ability, his penchant for merchandising, and his overall poor decision-making when it came to the well-being of his franchise, I'd say it fits in perfectly.

[MaxxQ]

2 minutes ago, tater said:

. I watched Galaxy Quest, instead---what an awesome movie.

The BEST Star Trek movie ever made.

[TheSaint]

3 minutes ago, tater said:

So by coincidence, Phantom Menace was on TV tonight... I watched Galaxy Quest, instead---what an awesome movie.

"I see you've managed to lose your shirt."

Of all the losses we've had this year in the entertainment industry, Alan Rickman hurt the most for me. Watching him chew up his dialogue is pretty much the only reason I watch the Harry Potter movies with my kids anymore.

[tater]

And right before that when he suggested he try and figure out the monster's motivation, and when Taggert said he didn't care, he got "You never cared about the craft." LOL. 

20 minutes ago, MaxxQ said:

The BEST Star Trek movie ever made.

This.

A buddy of mine worked on the horrible movie mentioned above... he made bugs (he's a creature effects guy). 

[Andem]

1. A New Hope

2. the Empire Strikes Back

3. Return of the Jedi

4. Revenge of the Sith

6. The Force Awakens

7. Rogue One

 

The order in which they should be watched, IMO.

[TheSaint]

33 minutes ago, tater said:

A buddy of mine worked on the horrible movie mentioned above... he made bugs (he's a creature effects guy). 

It's like The Scottish Play, just mentioning the name brings bad luck.

[tater]

I watched it with him... luckily he didn't like it any better than I did. Sad, since that movie is MADE for a modern version given what can be done with effects now... powered armor! 

[TheSaint]

1 minute ago, tater said:

I watched it with him... luckily he didn't like it any better than I did. Sad, since that movie is MADE for a modern version given what can be done with effects now... powered armor! 

I hear that the animated TV series (which does make use of the powered armor) actually wasn't half bad, but I haven't ever gotten around to watching it.

[razark]

I took my kid to see the first Hobbit movie.  He'd read the book and seen the animated movie.

At nine, he knew enough to know we wouldn't be bothering with the other two.

[kerbiloid]

IV, V, VI 
And a pile of secondary fanfics, some of them Lucas's.

Edited December 12, 2016 by kerbiloid

[Superfluous J]

1 hour ago, insert_name said:

There's one film youve all forgotten, the star wars holiday special. Where does that fit in?

I didn't forget it

9 hours ago, 5thHorseman said:

If you really want to, there are some other movies as well but they're not worth watching. Maybe one of them, but not the rest. It has Bea Arthur in it.

So I'd put it below all the real Star Wars movies but above the prequels.

Jokingly of course. Bad a they were I at least made it through the prequels.

[MaxxQ]

6 minutes ago, TheSaint said:

I hear that the animated TV series (which does make use of the powered armor) actually wasn't half bad, but I haven't ever gotten around to watching it.

I hate that "film" so much, that I've refused to watch anything else associated with it.  I've also refused to let my boys watch it, although since their mother and I are split and they're 500+ miles away, they've most likely seen it.  They once tried to sneak it into the shopping cart once.  I'd have broken it in half if it weren't for the fact that I'd have to pay for it anyway, thus giving whomever more of my money (I'd already spent $12.00 to see it in the theater when it was released - that was $200 too much).

If it weren't for the fact that I have a standard policy of never walking out of a theater, no matter how bad the movie is, I would have... AND demanded my money back, including what I paid for popcorn and soda.  I would have given both of those back as well, but they would have had to wait a few hours...

And I thought Galaxina was bad...

I'm extremely hesitant to think about seeing this alleged reboot someone mentioned above.

OTOH, I'm very much looking forward to the live action Ghost in the Shell.

2 minutes ago, 5thHorseman said:

I didn't forget it

So I'd put it below all the real Star Wars movies but above the prequels.

Jokingly of course. Bad a they were I at least made it through the prequels.

When I first saw your Bea Arthur mention, the only movie I could think of was History of the World, Part 1.  And since we're on Mel Brooks, Spaceballs was the best Star Wars prequel ever made. 

[TheSaint]

12 minutes ago, MaxxQ said:

OTOH, I'm very much looking forward to the live action Ghost in the Shell.

I'm struggling to withhold judgement. This is exactly the type of property that Hollywood is famous for screwing up.

12 minutes ago, MaxxQ said:

When I first saw your Bea Arthur mention, the only movie I could think of was History of the World, Part 1.  And since we're on Mel Brooks, Spaceballs was the best Star Wars prequel ever made. 

But Blazing Saddles is Mel Brooks best movie. "What in the Wide World of Sports is going on here!"

[Shpaget]

Honestly guys, how can you include the Farce Awakens in your top lists and refuse to watch epusode you know which?

Phantom menace is not a masterpiece, far from it, but it has the best ligh sabre fights and the most intriguing villain with great costume. No other movies in the series come close to it in that regard.

Mark Hamill's acting is atrocious and the series if overflowing with cliches.

And then the Farce. The worst one of them all. It's an attempt to (re)make SJW version of Phantom menace. It contains absolutely nothing original. 

[regex]

7 minutes ago, Shpaget said:

Honestly guys, how can you include the Farce Awakens in your top lists and refuse to watch epusode you know which?

Because The Force Awakens was basically Star Wars, and I'm okay with that.

7 minutes ago, Shpaget said:

Phantom menace is not a masterpiece, far from it, but it has the best ligh sabre fights and the most intriguing villain with great costume.

Intriguing? Far from it. Darth Whatever is basically a vehicle for an extended lightsabre fight that served zero purpose in moving the greater Star Wars plot forward. It barely qualifies as martial arts porn.

7 minutes ago, Shpaget said:

No other movies in the series come close to it in that regard.

Darth Vader is far more intriguing as a villain and is much scarier. I don't see him resorting to red face paint, his grill says it all.

7 minutes ago, Shpaget said:

SJW

Ah, I see why you don't like it. Well, it's the way Star Wars is going now, which is a great thing, and I'm going to enjoy the salt it generates.

[monstah]

On 10/12/2016 at 11:17 PM, regex said:

Machete Order is the best, by far, watching Harmy's De­spe­cial­ized Edi­tions for 2 and 3 (because they're crap unless properly edited). 4, 5, 2, 3, 6. The story makes much more sense. Toss out the "first" movie, it's worthless in the larger scheme of things and is just a terrible movie all around.

*opens blog, sees bold sentence*

Quote

If the "proper order" for Star Wars for you is the original trilogy and nothing else, stop reading now and find the Despecialized Editions. If the "proper order" for Star Wars for you is the original trilogy and nothing else, stop reading now and find the Despecialized Editions.If the "proper order" for Star Wars for you is the original trilogy and nothing else, stop reading now and find the Despecialized Editions.

*stops reading, goes find and OH GOD, MIND BLOWN*

Had to go back and read the blog after all, and it's beautiful! Too bad my nephew watched them in the bad order already  

Edit: and now I just saw this XD

[kerbiloid]

Are Spaceballs considered canonical or apocryphal?

[monstah]

3 hours ago, kerbiloid said:

Are Spaceballs considered canonical or apocryphal?

As long as they're considered in-universe, either is fine.

[TheSaint]

8 hours ago, Shpaget said:

Honestly guys, how can you include the Farce Awakens in your top lists and refuse to watch epusode you know which?

Phantom menace is not a masterpiece, far from it, but it has the best ligh sabre fights and the most intriguing villain with great costume. No other movies in the series come close to it in that regard.

Mark Hamill's acting is atrocious and the series if overflowing with cliches.

And then the Farce. The worst one of them all. It's an attempt to (re)make SJW version of Phantom menace. It contains absolutely nothing original. 

Eh. If you're looking for classic acting and masterpiece filmmaking, well, you can just throw out the entire franchise at that point. I hear Barry Lyndon is playing at the Cinematheque this Saturday.

I just think that Episode I is overall a terrible movie. It's slow, the pacing is awful. Pod racing is exciting, but pointless. (But if they didn't put something exciting in there everyone would fall asleep.) I hate the "Anakin randomly wins the day" deus-ex-machina ending. Jar-Jar Binks. Darth Maul isn't a villain, he's a henchman. And, yeah, Episodes II and III aren't shining examples of modern cinema either, but as is pointed out in the Machete Order blog, at least they bring something to the table in terms of advancing the overall franchise story arc. Episode I is completely worthless in that regard. It's a complete waste of time.

And, since you asked, I think Force Awakens is dueling with Return of the Jedi for last place in the "Good Star Wars Films" category. I realize that Abrams was trying to play it safe with the franchise, but making the plot a carbon copy of the plot of the first film sort of takes "playing it safe" to the level of caricature. But, on the plus side, it has some great characters, and I think that the action and plot moved really well and kept me entertained through the whole film. It's not Empire Strikes Back, by any means, but I wasn't asking for my money back either. However, if someone winds up in carbonite at the end of the next film then we can pull out the torches and pitchforks.

[Cydonian Monk]

There is only one order. 

 

The Jedi Order. 

[kerbiloid]

_{His Divine Order exceeds the Jedi Order.}

 

37 minutes ago, Cydonian Monk said:

There is only one order. 

 

The Jedi Order. 

The Order of Sith Lords gets intrigued.