Badie

The Kerbal Chronicles

120 posts in this topic

Hello everyone, 

 

To make it easier we opened this thread so you can post your submissions here! Please the ones that have already posted their entries in  the other thread I'll appreciate if you could also post them here! 

 

We hope you have fun and start sharing your articles ! :cool:

 

Thanks!

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Posted (edited)

KSA telescope reveals habitable planets !

KSA's Kitzer Space Telescope has revealed the first known system of 8 Kerbin-size planets. One of these planets is firmly located in the habitable zone, the area around the parent star where a rocky planet is most likely to have liquid water.

The discovery sets a new record for greatest number of planets found around a single star outside our kerbol system. All of these eight planets could have liquid water – key to life as we know it – under the right atmospheric conditions, but the chances are highest with the one in the habitable zone.

“This discovery could be a significant piece in the puzzle of finding habitable environments, places that are conducive to life,” said Gene Kerman, director of the KSC mission control. “Answering the question ‘are we alone’ is a top science priority. We are planning to send a mission to that star system as soon as possible".

At about 40 light-years from Kerbin, the system of planets is relatively close to us, in the constellation Kernarus. Because they are located outside of our Kerbol system, these planets are scientifically known as exoplanets.

This exoplanet system is called KRAPPIST-1, named for The Kerbal Planets and Pudding Secret Telescope (KRAPPIST). And as I am writing this article, a poll has been set up to rename the newly-found planets with more fitting names, such as: "Kenus", "Katurn" or even "Karth"!

-Vince Kerman

{edit (reupload on the right topic)}

thumbs up to everyone who got the solar system reference ! ^‿^

Edited by gre8pen
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Why do the Rockets Boom?

 

If you have been paying attention to the news lately (which you should’ve if you actually read us), you would have seen that a ragtag group of scientists, led by the presumed deranged Wernher von Kerman, was testing propulsion methods to get a kerbal to space. I recently had a chance to speak to Wernher in his office last week:

    Greg: So, what do you call this project you are working on?
    Wernher: We call this the Jumping Flea. Jebediah, the pilot who volunteered to fly this Kraken of a machine, was generous enough to give us the parts to build it.
    G: What do you finally hope to accomplish from this mission?
    W: we want the end goal to be that Kerbalkind will eventually expand among the stars.
    G: I noticed that all 7,829 previous tests have failed. What are you doing this time to prevent another accident?
    W: We tried to pack more Snacks this time. That way Jeb will have less of an incentive to detonate the craft in protest.

This test, the 7,820th in the past three years, yielded the same result as all the others: an explosion upon launch. I decided to speak with Gus Kerman, the lead engineer of the KSP to find out why it happened:

    Greg: So why did the craft explode this time? In tests past, it was due to pilot distress. Was it different this time?
    Gus: Actually, it was. This test we lost because the fuel, which we dubbed boom-boom powder.
    Gr: Wait, you don’t know what fuel you use?
    Gu: No, we found it lying by the side of the road.

-Greg Gutfeld Kerman
Kerbal Chronicles Science Correspondent
 

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Moving mine over while I'm thinking about it. A bit of pulp sci-fi to get the literary crowd to pick up the magazine.


 

Quote

 

Krash Kordan and the Ice Mines of Minmus

Chapter Sixteen: The Minion Queen Revealed

 

When we left, our hero Krash Kordan had been captured by the royal guards of the Minion Queen. We join him being dragged into her throne room.

 

The two guards threw him face down on to the green ice floor of the throne room. Two guards stepped forward from the bottom of the dais. They flipped him over and pinned his arms to the floor with their front pair of legs. The other two guards pinned his legs. All four spears were pointed squarely at his chest.

 

He heard a voice from behind the curtain at the top of the dais. He heard the slow, bass, alien sounds no kerbal could reproduce. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw a two legged minion walk over carrying a gold pail. The minion gestured to the guards. Krash was roughly turned face down. There was a splash from the bucket. He felt something cold and wet placed on the back of his head. It moved. He struggled vainly against the legs holding him down. He screamed as it bit into and held onto the side of his head. Slowly the pain faded. He still felt it attached.

A musical laugh came from behind the curtain. “Krash, don’t remove the translator eel. The pain while exquisite, will be fatal.”

 

The guards released Krash. He stood up. The curtain drew back. The minion queen lounged on her throne. Krash recoiled; the pale white skin, oval eyes close together, the tiny mouth the protuberance between them, the flaps on the sides of the head, the too long, too lean limbs and body, hands with five fingers. She laughed again. “Soon you will seek no beauty, but my own.”

 

 

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Posted (edited)

KSC releases report of hopeful exoplanet.

Yesterday at 4:26pm scientists working at the KSC’s Tracking Station discovered a star system with a total of nine eight planets. Of the nine eight only one appears to be habitable. This planet is located in what is called the ‘Koldilocks Zone’, an area around a star which has the highest potential to harbour life. The planet appears to be approximately eleven times the size of Kerbin. We spoke to Wernher Von Kerman and he said “This is among the most promising planets that we have found so far. I am very excited about this one as it is by far the most likely to actually harbour some sort of intelligent life.”

 

In the same system scientists have also taken note of a gas giant with a bright red circle on the surface. This circle has been nicknamed ‘The Red Spot’ and is yet to be understood as to what causes this strange phenomenon.

 

Astronomers have not given these newly discovered planets names yet but are willing to listen to suggestions from the public. Players of the popular video game ‘Human Space Program’ have noted the striking resemblance between the planets in this system and the planets featured inside the game. As such names such as ‘Earth’, ‘Mars’ and ‘Jupiter’ have been suggested among many others. We asked some of the employees at Squid, the company that created the video game, what they thought about this. "It would be really cool to have these planets named after our game but it hasn't really got the global influence to justify it." said one of their Community Managers, Dabie. "Would each language get a localised translation?" asked TriggerTau, a developer at Squid.

 

4tz6LgM.png
The clearest obtainable image of the new exoplanet.

 

- Greg Kerman, Science Correspondent

Edited by Cpone
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Posted (edited)

Seven Worlds around SLIPPIST-1

 

The Kerbal Astronomical Society's SLIPPIST instrument (Shadow of Light Imaging of Planets and Planetesimals In the Sky Telescope, not to be confused with the Kerbal brand of Root Beer after which the telescope was named), has just made an incredible discovery this week. The SLIPPIST-1 Star System, around which we previously knew of three Kerbin-sized planets, has been confirmed to be the parent to an additional four planets, for a total of seven. At least three of these worlds are known to be in the habitable zone, the region of space around which water can remain liquid.

 

Using data assembled from the Kerbal Space Program's tracking station simulator view, each planet would appear in their mutual skies almost as big as Mun or Minmus in our sky. SLIPPIST-1's star is a red dwarf, meaning it is so much cooler than the Sun that all of the planets must orbit extremely close to it to get the same light. SLIPPIST-1 also marks the biggest collection of Kerbin-sized exoplanets that has been found by the Kerbal Astronomical Society. However, as the star system is over 40 lightyears away, it's not likely the KSP will be sending space probes to the system any time soon.

 

Astronomer Fobrin "Coalsack" Kerman was quoted as saying "If we are to find evidence of extrakerbolar life forms, transits in front of small dim stars are the easiest to measure the oxygen of." Despite the fact that very few of his audience understood such big words as "measure" and "oxygen," the Harvester Memorial Kindergarten School and Press Conference Room will be welcoming Dr. Coalsack back soon to talk about his further findings as they are made, preferably at the proper time and in front of the proper audience.

 

--------------

//And, a separate submission:

--------------

 

 

INTRA-ORGANIZATION SPACE RACE DEVELOPS AS TWO ASTRONAUTS STEAL MUN ROCKET

 

Preparations for the Munpollo-11 rocket's launch into orbit have been sped up as of last afternoon when two astronauts stole the Munpollo-10 launch vehicle and launched it ahead of schedule. Munpollo-10, the planned "dress rehearsal" for Munpollo 11, was to be launched this week as a final test of the Mun-landing equipment. Crewed by Tommy, Eugene, and John Kerman, the mission would fly just short of an actual landing on the Mun, according to a press release this afternoon by the Kerbal Space Program. The mission plan was put into jeopardy this morning as two of Munpollo-10's astronauts--Tommy Kerman and Eugene Kerman--launched the mission, reaching Low Kerbin Orbit a few minutes later. Reportedly Tommy was quoted as saying "So long, and thanks for all the fuel," just before turning off the audio feed.

 

Mission Director Gene Kerman told us that they have been monitoring the trajectory of Munpollo-10 for the past few hours. Despite the Lander being short-fueled, it appears that the astronauts have attempted to fill up the tanks by scavenging fuel from the spent boosters left in Low Kerbin Orbit from previous missions. The Munpollo-10 rocket is now reportedly on a transfer orbit to the Mun. 

 

"Tommy always wanted to be the first Munman," said astronaut Jeb Kerman. "I think he took it pretty hard when they told him I was gonna be the first."

The Kerbal Space Program is planning to launch Munpollo-11 far ahead of schedule in order to reach the Mun before the Munpollo-10 lands. When asked why it's so important that Munpollo-11 be the first to land, PR-manager Walt Kerman merely shrugged and mumbled something about pirates, before KSC intern Linus Kerman corrected him and told the press conference "It's a matter of science."

 

Edited by GregroxMun
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I`m Spanish, so my post to the contest was in the 2 idioms the original spanish one, and the english translation (the better i can), here i go:

¿Do the Kerbinauts dream with humans?

For a long time the Kerbinauts have civilized Kerbin looking for answers out there, but, ¿what if they actually have the answer themselves?

 

Since countless times, when there was a version 0.25 of the Kerbal Space Program, we have built thousands and thousands of flying and space devices to sail, understand, explore and often see how they exploded and smoked these devices and the kerbals on board.

Taking a look forward, we often see a glass, not a spaceship or anything that resembles it, a glass blinded by an intense light that we decided to call Kerbol, but, ¿if in fact all this time we have been handled by a superior entity who built and managed our future at will, and we have been mere virtual toys of the so-called supreme god "Human"?

That is the called KERMAN THEORY:
¿Why we all call ourselves Kerman? 
¿We come from the same place? 
¿We are a unique creation? 
¿Why are we all green?

This theory can have the answer to these questions, which precisely explores in this way all these concepts of mental and physical liberation, being able to be oppressed even by a virtual apparatus that keeps us locked up without being able to escape our mission, but, we have not yet been able to launch a probe far enough to know if we are locked in a box, being watched under a glass, but soon we will have the answers that we need...

 

!In the next special, we will unveil the whole "Kerman theory" and surprises about our future!

 

By: Miguel Angel "¿Kerman?".

 

 

Bonus: *Original language (Spanish)*:

¿Sueñan los Kerbinautas con humanos?

Durante mucho tiempo los Kerbinautas han civilizado Kerbin buscando respuestas ahí fuera, pero ¿y si en realidad la respuesta la tienen ellos mismos?

 

Desde tiempo incontable, cuando existía una versión 0.25 del Kerbal Space Program, hemos construido miles y miles de aparatos voladores y espaciales para surcar, entender, explorar y muchas veces ver como explotaban y echaban humo estos aparatos y los kerbals a bordo.

Echando una mirada hacia delante, muchas veces nos parece ver un cristal, y no de una nave ni nada que se le parezca, un cristal cegado por una luz intensa que decidimos llamar Kerbol, pero ¿Y si en realidad todo este tiempo hemos estado manejados por un ente superior que construía y manejaba nuestro futuro a su antojo y nosotros hemos sido meros juguetes virtuales del denominado Dios supremo Humano?

 

La llamada "TEORIA KERMAN":

¿Porque todos nos apellidamos Kerman?

¿Venimos del mismo sitio?

¿Somos una creación única?

¿Porque todos somos verdes?

 

Esta teoría puede tener la respuesta a estas preguntas, que precisamente explora de esta forma todos estos conceptos de liberación mental y física, pudiendo estar oprimidos incluso por un aparato virtual que nos mantiene encerrados sin poder escapar de nuestra misión, pero, todavía no hemos podido lanzar una sonda lo suficientemente lejos como para saber si estamos encerrados en una caja, siendo observados bajo un cristal, pero pronto tendremos la respuesta.

 

!En el próximo especial, desvelaremos toda la teoría "Kerman" y desvelaremos sorpresas acerca de nuestro futuro!

Por: Miguel Angel "¿Kerman?".
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The Sun Rises Over KSC

 

The sun rises over KSC. Jeb flashes that infectious smile as he boards the ship. Despite the wide eyed wonder, he can't shake the feeling that he's flown this mission before.

 

The rocket engines fire. Liftoff! Suddenly the sky is filled with spiraling smoke and flames. Then explosions. It's utter glorious mayhem. All wonder is it the Kraken?

 

The sun rises over KSC. "Jeb, we added some struts. All's well. Go for launch." Liftoff! The ship flies beautifully until about 10k when it tumbles violently out of control. Jeb sighs.

 

The sun rises over KSC. "Jeb we added tail fins for drag. All's well. Go for launch." Liftoff! Perfect launch. Jeb reaches an Ap of 80k and cuts the engines. "Uhm, Jeb, the engineers say they miscalculated the dv needed to circularize. We should have used Moar Boosters! Prepare for reentry" 

 

Jeb stages and turns the pod retrograde. "Uhm, Jeb, now the engineers say they forgot the heat shield..." No problem, thinks Jeb, the Mk1 Command Pod can handle it. "Uhm, and the chutes..." Jeb is not smiling. 

 

The sun rises over KSC. Jeb holds the hatch open as Val climbs in. Jeb wonders to himself why he never thought of this earlier. As he prepares to shut the hatch he says, "Have a good flight, Val, and never forget this one word - Revert!"
 

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Posted (edited)

Versión española por cortesía de la Kerbin Network Television

 

PK: Aquí Pit Kerman en directo para KNTV desde el centro de visitantes del Kerbal Space Center. Con nosotros está Martha Kerman, esposa de Alex Kerman, el valiente que hoy será puesto en órbita tras haber superado el duro entrenamiento que le ha llevado de ser un simple repartidor de periódicos a un valiente astronauta.
Díganos Martha, ¿está contenta?

 

MK: Sí, claro, y orgullosa, pero algo asustada.
 

PK: Claro, es lógico, a fin de cuentas, no todos los días ponen a uno en órbita. Durante el entrenamiento ¿qué ha sido lo más difícil de llevar?


MK: Bueno Pit, sin duda superar la prueba de correr y saltar a la vez. La cabeza se le iba de un lado a otro y dos veces tuvimos que cambiar el suelo de la galería y escayolar una pared por los golpes que se daba. Por suerte, mi marido tiene la cabeza bastante dura y eso creo que le ha llevado a estar donde está.

 

PK: (Risas) Por supuesto, todo astronauta que se precie debe pasar una dura selección. ¿Se lleva algo su marido a la órbita? Si no recuerdo mal, va a dar cinco vueltas a Kerbin para luego volver.

 

MK: Ahá, ahá. Se lleva un juego de puzles de cartón para montar una estación espacial en miniatura, por si luego le dicen que monte una de verdad, así tendrá ventaja. También se lleva una bufanda por si hace frío y unos guantes de lana que le ha hecho mi madre.

 

PK: Suena fantástico. En fin Martha, muchas gracias por sus palabras. Aquí Pit Kerman devolviendo la conexión a los estudios centrales de la KNTV. En dos horas volveremos a estar con ustedes para ver el lanzamiento en directo. ¡NO SE LO PIERDAN!

 

                                                                                                                                

 

English version courtesy of Kerbin Network Television translated by Sushu Kerman

 

PK: This is Pit Kerman on live for KNTV from Kerbal Space Visitors Centre. With us Martha Kerman, Alex Kerman’s wife, the brave man who will launched to orbit after completing a strict training that developed this previously newspaper delivery man into an astronaut. Tell us Matha, are you happy?

 

MK: Of course I am, happy but somehow worried.

 

PK: Indeed, it makes sense, not everyday a man is launched to space. During his training, what part has been the most complicated for him?

 

MK: Well, without a doubt the running and jumping trial. His head bounced side to side and we had to change the floorings of the corridor twice and to fix the walls for all the bumping.

 

PK: (Laughs) Of couse, every astronaut must carry on very hard selection trials. Is your husband carrying something with him to orbit? If I remember correctly, he is going to go around Kerbin 5 times before he comes back.

 

MK: Uh-huh. He is taking a set of carboard puzzles to mount a minuature spacial station, just in case they ask him to do a real one later he will have some advantage. He is also taking with him a scarf just in case it’s cold and some knitewear gloves that my mother made for him.  

 

PK: Sounds awesome. Thank you very much for your words. Pit Kerman, returning the TV connection to the central studios of KNTV. In two hours we will be again on live for all of you. PLEASE DON’T MISS IT!

Edited by Friboc
Text correction
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Posted (edited)

How Do Astronauts Wear Their Helmets?

The second most asked question to all astronauts beyond how do they go to the bathroom in space, is how do they wear their helmets? The helmet is a vital component of an astronaut’s spacesuit. It keeps the air we breathe in, and the vacuum of space out. Its visor offers unparalleled visibility while blocking the harmful rays of Kerbol. But as any kerbal can tell you, our arms are too short to reach the tops of our heads, so just how do the astronauts wear their helmets? Do they use mechanical arms? Are the helmets equipped with Reaction Control System (RCS) thrusters? Do they get help? This investigative journalist attempted to find out.

To test the mechanical arm theory, while touring Kerbal Space Center, I examined the insides of the crew capsules used by the astronauts as well as the Hitchhiker habitat and MP-LG-2 Mobile Processing Lab. There were no indications of mechanical arms mounted to the insides or tucked away in some storage drawer. Instead, storage containers held items like trash, garbage, and rubbish. Next I looked at one of the spacesuits used by the astronauts, and sure enough, the helmet had no RCS thrusters that let the astronaut pilot it and dock it to the suit collar. The only possible conclusion is that they get help. That would make sense for the three-kerbal Mk1-2, but what about the Mk1? Or the Mk3 cockpit, when only one astronaut is aboard?

“It’s classified,” is all Bill Kerman, one of the "Original Four" astronauts, would say on the subject. Why, do they use alien technology from some crashed flying saucer to wear their helmets? Unfortunately, for now, the answer remains a mystery.

- Mike Kerman, KBC News

Edited by Angel-125
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Posted (edited)

A Rescue From Safety

Red dust stirring in the morning light, a scene all too familiar to Winner Kerman. Like all kerbals, Winner is blessed with that irresistible drive to explore. A compulsion which propels to great heights and terrible lows, and one which brought him to Duna seven years ago. He was not stranded, though his ship beyond repair, for kerbals are never stranded on distant shores. We merely become ground-based explorers.

Yet this morning was different, for a gift was delivered. When the dust cleared a shining rocket stood before Winner. A rescue from the heavens, a ride home. A smile stretched across his face, for he was ground-based no more. Soon the capsule's door flew open and in he jumped; his seat adjusted, the switches flipped, a ship prepared with practiced rhythm.

He paused. Something was off. Something had changed. Strange scribbles adorned every surface, alien words printed under every switch. Even there, on the Big Red Button. Спастись? What did it say? What did it mean? His instincts were devastated, his training forgotten. Lesser kerbals would have been paralyzed with fear.

This is not how the mind of an explorer works. They experiment, they gamble, they embrace uncertainty. And so Winner strapped in, buried the throttle, and slapped the Big Red Button with gusto. Спастись! Away!

He soon remembered the button's purpose, an epiphany delivered while drifting downwards under silken sheets. Safety. Escape. His rocketship remained tall, shining in the sun, missing that one important piece. Its capsule.

And so tonight Winner begins his new mission as a ground-based explorer. Red dust stirs in his footprints as he walks alone. His rescue foiled not by a lack of bravery, but by a lack of understanding.

If only we had included a dictionary.

Edited by Cydonian Monk
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Disaster Averted

Disaster above the Mun averted by Kerbonaut Jebediah Kerman.

 

A Kerbal Space Command (KSC) mission to turn the abandoned Mun Lander 1 and docked fuel canister into an orbital station nearly ended in disaster. The rocket piloted by Kerbonaut Jebediah Kerman and carrying the new station core experienced rotational forces soon after launch. Dauntless Jebediah ignored KSC warnings to revert and kept the craft under enough control to maneuver into orbit around the Mun and rendezvous with Mun Lander 1.

 

The rotation problem persisted despite numerous efforts using the KSC Tracking Station toggle technique. KSC declared the mission a failure. But for Jebediah, failure was not an option.

 

In a maneuver described by KSC's Gene Kerman as "Jebish", Jebediah undocked his rocket from the new station core and left the relative safety of his craft. Without Jebediah's input, the rocket began to tumble under the phantom rotational force, throwing the intrepid kerbonaut violently away.

 

Unfazed from being flung into space, Jebediah spacewalked to Mun Lander 1 where he boarded the abandoned craft. Above, the rocket's spin continued to accelerate, threatening rapid disassembly at any moment. Fearless Jebediah managed to undock Mun Lander 1 from its fuel tank, dock with the floating station core, and then dock the core to the fuel tank, all in a matter of minutes.

 

As KSC cheered, Jebediah fired Mun Lander 1's thrusters, bringing the new Mun Station into a higher orbit, away from the danger of the spinning rocket.

 

KSC PR Representative Walt Kerman held a news conference shortly after where he offered the cryptic statement, "I'm just getting a snack from the cafeteria! Why won't you people leave me alone?"

 

Finances Guy Mortimer Kerman could only lament, "It might be more cost effective to burn funds instead of fuel at this rate."

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The Next Generation of Astronauts?

 

As the Kerbal Space Program's plans for exploration grow ever larger, there is a concern by some of its members that the agency is losing focus on scientific experimentation and is merely pandering to the public's love for crewed astronautics. As new technologies are developed in the field of electronic computing, it is now becoming feasible to send robotic missions to other planets. Robotic spaceprobes have already been used by the Kerbal Space Program for the early Mun flybys, but these simple spacecraft could do little more than take photographs and send back basic telemetry. As the needs of the space program surpassed what robots could do, they fell back on the much more expensive and versatile option: Kerbals.

 

"Make no mistake," Ike Kerman, the head of the robotics movement, says, "within the current limits of technology there exists no robots that are more versatile than a Kerbal. However they can do much of what an astronaut can do, but much cheaper and lighter. This means more spacecraft to launch, and more pretty pictures to give to the scientific community."

 

We asked astronaut Jebediah Kerman for his thoughts on the idea of robotic exploration. "Terrible idea," he said. "If your problem is the cost, then pay us less. If your problem is mass, then put us out on a chair mounted to the top of the rocket, covered in a tarp. Actually, do that even if you don't have to send probes!"

 

The space program is still engaged in an open debate about whether or not the first astronaut to set a foot on the planet Duna will be Kerbal or Machine. Probodobodyne Incorperated's business machines have shown that a computer can calculate complex astronautical maneuvers in half the time it takes for a Kerbal computer to do the same.

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“Performed as Expected”

 By Otto Kerman

 

Last week, Kerbal history was made, as one of our one proudly carried out the first failed EVA. Cern Kerman successfully exited his spacecraft, and failed spectacularly in his goal of carrying out a range of scientific tasks, including a test of new mobility technology, dubbed “the jetpack”. Kerbal Chronicles spoke to Cern shortly after landing.

 

OTTO: So, Kerbonaut Kerman, you were unable to complete your assigned tasks?

 

CERN: That…...ummmmm…….is correct.

 

OTTO: Would you mind elaborating on that, erm, very eloquent response?

 

CERN:  Ummm…….sure. I was trying to……..attach myself to the PMD [Personal Mobility Device], and that sucker weren’t having none of it. I worked up quite a sweat, as you might imagine, since we didn’t have any damn drinks in the suits, and my visor just wouldn’t quit fogging up.

 

OTTO: So it was at that point you aborted the planned EVA?

 

CERN:  Actually, no. I……..uhhhh……lollygagged for a while. I wrestled with that sumpoodle of a jetpack a while, then I just kinda sat. Funny, I was as calm as I ever been, and Kerbin’s whizzin’ by at a million miles an hour. The sight was……..amazing.

 

OTTO: You weren’t afraid of, “rapture of the heavens”, which supposedly befell your comrade Ed?

 

CERN: Hell, no. I don’t put stock in no doctor. They got more “opinions” than a fly’s got eyes. Anyhow, I just kinda…….(large snore)...........spaced out for a while. I guess I really got sucked in, ‘cause I didn’t hear Gene down in Control yelling for me to get back in.

 

OTTO: I imagine that caused your crewmate a deal of anxiety.

 

CERN: Damn straight (laughs). I guess it falls to Buzz Kerman to take the next shot.

 

OTTO: Thank you for speaking with us.

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Posted (edited)

After kamerican satellites stroke each other, the first pieces of debris cloud were formed. Its trajectory was touching the “Rassvet” station. Although all the crew was informed not a lot could save themselves.

Fade out.

Debris impacted the station at 23:34 A.M. Only one escape pod left the station. 3 of 15 astronauts survived.

After debris stroke the station, little pieces of solar panels, scientific instrumentation and even razor sharp glass flooded the space. Debris formed a cloud of metal. While small escape pod tried to save itself from horrific doom, all the sharp pieces followed it step-by-step.

 

Soon enough debris was in a few meter distance to the capsule. But it was too late, small pod entered the atmosphere with the metal cloud that chased it though its path. All small pieces burnt and turned into ash and dust. But bigger parts were following the pod with no change in behavior.

 

Horrifying view from little window in the MK1-2 pod made crew fear, shout for life and say its prayers. No kerbal should’ve died today, but fate was violent to them. They faced fear, lost friends and mind. It was the point of no return.

Piece by piece debris was burnt, destroyed or vaporized. So was the small ablator, it lost many layers and was already thin. But hope was rising against fate. Drogue chutes were deployed and small pod immediately left the metal rain.

 

After fear and trial of space exploration, kerbals were saved. They witnessed how debris faded away in the sky, leaving a tail…

 

 

 

Edited by cratercracker

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Big sandwich going up in next Kerbal Space Program launch?

The Kerbal Snacks in Space company attached a bunch of avionics and solar power to a giant sandwich recently and have asked KSP to take it up to a KEO synchronous orbit around Kerbin. Snacks Kerman said the following.

"We have never done this before. This is a great leap forward in snack technology. It will be quite a hard mission but if we are meant for space, we'll get it up there."

Yes. As he said this is quite a big task but it is doable. It will go up in a Kraken II launch in a month. The Kraken II is a two stage launch vehicle with a payload capacity of about 30 tons to LKO and 8 tons to KTO. The sandwich will have a small propulsion unit for the circularization burn at Apoapsis.

The launch is scheduled for Kapril 1st 2017.

Big sandwich launch cancelled?

After a few slight complications, the Kraken II launch has been cancelled. Apparently, the engineers got very hungry when they received the sandwich.

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                                                          Still No Response From

                                                 Dres lander-Scientists fear

                                                    the worst.

                                             Over two year ago, contact was lost from Dres-1, a lander designed to hop from place to place. The comms on board were supposed to hold a steady stream of data, but top scientists claim errors may have lead the design crew to chose the wrong comms dish. If the Kerbonauts are still alive, hopefully they are to return soon.

 

-Bobon, reporter for the Rocket Gazette

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Lingo Unchained

 

Many brave Kerbals have joined the Anomaly Task Force in recent years but none of those have ever witnessed what Billy-Bob Kerman and his squad uncovered just a few days ago. 

 

At exactly 14:47 Kerbal Standard Time, so the computer says, Billy-Bob sent out an emergency call from the Great-Great-Crater. Following a nominal procedure re-balancing the fuel inside its main propellant tanks, their plane quickly started to lose thrust on all of its 13 engines. It didn't take long until Fetha Kerman, the crews flight engineer, noticed an irregularity in the overall shape of the vehicle. 

 

Looking outside the window she saw what sealed their fate. One of the balancing tanks was missing and the fuel was pouring out a chemical trail behind the aircraft. Protocol P404 was immediately executed and the plane landed on one of the Great-Great-Craters islands. 

 

None Kerman was injured but he was later hospitalized and will recover soon. At this point however, no one was expecting what was about to unleash upon them. An ancient artifact, disc shaped and shining in colors no Kerbal has ever seen before. Billy-Bob flaunted his bravery and picked up the artifact. A sudden scream! 

 

One of Billy-Bobs fingers got stuck in an opening right at the center of the disc. Having recovered from the initial shock he quickly learned he was able to spin the artifact around his finger. Surprised but still unable to release his finger Billy-Bob commanded his communication officer Chad Kerman to use the satellite laser link to cut his finger free. 

 

To their surprise their communication device picked up a signal as the laser was pointed towards the still spinning disc. Strange sounds left the cockpit thereafter but the computer recognized a pattern. It was this very moment that changed history forever.  It was this moment when Kerbalkind discovered the Ancient Lingos! 

 

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Here is my entry

 

 

Breaking News

After a successful launch of the Judges Space Telescope, the first of its kind, aerospace giant ZAC went on to land the Adam Class Lift Vehicle. The Adam Class, the first fully reusable SSTO had performed one prior mission to this, the construction of Kerbin’s first relay network, allowing probes to contacted anywhere in the Kerbin system. However, upon launch, it was discovered that Bill had decided to remove the solar panels without telling anyone, and the booster burned up on reentry, without any power. The designer of the rocket, Robert Goddard Kerman, neglected to comment on the abounding theory that the solar panels were not in the original design. It was not long after, that the second successful Adam booster lifted off, with its precious payload of KASA’s Judges Space Telescope. The rocket lofted its payload into a 125km x 124km orbit and subsequently deployed the telescope perfectly. Afterwards, the booster reentered, and touched down only 100km from the KSC. Upon being asked for his opinion on the subject of reusability, the director of the KSC, Gene Kerman replied “I definitely like that it brings the cost down, but it only has one skipper engine, which also brings the cool factor down, which needs to be taken into consideration.” Both of these statements have merit, and we hope that ZAC puts more engines on their next design.

 

-Alexis Kerman, Popular Kerchanics

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22 hours ago, Dimetrodonscantfly said:

Here's mine 

                            Kerbals rescued from jool

                                    “Finally some blue” says Jeb Kerman 

        This kriday kerbals jeb bill and Bob returned to kerbin in a huge fireball after being rescued from jool after 5 years in joolian orbit. 5 years ago kerbin was devastated by the failure of all the lv-n nerv engines on the odyssey when trying to manoeuvre for an encounter with pol. Data from the craft shows that the nuclear core shorted out from overheating. Stranded in space for three years until the rescue vehicle arrived the kerbals survived off snacks and dried fruit from a greenhouse. Jeb described the experience boring and “needed more SRB’s”. Bill had built makeshift greenhouses with glass salvaged from the lander and landing struts. Bob had brought back enough science to determine that jool was not in fact made of guacamole. But the most exciting discovery was yet to come. Using the  onboard telescope Bob found a solar system with 3 possibly habitable planets. The planets are much bigger that kerbin but if not made of kerbium a rare high density material that all planets around kerbol are made of could support life. 

 

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Posted (edited)

Jebediah Kerman Resting Comfortably After Risky Attributectomy

Famed kerbonaut Jebediah Kerman’s pioneering surgery to remove his “badS = True” attribute “went as planned,” according to hospital officials. The procedure was the first of its kind and involved extensive bewilderment.

Doctors explained that “badS = True” is a rare attribute that causes Jeb’s facial expressions to register gleeful excitement at times when most sane Kerbals would be terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought. It was revealed that Jeb’s sister Valentina is the only other Kerbal known to possess this attribute.

“Jeb is doing fine,” said Chief Surgeon Arkbark Kerman. “Petrified, but fine.”

Jeb, 30, opted for surgery to treat his inflamed attribute and revealed an autoimmune disease diagnosis in late January, a day after a public health scare when he fainted during an EVA. That incident led to an unlikely series of events in which Jeb miraculously returned to Kerbin’s surface sans ship or parachute, bouncing harmlessly off the side of a mountain—somehow still attached to an EAS-1 External Command Seat.

Witnesses were heard to gasp, “He glitched!” and took copious screen-shots.

Post-op nurses presented Jeb with horrifying pictures of exploding rockets, vertiginous views of buildings, close-ups of bees, and a large ship design without any struts or aerodynamic parts swaying perilously on a launch pad. Jeb reacted appropriately in abject terror. Valentina, by his side, simply grinned with her eyes pointed blissfully in opposite directions.

Though successful, officials admitted difficulty. Surgical attempts were repeatedly reverted by the medical team. Surgeons crowding the operating table accidentally bumped it and fell down repeatedly for several minutes. Frustrated calls to “add moar sutures!” were heard.

At press time, reporters were still trying to discern where, exactly, the Kerbal hospital was, as no other part of Kerbin is inhabited or contains buildings other than those dedicated to space travel.

Edited by JonathanPerregaux
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LARGE EXPLOSION AT ZALTONICS LABS; ENGINEER BLOWN INTO ORBIT

Early in the morning of March 13th, the secretive complexes of Zaltonics Labs were rocked by a large explosion. Government officials and Zaltonic security personell immediately sealed off the area. A Zaltonics employee, who because of our promise of anonimity will only be referred to by his first name, gave us some insight in what happened:

 

DONFRIT K.: “We were working on a quantum flux capacitor for our new anti-matter power source. Our chief engineer, Scotty Kerman, warned the site manager, James T. Kerman, that we were going to overload the core. I recall him yelling “She's gonna blow, cap’n!” but before we knew it there was a large explosion. When the smoke disappeared we noticed a Mk-II Lander Can sized hole in the roof. THEN we noticed the Mk-II Lander Can test capsule was missing. And poor Flirbarth, our junior engineer, was inside it, soldering some loose wires.

 

Kerbal Observatories observed that indeed a new object was spotted in low Kerbin orbit. “We are not confirming that, just because the size, mass and shape of the object match that of a Mk-II Lander Can, that it IS a Mk-II Lander Can. In fact, at this point we’re not confirming ANYTHING. We also deny that there is a flying saucer wreck found on the North Pole. No sir!” was all we got from them before the hung up.

 

Zaltonics Labs refused to answer any inquiries. “There has been no explosion or incident. Whatever happened this morning has nothing to do with the rescue mission which is being scrambled together right now on the Kerbal Space Center. There is no such thing. In fact, we don’t know why they are doing that.

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Posted (edited)

Mun Cheese Discovery 'Discredited by Facts'

 

Dinkelstein Kerman vindicated at last

 

Sky-high public excitement over yesterday's ground-breaking news that the Mun really is made of cheese, was brought back to Kerbin with a bump this morning. After working through the night on a fix for Untitled Spacecraft's balky camera, engineers at the Rockomax Conglomerate were startled to discover that their Munar probe had successfully sampled a partially eaten packet of cheese flavoured snacks, presumed to have been left on the Mun by a previous team of kerbonauts.


After several minutes of feverish speculation about the identity of those unknown explorers, an unnamed intern at the Kerbal Space Centre suggested that the engineers 'turn the camera around and look for them'. As the camera slowly rotated, stunned dignitaries and VIPs were treated to a panoramic view of the Munar surface, marred only slightly by abandoned items of equipment and a large flag bearing the logo of Dinkelstein Kerman's Construction Emporium.


Dinkelstein's oft-repeated claims to have been constructing and flying spaceships long before anybody else, are well known and have led to widely reported public tensions between the irascible construction company owner and the Kerbin World-Firsts Record-Keeping Society. In this correspondent's opinion, members of that learned Society will be eating their words today.

Edited by KSK
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Posted (edited)

Here's my humble submission.

 

 

Kerbals landed and returned from Mün! “A new age begins.”

 

Today, on the day 404 of the year 42, The Sarnus rocket finally reached the Mün, with Bob, Valentina and Jebediah Kerman on board. The ship circularized with little difficulty, but in the wrong way, due to Jeb “Falling asleep” according to Val. Then, after a fight to designate the one who will stay in orbit while the others land, Jeb and Val were chosen. Bob then decided to sulk for the rest of the mission.

 

After a few last burns, the ship landed effortlessly 30 minutes later. Jeb went out first, quickly followed by Val, who tripped on the ladder. Hence, the first words of a kerbal on the Mün will be “It’s a small step for Kerbals-Ouch! Hey! I told you to stay inside until I finish!” “Sorry…” They proceeded to open a few goo canisters, check the pressure (“It was disappointing”), and collect a bit of the local regolith. However, they decided to shorten the trip on the surface after Val discovered in horror that Bob kept all the snacks but the Kineapple-flavored ones, "Undoubtedly the worst".

 

Finally, after a rendezvous with the main craft, the ejection burn was made, occasioning a short brawl for the “Honor to push the button for the last burn”, followed by an entire day of fights about the re-entry: Jeb insisted for it to be made by locking prograde instead of retrograde, “Because it is sooooo much cooler”. Bob and Val ended up locking Jeb out until the plasma started to appear, causing him to need a new space suit. Once landed, Gene Kerman suddenly realized he sent the recovery team to the wrong side of Kerbin, forcing them to go back to the KSC on foot.

 

 

Walt Kerman, KSC’s spokesperson.

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S: There's nothing better than hitting EXACTLY the upper limit. 300 words, this is Karta!

Cf: me.

Edited by MinimalMinmus
Removed the quote
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There's certainly some stiff competition. Anyways, here's a repost of my submission:

Moho Probe Disaster!

by Leo Kerman, Kerbal Chronicles

Earlier today, a Probodobodyne Inc. representative informed the public that the Moho Flyby Probe had mysteriously failed. According to the representative, an unknown failure caused the probe to stop working. This vague and unspecific answer was met with skepticism and thrown bagels in the press room.  Upon further snooping, we of the Kerbal Chronicles have discovered that the failure was due to Kerbal error in the planning stage. An anonymous official within Probodobodyne has said that the problem was an antenna of insufficient power. Internal documents on the project have revealed that engineers were told to “just slap a HG-5 on it and see what happens”.  This attitude has been seen in many previous disasters, especially the infamous Minmus Disaster, where the crew had to return to Kerbin after running out of snacks, a most terrifying experience.  The plans for the Moho Probe now are not certain, but it is thought that it will be repurposed. Probodobodyne says it is considering turning it into a Moho Impactor probe, or perhaps an interplanetary golf ball target, depending on whether the CEO gets a say in it.  Hopefully this mistake will not be repeated in the upcoming Minmus Colonization Project.  As we all know, rescuing Kerbals is hard and usually ends up with a small city on the body before a rescue mission actually works.

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