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MiffedStarfish

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  • About me
    Harrybo’s Grandad
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    Masaq’ Orbital, remembering the Canterbury.
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    The Skyfoogle

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  1. I wasn’t going to release this for quite a while, but screw it. Here’s a teaser.

    A small, blue-green world watched the with baited breath.

    “T-10 seconds to estimated reestablishment of signal.”

    The probe, which had been dropped into the atmosphere hours earlier, remained resolutely undetected.

    “T-5 seconds.”

    The world waited, in eager anticipation.

    Countdown clocks on screens all around buildings, station and colonies around the system ticked down from 3, to 2, to 1, and finally, 0.

    Nothing.

    The clocks, as if unsure of what to do at this point, paused fractionally and then began counting up again.

    “T+5 seconds.” Said the captains voice, filled with disappointment. The satellites positioned around the planet consistently returned nothing, on everything from radio to visual sensors.

    Then, a blip.

    The tiny probe burst through the green giants atmosphere like a bullet fired by a god, it’s casing cooling from white hot, to fiery orange, to a smouldering red, before returning to a murky, charred silver, as it’s antenna extended into the into the void, sending out a continuous stream of data. The relays picked up the waves, and dutifully forwarded them to the CEV-14 Rimor orbiting Jool, which passed on the message to everything and anything which could receive it.

    The captain’s choked up voice boomed out of speakers everywhere. “Signal reestablished. All data streams are being received. Telemetry is good for rendezvous in 3 hours.”

    Hours later, when the words had made their way to the small, green-blue world, the historic message was barely heard over the cheering and clapping.

    I demand critique! I have no idea how to write these things! (This is about a quarter of the prologue)

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. WinkAllKerb''

      WinkAllKerb''

      disminushing return / sucidal tendencies / revolution / evolve ... tricky short medium term imo, while long term might be one more harsh lesson that could have been avoided , but some never nwant to compute thing in their brain and push and push

    3. KerBlitz Kerman

      KerBlitz Kerman

      I would try to give less details on what happened with a lot of describing on what you put and try and come up with a new one with more detail, and less facts for moving to the next chapter. Basically save a few facts for later but more description. Also I agree with @WinkAllKerb''. Why did you post this at 2 o'clock AM... Sorry, forgot you may not be in this time zone too....

    4. MiffedStarfish

      MiffedStarfish

      Thanks! I’m going to rewrite it, I’ll keep that I’m mind. And for me I posted it at 8am, so I suspect time zones. :)

    5. Show next comments  3 more
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