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  1. so I had to do something for English, and I was thinking of Kerbal at the time, so I decided "hey! lets do a Kerbal story! and the rest is in here Kerbal Space Program Kerbal space program is copyright of SQUAD 2016, this is meant for forum use as fan work, not to be used to make funds From Fleas to massive SRBs By Andy Kerman As Jeb woke up, he wondered where he was. It definitely wasn’t home base, it was just dark, darkity darkity dark dark, and cold, coldity coldity cold cold. But that was it, except for a chair he was sitting in, and a table. Suddenly, a door opened, and suddenly a booming voice said “Jebediah Kerman, you said you saw something on your flight?” At the same time in Kermanton, Bill was getting ready for a normal day at work, it wouldn’t be anything like yesterday, when three kerbals in a rocket car pulled into his garage, one of them had a moustache, and sounded like he was from Kermany, another was saying “Wernher! I told you not to jump off one of the hills! Now the wheels are broken!” apparently, the one with the moustache was named Wernher, and someone in the back was muttering “not like the wheels worked anyways, c’mon SQUAD! How hard is it to program wheels!’ Well Bill, not one to have such weird customers, asked how he could help them. “how can you help us? Well for one, you could tell Wernher to STOP JUMPING OFF HILLS AT 300 M/S!” said the second person “Ve couldn’t haff gone at 300 m/s! zat is ze zound barrier!” said Wernher “I recorded 128.3 m/s at the tip of the hill, 171.7 m/s slower than the sound barrier.” “thank you Bob, that added so much” “just saying” said Bob “wait, wouldn’t that make you over the speed limit?” said Bill “nien, ve haff a permit to test, but of course, Linus had to get ze hilliest road in all of Kermanton!” “Hey! The rest were residential! And as Walt says, we need all the PR we can get!” said Linus “ja, but we won’t need PR if we can’t get any testing done!” “well you would have made it, but your wheels have too little spring setting, it’s like hitting the road with your wheels like steel bars, won’t move, just crash.” “I told you! We didn’t need solid titanium!” said Bob “ja, but ve might want to lower ze thrust limiter” said Wernher “no actually, it you raise the spring setting, you can raise the thrust limiter, have you ever heard of sepatrons?” said Bill “no, wait” said Linus “yeah! No” “no” said Bob “nien” said Wernher “so you built a rocket car, but don’t know about sepatrons?’ Bill said “what are they? Wheel physics?” said Bob “no, in fact they break wheels, and practically everything else” said Bill “you sound like an infomercial guy!” laughed Linus, but stopped after everyone looked at him funny “I have four sepatrons around here somewhere, they can raise the top speed buy 100 m/s, some racing rocket teams use them for an extra burst of speed, but they might be stopped from doing that soon” said Bill “the sepatron gives off a tremendous amount of thrust, but only for a short amount of time, because they are SRBs” “like the Flea?” said Linus “those death bringers? No, more like the twitch LFO” said Bill “oh so that size, what weight?” questioned Bob “0.05 full, 0.01 empty” said Bill “vell, ve need speed, because ve are starting a space program!” said Wernher “wow, are you going to beat the kommies?” said Bill “not without an engineer we aren’t, you want to join the KERBAL SPACE PROGRAM?” said Linus “how do you know I’m a good engineer?” Bill said “you fixed wheels! Not even SQUAD did that!” said Bob “what’s a SQUAD?” said Linus “nothing!” said Bob Val got into the plane, a K-22 BarnBreaker. It was a good plane, not as good as the planes in the KAF, but still good, and it served her well over the years, from almost falling from 300om in Dreston, to doing a quadruple loop de loop in three seconds, but today, something felt different, nobody came to tell her when to make her entrance to the show, no Steve, no Mitgun, no Joger, nobody. But she still waited, and then she saw someone, he had a suit and tie, not good “Valentina Kerman?” “Yes?” “The show, its over” “No its not! It won’t start for another four hours!” “No, no, not that way, its closed down, for good, nobody wants to see air shows anymore, it slowly happened for four years, then the president’s daughter lost interest, so we lost funding.” “That’s fine, I’ll just join another air show.” “No Val, there all closed down, there’s none left, I’ve checked your records, the only thing you can join is the KAF, but that’s, unlikely” “Yeah…unlikely” As Gene Kerman sat down in the chair, he looked at the astronauts he’d hired, well not him specifically, just they were hired. As he looked over the reports for one last time, he found something “hey! Get Wernher in here!” As everyone in the space program met in the front of the astronaut complex, they were telling how they got their jobs at the space program. “I got here because I saw it three days ago and they told me I needed to be put in a high containment environment until the space program got something useful done” said Jeb “I got here because I fixed rover wheels!” said Bill, during the awes of his colleagues “I got here because I bribed Linus not to!” said Bob “hello everybody helloes!” a loud voice said over the speakerphones “I know that we all are happy and ready to start working at the Kerbal Space Program, but first, let’s meet the people who will leading us to the stars! Me! Gene Kerman! Head of Mission Control! Wernher Von Kerman! Head Rocket Designer! Linus Kerman! Some science dude we had to mention! Mortimer Kerman! An Evil Moneygrubbing Capitalist! Walt Kerman! Head of the most toxic environment on Kerbin! PR! And this guy who runs ground controls! I think he’s named Gus!” The crowd cheered as the work on the space program was to begin. Val was at the unemployed kerbals office, trying to get a new job, all she could say she could do was fly a plane, can withstand 7.01 Gees, and has a working knowledge of Aero and Astrodynamics, not much to go on “next!” said the Kerbal at the desk “Name?” “Valentina Kerman” “give me your Resume” as Val gave the lady her resume, and watched as her eyes grew bigger and bigger, she waited for the lady to tell her what her job options were “go and sit over there, but don’t get comfortable” “Why?” “You’ll see” “So how’s production going?” said Bill “Pretty good, ja, but if ve vant to launch a probe by ze end of ze year, ve need to go faster” said Wernher “Well there are two problems we know of, one is that nobody wants to join because they all think that the rocket will suddenly turn on and make them blow up, but no matter how much we tell them that won’t happen because we don’t fuel up the rockets until they get to the pad, they don’t listen, and the second problem is that the people who did join, have no idea what they are doing…” said Bob “so apparently your head of hiring people?” said Bill “Well nobody who could hire people wanted to join, apparently nobody wants to spend time on a program that won’t go anywhere” said Bob “But rockets! Boom! Gees! Who wouldn’t want that!?!?” said Jeb “apparently 45% of the Kerbal Population” said Bob “well to speed up, you can make the parts here, you won’t have to wait for the parts, and it will be cheaper!” said Bill “Ve tried zat already, ze employees just kept ztealing ze parts!” said Wernher “Well, you could multi buy them so you don’t have to wait as long to make more rockets” said Bill “we could do that, but we don’t have enough funds, only 25000” said Bob “well, you could hold the companies’ hostage and force them to give you the parts!” said Bill Sarcastically “Hmmm” said Jeb “NO!” screamed Bob As Bill, Bob, and Wernher were arguing how to speed up production, Jeb ran off, and hopped into a capsule and SRB rolling off to the pad “Wait! Jeb!!” yelled Bob “Don’t worry, I attached parachutes to all the capsules” said Bill “all right” said Bob “but how will we launch it?” “SPACEBAR!” yelled Jeb “spacebar?” questioned Bill “SPACEBARRRRR!” yelled Jeb again “what does he mean by spacebar?” asked Bill “wait…let me see the capsule” as Bill got into the capsule, he noticed that the controls were only a keyboard “who made the controls a keyboard?!?!?!?!?” “zat is ze cheapest zing zat ve could buy for ze controls, zey work incredibly vell” said Wernher “and Mort zais zat ve can only buy zings under 2000 funds” “that’s right! And it seems you are wasting 1200 funds already!” said Mort from behind them “well, you could accept contracts to get more money from the launches” said Bill “WAIT JEB! WE NEED TO ACCEPT CONTRACTS!’’ yelled Mort “Rocket first! Contracts second!” screamed Jeb “it will let us make more rockets!” Mort said “fine, but you have only five minutes!” “accept ‘launch first vessel?’” said Mort “and ‘gather scientific data from Kerbin’” said Linus, who suddenly appeared to watch the launch “okay Jeb! You can launch now! But remember to get the mystery goo!” said Mort “it tastes purple…” said Jeb “good enough” said Mort “okay Jeb! Now LAUNCH!!!!” said Bill as the rocket soared through the air like a bat flying off Moho “Valentina Kerman. Please Report to room 13A” said a voice over the loudspeaker As Val walked over to room 13A, she saw that there was nobody in the rooms surrounding it, and as she reached room 13A, she opened the door, and saw a Kerbal in a white vest “Hello, I’m Gene Kerman, Head of Mission Control at the Kerbal Space Center” “and what do you want me for?” “for a Kerbonaut” The total funds made from the mission: 12000 The total science from the mission: 60.4 The total Reputation: 25 It was a perfect launch, the rocket performed admirably, and Jeb Completed over 20 Kerbin’s Worlds Firsts records, giving them tons of more funds and science, for a total of 100.4 Science and 40000 funds, and made a new argument for the three kerbonaut for who was to be the first Kerbal in space, and nobody was backing down “I should go because I have the most experience!” said Jeb “you just pressed spacebar! The SRB did all the work! I should go because I will bring back all the science! Giving us more things to do!” said Bob “I should go because I can fix things incase things go wrong!” said Bill “I should go” said a voice from behind them “No you shouldn’t! we don’t know you!” said Jeb “I should go!” said the voice again “Kerbonaut, I would like you to meet the newest kerbonaut, Valentina Kerman” said Gene “Hello” said Bill and Bob “I’m still going first!” said Jeb “Val used to be an air show pilot. And Jeb, you won’t like the next part, she can withstand 0.01 more gees then you, so she will be the first in space” said Gene “NOOOOOOO!!!!!” said Bill, Jeb, and Bob “but she doesn’t know anything about rockets!” said Bill “and I designed the rocket so I should fly it!” said Bob “and I want to go first!” said Jeb “Bill, Bob, Jeb, this will be a very dangerous mission, and high gee, so I want the person who knows about aerodynamics, astrodynamics, and can withstand a high gee environment, none of you have all of that, and Jeb, if she dies, it means that you can go on more trips because we will know more.” “that makes me feel better” said Val “me too!” said Jeb The Launcher I is a magnificent piece of artwork, it was taller than mission control, and had more thrust too. It had the room to bring a Kerbal to orbit, and back, and today, it is going to do just that, , it will fly up to 100000 meters, burn at apoapsis, and fly around the globe a few times, but the problem was, that the life support was too little to stay up until the landing site was in Kerbal territory, so they were hoping the planet rotates enough to make it back to Kerbal territory, but that is hard knowing that your landing site is on the other half of the world, and you know nothing about the upper atmosphere…. As Val walked out to the pad, completely oblivious to the fact that she might not make it back to the space center, she thought about how the rocket would perform, not where she would land, she thought about how re-entry would go, not where she would reenter from, she thought how great the science would be, not who would get the science, she thought all of these things, in the five-minute ride to the Launchpad, and she didn’t know, the Kommunists were watching right now. “okay Val, T- 30 seconds” said Gene “Capcom go” “solar panels go” “decouplers go” “engine go” “science go” “rocket go” “pilot?” “pilot?” “pilot go” “Gene, we are go for launch” As the clock wound down, the tension in the room wound up, from T- 15:00, to now, T- 15 “T- 15, 14, 13,12,11, 10,9,8,7,6, main engine start,4,3,2,1, liftoff!” The rocket soared though the sky, flying like a Keagle, soaring higher than ever before, not coming down until the main stage burnt out “1000 meters” “10,000 meters” “20,000 meters, begin gravity turn” “apoapsis 100,000 meters, MECO, FSD, SSB, 5,4,3,2,1 MECO, FSD, SSB” As the rocket soared through the night sky, kerbol shining bright, everyone forgot about the pain and long nights it took to get here, now, all they thought about was how beautiful it was, and the science points, the KWFRKS person was in shock with his mouth wide open, everyone was happy, and the rocket was only halfway done, right now, it was only a suborbital hop, now, it was time for orbit! “Val, Prep the SSMEs” “20 seconds to apoapsis” “SSMEBS” “periapsis -20,000 meters” “periapsis 0” “periapsis 40,000 meters” “periapsis 70,000 meters, throttle down” “equal orbit!” The room burst into cheers, everyone was happy, the KWFRKS guy still with his mouth hanging open, everyone was high fiving, but that was only half the trip, there is still the fact about returning, nobody knew what was up there, so they could only guess, the most popular ideas were there was a big space kraken up there that you had to battle to get back down, you could just jump down and nothing would happen, or reentry heating. Everyone was hoping for a reentry heating “okay Val, we don’t know a thing on where you will land, so make sure that you use your recovery beacon when you land” “if you land” “hey! Don’t say that! You might jinx it!” “I work at the KWFRKS, the odds of landing are 100:1, I don’t know what you speak of this lying thing” “are you a robot?” “PROGRAM DETECTED! SHUTTING DOWN!” And the KWFRKS person shut down, and that ended the reign of the KWFRKS person watching the KSC, but now, they would have to be visited by the KWFRKS person traveling salesman, and nobody wanted that, so much that they forgot about the reentry, but they couldn’t do anything about that since the plasma blackout Val was plummeting at over 1000 M/S, at over 30,000 meters, the ablator was falling down to unreasonable levels, she only had five minutes of t left, and the temperature in the capsule was rising fast, she was almost out of the reentry heating area, almost into the shock region, according to Linus’ calculations, the capsule should slowly cool down when she reaches 10,000 meters, but she was only at 20,000 meters, so 10,000 meters to go, with only three minutes of ablator left “hey Jeb! C’mon! the capsule should be landing soon!” screamed Bill “I’m not coming” said Jeb “are you still mad because you weren’t selected to be the first in space?” said Bob “No…maybe…yes…” said Jeb “C’mon, were all going to have a chance to go to space, Gene said it himself, and after the contracts started piling in after we reached orbit, were going to have a lot more than the ability to go to orbit!” said Bill “yeah! And the governmental support has reached a new high, we finally beat the Kommies at something, we’ve never done that before!” Said Bob “shouldn’t you be off playing with the fabric of existence?” said Jeb “nah, that got boring and weird when that monolith started ticking and saying ‘the end is near, please leave this planet!’” said Bob “well, with or without you, were going!” said Bob “fine, go, I might catch up” said Jeb “have you ever wondered if there was another planet just like ours, but there was warful exploration of space for friendly rivalry?” said Gene “nien...vy? did zomewone tell you zat I am an alien? Because zit zis a lie?” said Wernher “what? Do they have beards and call themselves us but with an added b sound?” Said Gene “hey vook! It zis ze capsule!” said Wernher As Gene and Wernher were asking each other about aliens, Val was plummeting to the ocean at over 500 M/S, and the Mk16 needed 200 M/S or less to safely deploy “she’s running out of space!” said Bill Luckily, Jeb was walking out of the building at that very moment, and heard it, and since he’s the fastest runner, he ran as fast as he could to the mission control Past the hallways, past Linus ‘testing’ putting some green goo in his eye, past Wernher fighting off a squid, past Walt writing a speech on Val’s crashing, and finally made it to the mission control, just in time “let me speak to Val” said Jeb “ok” said the Mission controller “hey? Do you want to jump off mount Kernot later?” said RMC#2 “ok” said RMC#1 “do you say anything but ok?” said RMC#2 “all right” said RMC#1 “ok” said RMC#2 “Val? Can you hear me?” said Jeb “yes?” said Val “okay Val, you don’t have enough space to slow down, but if you yaw up, you can slow down just enough to safely deploy the MK16” said Jeb “it did it! Its slowing down!” said Val “how did you know it was going to work?” “I jump off mount Kernot all the time with those random mission controller guys, and it slows me down just enough to crash safely” said Jeb “a good idea made from a bad reason” said Val After Val’s almost failed mission, Wernher and his crew discovered Drogue chutes for some reason, the only thing he said was ‘never fight a kraken’, not much to speculate on. The adjustments were made, and the flights were flown, Jeb flew the first payload on the rocket into space, and Bob flew for over 3 days straight, it looked like the Kerbals were ahead of the Kommies in more than just Ball Game, but that was not the case, for the kommies had something special planned Wernher was running down the hall as fast as he could, there was a beep, an unknown beep, nobody in the tracking station could understand what it was, so they all ran around screaming, but Wernher was smarter than that, he didn’t run around screaming, he ran to the administration building, since he wasn’t a man of international politics, but Walt was. “Valt! Ve need help in ze tracking ztation! Zere vas an unvrecognized beep!” “communists! They must’ve tracked me!” “vat?” “KOMMIES!!!!! There’s no such thing as communists!” “vokay, I’ll ask Gene” “Gene! Zere vas an unrecognized beep on ze tracking station!” “when was it discovered?” “vast night! Valt zinks it zis a kommies satellite!” “continue to track it for a few days” After five days, the truth became clear, the kommies had put a satellite in permanent orbit of Kerbin, this was a huge blow, because the Kerbals have been waiting for the right amount of funds to launch a satellite in orbit of Kerbin to map Kerbin, but this was just a small satellite, just a ball, a stolen stayputnik strapped to a few SRBs, this was unfair, so now, Bill, Bob, and Linus all were working for 75 hours straight to build a satellite in permanent polar orbit of Kerbin “Kartemis I ready for launch” “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5,4 ,3 ,2 ,1 0, LIFTOFF!!” “polar orbit, how did we solve the DV issue?” “hail the asparagus gods” As Kartemis I went into orbit, the final launch of the Unnamed Spacecraft was about to launch, it would be carrying Bill, the only one of the original four not having gone to space yet, to a higher orbit to see how high they can put the Apoapsis with the current setup, this would be the last of these missions, next, they would have a much bigger mission, one that would dwarf all they did so far, but all the info they gave out Is “the KSS [RETRACTED] will fly to orbit and the Mun!” “USP Final Countdown” “DA DA DA DA, DA DA DA DA DA” “JEB! STOP THAT! Or we might get sued!” “Fine Mort” “How ya doing Bill” “Go for Launch!” The Billmobile was specially made just for Bill, made by him for him, and by him, Bill spent days working on it with the ground crew, working long nights, and long days, he started on it as soon as he joined, this was his masterpiece, nothing was going to take it away from him, he WAS going to fly it “T-10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0, liftoff!” “apoapsis rising” “TWR rising” “Cleared the VAB” “we are rising” The rocket flew for kilometers for an extraordinarily long time, the first stage flying all the way to 50,000m, but it had to end, and Bill had a surprise waiting in S2 “5 seconds to MECO” “prep SSSRBs” “SSSRBs?” “just press the big red button…” “MECO” “SSMES” “Launch the SSSRBs!” “Pressing the big red button!” When that button was pressed, Bill took an extraordinarily large amount of force, for what that button pressing did, was activate the second stage solid rocket boosters, but the amount of force was too much, and something had to go, and it wasn’t the SRBs, it was the capsule. “CAPSULE REACHING G LIMIT!!!!” “DETACH!!! DETACH!!! ABORT ABORT ABO- “ But it took too long for the message to get to Bill, and the capsule, crunched. “Bill Kerman Did what was best for us Kerbals, flying high over the world, and taking just plain stupid risks, like adding SRBs to the second stage, it wasn’t Bill’s fault that the capsule didn’t hold the force, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but what we shall do, is set forth what we will follow with, we won’t have a stoppage in space travel to “find out what went wrong” we know what went wrong, and we will fix it, for we must set a pace on which we will follow, and I believe, I know what we shall do, for we, shall do what the Koviet Union shan’t do, we will put a Kerbal on the Mun, and bring him back before the end of this 400 day year” said the President _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 12 pages, technically 13, but I didn't want to waste an entire page just for a few paragraphs 3985 words 17732 characters without spaces 21518 with spaces corbel is font i should get an A, though all my English teachers grade unfairly
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