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Ussari Space Program! A highly [unstable] modded 64K career from behind the iron kertain!


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11 hours ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

I have the mission screenshots still, but with much sadness I do think this thread has come to an end (no don't close it, Mods!). This save is now many versions out of date and is running single-digit framerates most of the time. That, and I've just been too distracted with everything else going on. ;.;

It is certainly a shame to hear this.

It would be nice to have a finale, although maybe one worthy of the Glorious Union is not possible with the universe only running on one cylinder ... :(

It has been a most amusing and impressive run, I hope you get the time to go again in a more up to date version before too long :)

3 hours ago, Garrett Kerman said:

You could end it it with Val's mission to the moon, because that's where Whispers ends (right?). Then the glorious Ussari Union falls apart.

You cant have the Union falling apart! The Union is eternal, the Union is without end, to speak of such things is, err, unspeakable!!

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I had to step back in to also bid farewell.  Though life has become stressful enough that my forum time has waned to a wisp, I always enjoyed following this thread and getting its updates.  Even, even, the Komisar commenting on my commute to work, and LAUNCHES ESPECIALLY TO MAKE MY OVERNIGHT SHIFT TOLERABLE.  I am grateful, Komisar!

...and there had Better be something new down the pike...   :)

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11 hours ago, Garrett Kerman said:

Nooooooooooooo... :(

You could end it it with Val's mission to the moon, 

Funny you should mention that... :wink:

Thats exactly what I was working on before moving stress kinda shoved everything else to the side. The series does need a fitting send-off like @Shania_L's planned Duna mission. It looks like the Mün has stopped eating anything that lands there (last I checked) so perhaps one last hurrah will be in order once I get this real life crap sorted out. 

In the mean time, the more interesting tidbits of my casual farting around in the game usually show up in the WDYDIKSPT? thread. :D

Something else more "serious" :rolleyes: will eventually work its way out of my overactive imagainagion I'm sure, but this is going to be a hard act to follow. The Political Officer most definitely made the series, recapturing any hint of that... Je ne say (crap I don't speak French) whatever will be the really hard part. 

For the easy stuff, old mods have died but there's tonnes of interesting new ones to play with. I hear @Galileo has a nifty new planet pack out, too. I wonder if it works in 6.4 scale...:cool:

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Just now, CatastrophicFailure said:

For the easy stuff, old mods have died but there's tonnes of interesting new ones to play with. I hear @Galileo has a nifty new planet pack out, too. I wonder if it works in 6.4 scale...:cool:

it does. but i think sigma dimensions broke with the current version of Kopernicus :(

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  • 2 months later...
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GREETINGS, COMRADES!

Once again is it I, Comrade Political Officer! Rumors of my untimely demise at hands of knife-wielding Ceriman dissident have been greatly exaggerated!

Or... have they? Perhaps I am indeed coming to you from beyond watery grave, blind to my own fate and blissfully unaware of the circumstances that brought me to it!

But of course this... we do not speak of!

 

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So you say to me, "Comrade, why does glorious Ussari Union never put Kerbal on Mün like squishy bourgeoisie foreigners?" And I say to you, "back to salt mine for y--! What? We are not doing that anymore? Since when? I was not advised of such--! Read script? Hm? Oh! And I say to you, "we have no interest in boring old Mün now that it has been soiled by foreign boots! Could they not at least wipe feet first?

But if glorious Ussari Union did go to Mün, this... is what it might look like!

 

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Thanks to cutting edge computer graphics, we can now bring you photorealistic simulation of mission that absolutely did not happen!

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Massive Urugan-class rocket roars into sky carrying specially modified absolutely hypothetical Zarya capsule crewed by none other than absolutely not Valentina Kermanova, famous Kerbonaut who is absolutely not using absolutely simulated mission as cover for absolutely not faking own death for reasons unknown!

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Grossly powerful Urugan booster has been specially detuned for surprisingly lightweight mission profile, using only two instead of four engines on core stage!

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Successful booster separation after finally discovering left booster was separating and going wrong direction due to separation rocket nosecone being installed backwards! Assembly line political prisoner laborers technicians now undergoing remedial training in right and left!

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Separation of core stage on slightly suborbital trajectory that will take to safe, harmless destructive re-entry over empty ocean, absolutely not dropping hardened container of supplies over contested Ceriman border region!

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Abort motors are jettisoned just prior to circularization burn of mission stack.

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And finally, good Comrades, on to Mün using cryogenic transfer stage!

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Only once safely on way to Mün are protective fairings discarded!

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Transfer stack now separates, one-Kerbal lander sandwiched between Zarya return craft and reliable hypergolic braking stage!

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Bang! See? See!? Here is bang! I promise you bang, and here is bang! Hope you are happy! Hope you enjoy bang! Poor Valentina Kermanova hopelessly blown into space dust, absolutely dead now! Totally dead! Completely Dead! No coming back from this, absolutely not! Exactly this dead! Are you happy now, you bang-wanters? Absolutely not planned explosion to create massive debris field and mask Münar stack as it continues on clandestine mission! Very much dead!

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So, while secret absolutely simulated mission suffers secret absolutely real fatal explosion, we continue with what it... might have looked like... which it did not! Because it was a simulation! That exploded! Absolutely simulated! But not explosion, explosion real! None of this really happened! Except explosion!

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Ahem, so, upon absolutely not reaching absolutely fake Mün just as Valentina Kermanova comes out of absolutely true transcendental Münstone-induced vision of Kerbal origins, braking stage successfully burns stack into stable Münar orbit. Pay no attention to exhaust plume several meters away from engine bell! Absolutely artifact of computer graphic simulation! See? Is absolutely not real! Except explosion. That real.

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Absolutely not Valentina Kermanova now transfers to lander and separates from Zarya, leaving craft empty in orbit in capable hands of autopilot that will absolutely not evolve into homicidal sentient AI at unspecified point in future! Seriously, who is writing this? Sounds like bad scifi fanfic novel. What, we are still recording? Oh! Er, yes, lander then burns remainder of braking stage to conserve own fuel before separating. Spent braking stage will now make another bang! See?? Bang! Two bangs! Do you enjoy your bangs! Are you happy now??

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Lander begins final descent to dark, desolate Münar surface!

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This is absolutely not very familiar looking crater in very specific location!

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A safe and successful landing! Absolutely not Valentina Kermanova (she's dead, you know) descends ladder to absolutely not surface of Mün!

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But what is this in distance, comrades? And why does lander, spacesuit, and overall picture look completely different?

This... we will speak of later, in absolutely thrilling final installment of glorious Ussari Space Program!
Seriously, what is that? They do not tell me these things ahead of time. I need to go lie down, my head hurts. And also, I can see through it. What do you mean, I'm a ghost? Then how can you see me? What do you mean, you see dead people? And why am I talking to random child?

 

 

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3 hours ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

Are you happy now, you bang-wanters?

Yes. Yes we are.

In a word: that was awesome.  It was just like when [your-favorite-sports-hero] announced [his/her] retirement from the [your-favorite-sports-association], and you thought [he/she] was gone for good, then [he/she] came back for one more year to win the [trophy/cup/crown/belt/title/record/cupcake].  You remember when [he/she] did that?  That last mission was that kind of awesome.

Thanks @CatastrophicFailure for your [entertainment/service/sacrifice/I-ran-out-of-applicable-adjectives]!

Edited by boccelounge
adjectives? nouns? meh, it;s late.
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Greetings, Comrades! When last we left absolutely not Valentina Kermanova, she stood as first Ussari on Mün, gazing out over magnificent desolation only slightly marred by fledgling urban sprawl!

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But as she draws nearer... could this be deserted KSA Münbase hastily abandoned after entire crew went mad?
What do you mean, it was only one? One, three... is close enough!

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Absolutely not! As that would clearly be trespassing and such things we do not do!

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And here we have absolutely not Valentina Kermanova boarding hab module and becoming world's first space pirate!
Really, is absolutely not Valentina Kermanova! Is really not! Is also absolutely not Chadvey Kerman in space drag because Valentina didn't even exist in 0.25...

 

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Hmm? Abandoned Münbase most likely falls under international maritime law, thereby grating salvage rights to whomever boards first, but since she has absolutely no intention to salvage and is just there to poke around, is clear-cut case of petty breaking and entering? Ivan, since when are you expert in international maritime law, eh? What? You went to night school? And are quitting program for better gig with legal arm of Imperious Coast Guard?! Now, see here you--*assorted crashing sounds*

 

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Ahem, yes, well.. it seems we are being forced to reduce staff. At any rate, here is absolutely not Valentina Kermanova blowing self out of airlock for reasons unknown, absolutely not related to terminal infestation of giant Münrats that may or may not actually be real.

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Is this joke? Who is writing this? Wait, we are getting bill for damaging communicatron dish??

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And now we have absolutely not Valentina Kermanova adding to growing rap sheet by committing Grand Theft Münrover.

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How about that, it still runs after two years on harsh Münar surface. My Lada does not start after two days in heated garage shared with family of peasants. We can put Kerbal on Mün, why can we not make kar that starts reliably??

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Fearless absolutely not Valentina Kermanova trundling over Münar regolith as sun sets entirely too quickly, occasionally being bounced high into airless sky for no apparent reason as if wheel physics were... eerily familiar...

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Look at that, the headlights work too! Headlights on Lada only work in daytime with no clouds! Why are we not funding this??

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And here... absolutely not Valentina Kermanova stands before chilling vision as shadows dance around! What eldritch mysteries will she encounter here?

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Seriously, what did she find there? All I have on paper is "my eyes my eyes I saw it it floats" over and over and over again. And why is page stained with thick red ink? Where is this copy editor, anyway, I haven't seen him since... erm...?

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Moving on, absolutely fearless absolutely not Valentina Kermanova proceeding at absolutely imprudent speed back to Münbase as if devil itself were after her, now racking up multiple moving violations to boot.

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I am glad I do not have to pay her insurance! What do you mean, she does not even have license?! How does world-famous Kerbonaut not have driver's license??

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And now we add reckless driving, failure to yield, malicious mischief, improper lane change, and damage to property.

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We are getting another bill, aren't we?

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Ahem, erm, well..

Since absolutely none of this ever happened ever at all, this glorious scene of glorious gloriousness will unfortunately never be seen!
I see you there, shadowy creepy thing on Mün!

 

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And in final rude gesture to barren, lifeless place, absolutely not Valentina Kermanova now tops it all off with leaving scene of accident...

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For a few brief moments, two ships come together while drifting sedately over cratered grey terrain below.

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But all good things must come to an end, good comrades!

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Having barely escaped with life and sanity, absolutely not Valentina Kermanova now begins long voyage home...

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The time has come for the sun to set on this strange ballet of worlds, my friends...

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But like ridiculously long drogue chute, let your spirits be buoyed as this time draws to close!

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Parachutes do not "buoy," they... fluff. Again, who is writing this drivel??

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A safe return... for a person who never existed... and a mission that never happened...

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Yet I will leave you this one secret, good comrades, before I follow light into great beyond and hope is not train, which I probably need to catch anyway because PЏҬЇЍSҚЇ kar will never start. Erm... yes, long ago when what we know as glorious Ussari Space Program was yet twinkle in eye of overly ambitious mid-level apparatchik, there was an experiment... but that... is another story.

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And now my time draws to a close, and I must say do svidaniya. But this is not the end, my friends, far from it...

For there are neither beginnings nor ends... and all things serve the Beam.

Glory to the Union, good comrades! Glory to the Empress!

And glory... to Arstotzka...

 

Start you miserable piece of PЏҬЇЍ! I swear, I will personally have you shipped to Kerberia! I have to get to eternity you ЬЯЭZЊИЄVЇЙG SҐДLЇЇЍSԞҰ GФЯБДҪҢԐVЇЍG GДДДДДДДДДДҢ!!!!!

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Bravo, Huzzah, and a mighty Well Done.  This is exactly the kind of thing that I really enjoy from KSP, people's creativity and their unique twist on things.  A delightful piece of pie to focus on when the horizons beyond one's home perhaps warrant ignoring for one's own peace of mind.

But, like I said before, there had Better be a next project !!!   And remember the curse of the modder; once you start story-telling, do not add anything new, no matter how shiny and wonderful it is!  For the universe, it will break.

 

To lofty goals and welcome hearth,

a fond farewell, and never death.

 

 

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On Wednesday, February 15, 2017 at 10:15 PM, GarrisonChisholm said:

And remember the curse of the modder; once you start story-telling, do not add anything new, no matter how shiny and wonderful it is!  For the universe, it will break.

So what that the universe breaks? You just make it a part of - nay, you make it the story.

 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...
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