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carmenara

Prayers for Kerbonauts

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Before you embark on the sacred ritual of T, Z, SPACE, astronauts from the Church of Moar Booster are shown performing the sign of the Oxidizer, the Liquid Fuel and the Flames of DeltaV.

They then say the following prayers to obtain divine protection as they ride to the gates of Valhalla, all shiny and green.

Our Kerbal, who art in orbit.

Jebediah be Thy Name;

Thy space program come,

Thy precise node will be done,

on Kerbin as it is all around Kerbol.

Give us this day our daily boosters,

and forgive us our missed dockings,

as we forgive those who ram into us;

and lead us not into Kerbol,

but deliver us from Kraken. Amen.

Sauce: Church of Moar Booster on Facebook

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Very, nice :)

But it's more a fanworks thing really, and is likely to rile the Kult of the Kraken.

Moved!

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The Creation of Kerbin

Hygienesis 1

1 In the beginning The Kraken created the Mun and Kerbin.

2 And Kerbin was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And The Kraken moved upon the face of the liquid fuels.

3 And The Kraken said, Let there be light: and there was light.

4 And The Kraken saw the light, that it was good: and The Kraken divided the light from the darkness.

5 And The Kraken called the light day, and the darkness he called night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

6 And The Kraken said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the liquid fuels, and let it divide the liquid fuels from the liquid fuels.

7 And The Kraken made the firmament, and divided the liquid fuels which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

8 And The Kraken called the firmament Kerbal Space Center. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

9 And The Kraken said, Let the waters under the Kerbal Space Center be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry solid fuel appear: and it was so.

10 And The Kraken called the dry solid fuel Grasslands; and the gathering together of the waters called Kerbin's Oceans: and The Kraken saw that maybe they could be used as rocket fuel.

11 And The Kraken said, Let the solid fuel bring forth terrain scatter, the herb yielding seed, and the monopropellant tree yielding monopropellant after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the solid fuel: and it was so.

12 And the solid fuel brought forth terrain scatter, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding monopropellant, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and The Kraken saw that it was good.

13 And the evening and the morning were the third day.

14 And The Kraken said, Let there be lights in the firmament of Kerbin's SOI to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:

15 And let them be for lights in the firmament of Kerbin's SOI to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

16 And The Kraken made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made no other stars, though.

17 And The Kraken set them in the firmament of Kerbin's SOI to give light upon the earth,

18 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and The Kraken saw that it was good.

19 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

20 And The Kraken said, Let the liquid fuels bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above Kerbin in the open firmament of solid fuel.

21 And The Kraken created great Kerbfishes, and every living creature that moveth, which the liquid fuels brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and The Kraken saw that it was good.

22 And The Kraken blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the liquid fuel in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the solid fuel. Remember to learn orbital mechanics.

23 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

24 And The Kraken said, Let the solid fuel bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the solid fuel after his kind: and it was so.

25 And The Kraken made the beast of the solid fuel after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and The Kraken saw that it wasn't that bad.

26 And The Kraken said, Let us make kerbal in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the kerbfish of the liquid fuel sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all Kerbin, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the solid fuel.

27 So The Kraken created kerbin in his own image, in the image of The Kraken created he him; male and female created he them.

28 And The Kraken blessed them, and The Kraken said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the solid fuel, and subdue it: and have dominion over the kerbfish of the liquid fuel sea, and over the fowl of the souposphere, and over every living thing that moveth upon the solid fuel.

29 And The Kraken said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the solid fuel, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding monopropellant; to you it shall be for RCS.

30 And to every beast of the solid fuel, and to every fowl of the souposphere, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein

there is life, I have given every monopropellant for RCS: and it was so.

31 And The Kraken saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

Next stop, the Kuran.

Edited by wx7

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The Ten Kerbal Commandments

From the First Church of the Kerbal Space Program

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ChurchofMoarBooster/

Honor thy Liquid Fuel and thy Oxidizer

Thou shalt not doubt thy booster

Thou shalt not covet another's craft

Thou shalt not take the Kraken's name in vain

Keep aligned thy center of gravity and

center of lift with thy center of thrust

Thou shall post thy pics and videos for all to share,

and be kind with thy likes and comments

Remember to honor the Snack Day

Thou shall revert if at all possible

Thou shall rescue all Kerbals from being stranded

Thou shalt take no booster over me,

nor shalt thou worship false rockets.

If it works fine the first time,

thou hath truly a miracle.

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Random blurb of text I dreamed up today:

Holy Sacrament of the Delta-V

"Know, Son of Kerbal, that this is true and tested, and blessed by the Kraken - Delta-V. You shall be diligent to learn the Sacrament. You shall do, and you shall understand."

"Do this not, and your understanding of Rocketry will be dimmed, as if viewed through a marred glass. You shall be left adrift in the depths of space, the forsaken voids between SOI's, and you will be at the mercy of others."

"Do this, and you will accomplish much. For who sets forth on a mission without first counting the cost? Only the fool. The fool says in his heart, "I have much booster, I can do this." The wise Engineer first considers Dry Mass and Wet Mass, then observes Specific Impulse. The Engineer applies the Natural Log, and achieves Truth - Delta-V. The Engineer is praised in KSC for exercising this great Sacrament, Administrators hold the Engineer in high regard and their name is listed in the Flight Manual for the Flight Crew to revere and trust in, for the Engineer has been wise to rightly divide the numbers and obtain a true and surefast performance figure."

"Son of Kerbal, be as the Engineer."

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Then the propet Werner said to his disciple Bob, "Tell me, what can I do for you, before I am taken up to Eeloo away from you."

Bob replied to him: "Let me have a double portion of your struts". "What you have asked is difficult, but if you see me when I am taken from you, it will be yours" said Werner. As they were Talking, Kerbal Xes and Aethersprites surrounded him, and Bob cried out "My tutor, my tutor, the pilots of Kerbintia!" and Bob saw him no more. Then he took hold of his lab coat and tore it in two.

Excerpt from 2 Jebadiah 2.

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Woe unto you, Son of Kerbal, for you have stirred up the anger of Kraken by committing the gravest of errors - NaN. For you have set it upon your heart to achieve a perfectly inclined orbit, when "pretty close" would have sufficed. Were you not pleased with 0.0 degrees? Pride shall be your undoing, that and the Crash shall come upon you and the entire universe, because you have done this great error and should not have done so. Kraken shall now deliver swift judgement to the Savefile and corrupt it, as it is tainted by NaN.

Fear not, your essence and .config settings will be carried over to a new Savefile, and you shall, after a time, regain your position among the stars. But remember this thing, and repeat not the error of NaN, or you will be doomed to repeat this curse yet again.

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SQUADu Akbar, SQUADu Akbar

[SQUAD is the greatest, SQUAD is the greatest]

SQUADu Akbar, SQUADu Akbar

[SQUAD is the greatest, SQUAD is the greatest]

Ashadu an la ilaha ill SQUAD

[I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but SQUAD]

Ashadu an la ilaha ill SQUAD

[I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but SQUAD]

Ashadu anna HarvesteRan rasoolullah

[I bear witness that HarvesteR is the prophet of SQUAD]

Ashadu anna HarvesteRan rasoolullah

[i bear witness that HarvesteR is the prophet of SQUAD]

Hayya'alas salah [Come to prayer,]

Hayya'alas salah [Come to prayer,]

Hayya'alal falah [Come to success,]

Hayya'alal falah [Come to success,]

SQUADu Akbar, SQUADu Akbar

[sQUAD is the greatest, SQUAD is the greatest]

La ilaha ill SQUAD

[There is no deity but SQUAD.]

There we go. Muslim kerbals.

What's next?

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"Oh great [deity], please don't let me foul this up."

"[Deity] be praised, may S/He save us from the dreaded FUBAR."

"I hope this works."

Most certainly heard a fair few of these.

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I am about to start work on a Church of Moar Boosters feature video, with narration.

Does anyone want to contribute ships to demonstrate... moar booster theory?

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The ROUND-8 Path (aka The Hydraulic Manifold Path):

Right BOOSTERS

Right STRUTS

Right DECOUPLERS

Right DELTA-V

Right FUEL TANKS

Right ENGINES

Right BALANCE

Right LANDING

in order to SPACE.

-----

The Kraken made this magical place with a forbidden garden of trees that bear the fruit of LF/O and Solid Fuel.

The Kraken made Jebediah, and he could space freely.

The Kraken thought Jebediah was lonely in space so the Kraken made Valentina to space with him.

Valentina was tempted to taste the fruit of LF/O and Solid Fuel, and she did.

The fruit gave knowledge of SPACE, then both Jeb and Valentina were hiding in astronaut suits behind fuel tanks, struts, engines, and boosters.

The Kraken said, "You shall be punished for thou consumption of LF/O and Solid Fuel! From now on, you shall not space freely, you shall Delta-V to space!"

From then on, Delta-V was the requirement of all kerbals to get into space.

Edited by TrainEngie

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Great Kraken, giver of Astrophysics, Celestial Mechanics and Mathematics, we hold these precepts to be noble, pure and true - that Mass divided by Thrust gives us the TWR, and that the TWR times the local gravity value gives us the Truth - if our brave Pilots can land our chariots of fire and worked metal onto the distant bodies that You have placed in the heavens for us to explore. The fool heeds not this precept and does not obey Your ordinances, which are inviolable and inmutable for all eternity (or until the Config is modified by Your hand).

Great Kraken, grant us the ability to work the numbers and derive accurate data from the numbers. Give us the wisdom to forsee good engineering from shoddy work, and bless our works with skilled Pilots that can efficiently use our creations to improve Kerbal-kind's knowledge of Your heavens and the work of Your hands.

Great Kraken, let not our path be led astray by bloated designs that affect our delta-v negatively, but quicken our minds to always build our creations light and nimble - for this is the simplest way to maximize delta-v, by keeping our payloads as light as we dare. But let us always strive to remember the safety of the brave crews that fly in our creations, and let us not send our fellow Kerbals to certain deaths.

Great Kraken, we give You the praise for allowing us, Your humble servants, the opportunity to explore, catalog, obtain data and learn. We do these things in Your name.

Akerb, and akerb.

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I believe in the Kraken, the destroyer almighty,

Devastator of Tylo and Eve,

Of all debris visible and invisible;

I believe in one lord, Jeb Kerman,

The only begotten son of the Kraken.

Born of the creature before all ages,

Planet from planet, Kerbal from Kerbal, Catastrophe from Catastrophe,

Warped together, not made,

Consubstantial with bravery.

Through him all ships were crewed,

For us Kerbals and for our death guarantee,

He came down from Bop.

And by the Mainsail was incarnate of the Kerbal X and became man.

For our sake he was assigned to the Space Program under Gene Kerman;

He suffered loss-of-snacks and was stranded on the Mun,

On the third day He made it back in accordance with the mission plans.

He descended into Kerbin, and was seated at the right-hand commander's seat.

He has come back in glory to devour snacks;

And his hunger will have no end.

I believe in the Planet of Bop,

Jool, the giver of life,

Which proceeds as the home of Bop,

Which with Bop and the Kraken is feared and gone away from,

Which has destroyed countless ships.

I believe in one holy, dangerous and desperate space program,

I sacrifice one life for the exploration of the Kerbal race,

And the expendability of the Kerbals to continue. Amen.

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It's Sunday Mass Driver Day!

1st video dedicated to The Church of Moar Booster.

Kerbals go to Sunday Mass in the Kanyonero SUV (stock rover), invoke divine protection for their future missions, as a satellite launch goes off in the background; it's loud with 20 boosters going off all at once!

While we're at it is there a mass accelerator mod for KSP? We could use that to shoot payloads on return trajectory from the Mun on a weekly basis. Sunday Mass Driver - The Mun is a Harsh Mistress style!

Our Kerbal, who art in orbit.

Jebediah be Thy Name;

Thy space program come,

Thy precise node will be done,

on Kerbin as it is all around Kerbol.

Give us this day our daily boosters,

and forgive us our missed dockings,

as we forgive those who ram into us;

and lead us not into Kerbol,

but deliver us from Kraken. Amen.

Keep those contributions flowing! I can get my usual narrator Mr Garrison to eventually narrate all the scriptures and prayers - except the Kuran one, I might do that myself or using my local team @ baconspaceprogram :)

I'd like him to see how awesome the first collaboration between various FB KSP group admins and craft builders resulted in the short and sweer video above, first, before deciding which of your awesome contributions to produce in video form next. If you'd like to help with craft design or narration, or even produce your own Church themed videos let me know! I'm astounded by the enthusiasm shown towards this for-fun project to give a mythical tone to our beloved Space Program :)

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It's Sunday Mass Driver Day!

1st video dedicated to The Church of Moar Booster.

Kerbals go to Sunday Mass in the Kanyonero SUV (stock rover), invoke divine protection for their future missions, as a satellite launch goes off in the background; it's loud with 20 boosters going off all at once!

While we're at it is there a mass accelerator mod for KSP? We could use that to shoot payloads on return trajectory from the Mun on a weekly basis. Sunday Mass Driver - The Mun is a Harsh Mistress style!

Keep those contributions flowing! I can get my usual narrator Mr Garrison to eventually narrate all the scriptures and prayers - except the Kuran one, I might do that myself or using my local team @ baconspaceprogram :)

I'd like him to see how awesome the first collaboration between various FB KSP group admins and craft builders resulted in the short and sweer video above, first, before deciding which of your awesome contributions to produce in video form next. If you'd like to help with craft design or narration, or even produce your own Church themed videos let me know! I'm astounded by the enthusiasm shown towards this for-fun project to give a mythical tone to our beloved Space Program :)

I saw that sheep! Great video too. And what a good person to use as vocals (Was he the one who the the pyralis class C*R*A*S*H?)

Ahh have some rep+.

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Yes he's GarrisonChisholm who narrated the air ambulance and Mi-12 videos. He is great to work with and really good with impersonating various vocal styles. He can sing too lol!

He had also supplied various craft ideas that resulted in quite a few successful aircraft releases over the past 2 months.

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