Kuzzter

Kerbfleet: A Jool Odyssey-CHAPTER 20 pg 23: Shee--oot, indeed! Or is it 'shee-ot'?

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12 minutes ago, KSK said:

I sense a Kobayashi Maru moment approaching. 

@KSK, I think you're going to like our next installment of Kerbfleet ICYMI very much :) 

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Can't wait!

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F7Ryk9f.jpg

tZmzATm.jpg

...and as for the rest of you, for the (probably not) last time, Bill can't cheat his way out of this one. Mister Blocko was quite clear on that point. :) 

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Aaaw all my favourite moments in one update. *tears up*

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Oh yeah! Nice update.

For the record, I would trust in Kerbfleet AI (Artistic Integrity) to prevent cheating, even without having Mr Blocko there to enforce it. :) 

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*another intrusion into the fourth wall*

*preparing the boot*

"OUCH!" *Bill scurries out from the wrong side of fourth wall*

*mission accomplished* :wink:

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3 hours ago, Kuzzter said:

and as for the rest of you, for the (probably not) last time, Bill can't cheat his way out of this one. Mister Blocko was quite clear on that point. :) 

Well, maybe he can hack Kermulan computers without affecting the state of the SAVE :)

 

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11 minutes ago, Geschosskopf said:

Well, maybe he can hack Kermulan computers without affecting the state of the SAVE :)

 

Sure, but if Bill can do that, then Evil Bill can also do that...

Spoiler

79flw4f.png

...which, you may recall, is why Mister Blocko eventually had to step in.

Spoiler

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Now I won't preclude Bill or anyone else engaging in some in-universe rule-breaking, such as he and Jeb did to solve the team's last no-win situation back in Order Zero. But as @KSK correctly points out, ARTISTIC INTEGRITY prevents any solution involving deus ex machina, unreliable narrators, or waking up next to Suzanne Pleshette and realizing "it was all a dream". :wink: 

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It doesn’t look like Martystu and the Kenlistar Awesome will get them out of this either. Not like he’d suddenly show up on your doorstep...

Just how do you beat the no win scenario? Maybe if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em? Although, gambits involve sacrificing a piece on the board to gain advantage... And the word apparently originally came from dare il gambetto (to put a leg forward in order to trip someone) according to Wikipedia. Kind of hard to do that in zero gee unless you suddenly boost so hard that everyone not strapped down is pinned to the floor....

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I'm trying to think of another Chess Cheks related situation that might apply but I'm coming up a bit short. We've seen gambits used already - I was wondering if the Intrepid crew could engineer a stalemate situation somehow where anything the Kerbulans do next will put them in such an objectively worse situation that even Evil Val would recognize that there was no good way out.

That would kind of fit with Kerbfleet's aversion to violence but at the same time it does rather side-step any actual resolution to Kerbfleet's moral dilemma about how to deal with the murdery murderers, so might not be very satisfactory from a storytelling perspective. There's also the slight drawback that I can't imagine how the Intrepid crew would actually engineer a stalemate but that's probably more a limitation of my imagination. :) 

Edit - stalemate would also fit with the 'no way we can win' motif. No you can't, Intrepid - but sometimes a draw is enough.

Random other thought - Cheks is great and all but it is only a training tool. Real life sometimes requires you to think outside your training - although that only really works if you have a command structure in place that recognizes that and actively supports it where necessary. It strikes me that Kerbfleet are probably very good at such command structures but the Kerbulans would be incredibly bad at them. And if Dilsby(?) has learned to think like a Kerbulan then perhaps he's also learned how to think outside of their strictures.

In any case, I await developments with anticipation!

Edited by KSK
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35 minutes ago, KSK said:

I'm trying to think of another Chess Cheks related situation that might apply but I'm coming up a bit short.

Queen to Queen's level three???

:wink:

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Occam's razor says that the simplest explanation is probably the best (though it does not point out that by that logic, Occam's razor is probably a razor used by someone named Occam), and combined with Chekov's gun, it says that Val or Dilsby have an honourable duel up one of their sleeves.

As for how to get out of that, I am waiting with bated breath.  Maybe razor can beat gun in a duel?

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22 minutes ago, Zhetaan said:

As for how to get out of that, I am waiting with bated breath.  Maybe razor can beat gun in a duel?

Dangit @Zhetaan, you guessed the ending! Here's the complete and official script so no one has to wait any longer than necessary:

VAL: [pulls razor] "Evil Bob, I challenge you to a duel!"
EVIL BOB: [pulls gun] "I accept!"
DILSBY: [sprays Bob's face with lather] "You're all clear, Captin! Now let's shave this thing, and go home!"
EVIL BOB: [firing wildly] *BANG* "AAhhh! Can't see--blinded--by foam!" *BANG!* *BANG!*
VAL: "There, done! I'll give you a haircut too, for two ker-bits."
FORMERLY-EVIL BOB: [rubbing newly smooth face] "Where am I...what's this...this thing in my hand...wow, I could have hurt someone! Ummm... hey, you kerbs wanna go get some science together?"
EVERYONE: "Hooray!"

-THE END-

Edited by Kuzzter
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That's an ending that needs some music...

Dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum...

Val!

Aaaaah-ahh!

Shavior of the universe!

 

I'm sorry - the bad voices made me do it.

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4 hours ago, Kuzzter said:

Dangit @Zhetaan, you guessed the ending! Here's the complete and official script so no one has to wait any longer than necessary:

I'll have a double of whatever you're drinking :D 

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4 hours ago, Geschosskopf said:

I'll have a double of whatever you're drinking :D 

Which would be Kerbulan Ale of course. :)

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@KSK, thanks for the idea.

Spoiler

 

Slash!
A-ah!
Shavior of the Universe!

Slash!
A-ah!
She'll shave every one of us!

(Seemingly there is no reason for these extraordinary interplanetary upsets)
(Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha)
(What's happening, Slash?)
(Only Doctor Wernher von Kermulan, formerly at Kersruhr Institut, has provided any explanation)

Slash!
A-ah!
She's a miracle!

(This morning's unprecedented solar eclipse is no cause for alarm)

Slash!
A-ah!
Captin of the impossible!

She's for every one of us,
Stands for every one of us,
She shaves with a mighty hand!
Every man, every woman (oh?),
Every child (whoa!), with a mighty
Slash!

 

And remember, kids:

Before they send us
To a grave,
Evil Kerbs use
Kerba Shave.

Edited by Zhetaan
Kuzzter has good ideas, too.
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2 minutes ago, Zhetaan said:

@KSK, thanks for the idea.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Slash!
A-ah!
Shavior of the Universe!

Slash!
A-ah!
She'll shave every one of us!

(Seemingly there is no reason for these extraordinary interplanetary upsets)
(Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha)
(What's happening, Slash?)
(Only Doctor Wernher von Kermulan, formerly at Kersruhr Institut, has provided any explanation)

Slash!
A-ah!
She's a miracle!

(This morning's unprecedented solar eclipse is no cause for alarm)

Slash!
A-ah!
Captin of the impossible!

She's for every one of us,
Stands for every one of us,
She shaves with a mighty hand!
Every man, every woman (oh?),
Every child (whoa!), with a mighty
Slash!

 

And remember, kids:

Before they send us
To a grave,
Evil Kerbs use
Burma Shave.

OMG must create new "Kerba Shave" agency--awards contracts to space programs that can orbit their advertisements, conveniently spaced in kerbosynchronous orbit so you can read them in sequence as you whizz by...

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It's no good. After @Zhetaan's fine lyrics, I couldn't get my own version out of my head. So after a bit of work...

 

Spoiler

 

"Val"
(a tribute to @Kuzzter's Jool Odyssey)
 

Val! Aaaaa-ah
Captain of the Intrepid.

Val! Aaaaa-ah
Commands every one of us

(Scientifically, there is a reason for this extraordinary interplanetary venture)
(Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha)
(Don’t worry, Mort.)
(But only Doctor Wernher von Kerman, of Kerbfleet has provided any explanation)

Bill!  Aaaaaa-ah
He's a miracle
(This morning's unprecedented launch is a cause for celebration!)

Jeb!
Aaaaa-ah
King of the Impossible.

But they’re against every one of us
Murder every one of us
So Gene with intrepid band
For every kerbal ‘cross the land
Braved hostile skies with a mighty
Flash!

(Supreme Commander! Gene Kerman approaching.)
(What do you mean, Gene Kerman approaching? Open fire! All weapons! 
Fwoooosh! Fwoooosh. Pew-pew-pew!
(Dispatch the Ghost to bring back his ship)

Gene!  Aaaa-ah
(Gregmore’s alive!)

Greg! Moooooorreeee!
He'll save every one of us

Just a Kerb
With a Kerb's courage
You know he's
Nothing but a Kerbal
And he can never fail
No one but the pure at heart
May find the way to peace
...Oh..Oh........Oh..Oh....

(Look lively, Mister Dilsby. We only have fourteen hours to save Intrepid.)

Val!

 

 

Edited by KSK
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5 minutes ago, KSK said:

It's no good. After @Zhetaan's fine lyrics, I couldn't get my own version out of my head. So after a bit of work...

OMG... I'm dying!!!  Too funny!!! :D

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When you can't win at Chess Cheks, you try to avoid defeat by playing for a stalemate...

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