[Writing] First contact.

[sss]

Well, heres my first story, wich envolves ksp and orbiter.

year 2371, voyager at jarvis.

Chapter 1:

Captians log, star date 2371.

weve arrived at jarvis after are long trip through space. ive decided to open up a new journal, telling my adventures through space only in more detail this time. we are departing in 0800 hours to meet up with the resolve shuttle.

Meanwhile...

Captian george brown: al systems go, 10,9,8,7, main engines start,6,5,4,3,2,1, and... LIFTOFF!

Houston: go for roll program.

Captian: Roger go for roll.

Booster seperation!

5 minutes later...

Captian: roger we are in orbit houston.

Houston: roger that.

First officer: well, now we wait for voyager.

VIP: So, whats this report on the knew 'kerbal' system?

Chapter 2:

Janeway: all systems go, prepare for liftoff.

Ignition!

Time to Rendvouswith the resolve.

____________________________

Captian (resolve) well, well well, there she is!

First officer: Indeed.

Captian: We\'re docked.

____________________________

Janeway: welcome aboard captian, i hope you like it here on voyager.

Captian: Indeed. she is a very nice ship. when will we get going?

Janeway: as soon as your ready.

Chapter 3: time for warp

Janeway: whats the report on that warp drive?

Engineering: its all ready.

Lets get outa here.

Next destination, kerbal space system.

Meanwhile, at kerbin.

Jeb: ahh, finally some time off!

Bob: Indeed. i dont plan to go blasting off anytime soon.

Jeb: lost your sense of adventure?

Bob: no, of course not....

BEEP ALERT UFO aproaching.

Jeb: no way!

Speed is 1 light year per second.

8)

Slowing down.

Guys, get your helmets on, we are gonna see just whats up there!

Bill&bob: no, please no,

Jeb: sorry boys, this dosent happen very often!

Chapter 4: first contact.

Tuvok: Captian, a UFO is coming towards us. it could be an alien vessel.

Janeway: Sheilds up! lets make sure they dont do any damage.

Tuvok: im not picking up any weapon signatures.

Janeway: that dosent mean we dont let our gaurd down. lets try to rendevous with that ufo.

Meanwhile:

Bill: OMG its so big please jeb lets turn this around.

Bob: Yes please, jeb please?

Jeb: oh no boys, we are gonna rendevous with it. it looks like its coming to us.

Janeway on radio: this is captian janeway. prepare to come in.

Janeway: letsget that tractor beam on and get em in! it dosent seem they have evolved much.

-------

Jeb: hello! greeting from kerbin!

thats all for now, hope you like my first story.

EDIT: Ascen, what did you edit my post for, and what did you edit?

[gmod]@sss Capitalized your w in ''writing'' because i am an OCD-ish grammar nazi.[/gmod]

[sss]

Any comments?

[Ascensiam]

Yes, there seems to be several areas where you can improve yourself, but in order to evaluate that first, i\'d like to see you write something 3-4 times longer than what you have here.

[sss]

Yeah, I might make some more, but this is my first story.

no not just first story in ksp, my first story.

I might continue it, but i dont have much ideas.

maybe some users can inspire me?

[Ascensiam]

Yes, rebuild and rewrite the story to be much longer than it is now, create a buildup to the encounter, plan out the methods for the sides to engage each other, it\'s supposed to be a phenomenally large shock to the kerbal civilization, make it seem like it.

Hold back some information to tease people and make them want to continue reading.

Drama, when correctly applied, also adds to the story as a whole.

[sss]

Yeah, i just didnt know what to add.

Maybe watching some more star trek voyager will inspire me

(been watching for about a week now)

[LaydeeDem]

Your writing is very short and unorganized. It also feels very flat and emotionless. The poor organization doesn\'t help. I also don\'t see anything that has to do with Kerbal and am very lost on the rest. Just my two cents.

[sss]

Your writing is very short and unorganized. It also feels very flat and emotionless. The poor organization doesn\'t help. I also don\'t see anything that has to do with Kerbal and am very lost on the rest. Just my two cents.

didnt jeb contact voyager?

yeah i expected this responce, its horrable i know. :-X

[LaydeeDem]

didnt jeb contact voyager?

yeah i expected this responce, its horrable i know. :-X

Sorry. It just reads more like a script than a story. Plus the grammar is off. It\'s pretty easy to capitalize the beginning of each sentence. I got the basics down, but the whole thing feels lifeless.

[Anomalous_Matter]

A few tips on improving the writing:

• First, use quotation marks instead of script-style speaking. For example:

Bob: Hello, my name is Bob.

Which should be:

Bob said, 'Hello, my name is Bob.'

• Second, insert more detail into your writing. It helps a lot with making the story a more interesting read, and it makes everything seem more lifelike.

• Third, pay attention to spelling and grammar. It might not seem that important, but running a story through spellcheck or manually looking through it for mistakes does wonders for the story.

[Accelerando]

It might do you well to have a look at this. And, possibly, a few more years of English classes.