A Book About People Who Want To Be Astronauts (Ongoing)

[Ehco Corrallo]

I write frequently. 

Something that came, almost entirely by accident out of a dizzy spell, a moment of foolishness, and too many hours of playing a game about space, was a short introduction, then another short introduction after that. These introductions eventually turned into the Pilot episode of a serialized short story that I decided (in a fit of pique and pedantic specificity) would be called A Book About People Who Want To Be Astronauts, and would be about people who want to be astronauts, and would have a protagonist with a ridiculous name, and would be proper science fiction, with space and everything. Apparently, I also decided that it would be satire, for some reason. 

Here's the introduction: (which doesn't particularly pertain in any way to either the style or the plot of the actual story)

"There is a day when everything will end; when the last flakes of matter will drift away into unending darkness and be lost forever; when ties stronger even than time or distance will snap and hurtle away into a lonely silence, and the very thought of silence will become arbitrary without a frame of reference, because nobody will have heard anything in an infinity after time came to its syncopated end but even that won’t matter, there won’t be anybody left to wonder why time stopped and why a nameless blankness took its place. But that is a long time away; an infinite time away. (infinity is the only concept that holds its meaning in meaninglessness, because it’s half meaningless to begin with). And somewhere in between now and the end times, there will be a war that tears our galaxy in two; there will be a human with an excessively long name; there will be a long silence that decides to become a beginning."

And here are links to the first and second parts of the pilot: 

Pilot, Part One

Pilot, Part Two

And here are the other episodes: (more to follow) 

Orbit

Home

Interim (short)

Phone

Engine with Wings

Rattle

The First Bit

The Next First Bit

Space is Big

Real Danger

War Council

NOTE: There is some profanity, and lots of humor. The language might not be nearly as strong or proliferated as in The Martian, but swearing is swearing, and swearing isn't okay on the forums. That's why I included links instead of posting the text en masse. 

Edited September 27, 2016 by Ehco Corrallo
New episodes!

[Ehco Corrallo]

Here's a highly extended metaphor: 

"The engineers looked up from their card game. Conrad nodded to Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker, Emily tried to say something but all that came out was a mumble that sounded vaguely like Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker’s name (which was far more complicated than she would have liked, and a constant sore spot for her. The crew used it whenever they could.) and then another sound at the end. The second sound is not unlike what happens when someone attaches a garden hose to the wrong end of a whale and tries to turn it on. The result of course is something considerably like a blubbery whale wail, but altogether different entirely (whales rarely wail in absolute anguish. Typically, their anguish is partial. It could be (and unfortunately has been) said that whales are partial to anguish). In simpler terms, Emily was laughing at herself for being foolish enough to try and say Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker with burned lips and a face swaddled in bandages, while Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker was glaring at her because she suspected that Emily had been trying to say her name with burned lips and a face swaddled in bandages." 

And here's the biography of my esteemed and excessively monikered protagonist:

 

Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker

 

Gender: Female

Hair: Strawbury Blonde.
Eyes: Grey, like storm clouds or concrete. 

Height: Much too tall to be average. 

Weight: 132 lbs. 

Build: Slightly heavier than she would prefer. 

Handedness: Right. 

Clothing: Dresses with almost catatonic abandon.

Personality: Insecure, occasionally violent, mostly kind. 

 

Age: 233,544 hrs. 

Nationality: Third-generation Italian, raised in Chicago. 

Occupation: Astronaut

Aliases: Maricela

 

Likes: Chocolate and rasburies. Late nights in a city she can no longer visit. 

Loves: Her ex-husband.

Dislikes: The smell of grass. Awkward silences she suspects she cause. 

Hates: When people lie to her, when people use her full name, and when people mention that she was married at some point. Her ex-husband. 

Wants: Answers, possibly a decent plaque or flattering statuary piece. 

 

General: Cypris tends to second-guess herself; she can’t place trust in her decisions even though she wants to. She doesn’t like to remember he marriage because she thinks she made a mistake. 

 

[Writer's note: the creative spelling of strawberry and raspberry (that you didn't notice until I mentioned it right now) is entirely deliberate.]

Edited January 30, 2016 by Ehco Corrallo

[Tex Mechs Robot]

7 hours ago, Ehco Corrallo said:

[Writer's note: the creative spelling of strawberry and raspberry (that you didn't notice until I mentioned it right now) is entirely deliberate.]

I actually did notice and thought "Is that how the British spell it? Canadians? Australians? Each subsequent questions leading to a more thorough Google search. Unsatisfied with my findings, I returned to your post to finish what I'd started and stumbled upon the answer.

I'm digging the story. Very much. Is the choppy rhythm of the opening sequence deliberate as well?

[Ehco Corrallo]

2 hours ago, Tex Mechs Robot said:

I'm digging the story. Very much. Is the choppy rhythm of the opening sequence deliberate as well?

I'm glad you like it. The choppy rhythm is probably deliberate. I'm not sure quite what you mean, though. The digressions are very deliberate. 

[Tex Mechs Robot]

11 minutes ago, Ehco Corrallo said:

I'm glad you like it. The choppy rhythm is probably deliberate. I'm not sure quite what you mean, though. The digressions are very deliberate. 

While reading it (from "The ship came down..." to "...discarded notions."), I felt myself expecting the end of a sentence because the length of each sentence before it was similar. And sure enough, I wound up at a period. And then the next sentence was the same. And the next. I was expecting a point where the flow began to feel more like the introduction. Where rhythm was variable and, if reading aloud, I wouldn't really know where my next breath would come.

Does that explain it better?

[Ehco Corrallo]

12 hours ago, Tex Mechs Robot said:

I felt myself expecting the end of a sentence because the length of each sentence before it was similar. Does that explain it better?

That explains it perfectly. I was watching my grammar very carefully, and as a result, everything ended up in an identical format. It's not deliberate, but it's a style I often fall into when writing about motion and movement. The pace varies greatly through the remainder of the story.

Thanks for the excellent feedback! You convinced me to write a new chapter, and I did!

Edited January 29, 2016 by Ehco Corrallo

[Tex Mechs Robot]

15 minutes ago, Ehco Corrallo said:

The pace varies greatly through the remainder of the story.

Agreed! I think the reason it caught me off guard was that the introduction and first paragraph flowed so well.

Keep posting updates as you write them. I'll be following Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker's adventure!

[Kerbart]

I would recommend choosing a different font than Courier New to show your text. I realize you want to make it stand out from regular text, but monospaced fonts are in general hard to read and wear out the eyes of the reader. If you want to differentiate from regular forum text, pick Trebuchet perhaps? Or even Georgia (both fonts were constructed to facilitate on-screen reading, although Georgia does exceptionally well on paper as well).

[Ehco Corrallo]

32 minutes ago, Kerbart said:

I would recommend choosing a different font than Courier New to show your text. I realize you want to make it stand out from regular text, but monospaced fonts are in general hard to read and wear out the eyes of the reader. If you want to differentiate from regular forum text, pick Trebuchet perhaps? Or even Georgia (both fonts were constructed to facilitate on-screen reading, although Georgia does exceptionally well on paper as well).

I actually wasn't trying to make it stand out, I just happen to like Courier, and the story's written in Courier New, so I though to keep the aesthetic. 

So... New Times Roman, because there's nothing more comforting than the pedantic glow of an MLA-approved typeset. (Ironically, I'm not being ironic.)

Georgia is much better. Thanks. (I changed the story's font as well) 

Edited January 28, 2016 by Ehco Corrallo
Changed fonts.

[Ehco Corrallo]

I've started working on the next chapter: It should be up "soon". 

In the meantime, take a gander at this: 

Conrad Munroe

 

Gender: Male

Hair: Sandy and wavy and short. 
Eyes: Quite possibly brown. 

Height: 5’ 9”

Weight: 168 lbs. 

Build: Stocky. 

Handedness: Right. 

Clothing: Jeans and jackets; sometimes a hat from a casino, often wears sunglasses.

Personality: Optimistically apathetic. Rarely indignant. 

 

Age: 30-somethingish.

Nationality: Irish, raised in Spain. 

Occupation: Reluctant Astronaut. 

Aliases: Surprisingly none. 

 

Likes: Alcohol and time on his hands. 

Loves: Luck of any kind. 

Dislikes: Authority. 

Hates: Pedantry and pauses and also poetry. 

Wants: To see the moon up close. 

General: Good at playing poker and brewing beer. Fiercely loyal, generally friendly, rarely but gloriously vindictive. Can be sarcastic. Shortsighted; wears contacts instead of glasses. 

 

Finally, a question: Would you rather see frequent short updates, or infrequent big ones? 

[Ehco Corrallo]

I'm opting for frequent short updates, because I wrote something excellent (and hysterical and also very typical) and was very proud and wanted to share it. Each chapter will be between 4 and 8 pages.

Here's the latest release and an excerpt: (again, it's linked away from the forums because of profanity usage; ye have been warned) 

Orbit

"The Saturn V has stripes down the side. Thick black stripes. It weighs 6.5 million pounds, and the first stage produces 34,000 newtons of thrust. The Saturn V is very big, very expensive, and very white. It’s also very safe, considering the majority of its mass is highly combustible. It has provisions for saving the crew in the event of  rapid unplanned disassembly (Astronaut-speak for conflagration and horrible death) and is far, far less likely to dismember its crew than the Phoenix IV is."

Let me know what you think! 

Also: 100th post!

Edited February 12, 2016 by Ehco Corrallo
Added an excerpt.

[Ehco Corrallo]

Here, have another character bio: 

Emily Hamilton

 

Gender: Female.

Hair: A mundane shade of brown. 
Eyes: Green, the way oatmeal is purple.

Height: Between 5’ and 6’

Weight: 117 lbs. 

Build: Inconspicuous. 

Handedness: Right. 

Clothing: Wears shirts with long sleeves, and pants with double-knees. Dresses in yellow and grey most days. Sometimes forgets to take off her lead apron, and wears it into the cafeteria. Sleeps in her clothes. 

Personality: Defensive. Shy around strangers, outspoken around friends. 

 

Age: 27

Nationality: Born and raised in Minnesota. 

Occupation: Astronaut and overzealous engineer. 

Aliases: Gazpacho Joe for reasons too complex to begin to mention.

 

Likes: Tinkering and refinement. Blast furnaces. Conrad Munroe. 

Loves: Clattering, clunking, shaking, rattling, shuddering, jangling, thudding, and squeaking; it means there’s work to be done. 

Dislikes: Mold, oatmeal, and Conrad Munroe.

Hates: Jonathan Griggs. Manuals. Writing with a pen. 

Wants: To take apart the ship so she can put it back together again. To figure out her love-hate relationship with Conrad.

 

General: A brilliant engineer, tends to break things by trying to fix or improve them. Some things just aren’t meant to be messed with (stasis fields, fusion reactors, Cypris’s collection of Baseball trophies). Has excellent motor skills, but still seems clumsy. 

Edited January 29, 2016 by Ehco Corrallo

[Whirligig Girl]

I think you go into a little bit too much detail. It's not particularly interesting to hear about each individual step the character takes when going to their bedroom, how they took their toothbrush out and brushed their teeth, went to bed, shuffled around for a few minutes...

Aside from that minor problem, I do like the writing style with colorful metaphors and comparisons.

 

EDIT: Upon reading Orbit, I retract my statement about detail. Great writing.  

Edited January 30, 2016 by GregroxMun

[Ehco Corrallo]

1 hour ago, GregroxMun said:

I think you go into a little bit too much detail. It's not particularly interesting to hear about each individual step the character takes when going to their bedroom, how they took their toothbrush out and brushed their teeth, went to bed, shuffled around for a few minutes...

Aside from that minor problem, I do like the writing style with colorful metaphors and comparisons.

 

EDIT: Upon reading Orbit, I retract my statement about detail. Great writing.  

Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you like it!

Incidentally, I'd agree with you about detail, that's why there's a slightly faster pace through the later chapters. I wrote the Pilot a while ago, and my sense of pace has improved immensely since then. 

[Ehco Corrallo]

I'm only a slightly obsessive writer. 

The next chapter is done. Here's the link and excerpt, as usual: 

Home

"Occasionally, Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker realized just how talented and skilled and brilliant her cremates were, and she realized how much less talented and skilled and brilliant she was by comparison. Slightly after her second revelation, Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker would have a third thought: Her cremates were very smart, and none of them were married. Marriage apparently, was only for idiots. And journalists, she sometimes added. "

Let me know what you think!

Edited February 12, 2016 by Ehco Corrallo

[Ehco Corrallo]

I went into the list of Lounge posts today and found that my thread was pinned. Huh. Wow. 

Here's a short holdover chapter:

Interim 

“Control?” 

“Yes, Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker?” 

“No, not you, Home. Shut up.” 

“What can I do for you, Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker?”

“Shut up.”

“What can I do for you, Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker?” 

“Shut up. Control? Do you read?”

“What can I do for you, Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker?” 

“Radio control, please.” 

“Alright, Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker. I’ll radio control for you. I’ll need authorization first.” 

“This is Captain Cypris. Control? Do you read?” 

“Please use your full name, Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker. Your full name is: Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker.”

“I’m going to kill you when this is over.” Cypris said. “This is Captain Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker, calling control from Home Station. Control, do you read?” 

“We read you.” Griggs said. “What’s your situation Captain Cypris.” 

Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker turned to the wall. “See, Home? The heartless bureaucrat knows my proper title.” 

“Copy that?” 

“Nothing. Control, we are aboard Home Station, which we will be using to rendezvous with the asteroid. Any objections?”

“None you’ll pay attention to.” Griggs said, in a display of something that might have been misinterpreted as sarcasm or weariness. It wasn’t; it was just a statement of facts. There were roughly 463 A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. Codes of conduct that Cypris had broken simply by stepping onto the station. There were exactly four times that number forbidding her from flying a station to redirect an asteroid. Cypris was perfectly willing to disregard 1,852 of those codes, which is to say, all of them. 

 

[Monsterlunch]

I like this as much as I find it confusing

Edited February 4, 2016 by Monsterlunch

[Ehco Corrallo]

1 hour ago, Monsterlunch said:

I like this as much as I find it confusing

If you find it half as confusing as I do, then I've done my job  

[Ehco Corrallo]

A new chapter is done!

It contains the following passage:

"Microgravity Onionbitz are not as effective at modifying skin color as Samuel Gordon’s “Signature” Vostok Sauce. Then again, there are very few things that are quite as effective for turning oneself orange as Samuel Gordon’s “Signature” Vostok Sauce."

If you think it could make sense in context, it doesn't. And the context is slightly stranger besides. 

Here's the link: 

Phone

 

[Ehco Corrallo]

Another new chapter is finished!

Here's a link and excerpt, as per usual:

"Today though, Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker wasn’t staring up at a lopsided Phoenix IV; the launch pad was empty and quiet, and shrouded by fog. The runway was bustling with techs that morning, and if Cypris had looked left and slightly behind her, she would have been able to watch the last of the fuel being loaded into the main engine of the silky-white Fang X-IIIA that was sitting on the tarmac just to Cypris Maricela Alta Cranford-Tracker’s left and a little behind her."

Engine with Wings

Hope you like it!

[Ehco Corrallo]

I was feeling partially prolific, so I finished another chapter. 

Again, here's the link and excerpt:

"The cockpit began to shake. Little short shudders began rocking the passengers. Emily glanced left at Conrad. Conrad looked forward to Kareem, who was curling and un-curling his fingers around the throttle. The shaking stopped. The Fang settled. The crane pulled away slowly with a wrenching sound. Kareem let out a long breath."

Rattle

Enjoy!

[Whirligig Girl]

This is really good stuff. I thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing.

[Ehco Corrallo]

3 hours ago, GregroxMun said:

This is really good stuff. I thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing.

Thanks  

Also: 'thoroughly' has an unfair number of vowels.  

[Ehco Corrallo]

A new chapter is done! Voliá!

It's called The First Bit, even though it isn't actually the first bit. The excerpt is here: 

"Really though, it’s possible that the placemat was right, and everyone else was wrong, and wrong to have wronged a perfectly well intentioned placemat."

And the link is right here: 

The First Bit

Cheers!

Edited May 1, 2016 by Ehco Corrallo

[Ehco Corrallo]

Ever wonder what Emily Hamilton was like in college? 

"Most of her research was conjecture, most of her method was slapdash or brutal, most of her time was spent taking apart simply everything, and trying to put it back together in only a single piece. By the end of her sophomore year, each and every one of the campus vending machines was made in no small part, from all of the other vending machines."

A new episode is done, and the link's right here: 

The Next First Bit

Cheers!

Edited May 1, 2016 by Ehco Corrallo