Unhelpful Life Hacks

[CRITAWAKETS]

Are your epileptic friends bored? Bring them to a rave party with alot of flashing lights!

[EliasDanger]

Things not going your way? Punch a solid wall as hard as you can, throw things, get angry and yell, intimidate those around you, drink heavily, and blame everyone else for your problems until you die alone cuz you pushed everyone away by not taking responsibility for your own life, Dad! Whoa...got too real there. Not really tho.

[insert_name]

Thirsty? Didn't bring a drink? There are these round things in the ceiling that shoot water if you set them on fire 

[kerbiloid]

Realized that those round things in the ceiling were just mockups? Still thirsty? Open the fridge, take some ice and make the Song of ice and fire.

[WinkAllKerb'']

get sent to pluto, open a fresh facebook account from there, and watch others peoples kids grow, at least you've been sent to pluto for a reason

[The Raging Sandwich]

Tired of your obnoxious neighbors being loud at night? All  you have to do is rent an excavator, and...

[kerbiloid]

... and sleep inside the excavator cabin with closed door.

[KSK]

Need to cook a steak in a hurry? Toasters make convenient one-shot steak grills.

[Deddly]

Toasters also make great bathtub heaters.

[Kosmonaut]

If your icecream won't scoop, put the spoon in the microwave for a few minutes to heat it up a little

[GDJ]

5 minutes ago, Kosmonaut said:

If your icecream won't scoop, put the spoon in the microwave for a few minutes to heat it up a little

OR....Put the ice cream in the microwave, then pour it into a bowl, put bowl in freezer.

In a few hours, ready to go bowl of ice cream!

[Kosmonaut]

@GDJ Or put your dog into the microwave and put IT into the icecream

[GDJ]

My dog?

That's kinda sick dude.

[Kosmonaut]

@GDJ I'm a cat person... sorry

[cubinator]

1 hour ago, GDJ said:

My dog?

That's kinda sick dude.

 

1 hour ago, Kosmonaut said:

@GDJ I'm a cat person... sorry

Good thing nobody ever says anything about parakeets!  

[Kosmonaut]

15 minutes ago, cubinator said:

Good thing nobody ever says anything about parakeets!  

Parakeet's too loud? Put it in a sock and smash it against a wall until it stops singing!!

Edited November 7, 2016 by Kosmonaut

[The Raging Sandwich]

42 minutes ago, Kosmonaut said:

Parakeet's too loud? Put it in a sock and smash it against a wall until it stops singing!!

Same thing with hamsters!

[anybody get the reference? probably not.]

[Dman979]

13 hours ago, Kosmonaut said:

@GDJ Or put your dog into the microwave and put IT into the icecream

I take some offense to this... Not really.

 

Want cheap natural gas for your powerplants? Beans.

 

 

[Kosmonaut]

10 hours ago, The Raging Sandwich said:

Same thing with hamsters!

[anybody get the reference? probably not.]

Of course I get the reference...

Papa Francis of the Filth is a god.

[ThaZeus]

Cake not tasty enough? Get some hair and put it in for extra flavor.

[Kosmonaut]

Mixer's broken? Use your protege max as a mixer.

[The Raging Sandwich]

Do you not have enough flour for your cake? Just put in some crushed sulfur instead, it has the same effect!

[kerbiloid]

Don't like cakes with sulfur? Don't put it in cakes. Sulfur LD is 5 g/kg of body, a glass with a half.

[adsii1970]

Don't want your cell phone getting wet? Don't take it into the shower with you...

[TedwinKnockman66]

Using toaster to cook meat and grill for cooking bread