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Jonfliesgoats

Orbital Pizza Station

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Schiaparelli is basically an ip pizza delivery vehicle waiting to happen, although it obviously requires further development to put the success rate above 50% per pizza.

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6 hours ago, cubinator said:

Accuracy is a hard one, but if we can scale down the sort of tech SpaceX uses on their Falcon 9 it could actually be feasible

Or they can order a multiple RV pizza delivery for whole party.

Pizza fallen on your neighbor's yard - friendly fire.
 

9 hours ago, Shpaget said:

and I don't like my neighbor.

If you don't like your neghbor, you just don't know how to Cook him well.

Edited by kerbiloid

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There must be a time we send useless crap like this into space.

lol

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This isn't even that new an idea, there is even real-life precedent!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocket_mail

It was short-lived but a ballistic, global delivery system was under discussion.

***

This is one of my favorite threads of all time.

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Shortly read a paper about high isp ketchUp propulsion (HIKUP), can't remember where that was, but i do remember it was enthusiastically funded by local laundry services. Seemed to be in an early state ...

 

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23 hours ago, Jonfliesgoats said:

Imagine an orbiting, automated pizza satellite.  It launches stocked with frozen dough and all the common toppings.  Pizza orders are radioed up to Pizzasat and requested toppings are assembled on the frozen dough.  The pizza is then loaded into one of, say, fifty conical,  reentry vehicles.  Metal conductors radiate some heat into our reentry vehicle to cook the pizza during its ten minute reentry.  Your pizza then slams, at a few times the speed of sound, through your roof and right onto the gps/ins coordinates of your dinner table!

I know this is impractical, but could we have pizza-oven reentry vehicles that deliver hypersonic, artisanal pizza to our own, shattered rooftops?  Is this technically feasible?

This is the one I'm most impressed about ... finding the exact thickness to perfectly cook a pizza. :D

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Im sure you could find a way to adjust the reentry trajectory for different topings. A simple salami pizza would need less total heat than e.g. a pizza hawaii.

Now that i think about it, the culinary crime of ordering a pizza hawaii should be punished by delivering an actuall nuke in the reentry vehicle.

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19 minutes ago, Elthy said:

Im sure you could find a way to adjust the reentry trajectory for different topings. A simple salami pizza would need less total heat than e.g. a pizza hawaii.

Airbrakes would have several positions: Half-Baked, Salami, Well Done, Carbon Rich.

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21 minutes ago, Elthy said:

Now that i think about it, the culinary crime of ordering a pizza hawaii should be punished by delivering an actuall nuke in the reentry vehicle.

Hey hey, easy now  :)

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36 minutes ago, Elthy said:

Now that i think about it, the culinary crime of ordering a pizza hawaii should be punished by delivering an actuall nuke in the reentry vehicle.

Thats just a recipe for negative yelp reviews.

"Arrived on time but my body, house, family and city were vaporised. 3/5"

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And nobody remembered the winemakers.

Vintage wine from 2016, aged on the best geosynchronous orbit, under clear and ecological solar rays.

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22 hours ago, Deadpangod3 said:

but would it even cook properly with reentry heat?

http://what-if.xkcd.com/28/

My dad being a professional chef I can already say the answer is "no". You can't flip the equation of "takes 5 minutes to cook at 300 and try it instantly at 6000". Doesn't work. you may fry the outside til it's a well cooked steak, but the inside will still be dangerously rare.

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Since people are concerned about guidance, perhaps we should change the way we approach heat control of our reentry oven?  Initially we were thinking about a metal conductor with variable flight profiles for temperature control.  What about a variable geometry heating element?  

Again we can use our FREE Breadsticks to balance things out.  by adjusting the position of our heating element, we can control how much heat goes to the pizza by dumping excess heat into our FREE breadsticks.  Yeah, the breadsticks may be charred to a crisp or nearly frozen, but the pizza would be perfect.  Also, since there is so much heat available, I envision just a few, small heating elements rather than a large coil like in a conventional oven.

Variable position/geometry heating elements would give our reentry oven much more freedom to maneuver.

Since we are ordering multi-million dollar pizza, wine would be gratis.  Can you age wine or brew beer in orbit?  I can't see any good reason why the microbiology wouldn't work.

You know, there may be a practical application for this.  Weaponizing space is generally frowned upon.  This said, nobody really limits what toppings we can put on a pizza.  If Lockheed launched an orbital pizza shop, who's to stop a government from ordering a pizza with anchovies and some sort of depleted uranium topping encased in a ceramic delivery oven?  We could see a lot of pizza orders for various government agencies!

Mankind first rose to space in an effort to kill each other, so while weapons in space are unfortunate, you can argue that it is inevitable (and in fact happened decades ago).  A more troubling concern for me is weaponizing pizza.  Pizza is usually a nice treat after a kids football game, a corporate retreat, etc..  

Having contemplated using pizza to vaporize city blocks with orbital pepperoni bombardment, I now find myself looking at Chuck-e-Cheese and other pizza restaurants in a new light.  People see dinner.  I see doomsday weapons.

Edited by Jonfliesgoats

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12 hours ago, Jonfliesgoats said:

Having contemplated using pizza to vaporize city blocks with orbital pepperoni bombardment, I now find myself looking at Chuck-e-Cheese and other pizza restaurants in a new light.  People see dinner.  I see doomsday weapons.

Or -- speaking as a parent with respect to Chuck E. Cheese -- new targets. :wink: 

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7 hours ago, Nikolai said:

Or -- speaking as a parent with respect to Chuck E. Cheese -- new targets. :wink: 

"Ready the Black Olive Kin-izza-tic kill vehicle!"

"Ready, sir!"

"Release the oven!"

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Mmmmmmm. Delicious pizza from space.

Wouldn't the pizza set fire to the house before releasing heat?

Fire

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And what will the family do with the multi-million dollar convection pizza oven in a smoking crater in their front yard?

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The nature of this thread has emerged, and it's not science. Moved to the Lounge. 

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The cost of such a satellite would keep me in frozen pizzas for life, ready in my microwave in less time it takes for reentry.

Blech!

One word: Charlie's.

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On 11/5/2016 at 3:31 PM, LordFerret said:

The cost of such a satellite would keep me in frozen pizzas for life, ready in my microwave in less time it takes for reentry.

Blech!

One word: Charlie's.

I've never eaten a frozen pizza that tasted like anything other than two slices of cheap pepperoni with a chewing tobacco spit for sauce, served od pressed cardboard.

If faced between frozen pizza and the expensive orbital one, I think I'd just do what I usually do: make my own.

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7 hours ago, Shpaget said:

... make my own.

I would... except I can't seem to get that tossing in the air thing down, and my kitchen ceiling is too low.

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8 minutes ago, LordFerret said:

I would... except I can't seem to get that tossing in the air thing down, and my kitchen ceiling is too low.

You need moar boosters and kitchen renovations.

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1 hour ago, James Kerman said:
1 hour ago, LordFerret said:

I would... except I can't seem to get that tossing in the air thing down, and my kitchen ceiling is too low.

You need moar boosters and kitchen renovations.

He just needs to install Kerbalism for scrubbers and Hangar Extender for higher kitchen.

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No need to toss the dough. Just use a rolling pin or spread the stuff by hands on the kitchen counter. Use some flour as antistickificator.

If you make the rising dough (don't know the English word for it, the dough with yeast that grows and puffs up) and don't mind a bit thicker (but very soft and tasty) base you can make it with next to no skill.

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