Jump to content

Press Release


roboslacker
 Share

Recommended Posts

Today, the KSP launched the newest rover, the Kerb 4. This rover will follow up on the Kerb 3, which uncovered evidence of life in the R&D complex.

"Kerb 3 found thing none of us were expecting," said a spokeskerb for the agency. "It uncovered evidence of water in the R&D complex, and images sent back from it show what we believe to be artificial structures. Sadly, a design mishap forced us to walk out there and recover the rover."

When reminded by reporters that he was getting off topic, the spokeskerb talked some more about Kerb 4. "This Rover is designed to search for lifeforms.If there's anything there, we'll find it."

"There was some difficulty with the rover design. Early prototypes were nearly uncontrollable. And there were a few moments during the launch where we thought it would roll off of the launchpad. But it worked marvelously, and we estimate that it'll reach its destination in around 10 minutes. And when that happens, you'll be the first to hear."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Rockomax tests new solid fuel booster

Image result for mushroom cloud

You can feel the power

Rockomax has recently successfully tested a new solid fuel booster, which is said to be far more powerful than existing rockets. A lead engineer is quoted as saying, "It's like if you took a LV-N, and let all the thrust out at once instead of over time. Also, the new engines have a pleasant green glow to them." Company statements claim that the new, more powerful booster will do away with overly complicated lower stages. Underfunded space programs in totalitarian states are expected to greatly benefit from the new technology.

But many kerbals feel that the engine has no real application, as SRBs are said to be vastly inferior to Lf/O engines. Additionally, they point out that the new engine's power is beyond the acceleration tolerances of most spacecraft. Company spokeskerbs responded by going on a rant about nobody understanding spaceflight anymore. "In my day." one was quoted as saying, "We didn't need all your fancy control systems. If we wanted to go to space, we pointed our rockets up and launched. If you can't take the power, you have no place is space exploration." Most experts agree that the company spokeskerbs were out of their minds.

At any rate, the engines do offer unparalleled power, and they do have that lovely green glow. More on this if it develops.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lawsuit Filed Against Anonymous Supplier

After the loss of the Untitled Space Craft with all hands, the KSP filed a lawsuit against the anonymous suppliers who provided  the defective parachutes which resulted in the loss of the ship.

We reached out to the suppliers for comment, only to realize that nobody knows who the suppliers are. In the words of a construction manager, ¨The parts would just mysteriously show up lying by the VAB, and money would be missing from our accounts.¨

After bring asked why they used anonymous suppliers in the first place, KSP supply chief stated, ¨Well, there aren´t any non-anonymous parachute suppliers.¨

At press time, the lawsuit had been dropped after realizing there wasn´t any legal system to file the lawsuit.

Edited by roboslacker
Accidentally posted before I finished
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Scientist baffled by new satellite

hZFyrqE.png

"How did we even get this photo?"

Today, scientists have officially given up trying to figure out what the KSP's latest satellite was intended for. "Just look at it," one spokeskerb said, "The design makes no sense. There's a bunch of antennae, but what does it transmit? There's no science equipment."

The spokeskerb continued, "The antennae aren't relay types either, so what can it be? Well, whatever it is, it has no power generation, so it won't last a week."

Anonymous sources indicate that this is some sort of memorial, but what to? Some suspect the KSP"s new director of being part of a monolith cult, which would explain some stuff. More on this if nothing noteworthy happens.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This thread is quite old. Please consider starting a new thread rather than reviving this one.

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...