KSA Captures An Asteroid But...

[The Flying Kerbal]

A press conference by the KSA to announce their latest achievement ended in farce and chaos today as arch rivals Rusty Star Rockets muscled in on the proceedings and stole the show with an announcement of their own.

Gene and the guys round at the KSC had just confirmed the successful completion of a mission to intercept and capture a Class A asteroid, putting it into a stable orbit around Kerbin, and releasing a few images for the various media outlets to publish.

"Asteroid Hunter Enters Parking Orbit Around Kerbin".

"Approaching The Class A Asteroid".  The KSA apologised for the lack of illumination in some of these images, unfortunately all the light units they had in store seems to have mysteriously disappeared...

"A Successful Grab".

It was at this point things hit the buffers for the KSA at their own press conference.  In burst Sergei Kerman, CEO of Rusty Star Rockets, together with some of his officials carrying large brown envelopes.  Sergei raced up to the front of the briefing room and, as his people handed out an envelope to all present, started to speak:

"I would just like to take this opportunity to congratulate the KSA for their latest achievements in space, it just renews my belief that given sufficient time and taxpayers money, they will indeed accomplish something noteworthy sometime in the far of future!  However I would ask all present..." and turning to the KSA officials conducting the press briefing handed them a brown envelope each, "...I would like to ask you all to open the envelopes which have been passed out by Gregor and the boys to everyone.  As you will see, we have taken a real step in space exploration, rather than attaching a great big rocket to a large pebble, changing its trajectory and then blowing our own trumpets about it, we have actually landed a Kerbal on a Class E asteroid, with sufficient resources to sustain him on its surface for three days.  Indeed he's up there even as we speak!!"

Amid gasps of astonishment, we quickly tore open the envelopes to discover a selection of images and notes which did indeed seem to confirm the claim that RSR had landed a Kerbal on an asteroid.

He continued: "A few hours before the KSA linked up with that space pebble of theirs, our brave Kosmonaut successfully intercepted and locked on to the surface of a Class E asteroid, which we have christened 'Gene's Embarrassment'.  As you can see from the photos and notes we have provided, our hero Doodhead Kerman, has been exploring the asteroid's surface and carrying out important scientific research since he landed."

"Will he be bringing back a surface sample or any other evidence to substantiate that this has really happened?" asked one of the journalists.

"The surface of Gene's Embarrassment has turned out to be incredibly hard, but he has managed to break a small piece off and will be returning it to the RSR for further research.  Doodhead went on to say how very much he was enjoying Gene's Embarrassment, as indeed are we all over at RSR!"

The photos Sergei released:

"The Vessel The RSR Claims Made The Flight".

"Approaching 'Gene's Embarrassment'".

"From The Driver's Seat".

"Edging Closer..."

"Contact Light!"

"Doodhead Kerman On EVA 1".

"Doodhead on EVA 2".

"Doohead on EVA 3".

"Kerbin & Mun From The Space Around Gene's Embarrassment".

Unusually for RSR images, these ones are pretty well illuminated...

Having already descended into a shambles, the press conference now quickly deteriorated into a complete farce as the journalists started questioning the agency's officials about what RSR had just announced.

"Gene, if these claims hold up to scrutiny, what have you got to say about what RSR has done?"

Wearing an expression on his face that would have soured milk, Gene began to answer: "They're a bunch of rotten bast..."; at that moment Rupert Kerman, the KSA's press officer cut Gene off, "Well first I would like to welcome Sergei to the KSC.  If indeed what we've just heard proves to be true, then we really must congratulate all over at RSR for pulling this off.  However in future I would ask Sergei to let us know well in advance about such missions , because although we will obviously be setting our top engineers and technicians on the task of putting together a vessel to rescue this Kerbanaut when we receive the almost inevitable SOS, it's really unfair to expect us to be able to launch a rescue mission so far away on such short notice."

"Kate Kerman here from KBC... Rupert, how did this come as such a surprise to you, did you not know RSR had launched a rocket?"

"Good question Kate, well obviously we did detect the rocket launch on our radar and other sensors, but as usual, we lost it once it made orbit."

"If I may ask a follow up question Rupert, why is it you can't track them once they enter orbit?"

"Well even though we have some amazing technology at our disposal, we simply can't figure out a way of differentiating an RSR craft from all the other space junk and garbage flaoting about up there."

At this moment the RSR and KSA officers then started a rather heated exchange of insults and jibes at other,  while we were quickly hustled out and away from the battle developing inside.  However I've been told what happened next went something like this (language warning!): 

 

Edited December 1, 2017 by The Flying Kerbal

[Sorabh]

On 12/1/2017 at 12:49 PM, The Flying Kerbal said:

Gene's Embarrassment

That was a nice burn...

On 12/1/2017 at 12:49 PM, The Flying Kerbal said:

"Well even though we have some amazing technology at our disposal, we simply can't figure out a way of differentiating an RSR craft from all the other space junk and garbage flaoting about up there."

This seems much more satisfying though

 

[Geschosskopf]

On 12/1/2017 at 1:19 AM, The Flying Kerbal said:

At this moment the RSR and KSA officers then started a rather heated exchange of insults and jibes at other,  while we were quickly hustled out and away from the battle developing inside.  However I've been told what happened next went something like this (language warning!): 

LOL  Several nice turns of phrase in the original, as noted by @Sorabh