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DAL59

Thread to predict Episode IX

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Time travel.  And Plageuis.  :)

 

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Snoke Torso returns with robot centipede legs that have lightsaber guns.

"It was a jape! I played dead and force-pulled my blood so that I didn't bleed out, then when you two left I got away in my ship and had the doctor droids build me these rad new legs!" *maniacal laughing and Fleenstones*

 

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Shortly before the film is released, MatPat makes a video predicting that one of the protagonists will turn to the dark side. He's completely wrong.

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8 hours ago, cubinator said:

force-pulled my blood

hahahaha holy crap, why don't more Jedi do this? :D 

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The replication of that scene from Dambusters will reach a theoretical maximum.

Obviously something will be blown up by space fighters flying down a trench.

People in conversation will approach each other in a slow crouch whilst targetting graphic popup over their target.

I wouldnt be surprised if they actually blew up a dam at some point.

And I think its even plausible that the next "space bomber" will have 4 wing-mounted engines with space-propellers.

 

 

 

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Nine, nine... Let's have a look.

Maybe, merge it with Emperor's saga? SW likes emperors.
But no, too obvious...

Wait. Continue a prequel devoted to Han Solo?
Unlikely. Too many revivals.

Chewbacca. His young days. Or maybe that is his future?
Let's put it aside for the moment.

Rey. A warrior girl with a big stick, knows kunfu, and has superforces.
Maybe, maybe...

Wow. Look.
Sooo...

Chewbacca again. OK, we can't just ignore this.
Let's merge both settings and tell more about Chewbacca, his not so simple life behind the Star Wars.

Spoiler

His genesis as Simba and self-evolving to a high ape species which opened him a road to starz.

Maybe repeat an ice planet? But no, AT-AT winter attack already was in ep. V.

And at last.
Jackpot. That's a short hop from the galaxy far-far away right to the Earth.
Also this explains a lot about

Spoiler

Wolverine origins. Do you remember about Chewbacca?

, and all what you want to know about the Force and Superforce.

Edited by kerbiloid

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1 hour ago, monstah said:

hahahaha holy crap, why don't more Jedi do this? :D 

It wasn't in the ancient texts? Then good old Dark Side user Snoke says "why the heck did nobody think of this yet?" and turns out the whole "Darth Plagueis immortality" thing was just "force hold all your parts together when regular holding stops working" 

 

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20 minutes ago, cubinator said:

Darth Plagueis immortality

Wasn't he not immortal though? He could save others from death, but not himself.  Ironic.

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25 minutes ago, DAL59 said:

Wasn't he not immortal though? He could save others from death, but not himself.  Ironic.

He couldn't focus on the blood-wrangling while he was in great pain, hence he couldn't hold himself together.

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Well, considering this last one made me appreciate I, II, & III all that much more, I'm not holding high hopes.   So at least I can be pleasantly surprised then. 

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14 hours ago, cubinator said:

I played dead and force-pulled my blood so that I didn't bleed out

Lightsaber and blaster wounds auto-cauterize.

Yes, direct your complaints to the bad sci-fi thread.

At least some irony would be found in Rey the Sith vs Kylo the Jedi, but I wouldn’t expect them to take such a deep approach.

Problem is, Rian made sure to leave no sequel hooks whatsoever.

Although a fairly obvious plot hole that needs urgent plugging is the hyperspace tracker. Which every Imperial ship has.

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A resurgence of Ewoks...  which of course opens the door for a new TV Christmas Special!

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Much like the previous two entries, it’ll be a deconstruction of Return of the Jedi. 

At no point during the movie will there be a reference to the Force Skype used in TLJ. Midichlorians will however garner a mention.

 

The movie will start with C-3P0, R2-D2, and upstart BB-8 being sent as tribute to some space slug on Jakku, hopefully in exchange for Finn or Poe or both. A musical number will follow.

Rey and Rose then show up to rescue Finn and Poe from said space slug. Rey will have built a new lightsaber, most likely some color we’ve not seen before (orange?). Space slug will be strangled by Rose while wearing a strangely unrevealing and perfectly appropriate for the office business suit.

The First Order will be busy constructing a new Starkiller Base, this time using the Forest Moon of Endor itself. Many Bothans will die to reveal this bit of info, for no reason other than to be mentioned again. 

Meanwhile, Rey will go back to Ahch-To, only to find Luke’s ghost. And maybe Leia’s ghost. And the ghost of Yoda, backwards off smarting about some plot great will he be, yes. Then she’ll have a long drawn out conversation with the “black and white digitilization of Alec Guinness” in which the ghost of Obi Wan info-dumps a bunch of point-of-view nonsense on her, and casually tells her Poe is her father. 

Then we’ll have the final battle, in which our motley crew of rebels travel to the Forest Moon and make friends with man-eating teddy bears. During this Rey surrenders to Darth Emo, who then takes her before the true Emperor, the real master of all Sith throughout all time: Darth Jar. (Yes, Jar Jar. Who was, of course, frozen in carbonite and kept as a strangely quiet companion by Darth Vader on Mustafar. If only he’d known the truth....)

The movie ends with Darth Jar, moments before being defeated by the rebels, using the UNLIMITED POWER! of the dark side to cause the galaxy to collapse into an über-massive black hole. Yet because Rey crawled into a strange spheroid capsule just before (along with the sacred Jedi texts), she is chucked through the black hole and into a scene that can only be described as the end of 2001, just with Daisy Ridley instead of Keir Dullea.

It ends with a recording of Leonard Nimoy reading a passage from the Sacred Jedi Texts, which just also happens to be a passage from the Book of Genesis. 

Edited by Cydonian Monk

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22 hours ago, DAL59 said:

Time travel.

Looks like someone else here watches Rebels as well. 

Spoiler

I’ve been wondering if JJ would incorporate the World Between Worlds in some way for Episode IX. While the Lothal entrance was sealed, not only could it (possibly) be re-opened, but there do seem to be multiple portals spread across the galaxy. Malachor has a portal, and maybe Corustant and/or Jedha as well. In addition, the activated Mortis God mural does seem to resemble the compass Luke used to find Ahch-To, indicating that it may also have a portal as well. In fact, there could be entrances to the World Between Worlds EVERYWHERE, but are hidden in plain sight and are extremely hard to access.

The only way I could see the World Between Worlds being used in Episode IX is for Rey to view the past to either better understand Kylo Ren and the First Order, or gain hidden Jedi knowledge, or attempt to figure out her exact parentage.

 

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23 hours ago, Cydonian Monk said:

Much like the previous two entries, it’ll be a deconstruction of Return of the Jedi. 

TFA was a ripoff, not a deconstruction. And they appear to be booting Subversion Master Rian entirely, even taking away his planned other SW trilogy.

23 hours ago, Cydonian Monk said:

The movie ends with Darth Jar, moments before being defeated by the rebels, using the UNLIMITED POWER! of the dark side to cause the galaxy to collapse into an über-massive black hole. Yet because Rey crawled into a strange spheroid capsule just before (along with the sacred Jedi texts), she is chucked through the black hole and into a scene that can only be described as the end of 2001, just with Daisy Ridley instead of Keir Dullea.

It ends with a recording of Leonard Nimoy reading a passage from the Sacred Jedi Texts, which just also happens to be a passage from the Book of Genesis. 

I think this may be dangerously correct, if comically exaggerated. There was an aborted novel arc that tried to tie SW humans to Earth.

...this is going to end with Rey in Times Square, isn’t it?

Spoiler

...with her also becoming the Fourteenth Doctor.

 

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On 3/2/2018 at 9:29 PM, ProtoJeb21 said:

Looks like someone else here watches Rebels as well. 

  Hide contents

I’ve been wondering if JJ would incorporate the World Between Worlds in some way for Episode IX. While the Lothal entrance was sealed, not only could it (possibly) be re-opened, but there do seem to be multiple portals spread across the galaxy. Malachor has a portal, and maybe Corustant and/or Jedha as well. In addition, the activated Mortis God mural does seem to resemble the compass Luke used to find Ahch-To, indicating that it may also have a portal as well. In fact, there could be entrances to the World Between Worlds EVERYWHERE, but are hidden in plain sight and are extremely hard to access.

The only way I could see the World Between Worlds being used in Episode IX is for Rey to view the past to either better understand Kylo Ren and the First Order, or gain hidden Jedi knowledge, or attempt to figure out her exact parentage.

 

??  What's Rebels?

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On 3/2/2018 at 6:34 PM, TheSaint said:

You know Star Wars: Rebels just greenlighted time travel for the SW Universe, right

HAHAHAHA  I called that in the first post!  Really though... what if snoke, jar jar, and plaguyies are the same?  

Wait... the working title of IX is Black Diamond.  Theres going to be skiing.  

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3 hours ago, DAL59 said:

Wait... the working title of IX is Black Diamond.  Theres going to be skiing.  

Or mountain biking.

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13 hours ago, DAL59 said:

??  What's Rebels?

Oh...uh...I thought you watched it because you mentioned you wanted to see time travel in Episode IX...and Rebels just brought time travel to canon...Apparently it was just a coincidence. 

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Star Wars: Christmas Edition 2

I want to see that. No seriously.

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On 3/2/2018 at 3:34 PM, TheSaint said:

You know Star Wars: Rebels just greenlighted time travel for the SW Universe, right?

No, I didn't, actually. I never did get around to watching either of the animated shows, although I caught some of Clone Wars when my son watched it. But this is one possible explanation for how Rey seems quite well-trained in Ep8.

As for Ep9, um.... Faces melt, eyes explode everybody dies?

Given there are only a handful of what are they called now, New Republicans? left, probably the entire Outer Rim comes to their rescue, including a group of Noghri loyal to the Lady Vader and the Clan Solo, while Mitth'raw'nuruodo of the Chiss Ascendancy smacks Tylo Ren upside the head and tells him to quit mucking around and bring his girlfriend over to the Dark Side (where they have cookies!) already. Fortunately for the Rebel Scumpublicans, Thrawn falls victim to a group of Porg commandos, and Rey seduces Ren to the Light Side before finding out he's her cousin by way of midichlorians.

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