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"this morning I smacked myself with my phone"

-Dwight K. Shrute

"nobody steals from creed bratton and gets away with it. the last person to do this disappeared. his name? Creed Bratton.

-Creed Bratton

"it's Halloween. That is really really good timing"

-Creed Bratton

(all from the office)

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"I try to make everybody's day a little more surreal" - Calvin & Hobbes

(paraphrased from memory): "Despite centuries of research, the nation's number one killer remains... DEATH!" - SNL (or was it MadTV?)

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"I'll eat when I'm hungry and I'll drink when I'm dry, and if moonshine don't kill me, I'll live 'till I die" -The Clancy Brothers

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"I'm tripping balls here!"

-Elon Musk

Yes he really said this in a press conference

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"Hello Biatch, BIIIIIAAAAAATTTTCCCCCHHHH....(Biatch)"

-Lolph Dundgren, The Cliff 4.5.

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Quote

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to spawn fish from his ears, and he'll eat for the rest of his miserable life.

 

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