SnakyLeVrai

'Io' movie (2019) - with extra epic wrong science

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I know there is "fiction" in "science-fiction" but honestly, scenarists these days...

"In the near future, Earth will become toxic. Humanity will flee to Jupiter's moon, Io."

I laughed so hard.

 

 

It should have been:

"In the near future, Earth will become toxic. Humanity will commit suicide."
"In the near future, Earth will become toxic. Humanity will rid of itself in an unnecessarily expensive way."
"In the near future, Earth will become toxic. Humanity will run for the ultimate Darwin Award."
"In the near future, Earth will become toxic. Humanity will flee to a colder, toxic, volcanic and seismically hyperactive, radioactive sh*thole orbiting around a big-ass asteroid magnet."
"In the near future, Earth will become toxic. Humanity will find the remedy against dangerous stupidity."
"In the near future, Earth will become toxic. Humanity will save the environment."
"In the near future, Earth will become toxic. Humanity will make aliens laugh a lot."
"In the near future, Earth will become toxic. Humanity still hasn't discovered gravity turns."
"In the near future, Earth will become toxic. Humanity will develop the technology to mass emigrate to a super hostile world but will never think about cleaning their room."
"In the near future, Earth will become toxic. Humanity will do something only a clueless scenarist can think of."
"In the near future, Earth will become toxic. Humanity will make no flipping sense."

 

Most of us know that already so, I'll make it easier for the few visitors who don't understand the rant:

 

Io :

io-full-disk-with-labels_f840.png

Those are volcanoes.

This moon is covered in sulfur. Wherever you are, you are threatened by volcanoes, ground quakes, radiation levels that will kill you quickly,  the extra thin atmosphere consists in sulfur dioxide that is both toxic and corrosive, and if you've survived so far, there's only the biggest planet of the solar system that will slingshot comets and asteroids in your face juuuust nextdoor. In fact you're orbiting it, if you're on Io. So you'd better stay home on Earth and clean it. You have much better chances there.

 

C'MOOOOOON.

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Earth is toxic! Let's go to Io where if the Earth's toxicity didn't kill you, the radiation of Io will.

 

I mean, if we needed to escape Earth, why not the Moon, or Mars (or Callisto if you really wanna go to Jupiter)? It's like they came up with the title, backed themselves into a corner, and ran with it anyway.

 

What I'd really like to see in these movies where we need to leave Earth, is if they just go to the Moon, and begin the cleanup process of Earth while making sure the remaining populace isn't faced with immediately dying. Craft the plot around people who want to return Earth to its previous state and rebuild, and people who are pulling the strings behind the scenes to put them on top once finished. Or something like that.

Edited by Spaceception

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Looks no better or worse than the rest of the dreck Netflix makes. 

 

Brings to mind a similar question I had about Blade Runner: Have you considered the possibility that the "offworld colonies" are a metaphor for "human recycling chambers"? And that Blade Runner may be in the same universe as Soylent Green?

Maybe it's the same with Io. Somehow these two missed the "shuttle" which would have otherwise turned them into delicious paste for the survivors / Morlocks. 

Edited by Cydonian Monk

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I sort of watched the trailer.  I think if you want to go to Io a balloon won't really cut it.

 

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9 hours ago, SnakyLeVrai said:

Io

Having studied cinema during four years, I had to attend the theater at least three times a week. At the end, I endured many low cost (and multi millions) atrocities, but it allowed me to notice a common point to a good amount of films that I would describe as "boring": their title is nothing but the subject treated.

Imagine the whole team looking to name their next artwork...

- "Dang guys, I don't have any ideas..."

- "Me neither, boss."

- "Hey! Wait a minute! In this realization, we will focus on Io?"

-"Yup... you read the scenario too, do why are you asking?!"

-"That's the point, the story will happen on Io! So let's call it Io!"

h14u4g.jpg

 

 

Well... about boredom I award the golden pill of sleepiness to Sissako's Bamako (2006). The scenario was good, the whole message behind the idea was good, but the atmosphere was awful.

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10 hours ago, SnakyLeVrai said:

This moon is covered in sulfur.

Now we need someone to bring guano/phosphate.

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So, I guess they will make a balloon, fill it with hydrogen sulfide, and either fly to Io, or name it "Io" because it smells like that.

Maybe they just hope that by this balloon they can get to some altitude and take a breath of clean air.

Edited by kerbiloid

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Venus is literally a better place to go than Io if you have balloons.

17 hours ago, Spaceception said:

What I'd really like to see in these movies where we need to leave Earth, is if they just go to the Moon, and begin the cleanup process of Earth while making sure the remaining populace isn't faced with immediately dying. Craft the plot around people who want to return Earth to its previous state and rebuild, and people who are pulling the strings behind the scenes to put them on top once finished. Or something like that.

See, now that could be a good movie with the potential for completely plausible near-future tech. Although, whatever technology allows humans to live sustainably on the Moon could probably be deployed on Earth itself and work just as well. You'd have to make the threat specific to Earth, something that is not present on the Moon, and still dangerous enough to warrant an evacuation of the planet.

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20 hours ago, SnakyLeVrai said:

Humanity will make no flipping sense.

This is true right now, nevermind the future.

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21 hours ago, SnakyLeVrai said:

, Io

Why not literally any other planet?  

At least Venus gets tolerable in the upper atmosphere.

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1 hour ago, cubinator said:

Venus is literally a better place to go than Io if you have balloons.

See, now that could be a good movie with the potential for completely plausible near-future tech. Although, whatever technology allows humans to live sustainably on the Moon could probably be deployed on Earth itself and work just as well. You'd have to make the threat specific to Earth, something that is not present on the Moon, and still dangerous enough to warrant an evacuation of the planet.

An extinction-level impact (bigger than the dinosaur killer) that could not be deflected could conceivably cause constant tectonic activity (volcanoes and earthquakes) for years or decades, never mind all the gunk thrown up in the air from the impact and ensuing firestorm. 

Potential major challenge: plugging all those volcanoes 

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I read an article this week that talked about Bird Box, which was apparently the most watched film in Netflix history despite the fact that it was mostly panned by critics and audiences alike. (Truth in advertising: I haven't watched Bird Box, and I have no intention of watching it.) The analysis was that people weren't watching Bird Box because they thought it was going to be a great movie, they were watching it because all of their friends on social media were posting funny memes about Bird Box and they felt that if they didn't watch it then they would be missing out on the humor. It is literally a viral movie. And they were predicting that this was going to be more of a thing in the future, where filmmakers (especially filmmakers for streaming services) were not going to be overly concerned about the quality of the films they produced, but more with the ability of the film to draw in an audience through social media. I suspect that "Io" may be another experiment in this direction.

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Didn't that Sean Connery movie Outlaw also take place on Io?

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1 hour ago, cubinator said:

Venus is literally a better place to go than Io if you have balloons.

See, now that could be a good movie with the potential for completely plausible near-future tech. Although, whatever technology allows humans to live sustainably on the Moon could probably be deployed on Earth itself and work just as well. You'd have to make the threat specific to Earth, something that is not present on the Moon, and still dangerous enough to warrant an evacuation of the planet.

Yeah. I can't think of a good scenario though. So it may be one of those plot points you just need to have suspended disbelief over. Like something bad is happening, that you extrapolate to be bad enough to warrant leaving Earth, even though you may be able to scrap by on Earth without heading to space. Unless you have a set of cascading problems that just makes things worse and worse. Instead of 1 hard problem you see in a lot of these movies.

Edited by Spaceception

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Just now, Nikolai said:

Didn't that Sean Connery movie Outlaw also take place on Io?

Outland. Gosh, hadn't thought of that movie in years. It didn't totally suck. But the atmosphere and environment was totally different for that film. And, to be fair, I don't think it was widely known how incredibly deadly Io was in 1981.

5 minutes ago, Spaceception said:

Yeah. I can't think of a good scenario though. So it may be one of those plot points you just need to have suspended disbelief over. Like something bad is happening, that you extrapolate to be bad enough to warrant leaving Earth, even though you may be able to scrap by on Earth without heading to space.

If I were writing the script I would write it with them leaving for political or religious reasons, like the Puritans leaving England on the Mayflower. It doesn't take much to imagine people being pushed to that point these days.

 

 

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12 minutes ago, TheSaint said:

If I were writing the script I would write it with them leaving for political or religious reasons, like the Puritans leaving England on the Mayflower. It doesn't take much to imagine people being pushed to that point these days.

I've thought about the scenario of a relatively small group of thought-criminals leaving Earth sometime post-1984, perhaps after there is some kind of insecurity with the government system, and trying to manipulate the politics from above.

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30 minutes ago, TheSaint said:

I don't think it was widely known how incredibly deadly Io was in 1981.

And given it was directly after the "lost generation" of the 70s, the drugs made sense.

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1 hour ago, TheSaint said:

The analysis was that people weren't watching Bird Box because they thought it was going to be a great movie, they were watching it because all of their friends on social media were posting funny memes about Bird Box and they felt that if they didn't watch it then they would be missing out on the humor.

I was watching Bird Box because I wanted something for a background watching by ears.
Was not disappointed. A very good movie, almost wasn't disturbing me to have a look. 

(Though, not worse than any horror movie).

I just don't understand what do they eat in the paradise place at the end...

***

The "Io" should be named "Ё" in Russian showing, and "Ø" in Scandinavian one.

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For a minute I saw "Lo" and wondered why anyone would want to make a movie about me. 

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What is wrong with people who make films today? Why do they make the trailers with those awful sounds? DUN DUN DUN! DUUUUUUN!!!11! I'm sick of it.

 

And yeah, Io is hardly the place you want to go. Sulfur is not a problem ("atmosphere" is 0.5-4 mPa of SO2 , Pluto has 1 Pa) , volcanos and earthquakes are a big problem, but the thing that will not let you approach alive is stupidly high ionizing radiation from Jupiter's belts.

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Of all the places to go......

Nope. Going to skip this one.

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When they declare an obviously stupid aim, the real aim may differ.
And when the stupid ain is obviously stupid, this may mean "a smart one will understand, about others we don't care."
So, watching the movie (hopefully, soon) I'll be guessing where are they going actually, telling everybody the nonsence about Io.

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4 hours ago, lajoswinkler said:

What is wrong with people who make films today?

Inception’s trailer 

DROOOOOM!

1 hour ago, kerbiloid said:

When they declare an obviously stupid aim, the real aim may differ.
And when the stupid ain is obviously stupid, this may mean "a smart one will understand, about others we don't care."
So, watching the movie (hopefully, soon) I'll be guessing where are they going actually, telling everybody the nonsence about Io.

The true Adama maneuver.

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6 hours ago, DDE said:

Inception’s trailer 

DROOOOOM!

God damn it, last 15 years are like a giant copy paste of movie photography, camera movements and sounds. Almost all looks/sounds/feels the same and it's so annoying. I think it's because it's increasingly cheaper to make films palatable to wide masses, so less and less talented people jump in and hyperproductive fountain of excrement is going on.

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