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Kerbal Death Note


Mars-Bound Hokie
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3 hours ago, Singhnaut said:

Nail Kerman: Someone thought he was Screw Kerman

"Kerman, Screw? You're up for lateral-centrifuge testing!"

"Wait, I thought I was just doing impact testing? I think you--"

*fine green mist*

 

Jeff Kerman and a pile of money.

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1 hour ago, GuessingEveryDay said:

"Kerman, Screw? You're up for lateral-centrifuge testing!"

"Wait, I thought I was just doing impact testing? I think you--"

*fine green mist*

 

Jeff Kerman and a pile of money.

Jeff Kerman didnt know that on full moons Coin kermun kerman cannot resist money so his pirate loot was looted by kermun. His was KIA

Intolerant Kerman: lactose

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Intolerant Kerman loved milk. But was completely intolerant of lactose. One day he found out milk has lactose in it and he flipped his crap! But... This was mid flight. He hit the action group for the emergency deorbit SRBs, which also had a software glitch and detached his parachute. leading to Intolerant kerman meeting a watery, explosive, demise. 


Bell kerman - Loud noises

Edited by Rutabaga22
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8 hours ago, Rutabaga22 said:

Bell kerman - Loud noises

Bell Kerman hated loud noises, which was silly, because everyone gave her a bell for Khristmas, One year, someone gave her a full-size replica of the Petersgloke. So she just put them in the attic, next to her old rocket fuel testing equipment. One day, while she was home, her home-made fuel in the attic popped, it was a small pop, but it caused a bell to fall, and another one, and another 2, and another 4, and another 8. Each with a loud, pure

BONG!

Every time she heard a bong, she became more afraid, remembering that Petersgloke bell that someone gave her. Until finally that Petersgloke bell did fall.

 

Bean Kerman, trying to open his kar.

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9 minutes ago, Watermel00n said:

Frog Kerman - Pigs

Frog kerman was bored, so he decided to fight a pig. He slapped it's face, then kicked it's legs, he then slapped it. The battle was raging, pigs were screeching, he was bleeding. Then the mega pig whipped out the mega pig sword. The entire battlefield smelled like bacon. Sword clashed, sparks flew, fire raged, he slapped mega pig, mega pig hit him so hard he couldn't feel his face. The he defeated mega pig. Suddenly! He saw a yellow thing in the distance and then he saw the pink skin, suddenly he realized. It's One Punch Pig! In one swoop down at Frog he was a fine green liquid on the floor.

Lobber Kerman - Throwing things

Edited by Rutabaga22
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1 hour ago, Rutabaga22 said:

Frog kerman was bored, so he decided to fight a pig. He slapped it's face, then kicked it's legs, he then slapped it. The battle was raging, pigs were screeching, he was bleeding. Then the mega pig whipped out the mega pig sword. The entire battlefield smelled like bacon. Sword clashed, sparks flew, fire raged, he slapped mega pig, mega pig hit him so hard he couldn't feel his face. The he defeated mega pig. Suddenly! He saw a yellow thing in the distance and then he saw the pink skin, suddenly he realized. It's One Punch Pig! In one swoop down at Frog he was a fine green liquid on the floor.

Lobber Kerman - Throwing things

Lobber Kerman was a pro Kennis player. One day, he went insane and hit a lob with his hand. He was mobbed by the crowd.

Volley Kerman: Hitting a lob

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Volley Kerman did a lob while watching the N1 test launch. The ball hit a fuel line, breaking it, causing the rocket to fall on Volley. He was the only too worried about where the ball flew that he forgot to run away...

 

Gigachad Kerman - Immortality

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I'll do it then.

Gigachad was so happy when he got immortality that his happiness levels ripped a hole in KSP's code, instantly deleting the immortality, killing him in the process.

 

Harry Kerman - One small step for kerbalkind.   

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Harry Kerman made one small step at the top of the rocket gantry and tripped, so falling and rolling down all the stairs to the bottom. A Kerbal driving a ground vehicle was too busy adjusting the radio to notice and drove over him. He was still alive but dazed. No one noticed him and they started the countdown. The rocket engines fired and Harry fried and turned to ash. Later a kerbal took one small step and got Harry on their shoe. Then harry got one small stepped all over the KSC.

 

Yuri Kerbal, Test Pilot.

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18 hours ago, ColdJ said:

Harry Kerman made one small step at the top of the rocket gantry and tripped, so falling and rolling down all the stairs to the bottom. A Kerbal driving a ground vehicle was too busy adjusting the radio to notice and drove over him. He was still alive but dazed. No one noticed him and they started the countdown. The rocket engines fired and Harry fried and turned to ash. Later a kerbal took one small step and got Harry on their shoe. Then harry got one small stepped all over the KSC.

 

Yuri Kerbal, Test Pilot.

Yuri Kerman launched during the same day that Jevobiah Kerman (Jeb's father). They both collided but Yuri was killed.

Alexei Kerman: spacewalking

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Watermel00n said:

Johnny Kerman - Iron pickaxe.

Johnny Kerman was mining for diamonds in the caves underneath his new farm. To clear some rock in his path, he used his iron pickaxe to make a crack small enough for him to place a bomb inside. However, due to his dyslexia, he set the timer to 1 SECOND when he thought it would be 1 minute. He was also dumb enough to place his pickaxe right next to the rock. As soon as Johnny started the timer, he started to walk away. Much to his surprise, the bomb exploded and the force of the blast sent his pickaxe flying right at him.

Less than five minutes later, his wife Betsy came running into the mines to check out the noise. After she cleared some of the rubble, she found Johnny dead with a pickaxe in his back. The autopsy showed that his cause of death was exsanguination from the puncture wound - and that the damage the body sustained from the rubble was actually postmortem.

Spoiler

Unfortunately for Betsy, she was suspected with Johnny's murder after Detective Touta Kerman recognized the shinymonkey Gobluk floating behind her. Since none of the other officers could see the shinymonkey, Touta knew that Betsy had a death note since only those who have touched the notebook could see Gobluk. While he could not convince his superiors that Betsy had Kiraken's power, subsequent investigation found Betsy's prints on the pickaxe. That gave the cops probably cause to detain Betsy, who was in possession of a notebook titled "Death Note." The arresting officers who grabbed the notebook freaked out when they saw Gobluk and tried to shoot him - but nothing worked. Touta, however, was not surprised as he had dealt with the shinymonkey previously.

  • Further inspection of the notebook found Johnny's name and cause of death written in the notebook. Chief Trevor Kerman then asked district attorney to charge Betsy for murder, but Trevor remained skeptical as he was unaware of the exact nature of the death note. In addition to that, all of the arresting officers had been named in several lawsuits and assault charges filed by bystanders for property damage and injuries caused by their bullets - and all but one of them (Touta) have been suspected of taking illegal hallucinogenic drugs.

 

Trevor Kerman will get hit by a school bus.

Edited by Mars-Bound Hokie
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8 minutes ago, Mars-Bound Hokie said:

Trevor Kerman will get hit by a school bus.

One day Trevor was walking down the street when he saw a psychic. He went in and the building looked like a little office. He walked up to the man at the desk and the man said " You'll be hot by a school bus, now get outta my sight!"

Tevor walked out of the building and crossed the street without looking both ways, he was hit by a school bus. 

Tim Kerman - Bringing space down to kerbin for everyday kerbals. 

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Tim Kerman made a machine that would blow the atmosphere off kerbin. However, as he was building the machine's fusion reactor as it needed a ton of electricity, he ran out of money, so he had to make a deal to use the fusion reactor for his town's power grid. As he turned the reactor on, he tripped on a wire, falling into the machine's fusion reactor.

Tim was vaporised by the hot plasma instantly.

 

Hitch Kerman - Hitchhiking a Grand Tour.

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...or that was what Hitch thought she was doing. In actuality, Hitch accidentally hitchhiked a ride on an uncrewed gorbulan freighter. Those ships have no atmosphere. Oof 

 

Beans Kerman died of cringe

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When Jay B. Kerman was young he got a job as a mascot for a burger chain called McKerman's. They gave him a curly red wig and a big red nose and dressed him in a yellow jumpsuit with red and white striped socks and big red shoes. For decades he brought joy to young children, he arranged special days to raise money for children's charities and even set up a foundation and accommodation so that parents could stay with their sick kids while they were getting treated in hospital for cancer. Then one day a group of so called "woke" people who felt shame for some of the things their ancestors did, decided to create "Cancel Culture" They went looking for every tiny thing they could find to label as culturally inappropriate because they needed others to also have to wallow in their misery. They labeled clowns as being creepy and bad for children's developement. McKerman's not wanting to be a target of their vitriol promptly fired Jay B. Kerman. He died of a broken heart.

 

Jimmy Kerman- Purple Haze.

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17 hours ago, Watermel00n said:

Beans Kerman was going to read @Akagi's Orbital Bean Space Program, but while he was going to the forums, he saw a news article saying Morbius is a bad movie. Beans cringed until he imploded.

 

Jay B. Kerman - McKerman's

Beanz

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When Jay B. Kerman was young he got a job as a mascot for a burger chain called McKerman's. They gave him a curly red wig and a big red nose and dressed him in a yellow jumpsuit with red and white striped socks and big red shoes. For decades he brought joy to young children, he arranged special days to raise money for children's charities and even set up a foundation and accommodation so that parents could stay with their sick kids while they were getting treated in hospital for cancer. Then one day a group of so called "woke" people who felt shame for some of the things their ancestors did, decided to create "Cancel Culture" They went looking for every tiny thing they could find to label as culturally inappropriate because they needed others to also have to wallow in their misery. They labeled clowns as being creepy and bad for children's developement. McKerman's not wanting to be a target of their vitriol promptly fired Jay B. Kerman. He died of a broken heart.

 

Jimmy Kerman- Purple Haze.

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Posted (edited)

Jimmy Kerman did not know what that was and was crushed by an angry mob.

SR-73 Yellowbird - E Kerman

Edited by Akagi
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E kerman was a humble bird research. He lived in a treehouse, was vegan, and even went to laythe that one time to investigate reports of laythe birds (They were caterpillars that had snuck on board the colony ship).  One day he was noting down info on birds he was tracking when he saw a bird he hadn't seen in a while, it was SR-73, he had nicknamed it "Yellowbird". He was so shocked that he dropped his binoculars, he then dove to get the binoculars and smashed through the railing. He fell on his back and Swore to himself.  He got up and continued watch Yellowbird. Then yellowbird flew down and snatched E's glasses. E got so mad he exploded into a puff of smoke. 
 

Bobson kerman - wanting to be the first kerbal on duna

 

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