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Kerbal Death Note


Mars-Bound Hokie
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Per Kerman was taking part in the annual KSC Economic review when he realized that, as indicated on the oh-so-informational bar graph, they had made exactly zero money that year due to their numerous rocket crashes. This shocking event causes him to drop to the floor and have a heart attack. 
Fortunately, paramedics resuscitate Per Kerman just in time, so he survives. 
What he did not survive, however, was a loose wall bolt slipping and causing the whiteboard with the bar graph on it to land on top of him. 

John Kerman- A high-gravity planet

Edited by Dobelong
Wow, almost forgot the next part
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John was on an experimental interstellar mission. The idea was, that the ship would warp to a nearby star system, and then John would land on the system's planets with a lander. Unfortunately, the lander was rated for planets with 5 G of gravity, and one planet he stumbled upon had a gravity of 5,0000001 G. The scanners did not detect the infinitesimal discrepancy, and John attempted landing there... He succeeded in that, but when he was returning to the mothership, he unexpectedly ran out of fuel and crashed into it at 653 meters per second...

 

 

BASED Kerman died of Gen Z humor

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4 hours ago, Maria Sirona said:

BASED Kerman died of Gen Z humor

As rapidly evolving meme culture swaped the interwebz, 

 

4 hours ago, Maria Sirona said:

BASED Kerman

's rocket's control systems were overwhelmed by an influx of absurd memes that made no sense - causing his rocket to crash and explode.

 

 

namre Kerman didn't blow up

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Namre Kerman was a very special kerbal. he was second place in the kerbal moar boosters contest. he was just under jeb. one day he decided to get revenge by making a giant rocket with a lot of boosters (even by jeb standards) but the kraken was hungry so Namre decided to beat danny in glitchiness. so he sacrificed himself to become the biggest glitcher. aaaaaaaaand the kerbol system exploded but Namre didn't explode. instead he ran out of snacks and ooooooooooooooooooooof.

Wernher von Kerman- screaming at moar boosters

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Wernher von Kerman screamed at the gigantic pile of moar boosters that went off course and started flying at him. However, before he could get away, his vocal cords gave out from the effort and he wasn't able to call for help. The boosters crashed into and killed him.

 

Leroy Kerman - walking on Pluto

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19 hours ago, Kekkie said:

Wernher von Kerman screamed at the gigantic pile of moar boosters that went off course and started flying at him. However, before he could get away, his vocal cords gave out from the effort and he wasn't able to call for help. The boosters crashed into and killed him.

 

Leroy Kerman - walking on Pluto

Leroy Kerman once went to Pluto. Unfortunately for him, Charon had grown massive and tweeted Pluto to the sun. Leroy was not killed by incineration, but the centrifugal force slammed his head on the surface of the planet.

Link Kerman: Thinking he could win the heart of Zelda Kerman

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... he joined the tournament of pathologist students.
But instead of Zelda, the police came. Link Kerman's heart got unlinked from fear.

Gollum Kerman tried to find a cave before the night ends.

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2 hours ago, kerbiloid said:

... he joined the tournament of pathologist students.
But instead of Zelda, the police came. Link Kerman's heart got unlinked from fear.

Gollum Kerman tried to find a cave before the night ends.

Gollum Kerman found a cave, but he didn't know it was Samwise Potato Kerman's Cave. Gollum Kerman called him a stupid fat Kerbal and Samwise asked Gandalf Kerman to turn him into a potato.

Saruman Kerman: Getting impaled on the top of a rocket, then accidentally stabbed by his intern

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Game over. Saruman is Maya, so is immortal.

Ryuk has met an immortal entity, can't implement the essence of his nature, and choke on apple.

(Notice! It's not a note.)

(So, the rule of don't order Ryuk himself is not applicable.)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Re Kerman was attempting to build a fence line in the Netherworld when they fell into lava and died.

Golly Kerman - Extreme happiness.

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Golly had always dreamed of being a kerbonaut, so when she would be the first Kerbal to land on Vall she was of course happy. Golly was so happy in fact, that she was too preoccupied with happiness to notice that the surface of Vall was 308 meters away, and her lander was moving towards it at 472 m/s.

 

Öiüg Kerman - throat singing

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@Maria Sirona You ninja’d me!

github Kerman was a kerbonaut. And if someone wanted a mod they would go to him. One day he uploaded so many mods that his brain crashed in the middle of a mission so he collided with jool and died.

spaghetti Kerman: eating pasta

Edited by darthvader15001
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Spaghetti Kerman was in a pasta slurping contest with some of his frat brothers. In his haste to stay in the lead, he sucked several noodles down the wrong pipe. His friends tried to save him, but it was no use. By the time the paramedics arrived, it was too late. Spaghetti Kerman was pronounced DOA from choking on pasta.

 

Gary Kerman: aurora borealis

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Gary Kerman loves the northern lights. So one day he got onto starship Kerbin to Kerbin to go from the ksc to kreenland. Then he saw the northern lights and his heartbeat stopped in wonder. By the time jeb had put on enough boosters for the rescue mission to rescue Gary, he was long dead and buried in snow.

oof Kerman: saying oof

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  • 2 weeks later...

Oof Kerman. He really likes playing Roblox. But he is obsessed. After realising that the oof audio was changed, he started repeating it without stopping. Even when he was eating. Even during spaceflights. On a spaceflight to the Mun, an alert sounded. At this time, Oof Kerman was the flight director.

Crew: Uhh, KSC, we've had a problem at around 200 meters, its error 302. Do you know what we should turn off?

KSC: Oof!

Crew: Oxygen-Only Fuel?

KSC: Oof!

Crew: Okay, stopping OOF.

Then the rocket's engine started acting up. It was damaged, due to the lack of oxygen. The gimbal turned the rocket to the left side. The 2 crew members (somehow) ejected and survived. But because the program was in its early days, the control rooms were separated. The rocket fell right on top of Oof's room. Paramedics rushed to the crash site. Oof Kerman was still alive. Oh and what did he die from? He ran out of breath in the ambulance, as he was continuing to repeat "Oof".

Czech Kerman: Drinking beer

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Anyway, heinz Kermann was counting pfennigs when KSC decided to launch a Sea Kraken rocket. Meanwhile, heinz fell asleep due to the amount of pfennigs he had. Unbeknownst to him, one of the second stage rockets misfired, and sent the rocket into a fat death roll. I assume Heinz wasn't very happy when he woke up with a gravity ring on his head.

Toto Kerman - kerfirca

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Toto Kerman heard

The wild dogs cry out in the night
As they grow restless, longing for some solitary company
He knows that he must do what's right
As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti
He seeks to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that he'd become.

But it was too late, the thing that he had become wiped out what remained of him, now there is only MR Hyde.

Johnny Kerman and the ring of fire.

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Johnny Kerman loved fire. So one day he went to a circus to perform jumping through a ring of fire. But just when he started jumping, he realized that it wasn’t burning RP-1 fuel. It was burning some other super unstable substance Johnny didn’t know about. At that moment it exploded. When the cops arrived they saw that everyone except for Johnny was alive. The only remains were a few burnt dna strands and some ashes.

Jebediah Kerman adding too many boosters 

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After adding too many booster vaccines, Jebediah Kerman becomes a covirus himself, and now he is not a libing being anymore, but a biochemical agent.

Obadiah Kerman, Guillaume William, Bill Kerman, and Ruprecht Robert, Bob Kermann were historical reconstructors, and decided to reproduce the lunar flight of their namesakes.

Edited by kerbiloid
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None of them could agree on the details and each died due to suspicious accidents. The last one standing waited paitiently for someone to add a mod that included a bus and then threw themselves in front of it.

Jason Kerman and the Golden Fleece.

 

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