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Make Up Your Klingon Office Work Experience...


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The old TNG/DS9 Klingons are mainly good for jokes I think...so here goes.


I used to work at a nearly all Klingon office.


I was one of two humans who worked there. Working for Klingons has it's pro's and con's:

Pro: They don't terminate anyone's employment.

Con: They either allow you to quit in dishonor or fight whoever wishes you to quit the job in battle...surrounded by a ring of fire while armed with bat'leths while the workmates watch as spectators. Whoever surrenders or dies first loses their job. In short...the boss is ALWAYS a tough guy...otherwise he could not keep his job.

I quit the job after the other human was heard saying 'dishonorable' things about our boss. The boss called a meeting after work and said he had received word that the human guy said nasty things about him...then he he challenged the guy to combat to keep his job or to quit in dishonor.

The guy chose to fight, but was not prepared to lift a bat'leth, they are heavier than they look! The Klingon boss easily knocked the guy's bat'leth to the floor, which made the man plead for his life.

"You're not even worth killing! Go on and quit. Get your things and go....in dishonor!" The klingon bellowed as the man scrambled away in a hurry.

After I saw that I was like...nah, I'm good.


So what's your klingon funny office story?

Edited by Spacescifi
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3 hours ago, StrandedonEarth said:

I imagine it would be kinda like this:

(sorry no klingons in this)




He even tackled a blond office lady! 

Funny and shocking all at once. But yeah...I can see klingons being a bit more mild than this guy...unless they already intend to kill, it is kind of cowardly and dishonorable to tackle a female...at least if the klingon actually follows the Klingon ethos. Not all do.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

(I'm not the original author, but here's something I've found and edited to fix spelling and grammar)

Overheard whilst in the company of Klingon Software Engineers

  1. Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs are always on the offense. Yes, offensive programming is what we do best.

  2. Specifications are for the weak and timid!

  3. This machine is gagh! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!

  4. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.

  5. Indentation?! I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!

  6. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.

  7. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments', and they always win them.

  8. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak. Bugs are good for building character in the user.

  9. I have challenged the entire ISO-9000 quality assurance team to a bat'leth contest on the holodeck. They will not concern us again.

  10. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!

  11. By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!

  12. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!

  13. Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!

  14. Our competitors are without honor!

  15. Python? That is for children. A Klingon Warrior uses only machine code, keyed in on the front panel switches in raw binary.

  16. Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Ferengi.

  17. Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing". When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine.

  18. Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!

  19. My program has just dumped Sto-vo-Core!

  20. Behold, the keyboard of Kahless! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!

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