Frick small talk

[Rutabaga22]

I hate being asked "How's school?" for small talk, no ones going to use the info, I don't remember half the info, and the answer is always "It's fine"

 

[kerbiloid]

They just want to know if it's still standing instead of sink through the ground.

[AlamoVampire]

Honestly I think small talk is an overly useless thing. If I am on a first date I would much rather a set of conversational topics that facilitate getting to know each other. So much time and energy goes into inane drivel that is ultimately pointless. But thats just me.

063205062022

[kerbiloid]

In 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Demolished_Man
they use a standard intro dialog to start a conversation instead of this imitation of fake interest.

Quote

‘Pip,’ she said.
‘Pop,’ he said.
‘Bim,’ she said.
‘Bam,’ he said.

[Nuke]

i do not like extroverts and neither does my cat.

[cubinator]

The introductory questions that usually get asked have very long answers requiring background and explanation. We should try to choose more specific and narrow questions.

[adsii1970]

Heh. When I ask a university student "how's school going?" it is more than just small talk. 

I am an academic advisor, and I really do care what a student's response is. The last thing I want to see happen is a student drop out. 

If done right, small talk is a great diagnostic tool into mental health. Working at both a two year community college and teaching graduate courses at a local university, I'm on both institutions mental first aid teams. No, I'm not a mental health professional, but I do have the training to help stabilize a mental health crisis until the professionals can get there. And sadly, I'm having to use that training more and more. 

Yes, small talk can be annoying. But sometimes, small talk does serve a purpose. 

[kerbiloid]

"Hi! Where is my money?"

"What money???"

"Forget, just joking."

And on this optimistic note both relax and start the conversation.

[cubinator]

1 hour ago, adsii1970 said:

Heh. When I ask a university student "how's school going?" it is more than just small talk. 

I am an academic advisor, and I really do care what a student's response is. The last thing I want to see happen is a student drop out. 

If done right, small talk is a great diagnostic tool into mental health. Working at both a two year community college and teaching graduate courses at a local university, I'm on both institutions mental first aid teams. No, I'm not a mental health professional, but I do have the training to help stabilize a mental health crisis until the professionals can get there. And sadly, I'm having to use that training more and more. 

Yes, small talk can be annoying. But sometimes, small talk does serve a purpose. 

The difference is you're actually giving them the space to construct a meaningful answer! 

[Dman979]

^{what's wrong with small talk?}

[kerbiloid]

It's obsolete.

Spoiler

 

[Autochrome]

Unfortunately, small talk is really the only thing I do when talking to new people, especially girls. I have social anxiety with large groups of people in a social gathering, and I usually just sit in a corner with a few people making awkward small talk until it's over, so small talk kind of sucks.

[Pthigrivi]

It took me till I was damn near 40 to appreciate the dark, subtle art of asking people somewhat interesting questions that still feel light-hearted. You can push people a little. They appreciate the confidence and openness to trust. But too far and most will get uncomfortable and shy if not outright annoyed. You’ve got get good at reading people. I recommend playing the sherlock game quickly in your head. Notice the important details and what they might portend.

A big one is a person’s appetite/tolerance for eye contact. Some people are lock-on realists. (Some might say sociopaths) Im not that but I understand and respect it. Folks like that value trust and honesty, but demand a great deal in exchange. Then there’s the avoiders. I was one once so I understand that too. Lock-ons think they’re shady but it’s completely wrong. Avoiders are simply guarding themselves, preferring to take the time to be themselves and say what they mean. Lately Im in the middle ‘check-in’ range  for eye contact. I like to time those moments meaningfully and prepare the message my eyes should convey.

The best of small talk is spontaneity. Let go and don’t worry so much about saying something stupid. Usually the stupid things I say end up sounding somewhat charming, I hope. Trust the people you’re talking with and be honest. And just practice.  The more you make mistakes the better you get. I say this a a person who was once incomprehensibly awkward but had to learn these little interactions make up s huge part of life. 

Edited May 10, 2022 by Pthigrivi

[kerbiloid]

1 hour ago, Pthigrivi said:

A big one is a person’s appetite/tolerance for eye contact. Some people are lock-on realists. Im not that but I understand and respect it. Folks like that value trust and honesty, but demand a great deal in exchange. Then there’s the avoiders. I was one once so I understand that too. Lock-ons think they’re shady but it’s completely wrong. Avoiders are simply guarding themselves, preferring to take the time to be themselves and say what they mean.

And there is the third option.
Except keeping or avoiding the eye contact, keep your eyes focused at the point right behind his/her nose bridge (between eyes), several centimeters deep inside his/her head.
Thus you are both  keeping and avoiding the eye contact, and kinda looking inside his/her mind.

Was first time using this long ago on school teachers, as a trolling worked perfectly.

Edited May 10, 2022 by kerbiloid

[Superfluous J]

Quote

One of the things Ford had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in ‘It’s a nice day’, 'You’re very tall’, or 'You seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you alright?’
At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months’ consideration and observation, he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.

Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy

Edited May 11, 2022 by Superfluous J

[Rutabaga22]

Ok, I was a little mad when I titled this. I don't hate small talk. I more hate the question, How's school.

[StrandedonEarth]

19 hours ago, kerbiloid said:

Except keeping or avoiding the eye contact, keep your eyes focused at the point right behind his/her nose bridge (between eyes), several centimeters deep inside his/her head.
Thus you are both  keeping and avoiding the eye contact, and kinda looking inside his/her mind.

When on the receiving end of a monologue he doesn't want to hear, a friend tends to focus on the talker's earlobe, so that it seems like eye contact, but it's not. Most disconcerting...

[Dman979]

On 5/10/2022 at 5:39 PM, Rutabaga22 said:

Ok, I was a little mad when I titled this. I don't hate small talk. I more hate the question, How's school.

Why's school?

[Hyperspace Industries]

15 hours ago, Dman979 said:

Why's school?

It exists to get us a certificate (and the needed skills for that certificate) to get us to university.

Alright, it teaches us math and basic general science, and that I will need, but I seriously do not think I'm going to have to write a 200-250 word afrikaans essay about one of four topics in approximately 90 minutes in adulthood, not to mention biology, okay, I know a lot of people like biology, but trust me, if I'm ever doing anything more reliant on a comprehensive understanding of biology than agriculture and livestock farming (ideally in space), something has gone seriously wrong.

[StrandedonEarth]

2 hours ago, Hyperspace Industries said:

It exists to get us a certificate (and the needed skills for that certificate) to get us to university.

Alright, it teaches us math and basic general science, and that I will need, but I seriously do not think I'm going to have to write a 200-250 word afrikaans essay about one of four topics in approximately 90 minutes in adulthood, not to mention biology, okay, I know a lot of people like biology, but trust me, if I'm ever doing anything more reliant on a comprehensive understanding of biology than agriculture and livestock farming (ideally in space), something has gone seriously wrong.

It's good to know the basics in as many subjects as possible. In many professional fields, being able to write a report (essay) in a timely manner is a valuable skill that can take you far. I'm sure @adsii1970 would agree with that.

[kerbiloid]

250 words is just a long medium post on forums.

And the basics in many subjects allows to chat there on almost any subject.

[cubinator]

You won't need to write about many of the specific things you're assigned in school. But writing in general is one of the most important skills you'll learn in school, and if you learn all the tricks in school to doing it really, really well then you'll be really good at writing anything from emails to scientific and engineering reports to slideshows in the future.

And if you want to go to space, you'll need knowledge at least to the level that school teaches on most subjects. Believe it or not, you're getting the simple explanation!