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chobit-389

The mangled up History Blender Game

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A Brief Telling of the Brief History of West Alabama

On January 17th, 1896, Henry Kissenger was elected governor of the western half of Alabama. This move came as a surprise to many, who had never heard of the man - but he later went on to propel West Alabama into a new age of prosperity, seceding very quickly from the Union, with Kissenger becoming its president.. By 1909, it had the second highest GDP of any nation besides the United States which surrounded it. Kissinger grew ill, however, and rumors of a replacement quickly spread around the nation's capitol before it was announced that his son, John Henry Kissenger would follow in his place - and indeed he did upon Kissenger's death in 1932.

By World War II, West Alabama was being pressured heavily by the US into joining its military endeavors in Europe and the Pacific, but it repeatedly refused. The US mostly ignored the small country until July 5th, 1946, when a minor incident at the northern border looked as though it was about to escalate to a full-blown conflict. The Soviet Union, however, announced it was forming a defense agreement with the small nation in exchange for unlimited access to its scientific and technological knowledge. With this, the US reluctantly backed off and the Soviets enjoyed many advances as a result of West Alabamanian technology, while the West Alabamanians were allowed to govern themselves as they wished (as opposed to the requirement of adopting communist policies, as Australia and Liberia had been forced to do for their defense agreements)

However, this agreement was not without its problems. In 1961 when a West Alabamanian rocket slated to launch the first man into space exploded on the launch pad, killing the cosmonaut Vladislav Aleksander and several ground crew. The Soviets placed the blame solely on West Alabama - and, although relations between the two improved in the years after this, two more accidents in 1989 tested relationships once more. First was the complete loss of the Mir space station after a West Alabamanian-manufactured resupply spacecraft impacted the station at a high velocity, killing all on board. A month later, an oil drilling rig off the Soviets' eastern shore exploded, killing 40 of its 57 crew, with the cause traced to an entire line of West Alabamanian fire suppression systems which had apparently not undergone any testing whatsoever in an effort to cut manufacturing costs. As before, the Soviets placed the blame completely on West Alabama. This time, however, relationships broke down and ended with a complete severing of diplomatic relations in 1991, shortly before the fall of the Soviet Union. The US saw this as a prime opportunity to resume its attempts at re-acquiring West Alabama and all its technology, and eventually launched an occupation force in December of 1999. On January 1st, 2000, West Alabama announced its complete and total surrender to the United States, ending the short and strange history of this tiny nation.

- Excerpt from "Bite-Sized History, vol. 3" by Jameson Hodgekins, Random House books, 2007, all rights reserved.

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The History of the American Revolution

Unlike the popular conception, the American colonies where not taxed because of the French and Indian War, but because the French Empire launched the first Frenchonaut into space in 1861, and the British needed to gain the high ground. So, the founded the IAP, the Imperial Astronautics Program, and began building the first space center in Florida, which today is still in operation as Kennedy Space Center. After this, the British Goverment needed money. Lots of money, to fund an manned Royal Navy base on the moon. So, they taxed the Americans and British, but the Americans did not want a manned Royal Navy base on the moon. The original name for this undertaking was "Constellation", but becuase the American colonists had built private spaceships, they prefered an private lunar base instead, along with using asteriod mining to raise revenue for the merchants.

King George III saw this, and said no. He threatened to cut the Colonists Welfare Budget, and the colonists relented by building a massive ion cannon and attacked a merchant convoy full of tea. The king was upset by this, so he ordered this soldiers to seize the ion cannon and to dis-arm the colonists space capabilities. This, however, angered the colonists, who attacked the British Spacebattleships with an anti-matter bomb, and destroyed one of them. The king then declared the Colonists in a state of rebellion, and sent an armada of armed spaceships. In all this confusion, the new program, "Constellation" was cancelled.

However, it was too late. The Colonists set up colonies on the moon and Mars and a fifth planet named Minerva, and declared their independence. The King sent anti-matter bomb into New York, and oliberated the city. It was not a fire that wrecked the city in 1776, it was an anti-matter bomb. Soon, the colonists where fed up, and they snagged the asteriod 3137 Typos and smashed it into London. An emergency session was Parliament was held, and it was decided to use the Ryunka.

A armed fleet of ships under Lord Nelson attacked Minerva, and destroyed it with the Ryunka, which created the asteriod belt. The colonists retialated by bombarding the British He-3 mine with anti-matter and rods of gods, forming Shackleton Crater. The colonists then launched their capabilities to go interstellar, founding the first inter-stellar colony on Alpha Centauri Bb.

The British Empire, refused to give up. However, the French Empire soon joined the fray, and attacked the British spaceships near lunar orbit. Later, in 1881, the British Army on Phobos surrendered, blockaded by both American Space Forces and the French Naval Space Command. This forced the British Empire to allow the colonists independence, though the attacked them in the Interplanetary War of 1912.

Edited by NASAFanboy

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in 2142 (reference), The United Nations attacked America burning down the White House, causing panic in the area and accidentally launched Neil Armstrong to the moon.

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In 1642 Ronald Reagan was killed when George Washington shot him in the face with a gun that shoots guns. After this, Spain exploded as the new island of Africa opened it's parachute as it landed on Jupiter when Abraham Lincoln ate himself after finding out that dogs were invented.

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In 1642, Ronald Reagan was killed when George Washington shot him in the face with an iPhone. After this, Spain exploded as the new island of Africa opened it's parachutes to land on Jupiter. When Abraham Lincoln heard about the invention of dogs, he ate himself right after Germany killed itself.

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The year of 1111 was a terrible one. The Germans had won World War XVIII, resulting in followers of The Holy Grail to shoot Australia's paratroopers into Las Vegas, capital of Germany. The paratroopers dropped atomic squids on Las Vegas, blasting Las Vegas into the sun and blasting Finland into Jupiter orbit. The Germans surrendered, and KIng Arthur became the king of the Earth. Shortly after, he was fish slapped to death by some Russian guys on segways, who then proceeded to disguise themselves as tacos. They were then eaten by a fat guy named Larry, who farted himself into space.

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in 1942, Indiana Jones stole the holy grail...

also Shax, Sig is too big according to the forum rules

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in the year 1998 the U.S.S.R became the first nation to become a communist democracy.While the United states broke into two nations known as the North republic ,and the Southern republic.Also, by this time North ,and south america were renamed North Canada ,and South South Canada

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Years 1111-1114

1111

The year of 1111 was a terrible one. The Germans had won World War XVIII, resulting in followers of The Holy Grail to shoot Australia's paratroopers into Las Vegas, capital of Germany. The paratroopers dropped atomic squids on Las Vegas, blasting Las Vegas into the sun and blasting Finland into Jupiter orbit. The Germans surrendered, and King Arthur became the king of the Earth. Shortly after, he was fish slapped to death by some Russian guys on segways, who then proceeded to disguise themselves as tacos. They were then eaten by a fat guy named Larry, who farted himself into space.

1112

With King Arthur killed, his son, Abraham Washington became the new King of Earth. He started a program to create intergalactic robot chickens, known as T.I.V.S.. Shortly after, the Great Nation of Earth was split in half, becoming Canada and the Soviet Kingdom of Great Toilets (the S.K.G.T.). They fought in World War XIX, and the S.K.G.T. tried to steal the plans for the intergalactic robot chickens, but to no avail, for Larry re-entered the atmosphere and crashed into Earth. This de-orbited the whole planet, so scientists turned Canada into a flying spaceship, and flew to Jupiter.

1113

When they arrived at Jupiter, they found Las Vegas in orbit. They attacked them, and Las Vegas was split in half. One half was called Great Britain, and the other one New Finland. Astronomers then spotted another piece of Earth head towards them. It was the S.K.G.T.. The three pieces of Earth already in Jupiter orbit became the Allied Earth Chunks of Jupiter Orbit (A.E.C.J.O.). When the S.K.G.T. arrived, Jupiter War I was fought, and the A.E.C.J.O. won. Using fish chains, they link the chunks of Earth together, so they would never float apart.

1114

Earth had just collided into the sun, and the sun had become a black hole. The solar system started to be sucked in, so scientists went back in time to defeat the Germans before they won World War XVIII. When they defeated the Germans, the universe started to collapse. Back in 1114, giant fat-inducing urinals were created to send the Earth chunks in Jupiter orbit to another universe. Everything went according to plan. When they arrived in the other universe, they re-entered Earth atmosphere, and wiped out the dinosaurs.

All of this information was discovered when a history book was found in the area of the crater from the supposed meteor that killed of the dinosaurs. It was from the universe that collapsed.

Edited by ShachonianX

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This then caused another Big Bang to form yet another universe in which the dinosaurs ruled over the humans in 5324 BC to 1623 Ad when the human slaves rebelled and were victorious in what is now known as the Spartacus rebellion.

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SMASHING NEWS:

A golfer was killed on this the 20th of May, 2013 due to a very small Golf Ball Nuke, based on Cigarette Packet Nuke technology. However, nobody is investigating it as he was a publicly-hated, pretentious, and douchey SOB. That's the news, i'm Flyme.

Editor's Note:

Here is Flyme's original Boston Sphere article on the Cigarette Packet Nuke:

After the Berlin Wall was toppled, the Axis forces of America started working to build a Nuclear bomb. In the great year of 12, Nikola Einstein fashioned a nuclear bomb out of a Cigarette packet and a 1040 Tax Form, Using the Cigarette Packet as the Casing and using the 1040 Tax Form as the source of Radioactive Material. The totally safe process of extracting Radioactive materials from a 1040 tax form was pioneered by Albert Tesla, a visionary who thought it would be possible to create wireless lightbulbs. However, Nikola Einstein perfected the procedure, making it possible for the average Joe to extract as much as 45 Megatons of Radioactive Materials from the Tax Form via a Cuisinart Blender equipped with the Extra Fine Blade.

A bomb similar to this was used was used in World War MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMX, but a piece of Junk Mail was used as a Radioactive Material source.

Edited by Flymetothemun
Nasty Grammar-related letter to the editor

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In 9001, 1009 9001's were launched into orbit around 1009 at a speed of 9001, which caused 1009 nations to ban the use of 9001 memes. 1009 people rebelled the 9001 Act of 1009, which caused 9001 people to die, resulting in 1009 less people on 9001.

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Today, Great Pharaoh Winston Churchill met with Tsar Gorbachev of the Soviet Commonwealth and king Lincoln of the United Moonstations to discuss the possibility of mutual disbandment of nuclear weapons. Media and French people all over the world are celebrating this with customary fried mosquitoes. In other news, pterodactyl attacks are on the rise in Australia, prompting the Norwegian Dinoaid Corporation to increase global rates. More on this at ten.

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The Great war of 2034 caused the United states to give up most of the western half of North america to mexico.

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The Year 1115

With the discovery of the collapsed universe, it turned out that only half of that universe collapsed. Scientists were sent in to study it, and the universe was in the year 1115. Suddenly, a GIANT [Censored] SPACESHIP appeared, inhabited by survivors of the Jupiter Earth chunks. The spaceship was part of New Finland. They wanted to control the galaxy by farting at the Galactic Cheese Empire (G.E.C.). The scientists then used SCIENCE to defeat the New Finland survivors, who farted themselves into oblivion. The scientists were going to be crowned king of cool stuff, but only one could be crowned. They then had to compete in the MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMX Hungry Games. The winner, Isaac Funklestein the OVER 9000th, was crowned and then ate himself from the inside-out.

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The great liberation of 1234 let the romanized communists to take over west Philly with the MLP manifesto.

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2011. Citizens rebel against the government and destroy everything involving MlP (including fans of it, who are thrown in jail).

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The Potsdam Conference in 1989 established that South American countries should no longer try to invade Holy Roman territory.

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