Things that NASA never said at a press conference.

[kerbiloid]

Spoiler

10 hours ago, 0111narwhalz said:

fus ro da

fus ro dah

Never make such mistake irl casting spells.

 

[StupidAndy]

"we got the plans for the Redstone, Atlas, Titan, Saturn V, and SLS from a pandimensional being known as Bill Cipher, we didn't get the idea from him for the space shuttle, because it was a bad idea"

[StrandedonEarth]

"Klaatu... Verata.... Nic*cough*cough*"

"The contract to build the next-generation Lunar Lander has been awarded to Jeb's Junkyard and SpaceCraft Parts."

Edited April 30, 2017 by StrandedonEarth

[53miner53]

"Wait, we're supposed to PLAN our missions?"

[kerbiloid]

"Well, we did it for fun."

Edited May 1, 2017 by kerbiloid

[Kerbinchaser]

"Gunpowder engines will work fine! Not a problem!"

[kerbiloid]

On 29.04.2017 at 4:36 AM, StupidAndy said:

we got the plans for the Redstone

Spoiler

 

[Joseph Kerman]

"The Space Shuttle program was retired because we don't want to finish the ISS too quickly, and have too many customers for a ride."

[_Augustus_]

"Uhh, how do you dock this thing again?"

[55delta]

"No, no one has stolen our rocket, we...just...have...a surprise guest pilot, that's all."

"So we were having a big party, getting drunk and while watching A Trip to The Moon and we asked why we didn't do that ourselves?"

[StupidAndy]

"we were looking on the Kerbal Space Program forums and we saw a thread named "things NASA never said at a press conference" and there was a TON of things we never said, so we will say them all! this is going to be a LOOOOOONG press conference, and no escaping this time Fil!"

[Joseph Kerman]

"We... may... have accidentally created exotic matter in one of our labs, and it cleansed it.

[53miner53]

We created the world's best rocket engine! We just need to wait for someone to create the fuel, and hope we estimated the performance correctly!

[Human Person]

We keep measuring the pressure and temperature of space, even far away from any potential atmosphere.

Edited May 8, 2017 by Physics Student

[Joseph Kerman]

We are stealing plans from SpaceX due to the F-ing government, and sue them for fraudulence.

[kerbinorbiter]

"This meeting is titled: "grilled astronaut""

[cubinator]

The escape of the Mystery Goo from its container has rendered the ISS unsafe and the surviving astronauts are being evacuated as we speak. 

[kerbinorbiter]

We are training using KERBAL SPACE PROGRAM with toy scale solar system 

[Matuchkin]

Reporter: "Well you see, what we are searching for in this mission is an answer to a long-debated question on exactly how life on Earth formed-"

*worker sprints in and grabs microphone*

"HELP, WE HAVE TO WORK 168 HOURS A WEEK AND IF YOU MISS TEN MINUTES YOU ARE EATEN ALIV-"

*worker is dragged away, screaming*

[Laythe Squid]

"We forgot to add the return stage, so we changed the name of 'Mars Lander' to 'Mars Colony". Next Question!"

[Human Person]

Our lander didn't have enough delta-v to get into orbit again, so we broke a few parts off to make it lighter.

Edited May 13, 2017 by Physics Student

[qzgy]

"So, the night before the launch, all the astronauts went to a MASSIVE party. None of them showed up for the launch, so we'll just pick some people we don't like and accidentally make sure that we don;t have enough fuel. No, this doesn't violate any laws or legal things!"

[insert_name]

After realizing our latest Mars orbiter was launched outside the transfer window we decided to send it to Venus instead

[Omegagoldfish]

"WHY ARE THERE SO MANY CLOWNS!?"

 

-Last recorded words of Gus Grissom

[Kermunmus]

Contracts

"Every once in a while astronauts just appear in space without a rocket, just a command pod, for no apparent reason, and we have to rescue them all the time!"

"That recovery of the empty flea booster in orbit was worth the money!"

"We would like you to move this satellite, no we do not care that it is out of fuel"

"We would like you to build a massive base here, here, here, oh and here, hmmm maybe here too..."

"We test our engines by putting them on the launchpad and pressing space. If it turns on it is safe."

"Please go to this random spot on Kerbin Earth and gather temperature data. We are a space program after all."

Other Stuff

"Yes, we use SSTO's all the time!"

"We now mine Mun Moon rock to make anything we want out of it!"

"BTW we have a 2nd moon, don't any of you have telescopes!?"

"One of our astronauts phased through the ground while walking to the rocket and decided to become a rocket himself. He is now 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999KM away from the sun and scientific readings suggest that everything orbits in shaking squares now.