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Things that NASA never said at a press conference.


FlamedSteak

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"We were planning on adding more solar panels to the ISS, but we thought there might be too much lag."

"We had planned to go to Mars, but halfway through it seemed like it would be easier to go to Jupiter, so we went there instead"

"The Moon landing was a complete success, except we forgot to put legs on the lander.......so everyone is kind of dead now. NEXT QUESTION!"

"We errrrr.....we kinda rolled the Mars rover"

"No we do not consider forgetting to put docking ports on the space craft to be a "complete disaster" Jim"

"Releasing the rocket from the launch gantry before igniting the engines may have been a mistake."

"We can confirm that the death of the astronauts was a direct result of a lack of struts...we just really didn't add enough"

"I resent the implication that we accidentally pressed the space bar too early and left the astronauts stranded in perpetual orbit around the Earth!"

"We have no plans to rescue the astronauts from Mercury, they'll just have to tough it out."

"We do not consider a cramped 3 man pod to be an insufficient living space for a 4 year mission."

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"We consider the loss of astronauts in testing flights perfectly acceptable, they'll show up again shortly"

"Due to a misplaced mouse click, our astronaut decided to EVA during re-entry, and was blown off the ladder."

"He only survived the fall because he landed on his head"

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GREAT thread! " ummm, so i'm kinda still working on this engineering side of it, but ummmm. . . I THINK this is gonna work!. . . ready fellas!!?"

Adorable kerbal: "DAMN RIGHT IM READY!, LETS GO! WHOOO-HOOOO!"

BAWOOSH! Kabloom! "Okay, perhaps another strut! DONE!"

Ready for try number two boys?

Adorable Kerbal number 2: "Damn right!!! lets go!!!"

Me: "Damn i love you guys". Zoooom, BAWOOSH! BOOOM!

Me: "Okay. . .another strut. Good luck fellas!"

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"This is what space program euphemistically calls a 'bad day'."

Meanwhile, on Kerbin...

"Today's launch was a huge success! Due to a lack of struts thw whole rocket disassembled when we turned the physics on and the 32 SRBs instantly exploded, creating the best fireworks in the history of Kerbin. We might try actually getting to space tomorrow though."

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"After mechanical failure of the parachutes, the lithobraking emergency procedure was executed successfully and resulted in a satisfactory landing. All three astronauts are scheduled for another flight within minutes."

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"We've sent a mission off to Pluto. It should be arriving in about 50 years, so we're just going to time-warp through the whole trip."

"Status report on lunar lander: clipped into the terrain and removed the moon from existence. We're currently looking into rebooting the space program to undo this."

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"While it is true that the Mars launch window was missed, another opportunity will open up in seven years. Any questions? Yes, we've equipped the astronats with a pack of playing cards and a box set of The West Wing, they're enthusiastic to wait in orbit for the next window."

"I really do think that you're overstating the issue, this was, after all, a very small nuclear engine which exploded over the Welsh countryside."

"No, the Lunar Lander mission was always intended to be a long-duration mission, which is why it was felt that it would result in less stress to the legs if we landed it on its side."

"I think we can all agree now that the Deep Space probe would have worked better if solar panels had been fitted but this is the benefit of hindsight."

"Of course the probe took an extensive bank of scientific instruments to Mercury which included a thermometer and an accelerometer."

"The question of a manned versus unmanned scientific mission can be answered with one word: flags."

"Before this hour is over we will put a man on the Moon!"

Edited by Khrissetti
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