FlamedSteak

Things that NASA never said at a press conference.

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"At the request to re-purpose members of older industries, the crew for our next moon landing will composed entirely of whalers."

"We have made a major breakthrough today. We have successfully increased the speed of light."

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Posted (edited)

"As all of you know, NASA is founded by people who didn't have KSP."

Edited by kerbiloid

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10 hours ago, kerbiloid said:

"As all of you know, NASA is founded by people who didn't have KSP."

That's preposterous :D

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Posted (edited)

We regret to announce that one of our astronauts, Commander Willoughby Crinkly-Bottom has died during an EVA mission.  It would appear that he got drunk on coolant and removed his space suit while trying to get the Hubble Space Telescope to "Look at the Moon!"

Edited by NewtSoup

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"Our engineers seem to have mounted the rockets upside-down. We apologise for the emission of greenhouse gases in the cities around the space centre, although it's not like we do it every other time we send our rockets into space."

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"We sent our astronauts around the space center in a rover to collect data from the buildings. We had them stay in the on-board lab for a few years every ten buildings to extract as much science as possible."

"We are somehow unable to get a ship to sink."

"The monitor indicates that we splashed down at the sun."

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6 hours ago, prgmTrouble said:

"We sent our astronauts around the space center in a rover to collect data from the buildings. We had them stay in the on-board lab for a few years every ten buildings to extract as much science as possible."

I wish to plus this several times more.

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Posted (edited)

"We have located Elon Musk in a Tuscon diner after a multistate highway chase and unfortunately were unable to take him alive due to his determination to kill our field agents. His reign of terror is over and new laws are being passed to guarantee the equal treatment of second-stage rockets to ensure this situation never happens again."

"Today is the sixtieth anniversary of the flight of the first woman in space, Vale... Valen... Valentinah... Valentina Tere... Tere... Terakosh... 

...of Valentina Kerman."

And, as a bonus on that last one: "At the same time, the Soviets also sent Val... Valery (uh-oh) Valery Bsy... Bkya... Bykov... Bykovskragoshkravok (I don't think that was right) into orbit around the Earth. This was their second time flying two spacecraft at once, the first of course being the flight of Pavel Popovich and Andry... Adrian... Andriyan Nik... Nik... Nikola... Nikolayevevesk. Yes."

"We have looked at the forum challenges and this week, we're gonna need more money."

"Wow. This is hard!"

"The historic mission to salvage the mysterious artifact on the surface of the Moon failed because when the lander seperated from the command module, it was reclassified as a rover, and our telescopes don't track rovers, so it disappeared."

Edited by Confused Scientist

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Buzz Aldrin: "I turn around for ONE second and you jump out first!" 

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"We here at NASA take pride in our cheap runway building techniques. We take a impossibly perfect flat, hard grass field and turn it into a raised bumpy monstrosity for all your early space program needs! We swear it makes it easier to take off..."

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Houston we have a pr----em

What is a Prem? 

T-- -O2 fi--er h-s fai--d

What is Faid?

10 Minutes later

The Krew of Kerpollo 31 have mysteriously disappeared, analysis of conversation has kaused NASA to skream:

WWWHHHHHHHY!!!!!

 

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"We're opening an online contest to suggest and vote for a name for the SLS."

"After our moderators had to close all discussion threads, we have decided to halt our 'nominate someone to be an astronaut' contest."

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13 minutes ago, 55delta said:

"We're opening an online contest to suggest and vote for a name for the SLS."

"In accordance with the results of our online contest, the SLS is now renamed Untitled Space Craft."

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"Harp. Blab. Doooo-ahhhhh THING. Dorm-toot. Phalla."

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"Today our spacecraft was performing a gravity-assist maneuver to escape Kerbin's SOI, but it backfired and it set them on a suborbital trajectory. Their ship, having no heat shield, exploded."

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We lost our Saturn V because some ET's blew them up; saud they were disturbing Kerbal Space.

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At 2:30 PST, the Colossus X spacecraft, sending the first crew to mars, was lost when we forgot the chutes. However, one crew member, Major Bob Kerman, survived because he landed on his head.

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"We're happy to say that the experimentations and researches made after the crash of XASR-01 proved the fact that the fall of the rocket back on the launchpad was not caused by a failure. It's caused by a natural phenomeon called 'gravity'. "

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The lizard people are now launching their plan to take over the earth

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The N-1 would have succeeded if we built it not the Soviets!

 

But it would be called... The Saturn 5b

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On 9/4/2017 at 9:05 AM, AwesomeDude3664 said:

At 2:30 PST, the Colossus X spacecraft, sending the first crew to mars, was lost when we forgot the chutes. However, one crew member, Major Bob Kerman, survived because he landed on his head.

...until it was found that he had contracted a mild case of "spaghettiosis" in where your limbs are painfully stretched by unknown forces hundreds of meters in each direction, until your inevitable death, all while you have a smile on your face.

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1 hour ago, LazySoUseHyperedit said:

...until it was found that he had contracted a mild case of "spaghettiosis" in where your limbs are painfully stretched by unknown forces hundreds of meters in each direction, until your inevitable death, all while you have a smile on your face.

It is referred to on the interwebs as a "creepypasta"

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"Our Mun lander failed, but the astronauts were able to jump out and land safely. Using a ladder, they made it back."

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"you do know that 99,99... ^... ... ... ^ ...% of the universe totally don't care about your moan ; hey !?! the same apply to nasa and human you know, that's accurately normal & representative, all scale related for sure"

Edited by WinkAllKerb''
grumpy ted typo, whatever disambiguation(s) ted refer too

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