Jump to content

The Kerb Kerman Show!


Recommended Posts

We will return you to your regularly scheduled 23-hour daily marathon of 'Gee, I Sure Love Xackylvania' in just a few minutes. Now it is time for your hour of Xackylvania History with your host, Kerb Kerman.

Kerb: Hello and Welcome to the Kerb Kerman Show! The only history show you're allowed to watch! Our special guest for today is the assistant director of Cool Automobile Racing Stuff, Burrrrrsby Kerman!

Bursby: Sup, Kerb.

Kerb: Soup right back at you.

Bursby: Not Soup, SUP... like 'What is up?'

Kerb: Uh, airplanes?

Bursby: No, I mean... skip it. Let's just kick this show into gear.

Kerb: What gears? We haven't had any gears on set since we fired the Second Xackylvanian Cyborg Marching Band.

Bursby: Hey man, just... just click a slide or something.

Kerb: Now you're making sense! CLICK!

EC8A82393203F79D8308846C8B121BE9A3A52E08

Bursby: There she is. That's the Eve Driver, she is one sweet looking ship. Just like me.

Kerb: Wow. Did Oggy build that?

Bursby: I let him help. He's a crazy sucka, but he knows how to get things going.

Kerb: And its going to Eve, I assume?

Bursby: Those rovers are going all the way, Kerb. Going allllll the way.

Kerb: That's... weird. I'm clicking the picture thing.

C1FF67D29635C83097FE079D7B9942FBCE9D5664

Kerb: Oooh, pretty.

Bursby: I know I am.

Kerb: What? Not you, the rocket!

Bursby: Oh. Well, yeah. Of course. I knew that.

Kerb: Can you tell us why were you taking these rovers to Eve?

Bursby: We were setting up for the First Official Octoannual Speedy Highwheel Exhibition Race.

Kerb: Sounds exciting! I think we have a better picture of the racers... ah!

013373D4F5B93C7ED5B18710081D1E7399F01D27

Kerb: Now which one were you driving for the race?

Bursby: Both of them.

Kerb: I bet you... what? How could you race yourself?

Bursby: I'm just that good.

Kerb: But you.... I mean... what?

Bursby: Just chill, Kerb. It's time to sing those soothing tones of 'All Hail Xacktar.' Who, just like me, is really cool. I am cool. Just look at me. I even have sunglasses. :cool: Everyone who wears sunglasses has to be cool. Right?

Kerb: Uh... We'll be back after the singing, folks.

---

Edited by Xacktar
Link to post
Share on other sites

We now return you to the best show the government hasn't cancelled, the Kerb Kerman Show!

Kerb: Welcome back! We were just talking to Bursby Kerman about his FOOSHER.

Bursby: Best one on the planet.

Kerb: I thought it was on Eve.

Bursby: What? It's right here in my-

Kerb: I MEAN THE RACE! You know, the First Official Over Something....whatever it was?

Bursby: Ohhh.

Kerb: Let's just move on to the pictures.

48CEC33822BD5BE5F99FD61320FBDFB404994BB6

Kerb: So you made it to Eve. Anything interesting happen along the way?

Bursby: Nahhh, it was a smooth ride. :cool:

Kerb: No explosions? Ow Headbutting? Drinking? Ow, stop that. Surprise kidnappings? OK, FINE! SHEESH. Of course I'm joking since nothing bad ever happens to any space ship.

Bursby: Nope, none of that.

Kerb: How boring. More pictures!

D3515F6E5325EA50D217CF9BFD1B4B3D9E4331A9

Kerb: Ah! That's more like it! Fire! Action! Suspense?

Bursby: Nope.

Kerb: Darn. Just a little bit of suspense? There are things on fire in the background... tell me they broke off!

Bursby: Chill, Kerb. That was just a fuel tank that separated. The flight went completely according to plan.

Kerb: Really?

Bursby: Yes... Why? Was it supposed to crash?

Kerb: What? Nonononono. Heh. Noooo. Why would you say that? Heh. Nothing EVER crashes in Xackylvania.

Bursby: But I wasn't in Xackyl-

Kerb: LET'S LOOK AT MORE PICTURES.

5A9A734D33F598567AF3E4207B2BB039A9D7137A

Kerb: EVE SURE IS PRETTY THIS TIME OF YEAR.

Bursby: Actually, that was months ago.

Kerb: IT'S STILL PRETTY.

Bursby: You seem a bit tense, Kerb. Why doncha take a quick break, have some Black Rocket Whiskey, take a breather. You need to learn how to relax, like me... because I'm cool. :cool:

Kerb: WILL YOU STOP WITH THE SUNGLASSES! GIMME THOSE!

Bursby: NO! MY COOLNESS!

Uh, we'll be right back after these messages.

Edited by Xacktar
Link to post
Share on other sites

We now return you to the coolest place on Kelivision, The Kerb Kerman Show.

Kerb: HAH! Got your glasses.

Bursby: Good thing I had a spare. :cool:

Kerb: OH for the love of...

Bursby: Just try them on, Kerb. Open yourself to the coolness. Let the chill flow through you.

Kerb: Well... ok. Just for a minute. :cool:

Bursby: Hmmm?

Kerb: Awwwww Yeaaaaah. Click.

3EBC4F4A05DB8D36A7AB9EBD29F3223715E8BE67

Kerb: So, man. How'd the race go?

Bursby: It was chill, Kerb. Very Chill. Took the dragster on a 7k stretch to a nearby mountain. Hit a smooth 98m/s along the way.

Kerb: Cool. :cool:

Bursby: So Cool. :cool:

4683646D0C089CCA1D337269504E6E493EEE60FC

Kerb: So who won?

Bursby: What?

Kerb: Who won the race?

Bursby: I was the only one racing. I won.

Kerb: But... is it really a race if you were the only one in it?

Bursby: Yup. :cool:

Kerb: I think you need at least two people to-

Bursby: Nope.

Kerb: But then that would mean you were the loser too.

Bursby: WAS NOT! I HAVE A TROPHY! It says super-best racer on it! LOSERS DON'T GET TROPHIES!

Kerb: Hey man, chill. It's cool, it's cool.

356178B9192C0C9DF652AE8031CA402229866277

Kerb: Here, look at the picture. A nice sunset. Very relaxing.

Bursby: I'M STILL COOL! I WON THE RACE! BURSBY KERMAN ATE MY DUST!

Kerb: I'm sure, I'm sure... Bob, help me out here.

Bursby: I HAVE SUNGLASSES... AND COOL HAIR... AND MY FOOSHER IS-

That's it for today's show! Tune in tomorrow, because you have to, for more of The Kerb Kerman Show!

Edited by Xacktar
Link to post
Share on other sites

Because obviously that two stage rocket shown on the surface of Eve was clearly sufficient for the task of getting 8 to 12 kdv! *glances around for Xactar surveilance cameras* Obviously! They totally didn't need a rescue ship because those things are never neccessary in the empire!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Nah - Bursby is so cool, the fabric of spacetime bends to his pure laid-back demeanour. Deep gravity wells are just so so unhip man - he smoothes them right out if you can dig it - and floats casually away from Eve using nothing but his RCS pack.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Wait...how did Bursby Kerman get home?

Bursby's sunglasses, like the ones in Deal With It gifs, can slide down from nowhere... but Bursby reverse engineered it so when they slide back up he grabs a hold of them and it lifts him up into orbit.

Edited by Xacktar
Link to post
Share on other sites
Bursby's sunglasses, like the ones in Deal With It gifs, can slide down from nowhere... but Bursby reverse engineered it so when they slide back up he grabs a hold of them and it lifts him up into orbit.

Ahh - the wonders of the Xacktar 2000, super-chromatic, peril-enhancing sunglasses. Now with built in Kraken Drive.

All hail Xacktar!

Link to post
Share on other sites

How amazing! I just found this writing, by my will and totally-not-because-I-was-dragged-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-drugged-with-pink-pills, because that sort of thing never happens to XAC!

Can't wait for more awesome-and-totally-not-exploding-missions because every single mission goes so well! That leaves me to wonder... Xacktar could probably land on the Sun, given he is soo coool, cooling the sun's surface enough for him to land, as if he would ever need that, he is ethernal!

Keep up the good work!

Link to post
Share on other sites
That leaves me to wonder... Xacktar could probably land on the Sun, given he is soo coool, cooling the sun's surface enough for him to land, as if he would ever need that, he is ethernal!

Keep up the good work!

He would, but he's worried that his ultimate coolness would extinguish the sun. ;) Thanks, Guto.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I wonder what would happen when a kerbal who constructs efficient and (truly) safe rockets has to collaborate with Oggy to create the next generation of interstellar craft (I'm thinking modular interplanetary rockets that can have parts added or removed easily (2.5 meter parts, of course)). Modular propulsion units (LV-N's on fuel tanks attached to trusses (puller design, much more stable), fuel and monopropellant storage units (an orange tank attached to two large monoprop tanks), habitation units (a whole bunch of Hitchhikers and possibly side-mounted cupolas), SCIENCE! units (SCIENCE! lab, two goo containers, two Science Jrs. and at least one of every other experiment, and transmitters), along with modules of your own design.

What I am talking about is a system that would allow for repeatable interplanetary travel with a variable geometry vessel that can be adapted to the specifics of each mission easily. Any new modules could be brought up from the surface, and any unrequired ones could be docked at a station in LKO for later use.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I wonder what would happen when a kerbal who constructs efficient and (truly) safe rockets has to collaborate with Oggy to create the next generation of interstellar craft (I'm thinking modular interplanetary rockets that can have parts added or removed easily (2.5 meter parts, of course)). Modular propulsion units (LV-N's on fuel tanks attached to trusses (puller design, much more stable), fuel and monopropellant storage units (an orange tank attached to two large monoprop tanks), habitation units (a whole bunch of Hitchhikers and possibly side-mounted cupolas), SCIENCE! units (SCIENCE! lab, two goo containers, two Science Jrs. and at least one of every other experiment, and transmitters), along with modules of your own design.

What I am talking about is a system that would allow for repeatable interplanetary travel with a variable geometry vessel that can be adapted to the specifics of each mission easily. Any new modules could be brought up from the surface, and any unrequired ones could be docked at a station in LKO for later use.

What you're talking about makes perfect sense.

Which is why I must reject it. XD

Xackylvania is built out of idiocy, silliness, rampant disregard for safety, inept oppression, probable mental illness and space tape. Oggy is actually the safest rocket designer they have, which is balanced by the fact that nothing else about Oggy is safe. ;)

(This is in no way because I'm not a good rocket designer. Yep. Totally. >.> *something explodes off-screen.*)

Link to post
Share on other sites
What you're talking about makes perfect sense.

Which is why I must reject it. XD

Xackylvania is built out of idiocy, silliness, rampant disregard for safety, inept oppression, probable mental illness and space tape. Oggy is actually the safest rocket designer they have, which is balanced by the fact that nothing else about Oggy is safe. ;)

(This is in no way because I'm not a good rocket designer. Yep. Totally. >.> *something explodes off-screen.*)

Well then, why not turn it into something that is an absolute monster in terms of parts, is really laggy, and is likely to be possessed by a wiggly horse at any time?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Given the musical and dancing talents displayed by the Xacksylvanians every few minutes, it occurs to me that the Ministry of Propa--er, I mean the Source Of All Knowledge And Truth might produce the official historical national epic of Xacksylvania as an operetta. Something very much like "HMS Pinafore". Why? Because the word "Xacktar" is reminiscent of "Rackstraw" and "jack tar".

I know, stupid idea. I'll just pop off to the psyche ward and take my meds now. Sorry to bother you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Given the musical and dancing talents displayed by the Xacksylvanians every few minutes, it occurs to me that the Ministry of Propa--er, I mean the Source Of All Knowledge And Truth might produce the official historical national epic of Xacksylvania as an operetta. Something very much like "HMS Pinafore". Why? Because the word "Xacktar" is reminiscent of "Rackstraw" and "jack tar".

I know, stupid idea. I'll just pop off to the psyche ward and take my meds now. Sorry to bother you.

Not at all - but you left out one crucial part. To commemorate the 10th anniversary of the Glorious Overthrow of the Not-Nice Government, the Source of All Knowledge and Truth has decreed that the opening performance of the aforementioned operetta be transmitted live from the Mun*.

*or a not-at-all faked up sound stage next to the XAC

Link to post
Share on other sites
Given the musical and dancing talents displayed by the Xacksylvanians every few minutes, it occurs to me that the Ministry of Propa--er, I mean the Source Of All Knowledge And Truth might produce the official historical national epic of Xacksylvania as an operetta.

If only I could sing... I would so do this. XD

Not at all - but you left out one crucial part. To commemorate the 10th anniversary of the Glorious Overthrow of the Not-Nice Government, the Source of All Knowledge and Truth has decreed that the opening performance of the aforementioned operetta be transmitted live from the Mun*.

*or a not-at-all faked up sound stage next to the XAC

KSK, you get me... so, so well.

Well then, why not turn it into something that is an absolute monster in terms of parts, is really laggy, and is likely to be possessed by a wiggly horse at any time?

Now you're talking!

Link to post
Share on other sites
This thread is quite old. Please consider starting a new thread rather than reviving this one.

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...