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The Kerb Kerman Show!


Xacktar

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I attempted to do the 'Happy Guides' in game but ran into a problem with the texture. It seems to tile the visor, so no matter how large I made the smiley face it got rings of other faces on the edges. In the end I made it small enough that the edges were blank.

Happy Guide.jpg

I forget which suit I used as the template for that, but I messed around with the textures to remove a lot of those red stripes and paste in the dark texturing as copies (tricky to find patches that matched).

Also having issues with KSP right now so it's been a little... strained getting things working, but recently have managed to get a few games working. Still got tons of graphical glitches :(

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  • 2 weeks later...

We will return you to your regularly scheduled 23-hour daily marathon of 'Gee, I Sure Love Xackylvania' in just a few minutes. Now it is time for your hour of Xackylvania History with your host, Kerb Kerman.

Kerb: Good Evening, everyone! Welcome once again to the Kerb Kerman Show! Tonight we have a very special guest. Uh, why don't you go ahead and introduce him, Bob?

Would everybody please stand for his excellency, the coolest, most legit, uh... What does that say? ...most amazing High Lord Emperor Xacktar!

Xacktar: My fellow Xackylvanians and not-oppressed kerbals! I am sure you've been worried after the conclusion of last week's episode, but fear not. Nothing bad has happened. It was just a weather balloon. Rest assured that anyone telling you that bad stuff happened will be quickly confronted and escorted away by my Happy Guides. The dissidents will go to a happy place you have never seen before but its not that happy, you don't want to go there.

Kerb: Uh, well said.

Xacktar: Thank you.

Kerb: Now that that is all over and done with, I'm sure you have a lot to do, being a busy-

Xacktar: Your show has been lacking something recently, Kerb.

Kerb: Uh, it has?

Xacktar: Indeed. You have plenty of historical facts, but you have nothing that screams glory, strength, power! Why haven't you displayed the history of the Glorious Revolution of Utter Niceness and Not-At-All Utter Worldwide Destruction?

Kerb: Well, everyone know the records are classified and anyone who asks too much gets taken to the-

Xacktar: BILL! GET HIM THE FILES!

Happy Guide Bill: Sir!

Xacktar: I believe we even have a picture of the majestic Throne-Tank that I rode into the last city of the Not-Nice Empire. Why don't you load that up for us, Kerb?

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Xacktar: Ah, that was a glorious day! The crowds cheering and throwing children at me while bringing their balloons for me to kiss, the absolute adoration of the masses at my victory. Everyone was so happy to see me, isn't that right, Kerb?

Kerb: Oh, yeah. kissing balloons? Of course!

Xacktar: I was so moved by all of their kindness I decided to launch some fireworks for them.

Kerb: Uh, Fireworks?

Xacktar: Just put the picture up.

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Xacktar: The crowd was incredibly impressed.

Kerb: Actually, they look a little sc-

Xacktar: Joyous?

Kerb: Yeah, that. Heh. So... what happened next?

Xacktar: They all climbed on my Throne-Tank for a great parade around the city with snacks and balloons for all. The End.

Kerb: What? You can't just say 'The End' That's not how it works, plus we still have two-thirds of the show left to fill!

Xacktar: I can't? Bill, please remind our host that-

Kerb: I MEAN WOW LOOK AT THE TIME! IT'S TIME TO STAND UP AND SING-

Xacktar: No, it isn't.

Kerb: It isn't?

Xacktar: We still have time for one more picture. Why don't you hand me your little remote there, Kerb?

Kerb: Oh, heh. My clicker... Of course, here.

Xacktar: Thank you.

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Xacktar: See, Kerb? Glory! Majesty! This is what you've been missing! Now you may proceed in singing about me.

Everybody get on your feet! It's time to stand up and sing 'All Hail Xacktar, He's Really Cool!' We'll be right back after this!

Edited by Xacktar
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We now return you to the Kerb Kerman Show, with your Lord Emperor, Xacktar!

Xacktar: Appreciated, Bob. Now, I know that we-

Kerb: Uh, and welcome back from me too!

Xacktar: Kerb?

Kerb: Yes, sir?

Xacktar: How long have you been hosting this show?

Kerb: A long time!

Xacktar: And you want to keep hosting this show, right?

Kerb: Of course!

Xacktar: Then don't interrupt me.

Kerb: Right! It's just...

Xacktar: What?

Kerb: Can I have my clicker back?

Xacktar: Fine, here.

Kerb: CLICK!

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Kerb: Hey, look! Its Bob!

Xacktar: What is this? That's from this show. How was that picture taken?

Jeb, we're blown. Go to plan B.

Kerb: Jeb? Who the geep is Jeb? Bob, what is going on here?

I'm sorry, Kerb. You'd better stay out of this.

Xacktar: BILL! This man is an agent of the resistance! Happify him this instant!!

Happy Guide Bill: I'm afraid I can't do that.

Xacktar: What is this?

I believe this is called a conspiracy, Xacktar.

Xacktar: What are you planning? This world can't live without me. I keep it together, I keep it all from falling apart! This was MY victory, this is MY country... and once we find a planet that isn't covered in radioactive fallout, then the world will be mine! A cameraman and a rogue Happy Guide can't stop me.

Kerb: Oh geep! CLICK!

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Bill: The two of us? No, we probably can't stop you. You forgot about one thing. Just one thing...

Xacktar: And what is that?

Bill: That Jeb is one crazy geeping Kerbal.

Xacktar: You're bluffing. Jeb's dead. I saw to that myself.

Bill: Oh yes. You sent him on a one-way mission, just like you do to everyone who stands up to you and your Happy Guides! But you know what they say, what goes up...

...must come down. JEB! NOW!

Kerb: AHHHH! CLICK!

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[...TERMINAL DISCONNECTED. PLEASE STAND BY.]

Edited by Xacktar
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[...TERMINAL CONNECTION RESTORED]

You ok there, Kerb?

Kerb: Ughf, huh? Is my clicker ok?

Bill: Bob, why are you still behind the camera?

I like it here. It's cozy.

Bill: Well, come out of there before something explodes. Jeb, you ok?

Jeb: Can I do that again?

Bill: No.

Jeb: Aw.

Bob: You're a hero now, Jeb.

Jeb: Cool. Can a hero do that again?

Bill: Not unless you can build a new news studio.

Jeb: Can I do that?

Kerb: My Clicker! CLICK!

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Bill: What're we gonna do about him?

Bob: Who? Kerb?

Bill: Yeah.

Bob: He's harmless. As long as he has his picture clicker he's happy.

Kerb: CLICK!

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Bill: Well, there ain't much left on this rock, but at least we can share it, now.

Jeb: Zoom, pow! SPBOOOM!

Bob: Preferably, far away from Jeb and Oggy.

Bill: Might be nice, yeah.

Jeb: I can see the Mun!

Kerb: CLICK!

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Bob: That's all for today's show! Please don't tune in anymore! Go outside, invent things! We won't be back, ever!

Bill: What was that?

Bob: I was closing out the show.

Bill: There's no way that the cameras are still working after that blast. No one's watching, Bob.

Bob: I know, I just... well... It was kinda fun. Right, Kerb?

Kerb: This is Kerb Kerman saying Goodnight GOOD-NIGHT!

[TERMINAL DISCONNECTED. PLEASE STAND BY.]

Edited by Xacktar
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Yes, that's right. The end of the Kerb Kerman show! Brighter skies await for everyone on Xackylvania!

Don't worry, this won't be the end of me making jokes and being silly. I'm sure I'll be back with a new series sometime in the future. :)

EDIT: Also big thanks to Patupi for his Happy Guides suggestion. I finally got to use them! :D

Edited by Xacktar
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Aww man. :(

Still, all good things must come to an end. Looking forward to whatever you dream up next (and keeping my fingers crossed it's got Oggy in somewhere. :) )

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w-what?

it's over?

...

I'll miss this series. It's the one that got me hooked on KSP fan-fiction...

...and the one that made me spray hot tea from my nose onto a freshly printed ten-page paper for literature.

...

yeah, I'll miss it.

:)

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The end of something great!

And what an end, it was beautiful. Nice to see inside the studio. Great use of colour in that last one, royal purple for Xactar, happy face yellow for Bill, and Bob's black like his camera man speach.

Hopefully we'll still here from the kerbals of this sub-universe, as you had some good characters.

And with Grand tour also nearly ending, time is almost right to begin my new series...

Edited by Tw1
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Consider it done good sir. And the nice thing about having a name that begins with 'X' is that you are currently the absolute last word in humour in the Library. :)

Oh - and my last post seems a tad underenthusiastic, so I just want to say that I enjoyed the finale. Jeb saving the world by rocket powered ram-raiding! YEAAAHH. :D

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Dang, Jeb can't hit the broad side of a dictator! Well, nearly. :)

I can't believe one of the Happy guides would dare to turn against his glorious imperrsi... Imperioussnes ness ... His.... greatness.

*grins* Love this Xac, keep it up!

(and my browser didn't update since yesterday... and I didn't realize this was really the end *sniffs, then bawls uncontrollably* <WARNING><FLOODWARNING> *Flood of tears drowns Xactar central and puts out rocket fire*)

Edited by Patupi
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  • 2 months later...
  • 1 month later...
  • 1 month later...

Click on the little 6-pointed star icon next to the 'Blog this Post' button on the post you want to add rep to. You get a dialog box asking you to add a message - it's friendly (but not obligatory) to do that too. :)

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  • 5 months later...
I have some ideas resultant of bathroom pondering:

-A Giant sligshot designed by great xactar to swing ships to far away spots.

-A mission from the point of view of the Kerbals

-Exploding a giant nuke to propel a craft forward

-Someone bright enough to go to Minmus and remove their helmets to try to taste the mint pudding

Exploding a giant Nuke to push a craft is a legit thing. Google project Orion.

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  • 1 month later...
  • 9 months later...
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