"Companionship" of the Kraken

[Zuni]

New chapters and parts will be added as they are ready.

Prologue

Bill clambered down the ladder onto the surface of this new planet. He, Bill Kerman, was now the first Kerbal to step on Duna. “Duna rus rehcram a reimerp el tnanet’niam sius ej!†he called through his microphone, in his native language. I am now the first to walk on Duna. “Mission successful!†The Dunan dust floated around his boots, making mini-plumes suspended in slow motion in the low gravity. He looked up at their lander. Golden foil glimmered, but not, Bill thought, as brightly as it did at home.

Bill turned away from the lander and came face to face with a huge, green tentacled monster.

“Zʻnʻn ʼyr ʼa prʻmd? ʼyr zʻnʻn yntrwdyng!†Bill faintly heard echoing through his helmet. “Bob, Jeb, ertsnom, what is this, help me! Etrev esoch, tentacles, tnias minmus!†Bill jabbered, flicking between languages in panic. The creature flinched as Bill’s headset crackled.

“Kraken.†The creature said, stronger this time. Bill realised that the sound was coming through his headset. It could tap comunnications!

“You - Kraken?†queried Bill.

“Yʼ, ʼyk byn ʼyynÊ»r pwn dy Kraken.â€Â

Bill took a cautious step forwards, and the creature flared up, lifting its spiked tentacles to reveal a huge mouth, filled with razor-sharp teeth. “BʼAQWMÊ»N ʼAWWÊ»Q, QLYYN ʼYYNÊ»R. DÊ»M ʼYZ ʼWNDZÊ»R LʼAND.â€Â

Bill screamed and leaped back into the lander, slamming the airlock. “Abort! Rennod’naba! End mission!†Then he saw Jeb’s face. He wasn’t grinning.

Heartbeats thumped in Bill’s small body.

Slowly, Jeb lifted up his arm and tapped his suit head and then shook his head. No communication. Bill looked over to Bob who motioned to himself, Jeb and pointed at the airlock. Then he pointed at the controls and shook his head.

They heard the Kraken… And the ship was… Broken?

Suddenly, a lightning quick tentacle ripped through the ship sides. An entire wall was torn off. Bob was pulled out, and Bill saw shards of helmet glass shatter everywhere. Silent screams were uttered everywhere, but nobody could hear. Slowly, one massive eye after another scanned the ship. It looked like the Kraken was leaving.

Bob choked on his blood as a spiked tentacle stabbed through the lander into his stomach.

Mission successful?

[team.leit]

Well written, what's next?

[Commissioner Tadpole]

Might add more paragraphs and organize your story a bit, but I'm curious about the next chapter!

[Zuni]

Might add more paragraphs and organize your story a bit, but I'm curious about the next chapter!

Thank you, this is by no means my best writing but it is Kerbal so it counts

Well written, what's next?

Thank you. And you have to wait and see...

[Duxwing]

In literature is a saying, "You don't write: you rewrite," and rewriting involves editing. Below is my edited version of your story. Consider the changes.

---

Bill clambered down the ladder and, with a smile, leapt into the Dunar dust. “Duna rus rehcram a reimerp el tnanet’niam sius ej!†he called through his microphone, in his native language. I am now the first to walk on Duna. “Mission successful!†The dust floated around his boots, making mini-plumes that floated in the low gravity. He looked up at their lander: its golden foil glimmered, but not as brightly as it did at home.

Bill turned away from the lander and came face to face with a huge, green-tentacled monster.

“Zʻnʻn ʼyr ʼa prʻmd? ʼyr zʻnʻn yntrwdyng!†Bill faintly heard echoing through his helmet. “Bob, Jeb, ertsnom, what is this, help me! Etrev esoch, tentacles, tnias minmus!†Bill jabbered, flicking between languages in panic. The creature flinched as Bill’s headset crackled.

“Kraken.†The creature said, stronger this time. Bill realised that the sound was coming through his headset. It could tap comunnications!

“You - Kraken?†queried Bill.

“Yʼ, ʼyk byn ʼyynÊ»r pwn dy Kraken.â€Â

Bill cautiously stepped forwards, but the creature reared, lifting its spiked tentacles to reveal a huge mouth, filled with razor-sharp teeth. “BʼAQWMÊ»N ʼAWWÊ»Q, QLYYN ʼYYNÊ»R. DÊ»M ʼYZ ʼWNDZÊ»R LʼAND.â€Â

Bill screamed and spun around to sprint for the lander. The ravenous creature raced behind him and swung shut its jaws, but Bill leapt from the dusty plain! Heartbeats shook his small body whilst he flew toward the airlock. “Abort! Rennod’naba! End mission!†Jeb swung its tiny red handle to the left, and Bill sailed in with a thunderous crash.

After shutting the airlock, Jeb lifted his arm, tapped his helmet, and shook his head: no communication. Bill closed his eyes and wept.

A tentacle burst through a wall then pulled out Bob. Bill's eyes flashed open to hear Bob's helmet crack, hiss, and crumple while silent screams, helmet glass, and crimson jets of blood filled the air. Bill began a fierce curse beneath his breath, but a massive eye slowly scanned the ship. Bill held his breath.

---

Advice:

1.) More Kerbal Language! It's a worthwhile labor of love.

2.) Write thoughts as italicized lines of text.

3.) Graphic violence should revolt and astonish with its unflinching accuracy. Spare not severed spleen or blended brain, and obey the laws of physics; e.g., hitting someone over the head with a sledgehammer will crack and collapse their skull while in a uniform arc exploding such innards as blood, eyeballs, brains, teeth, tongue, spine, tonsils, uvula, hair, facial bones, nose, spit, and snot.

4.) Violence can climax an emotional crescendo; e.g., hearing the crack of a hated skull can deeply satisfy whereas hearing the dying screams of a dismembered friend can forever haunt.

5.) Humanize your violence. Death is not dramatic, and neither is injury. Build tremendous emotional attachments and randomly sever them with falling rocks.

-Duxwing

Edited November 27, 2013 by Duxwing