Jump to content

Kerbal History


Recommended Posts

4749: Jeb fixes the year counter, but used to many SRBs. The year counter suddenly shoots off to orbit. Because of time dilation, 100 years is only 58 picoseconds on the counter.

4749: After 4,956,201 years of attempts to gather the orbiting year counter, we have returned it. We don't adjust the time back to normal because nothing really happened in the 4,956,201 years we didn't have the counter.

Link to post
Share on other sites
4801 : APC Prime Minister Kirrim Kerman acknowledges the existence of creatures called "Homo-sapiens".

Why does it take about 1000 years before humans are acknowledged?

4801: Things magically return to pre-craziness location and orbit, but time didn't change.

4809-4900: (Record lost)

4901: After 92 years, the Record of 4809-4900 are finally found.

What it is:

4809: Everything seems to inflate. Turns out 52% of the Kerbal population are hallucinated.

4824: The hallucination disappears. Apparently 1 balloon contains that gas. That was released into space, never to be seen again. Or is it?

4848: Words from humans that the bloons may be attacking Kerbin. The Kerbals prepared for that assault.

4852: The bloons invade Kerbin, but is popped by the Kerbals with their guns.

4868: The first MOAB-class bloon is sent to Kerbin. It fails.

4888: The first BFB is sent to Kerbin. RIP BFB.

4899: The first ZOMG is sent to Kerbin. RIP ZOMG.

4900: The bloons decided on a massive attack on the Kerbals. RIP the bloons.

(The things from KD 4809-4900 are all my homage to Bloons Tower Defense 5.)

Link to post
Share on other sites

5000: Jebediah, Bill, and Bob Kerman sent on a warp drive spacecraft, LukVII, to the home of homo-sapiens called "E-arth". Kerbol found to be orbiting the "Sun".

5001: Poltical relations between "Humans" and Kerbals started. Ambassador of Kerbin is Kirrim Kerman.

5002: Evil, stupid race of ailens named "Orcs" found around Proxima Centauri.

5003: War breaks out on Earth. Kerbals stop the riots.

5004: Rapture occurs on Earth. Anti-Christ takes over. Relations with Kerbin are nearly severed.

6004: After a boring, short thousand years, Jesus reigns on Earth.

6005: Earth destroyed, Believers in Christ taken to heaven, while non-believers burn in the "pit of fire". Universe left for kerbals to reign.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Dude you skipped the final century! It's supposed to be like the most interesting century since the first one!

I'm going back to document it.

4900.1: Crewed vehicles are finally cleared for flights to Sentar, now that it has been extensively scrutinized by autonomous probes. While a wealth of data exists on the planet and its moon system, the designers of the probes absentmindedly forgot to include a clock on board, so it was impossible to document the progress of the missions and thus no historical records of them exist.

4901: Boost & Large corporation is founded, seeking to mass-produce cheap consumer goods for the average Kerbal. Within a few months, Boost & Large superstores start popping up in every major city and severely affecting the local economies, to the chagrin of family-owned business owners.

4904: Boost & Large acquires rights to build the largest-ever superstore at the center of Kerbin City and bulldozes the Great Kathedral of Khalesm, but the construction crew is unable to complete the building on time. Panic ensues until one of the construction foremen uses an illegal Magnetoplasmokrakubierre Drive to push the starting date of construction back in time to an earlier date. However, they still fail to finish building by the deadline, so they have little choice but to push the start date even further back.

4904.1: A post card saleskerbal makes the sudden, stunning discovery that the Boost & Large corporation had moved the date of the superstore's construction so far back in time that the Great Kathedral of Khalesm never actually existed in the first place. His postcards featuring photos of the Kathedral become an extremely valuable kollector's item.

Link to post
Share on other sites

4905: The Kraken loses control of It's powers again.(Hey, It's the last 100 years of Kerbalkind... It's extinction is suppose to be interesting!)

4906: Moho flies into Kerbol due to the Kraken making gravity increase.

4907: Due to increasing gravity KSS (Kerbonational Space Station) flies into Kerbin due to increasing gravity... Killing Bob Kerman while this song plays:www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vi35XQjFV_A xqrR1y2.jpgRIP Bob Kerman

Link to post
Share on other sites

4909: Jeb hugs Bob after he got out of the hospital.

4910: 1% of Kerbals are getting broken legs due to gravity increasing.

4910.1: Jeb designs a resupply ship for Soylut 7... Called the Jeb-supplier

4910.2: Cermian Prime Minister Kirrim approves of the Jeb-supplier.

4910.3: Cermian Space Program moves Soylut 7 up 30k (For caution)

4911: The Jeb-supplier launches It's first mission.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This isn't the last 100 years of Kerbalkind, it's the last 100 years before the present date. So we have 89 years left to get things to where they are in the game now. So maybe not so many planets flying into the Sun for now, everyone? We've done that about 20 times so far.

4912: Due to the increase in gravity, the Jeb-supplier and all other spacecraft start to need progressively larger booster stages to reach orbit. Before long, space travel becomes prohibitively difficult for the Kerbal Space Program and they reach a serious budget crisis.

4913: KSP's budget crisis gets so bad they reach a point at which they only have three rocket parts left with which to construct anything: an extremely cramped 1-meter command pod, a single small fuel tank, and a mediocre engine.

Link to post
Share on other sites
This isn't the last 100 years of Kerbalkind, it's the last 100 years before the present date. So we have 89 years left to get things to where they are in the game now. So maybe not so many planets flying into the Sun for now, everyone? We've done that about 20 times.

Oh.. Ok.

4914: The KSP Shuts down permanently due to no budget.

4915: Jeb tries to evacuate a defunct Soylut 7, But due to parachutes failing Jeb dies and they have a funeral for Jebediah.

4916: Global riots start over the cancellation of the Space Program, Starting nuclear war.

4917: Kerbalkind self-destructs and no Kerbals exist anymore and all the Kerbals on Spaceships had life support fail.

4918: The Kraken gets control of It's powers.

4918: The Kraken Reverses time before this happened.

4906: The Jeb-supplier is made by Jeb! and Approved by Cermia!

Link to post
Share on other sites

4906.1: Kerbal astronomers note that the Kraken's generous resetting of time also restored Moho. Some of them claim that it also caused Sentar to disappear, and in the end nobody reaches a consensus on the subject.

4907: Hannibal Kerman (who later became known as Hannibal the Kannibal in some circles) uses a modified Kerbal Unreconstitutionator to develop a new food product called Soylent Green. While he claims it is a soy product, investigation by snackologists indicates that it's actually made out of humans. However, the mystery of how Hannibal acquired these humans is never solved because when a police task force investigates his house, they find no humans left. Either the snackologists were incorrect, or (more likely) Hannibal used them all up. Meanwhile, another Hannibal Kerman, completely unrelated to this one, starts a business selling Kraken droppings as fertilizer.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Year 4915: Klenderman returns. Mass Klenderman sightings are found everywhere. Nearly 85% of kerbals everywhere go permanently insane.

Kerbalkind declares war on Klenderman.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Year 4916: by now, all Kerbals are sane. Awkward...

Year 4916.2: The Klenderman killed himself when he ate a kapple (poisonous to non-Kerbals only).

Year 4916.4: Kerbin's gravity returns to the present state. It remains today.

Year 4917: As it turns out, Jeb have been living in insularity (isolation) since the Soyuz crashed. He now returns and reboots the Kerbal Space Program.

(Fill in the rest guys. Do not change these years' stories, however. Also, I don't care if there are references to similarly named ones, I'm calling them official.)

Year 4956 (1981 KD): the Kerbal War 1 really ended. It is only coined as an official world war today (some historians disagreed that the war is official, however). The Treaty of Kersallie ends the war, with Kermany punished.

Year 4958 (1983 KD): until 4967, this is known as United States of Kermerica's Jazz age.

4967.3 (1992.3 KD): more investors invested on stocks. The stocks are traded over the original value.

4967.10 (1992.10 KD): "Black Tuesday": The stock market crash, causing the Great Depression, which will last for 10 years.

4971 (1996 KD): Adolf Kerman rose to power as Fuhrer and President of Kermany, unleashing a 12-year Reign of Terror. At the same time Franklin Delano Kerman, in Kermerica, became the president. In the 100 days that followed, Kermany became increasingly totalitarian, while USK began a long recovery from the Great Depression.

4975 (2000 KD): The Kino-Kapanese War (later known as the KWII Pacific Theater) begins. The harsh tactics employed by the Kapanese outraged the Kermericans so much that they imposed an oil embargo.

4977 (2002 KD): the Kerbal War II began, with attack on Koland in Europe (thus opening the Europa Theater).

4978 (2003 KD): Krance fell, and Great Kritain was on the verge of defeat when its Air Force crushed a larger Kuftwaffe. This indefinitely postponed Operation Kealion and allowed Kritain time to regroup and rebuild its strength. The Kermericans also decided to aid the Allies in the war.

4979 (2004 KD): The Kapanese bombed Kerbal Harbor in Kawaii islands, "officially" starting the KWII Pacific Front. Success seemed to come to the Kaps. The same year Kermany invades Soviet Krussia, hoping for a swift victory; the advance was halted due to Krussian winter.

4980 (2005 KD): In two decisive Pacific battles the Kermericans Navy severely weakened the IKN (Imperial Kapanese Navy) and halted Kapanese assaults. The Operation Torch (invasion of Northern Kafrica) pushed the Axis out further, turning the tide of the war.

4981 (2006 KD): Kuadalcanal campaign ended in Allied victory, while the Allies cleansed Italy of the Axis evil. Meanwhile Kermany is losing on its two-front war, while the Kermericans are cautiously gaining in its two-front war.

4982 (2007 KD): Overall the Axis is losing.

January: the Kermericans gained toehold on the Philiphines.

February: K-Day preparation begins at astonishing speed.

May: A series of Allied deceptions kept the Axis from revealing its plan. Meanwhile the weather seemed bad for K-Day.

June: After confirmation of a window in between storms the invasion began. It was bloody, but the surprise factor helped secure the beaches and land advances for the Allies.

August: Paris is liberated, ending the official Kerman control of Krance. Meanwhile the Allies sped up its invasion by activating Operation Market Garden, but with limited success.

December: The Kermans surprised the Allied forces by Blitzkrieg, but the ax fell as the dent began to narrow. In the weeks that followed, the Allies held out from the countless attacks. The final Blitzkrieg, by Adolf Kerman, was a failure.

4983 (2008 KD):

January: More trouble (for the Axis) followed as Krussia launched a successful offensive against Kermany, while preparing for possible invasion of Kapan.

April: Franklin D. Kerman died in office and is succeeded by Harry S Kerman.

May: Adolf Kerman commits suicide. The Kerman Third Reich fell on the 7th and VE (Victory in Europa) day was declared. The fight against Kapan continues, however.

August: On the 3rd an atomic bomb explodes in Kiroshima, killing thousands. On the 9th another exploded in Nagasaki, killing another thousands. On the same day Krussia declared war on Kapan and invaded Mankuria. On the 15th Kapan surrendered, and the peace treaty is signed on September 2nd.

September: Kapanese signed the peace treaty on the 2nd. Also Wernher Von Kerman, the mastermind after the Kerman rocket program, turned himself in to the Kermericans. He will greatly help the Kerbal Space Program in the future.

4984 (2009 KD): While hopes of total peace remained (the Kerbal Nations was founded in 2008 KD), the Kold war (between USSR and USK) began. It darkened the skies.

4990 (2015 KD): No one expects it, but the Soviet Union collapsed, ending the Kold War. Well, that was short.

4992 (2017 KD): Years after the KSP have been restarted, Jebediah Kerman became the first Kerbal in space since 4915.

4995 (2020 KD): After the Kerbals landed on the Mun (Jeb, Bill, and Bob), the Kerbal Space Station is launched.

4997 (2022 KD): Edward Kerman leaked KSA (Kerbal Security Agrncy) information and is forced to head for Krussia for asylum. He hated Krussia's action, as the KNN (Kerbal News Network) reports.

4998 (2023 KD): Despite the freezing Krussian-Kermericans relations, the Duna mission is getting prepared.

4999 (2024 KD): Krussia invades Ukraine, seizing Krimea, thus further freezing the Krussian-Kermericans relations. The plus is that the Krussian president, Vladimir Kerman, acknowledged the Ukraine election, saying it's the right direction.

5000 (2025 KD): The precursor mission is postponed until after the Duna mission, however the first manned Duna mission is launched, containing crew members from around the world (7 people, but still, around the globe): Jebediah (Kermerican), Bill (Kritish), Bob (Kaustralian), and four others (Krussian, Kisareli, Kerman, and yet another Kermerican, respectively). (This probably surprised all of you. You thought the Original Three came from the same country, eh? What if they don't? There are no mentioning of where they're from, so it's best to make it up.)

5001 (2026 KD): The Duna ship, KSS Atlantis, arrives on the Duna system. The crew spent time studying Duna and Ike (discovered in 2017 KD, named after Dwight D. Kerman), then returned. At that same time Jebediah (commander of the Duna mission) received a letter from a 10-year-old girl (name undisclosed) and was simply surprised.

5002 (2027 KD): A jubilant Duna crew returns to Kerbin with the much-needed studies. Conditions in most countries. At that time, are improving. Except maybe Krussia and Kina, due to long hostilities and military drags.

OK, just so to remind you: Fill in the years between 4917 and 4956 and since year 5002, possibly to fill in e gaps between the defined years. Don't change any of the specified, and I will ignore comments on already existing references (I know there are several references before, but I'm just gonna redo it.).

Edited by Designer225
Link to post
Share on other sites

Nope. As mentioned in OP, year 5000 is the current year. Not quite the conclusion I had in mind, but it works. Except the part about discovering Ike; I think we've known about Ike for a while. And Jeb, Bill, and Bob are stated to be brothers in a few old official documents by SQUAD... I think they're hidden on the wiki somewhere.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm back and gonna point out some mistakes! Humans were around >3000 years. Ww1 and Ww2 have happened and Kerbals had warp drives last time I looked.

Anyways.

Year 5003 The space centre gets more funding! They buy a VLS (very large spectrometer) and anylase the Duna samples. They are composed of Kerlum Oxide with traces of Wernerium. These elements were specified around 2500, just for Refrence.

Edited by victory143
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

6545676586789879: Wernher Von Kerman time travels into the distant future. The air is toxic, the gravity high, buildings destroyed, and there is a thick orange fog concealing Klenderman. He quickly time travels back to present-day Kerbin, carrying with him a antimatter reactor core.

5007: Wernher Von Kerman overshoots and ends up 1 year in the future. The KSP used the antimmater core to build a Alcubierre drive, in order to go to Kroxima Kentari.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...