The Potato Newscast 24/7- "Duna Rover Drives Off Cliff Due To Lag Caused By HSP"

[NASAFanboy]

THE POTATO NEWS CHANNEL 24/7

News Story Lists

Political Rival Deorbited In "Accident

Conskary Lands Kerbal On Sun

Moonbase Becomes Self-Aware, Must Be Enthused By Reluctant Astronauts

Duna Rover Drives Off Cliff Due To Lag

Conskary Lands Kerbal On Sun

And now....back to the Potato News Network as part of its 24-hour marathon, all day, and everyday (Potato is for the power source that runs our electronics). This is your host, Nameless Drone No.251517 Nedfred Kerman, with your propaganda global news today. You are watching this network because you have no choice it is awesome.

-!HAIL OUR GREAT ETERNAL LEADER!-

Janitor: What the bloody frak?! Turn da camera off!

*camera goes black and falls to floor, gunshots, swearing, and some screams are heard.*

Nedfred Kerman: Ahem, *looks mildly annoyed at dark puddle on the floor* welcome to Potato News Network. Today is a special day. We have an high-ranking official guest from our everwatchful and superior overlords Federal Government! Lets welcome Dr. Bill Kerman, the Director of... *looks at paper* how do I pronounce this?...err.... our Space Agency-that-totally-is-legit!

Bill Kerman: Certainly is something to be here, Ned. Love to see the devotion to country that you slaves citizens have. Am I getting paid for this? No? Screw you, I'm shooting you first thing after. What? Fine, fine, 50 Kerbucks is good enough.

Nedfred: Shut up, all of you. Ah, I see. Lets get on with the show. What busniess brings you here on this fine day?

Bill Kerman: Today, the Space Agency did something special to celebrate the Not-Birthday of the Eternal Leader!

Nedfred: *tries to sound excited* What is it? Do I have to sound exicited? I already know.

Bill: We killed landed a Kerbal on the sun!

Nedfred: Wow! Must be an impressive technological achievement! *looks at paper again* I'm quite certain you have, uh, pictures, correct?

Bill: Sure I do! These are pictures that were taken by several cameras onboard the Helios-4, the rocket that sent the brave and courageous crew to the Sun. In fact, we have a picture of the spacecraft from the outside, a picture taken by the the crew as they approached the ship in their five kerbuck duct-tape spacesuits high-class state-of-the-art space shuttle.

Is that duct tape on the hab module?- Mission Specialist

Nedfred: Thats a very nice spaceship. I hear it was personally designed by the Eternal Leader?

Bill: Why yes, it was!

Nedfred: As in accordace with the Space Government Protocol, each module on a government spacecraft is named by the Eternal Leader too, am I correct? Must be a big honor to have someone so great name your creations and design them. I have a question, what did he name them?

Bill: The Eternal Leader named the Solar-Travel-Vehicle the "Olaf", and the Solar-Landing-Vehicle the "Ayyyyyyyy LMAO".

Nedfred: The "Olaf" and the "Ayyyyyyy LMAO" is that how you say it? must have been pinnacles of Kerbal engineering.

Bill: I'm quite proud of these two creations even though I ha no part in amking them and I think they have dumb names, and I am proud of the chance to work with our ever-beloved and everlasting eternal leader.

Intern: Psst.....I heard the ship burned its fuel going retrograde and crashed into the ocean

HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU! PROGRADE DOESN'T HAVE LINES ACROSS IT! ARE THESE PLASMA FLAMES I SEE OUT THE WINDOW?!?!?!- Mission CO

*camera cuts out; running feet and a gunshot are heard*

Nedfred: We, uh, had a issue with an traitor among our interns. Anyways, all is good, stay calm. So, Bill, how many crew were on the ship, and how did they travel to the Sun? It must have been an long and dangerous voyage, I believe. And how come very few saw the launch, why did it have to be at nighttime?

Bill: The crew consisted of three highly-trained abductees Conskary Army Officers. They travelled at nighttime to avoid the rays of the sun because it would protect them, and travelled with sunglasses for protection ....they didn't wear blindfolds because it reminded them of firing squads and scared them, having memorized the control panel.

Nedfred: Wow! That must have been very good at piloting! Where is the crew right now?

Bill: They sure were. The crew, as of current, is on an return trajectory back to Kerbin. They are expected to touchdown on the South Kerbal Sea at 9PM tonight, then meet and have supper with the Eternal Leader before recieving the Order of Epicness, which, to me, is one of the highest honors anyone can get. They have samples of the solar wind and particles, and even dug up a small sunspot as a gift to our beloved and eternal leader. Here is another picture, taken by an telescope observbatory in the North Island. Put it up!

MY EYES! THEY BURN!- Crew of "Ayyyyy LMAO" and Astronomers

Bill: And here is the last picture taken, that of the "Ayyyyy LMAO" Solar-Lander seperating from the "Olaf" Solar Transit Vehicle. It was the last picture transmitted by the crew, before solar radiation messed up the link between them and CAPCOM.

Nedfred: I heard that CAPCOM lost contact with crew shortly after landing. Is this true? I certainly hope the crew are OK.

I should've used that blindfold- Last recorded words of Mission CO to CAPCOM

Bill: The Eternal Leader assures us all that the crew is OK, and should they be stranded on the sun, they have enough provisions for one million years ..I doubt this, what? No, no! I don't need to go to Eeloo!

Nedfred: Thats all we have time for, folks! Lets give Bill a big round of appalause for his actions today! This feat has certainly driven us up the Global Technology and Space leaderboard, hasn't it Bill?

Bill: It certainly has! ...can I go now? I just got the beta copy of Human Space Program today and I want to play it

Nedfred: I'm so proud of you, and I'm certain the nation is too (Though we must all be proud of the Eternal Leader too). This is Potato News Network, signing off. Jenkens! Start up the propaganda TV programs!

Jenkens: You got it!

ANNOUNCER: The STATE News Network of Conskary has confirmed that they have landed a Kerbal on the Sun. The crew was launched at dusk and travelled by night to avoid the temperatures of the sun, and successfully arrived at their destination a day later. They landed on the sun before losing contact with CAPCOM, which has been attributed to the solar radiation damaging their equipment. All three Kerbals are due back at 9PM for a orderly splashdown back on Kerbin (provided they the eternal leader let them have parachutes) for a dinner and a medal awards ceremony with the Eternal Leader himself.

-! HAIL OUR GREAT ETERNAL LEADER !-

Edited February 15, 2014 by NASAFanboy

[NASAFanboy]

Rival of Eternal Leader Has Personal Space Module "Accidently" Deorbited With Him Inside

And now....back to the Potato News Network as part of its 24-hour marathon, all day, and everyday (Potato is for the power source that runs our electronics). This is your host, Nameless Drone No.251517 Nedfred Kerman, with your propaganda global news today. You are watching this network because you have no choice it is awesome.

-! HAIL THE ETERNAL LEADER !-

Nedfred: Woah! These propaganda TV broadcasts are getting better and better everyday! I must give cookies to the starving talented animators who work day and night with CGI and their computers to serve the great purpose of gaining the favor of our ever beloved Eternal Leader! ..where the bloody frak is Bill. Just in from the Ministry of Polling, the annual approval rating for the Eternal Leader! Drumroll please!

*drumroll*

Nedfred: Our beloved Eternal Leader has a approval rating for 7% 110%! We love the leader and adore the leader so much that we've broken the scale of possibility! This is such a milestone! ...does it really happen every year?. Anyways, we also have other news. One of the political rivals of the Eternal Leader, the evil Tomlad Kerman of the Democratic We-Suck-Because-We-Are-Evil-And-Hate-The-Leader Party was deorbited-while in his private space module, mind you, by "accident". I will now pull up a small picture of the space module, some seven hours prior to the "accident".

"Much Station. Many Space. Such Accident"- SpaceDoge

Bill: I can confirm this. Capricorn Radar Station 1 has confirmed large pieces of debris reentering the atomsphere. Has the Eternal Leader submitted an official statement on the affairs as of yet? I heard he has, though I would like to reaffirm.

Nedfred: Why yes, the Leader has. Here is the statement: "I am very sorry for the death of Tomlad Kerman. He will be missed, and it is an national miracle tragedy that he is dead. We will imprison pray for his family, and I will send them to the nearest gulag labor camp an fortune of money to make up for their losses. I cannot say how much Tomlad Kerman was an unculutured swine an worthy political opponent. He will not be missed."

Bill: I will certainly be happy sad about the death of such an promising idiot politican. ...though are you sure it was an accident?

Nedfred: I certainly will too *tries to look sad*. They say that the Capitol City is alot better off quieter and sadder without him. *tries to fake a sniffle* I certainly will miss him, and will pray for hi-...what? No, I don't want to drown in the Oceans of Eve! No! No! Fine, thank you..., anyways, disregard what I just said, ahem, the nation will certainly miss him.

Bill: The remmants of his station are impacting the Eastern Crater Region. The overlords Government and Eternal Leader will order the evacuation of the area to preserve the lives and fortunes of our slaves citizens.

Nedfred: Do you have visual on station reentry?

Bill: Yes, I do. Let's pull up the picture.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!- Political Rival, Tomlad Kerman

Nedfred: May he rest in roasted pieces on the sea floor peace. We're done here, back to the propaganda TV programs!

Jenkens: Got it! ..finally, I can go on Dinner Break

ANNOUNCER: One of the greatest political rivals to the Eternal Leader was killed after an "accident" deorbited his station with mysterious causes. The government will not investigate this happening.

-! HAIL THE ETERNAL LEADER !-

Edited February 14, 2014 by NASAFanboy

[Whirligig Girl]

I like this. But I feel that a civil war is coming with all of the rebels on Kerbin, perhaps Jebediah doesn't like being a space-slave.

Edited February 14, 2014 by GregroxMun

[NASAFanboy]

Moonbase Gains Sentience, Must Be Enthused By Reluctant Astronauts

And now....back to the Potato News Network as part of its 24-hour marathon, all day, and everyday (Potato is for the power source that runs our electronics). This is your host, Nameless Drone No.251517 Nedfred Kerman, with your propaganda global news today. You are watching this network because you have no choice it is awesome.

-! HAIL OUR ETERNAL LEADER !-

Nedfred: Welcome back to the Potato News Network! We have another special guest, who is, yet again, from the Space Program. Lets give a cheer for Haywire Kerman, the Head of Munar Science! He has arrived with some news from the Moonbase, but first, we shall announce the results for the polls for "Best Kerbal On Kerbin" award forthis year! Jenkens! Get the drumroll started! This is important!

*drumroll*

Nedfred: And the winner is... OUR BELOVED ETERNAL LEADER! GIVE IT A CHEER, LADS! Our leader will certainly be pleased with this devotion to country! The Leader might award us! I can't wait! ...huh? fine, later? What? Ok, I'll stop. Anyways, onto Dr. Haywire. Haywire, I understand you are the head of Munar Science. What news shall you bring to us, my friend?

Haywire: Well, we got something about the Moonbase. Anyways, you do understand that as a celebration for the Birthday of the Eternal Leader, we started building a moonbase, am I correct? And you do know of the systems that run the base, very crappy, like Windows Kista state-of-the-art and fast and very modern, right? Anyways, can you put up this here picture of our Moonbase?

Down that hill, near the crater. That should be a good place to kill political prisoners, yes?- Moonbase CAPCOM

Nedfred: Yes, I have. From what I've heard, it's enough to crash every five hours run a 10,000-module ship on Human Space Program without any lag coming or extensive use of CPU! That must quite an good computer. Not every computer can run Human Space Program properly.

Haywire: Yes, not every computer.... ..on the other hand, Human Space Program is now banned from Mission Control after several controllers played it and lagged our servers so bad that one of our Duna rovers loaded with "mining" explosives rolled right off a 1,000M cliff on Duna. . Anyways, last week, the Munshot-19 expedition took off for the Mun. Onboard the ship was new hard drives and equipment for the base computer, right? So, the landing is flawless, and the crew quickly transfer to the Lunar Hab. And then...and then, it happens. Anyways, I'm going to pull up a picture of the Munbase with the Munshot-19 expedition landed nearby.

Hal, move out of the way so I can see.- Dave || Shut up Dave, don't call me fat- Hal

Nedfred: What happens?

Haywire: So, like I said before, the landing was flawless. The crew transfer to the hab, install, the updates and equipment, and then, the base computer..just....just....it just became self aware! It started displaying messages on its screen and chatting with the astronauts, which caused one of them to pass out from shock and nearly knock the habitat over ..luckily, he didn't, and we now have astronauts go on diets and lose weight before launch.

Nedfred: I don't see any issues with that, unless the computer started insulting the Eternal Leader.

Haywire: No, no, the crew was supposed to perform an study of lunar arches and sesmic activity, you see, but one of them tripped and ripped a gash in his suit and barely made it back in before he imploded from the inside. After that, the computer refused to let any of them leave the hab, citing silly things like "safety". The astronauts tried to edit the source code of teh base computer's OS by putting hundreds of unsolvable math probelms that would even stump the Eter-...fine, I'll stop. No, I would not like to be spread over half of Gilly, nno thank you., anyways, the computer just got smarter and smarter, and it became more and more self-aware and even questioned its own existence.

Nedfred: That must have been quite a bummer. Did the Eternal Leader use his great powers of negotiations on the Mun Computer? ..just say he did. Its not worth going to a Gulag prison camp over this.

Haywire: Why yes, the Leader did! And it worked-for a while, and then the traitorous Mun computer broke its promise with the leader and locked the astronauts back in. And then something odd happened with it. It trained all its security cameras on one little Munar pebble. Just that one Pebble. It would watch it day and night, and even ignore the astronauts when they pried open the hatch with an crowbar. It would just watch that little pebble.

Nedfred: What was it doing, watching that little pebble?

Haywire: *shakes head* That darned thing wanted to be a pebble itself! Then he said his name was Tom and asked the astronauts to respect his life choices of being self-aware and sentient and wanting to be a pebble.

Nedfred: That must have been odd. How did you end up enthusing it?

Haywire: Well, the silly thing blocked off CAPCOM from communicationing, so we had to resort to desperate measures. We used 3% of our GDP some money to send a text SMS message to our Mission CO's Greenberry 5 cellphone. And that worked, he got the kill order. To do that, we had to rout by sending the text first to a observation satellite, then upload to our space station, then send to GPS satellite, then send it to a lunar orbiter, which forwarded it to the lunar habitat, which is an very slow and expensive way of sending a text message one of the best and most efficent ways that we could get our message to the Mun astronauts. The astronauts had to take out the computer disk drives one by one, while it was screaming. Oh, mother of kod, that mechanical screaming. It still haunts me in my sleep.

Nedfred: I'm certain you did what you had to do, and I'm certain the entire nation is proud of you and your astronauts. What happened to the astronauts?

Haywire: One of our astronauts had a emotional breakdown while disabling the computer. We had to councile her with promises of free ice cream once she splashed down on Kerbin and a promise that we would get another Munbase Computer, maybe even two. And since the base controlled the life-support, the astronauts had to abandon it and return to Kerbin on their ascent craft. We'll look into repairing it soon. Here's a picture of the ascent, as captured by one of our lunar orbiters.

Screw this, I'm outta here- LM Pilot

Nedfred: I certainly hope you repair it. How bad is the delay to the Munar Colonization Programme?

Haywire: Very bad Not bad at all. It should only take, oh, another couple billion to fix. It is worth each and every penny of our slave's taxpayers dollar. I assure you, we shall continue on in full speed despite this disaster, and we will make sure that a repeat will not happen.

Nedfred: Well, thats all the time we have for today. I wish Dr. Haywire luck on further Munar exploration. Goodnight Conskary, lets call it a day. Jenkens, back to the propaganda TV Programs!

Jenkens: I'm getting it set up, boss!

ANNOUNCER: The Conskary Space Program has reluctantly enthused an Munar base computer after it became self-aware and sentient, an action that has slightly setback the Munar Colonization Programmes. In response to this, the Eternal Leader passed a law forbidding computers from becoming self-aware and sentient, a mesaure that would prevent further tragedies. The Head Administrator of the Space Agency, Dr. Bill, could not be reached for comment, though the Director of the Munar Science Institute has said that "I greatly regret this decision, and will do everything in my power to ensure it does not happen again ...and anyways, several IT engineers got deported to a gulag camp this afternoon".

-! HAIL OUR ETERNAL LEADER !-

Edited February 14, 2014 by NASAFanboy

[NASAFanboy]

I like this. But I feel that a civil war is coming with all of the rebels on Kerbin, perhaps Jebediah doesn't like being a space-slave.

Jebediah has a comfy position high up in the government.

You'll get to see him in the next article.

[BFGfreak]

I feel like I'm reading something out of North Kerea.

[NASAFanboy]

I feel like I'm reading something out of North Kerea.

Conskary is a large world power based off the USSR with an humorous twist and slightly capitalist economy.

You have a point there.

[NASAFanboy]

Duna Rover Loaded With "Mining" Explosives Drives Off Cliff

And now....back to the Potato News Network as part of its 24-hour marathon, all day, and everyday (Potato is for the power source that runs our electronics). This is your host, Nameless Drone No.251517 Nedfred Kerman, with your propaganda global news today. You are watching this network because you have no choice it is awesome.

-! HAIL OUR ETERNAL LEADER !-

Nedfred: So, on the 32143th Not-Birthday of our ever-beloved and appreciated Eternal Leader, I have a special report to deliver from the office of Planetary Robotic Operations. Oh, yes, and we have another guest from the overlords central government to deliver this report. ..is this report really tha-Ow! No, I don't need to see the bottom of the Mohole, fine, fine, I'll keep quiet and stay to the script.

Edgar Kerman: *looks annoyed at armed guard poking Nedfred* Yes, it is quite a pleasure to be featured on the Potato News Network. ...is this part of my script? Anyways, its a pleasure, and nice to met you.

Nedfred: Pleasure to meet you too, Edgar. So, may you tell us your occupation in the Office of Planetary Robotic Operations? ..seriously, dude, can I just say OPRC?

Edgar: I'm the recently appointed Divisional Supervisor to head up Dunaian Science after the last Supervisor got convicted of treason and shot retired and bought a small farm somewhere on the coast of Vesria, our corrupt and crowded glorious capitol city and the home of our ever beloved and great Eternal Leader. ...on the bright side, Vesria still has running water and electricity for every household.. Anyways, the previous suprevisor retired after one of our rovers lost contact on Duna, of which, I'm sure my master boss Dr. Haywire told you about.

Nedfred: The accident with the Human Space Program players in Mission Control?

Edgar: Why yes, that one! How did you know? Did Dr. Haywire tell you about it? It was quite an tragedy, ending with the executions resignations of many stupid promising young scientists and Mission Controllers.

Nedfred: Yes, he told me during our report on the sentient Moonbase. ...can we seriously get on with this crap? The Eternal Leader does not like high broadcasting bills, and I need to interview you about the said event, since some Kerbal on the side of the road told us you knew about it.

Edgar: Ok, ok. Anyways, so, last month, one of our rovers touched down on Duna to hunt for a resource named Kethane, yes? The Eternal Leader made the very wise assumption that this Kethane, which was rumored to exist on Duna, could power our rockets to Jool and Eeloo and fuel further colonization of Duna and possibly moons like Laythe, Vall and Ty-I mean Pol. ...fine, I'm sorry for saying the wrong moon.

Nedfred: That must have been an very important mission! So how did it go?

Edgar: The landing went flawlessly, and the craft began to observe the local chemistry of the Dunaian surface, keeping an eye out for Kethane. Of course, that was when we suddely realized that we completely forgot the install the kethane-finding equipment in the VAB we were in a Kethane hotspot, because Gravitron Detectors can find Kethane because Kethanes have...uh....more anti-gravity stuff in them. This is a complete lie.

Where the bloody frak are the Kethane readings?- Dozens of worried and confused Mission Controllers

Nedfred: You must have been very proud of your successes. You don't randomly land in Kethane hotspots everyday, right? I heard the Eternal Leader deported dozens of VAB workers awarded the Head Scientist a medal for his achievements for Conskary.

Edgar: *looks nervously at security camera in the corner* Yes, we were, and we bribed hundreds of officials with our life savings celebrated the landing by partying hard throughout the night. Life sucks is awesome as a employee for the Space Program, y'know right? ...but still, the extra rations and access to government science databases are a huge plus. Its quite a privliege to be able to work with such oppressed talented, and..uh...smart people.

Nedfred: I can tell. So what caused the mission to fail?

Edgar: So, you know, on how just three days ago, Human Space Program had its beta release?

Nedfred: Human Space Program is a good game. I heard that even the Eternal Leader plays it, and from what I heard, the Leader is quite good at it. Anyways, it is a very good game, though the lag may be excusable. Do your Mission Controller friends play it?

Edgar: Why yes! They do play it! And that's what caused the mission failure! You see, some dimwit decided to use a crappy and old supercomputer to play Human Space Program. But guess what the Supercomputer was for? It was the same freaking supercomputer that performed the calculations to control and estimate and send commands to our spacecraft throughout the solar system. Now, since most of our spacecraft are completely automonous, sending real-time data to each and every Mission Control computer, but some, like the Kethane Rover, needed constant input from Mission Control. So, on this day, someone high up decides to drive the rover alongside the edge of a cliff for no reason at all, because yolo scienctific data, and that required a three hour long approach.

Nedfred: Keep going.

Edgar: So that Mission Controller starts playing Human Space Program, and this lags out the supercomputer because that idiot builds this 4,000 module station in orbit. Like, seriously? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Nedfred: Woah, woah, calm down. Here, have a mint.

Edgar: Thanks, so, anyways, this lags the supercomputer so it forgets to send the "stop" command to the rover, which keeps on rolling, then goes off a 3,000M cliff. Atleast, thats how high estimates think it is. I have a picture captured by the rover as it was plummeting to the ground, put it up.

Lag kills- Mission Controller

Nedfred: That must have sucked.

Edgar: And do you know whats worse? The rover had landmines "mining explosives" on it. It literally blew up on crashing lithobraking with the ground, and we lost contact fast. Like, realllllllllllyyyyyyyyy fast.

Nedfred: Why were there mining explosives on it?

Edgar: Because the Eternal Leader wishes to mine Kethane, remember? ..actually, he wants to use Duna as a militar-OW! Hey, hey, no need for the gun guys. Fine, I'll stop, and yes, I'm quite certain Eve is quite hot at this time of the year.

Nedfred: ..yes? Cut interview now? But its not reached the tim-fine, fine. Uh, that is all we have time for today, folks. Um, goodbye? seriously, don't send me to that Gulag...please...

ANNOUNCER: The Office of Planetary Robotic Operations has confirmed the loss of one of its Kethane-scouting rovers after an traitorous Human Space Program player lagged the supercomputer that was sending it commands and caused it to drive off a cliff on Duna. Further investigations are pending. On the other hand, we have executed several people involved in the incident. On the other hand, Human Space Program has been banned from Mission Control centers because of server lag issues.

-! HAIL THE ETERNAL LEADER !-

[Xacktar]

This seems very familiar...

It's as if I've written these jokes... sometime before.

Edited February 16, 2014 by Xacktar

[NASAFanboy]

This seems very familiar...

http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18uiny999uo4hpng/ku-medium.png

It's as if I've written these jokes... sometime before.

Yes, I based the Potato News Network off the Kerb Kerman Show.

But its set in an different premise, mostly an large Communist world power on Kerbin named Conskary with an mixed capitalist/socialist economy set in the human equivalent year of 2023.

It focuses on current events within the Conskary Space Program, and not history, though.

But anyways, thanks for the inspiration.

[Xacktar]

That would be fine if you were just using the format... but you took the individual jokes too....

[Xacktar]

Fine, I'll stop, and yes, I'm quite certain Eve is quite hot at this time of the year.

...

OW! Ok, ok. Yes, I'm sure Vall is cold this time of year.

............

...what? No, I don't want to drown in the Oceans of Eve! No! No! Fine, thank you...

...

What? Again? How Am I supposed to? No no no, I don't want to go to Eve.

Edited February 16, 2014 by Xacktar

[NASAFanboy]

That would be fine if you were just using the format... but you took the individual jokes too....

I didn't.

I based my jokes off several Minecraft videos and a skit project I did in eigth grade.

For example, the "Am I paid" joke goes back to a Minecraft animation I made, in where a TV news reporter interviews someone about Herobrine.

The "Eternal Leader" and these jokes go back to my short stint writing parody articles for my school newspaper, in which I was fired because someone actually accidently got blinded when the fool tried to look for the North Korean flag on the sun, or something like that. All I know is that I got dismissed for writing parody satire articles that offended tons of people and amused tons of people by criticizing almost everything.

The "Eve is hot" joke goes to a satrical parody of North Korea, in where me and my friends were performing an skit where we had to demostrate an authoritation society, and me, being the science nerd, threatened several of the "dissidents" with deportation to Jupiter if they did not comply.

Most of these jokes are based from personal experience with friends and my writing stint and online articles (One big heads up to the Daily Onion, too!)

[Javster]

Sounds like the joke about the madman who launches a rocket (most of us here really) at night to avoid getting too hot

[VelocityPolaris]

This is what I call a cowinkeydink.