Jump to content

Writing a story - Your opinion?


Mr_Brain

Recommended Posts

Greetings, KSP community!

A while ago, I read a great science fiction story on the internet, which inspired me to try that myself. So, I started with the immediate background story ("Chapter 0") of what I'm going to write and uploaded it.

I thought I'd share it here because on this forum, there are probably a lot of people who science fiction (even though this won't mainly be about space or technology, but about the struggle of establishing a colony under very difficult circumstances).

I'm trying to keep it as realistic as possible with my knowledge, so please, if you have any corrections or suggestions to make, feel free to do so!

LINK: Chapter 0

Edited by Mr_Brain
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The writing was good, I just thing that you should make the dialogue with space in between the lines, as opposed to right on top of each other. It's a bit easier to read that way.

Thanks for the feedback! I added spaces between lines, it certainly looks easier to read now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like it! I will be interested to see how this story develops.

One thing though, I feel like this all happened a little fast. That's fine if you just want to get to the meat and potatoes of this story, but I would slow it down a little bit and add more detail.

Keep up the good work!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Interesting, and quite a bit of fun.

My only concerns are somewhat shared with another poster. Did you maybe get straight to action a bit fast? I understand that you're setting up the survivors having to set up a colony without being prepared. Starting with a ship destruction set the Star Trek reboot on the fast track, so it can be useful in that respect.

My bigger concern is that you have this alien vessel that outright destroys the ship they come from. What do they want? If they wanted to kill them, I'd expect them to follow the cryopods. Hunt them down.

At the same time, a big part of me is left wondering why this outright attack happened at first contact.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This story has great potential, although I couldn't help but notice your description regarding the tear running down the engineer's cheek. I'm assuming the bridge has no artificial gravity of any sort, so why would the tear run down his cheek?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like it! I will be interested to see how this story develops.

One thing though, I feel like this all happened a little fast. That's fine if you just want to get to the meat and potatoes of this story, but I would slow it down a little bit and add more detail.

Keep up the good work!

Interesting, and quite a bit of fun.

My only concerns are somewhat shared with another poster. Did you maybe get straight to action a bit fast? I understand that you're setting up the survivors having to set up a colony without being prepared. Starting with a ship destruction set the Star Trek reboot on the fast track, so it can be useful in that respect.

Thank you! I will make sure the next chapters are slower-paced.

My bigger concern is that you have this alien vessel that outright destroys the ship they come from. What do they want? If they wanted to kill them, I'd expect them to follow the cryopods. Hunt them down.

At the same time, a big part of me is left wondering why this outright attack happened at first contact.

This will be resolved later. I hope you'll like how it'll turn out!

This story has great potential, although I couldn't help but notice your description regarding the tear running down the engineer's cheek. I'm assuming the bridge has no artificial gravity of any sort, so why would the tear run down his cheek?

Thanks! It's great to know that there are people who notice even such small things. I've fixed it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like it. Sounds like a good prologue

Although, with a collision of such high energy, would 30 seconds be enough to escape the blast radius?

And, would you be able to accurately scan something in real time moving towards you at .7c?

Also, I hope that AI pulls a HAL and tries to murder everyone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Although, with a collision of such high energy, would 30 seconds be enough to escape the blast radius?

Well, consider that the cryogenic pods with the people got away much earlier, and the computer core with the AI can endure much higher G forces, so it'd work.

And, would you be able to accurately scan something in real time moving towards you at .7c?

I think that if there are perfect artificial intelligences, people can be frozen for decades or even centuries without damage and food comes from bacterial farms, I can assume that their sensors are quite good too.

Also, I hope that AI pulls a HAL and tries to murder everyone.

Well, since the aim of the mission is to ensure the survival of humankind, it's improbable. I'm not saying it can't happen, though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, since the aim of the mission is to ensure the survival of humankind, it's improbable. I'm not saying it can't happen, though.

Take a note from George R.R. Martin. If your fingers take you towards mass murder, don't fight that urge.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, consider that the cryogenic pods with the people got away much earlier, and the computer core with the AI can endure much higher G forces, so it'd work.

I think that if there are perfect artificial intelligences, people can be frozen for decades or even centuries without damage and food comes from bacterial farms, I can assume that their sensors are quite good too.

I was more speaking along the lines of this. Surviving g-forces are one thing, but surviving the core of a star?

And as far as scanning the object, I was legitimately asking whether or not it would be physically possible to see (scan, detect, whatever) the object due to relativity without magic.

Don't mistake my nitpicking for criticism, though. I've definitely watched/read far less realistic stuff and enjoyed it a lot. I was just giving you questions to ask yourself as you go forward, considering you stated you want realism.

Take a note from George R.R. Martin. If your fingers take you towards mass murder, don't fight that urge.

I feel like my ksp career has followed this piece of advice for a while, actually.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Take a note from George R.R. Martin. If your fingers take you towards mass murder, don't fight that urge.

I'll keep that in mind. Only when writing, of course.

I was more speaking along the lines of this. Surviving g-forces are one thing, but surviving the core of a star?

Well, first of all, there's no noteworthy atmosphere the heat might be transferred over, so only the rapidly expanding cloud of plasma from the destroyed ship would pose a threat.

Also, assuming that the thrusters on the computer core can cause an acceleration of 1 g (they're there to supplement the parachutes when landing – the engineers couldn't find a way to transport the computer core on the shuttle which would have transferred most of the cargo, but it was certain that the computer would be needed on the surface) and it has time to thrust for about 20 seconds, then we see that it can cover about 2 kilometers (if my math isn't faulty). This means that the plasma can fill a sphere with a volume of over 30 cubic kilometers. As we know, gasses cool down when expanding, so Athena can probably get away safely – even more so if the thrusters have more, well, thrust.

And as far as scanning the object, I was legitimately asking whether or not it would be physically possible to see (scan, detect, whatever) the object due to relativity without magic.

Assuming the projectile is fired 30 light-minutes away from the Prometheus and has an average velocity of 2/3 c (for the sake of simplicity, I'll assume that this velocity stays the same all the time), the light from the launch of the missile arrives about 10 minutes before the impact. If it's fired from farther away (and I'm sure you'll agree that a solar system has enough space for the enemy to be more than 30 light-minutes away), they have even more time to prepare.

As for the detection, the missile would of course reflect light from the star and the engine's exhaust might emit particles itself. It seems possibly that that light may be detected. Of course, it'll be blue-shifted significantly because the source of the light approaches rapidly, but, depending on the sensor technology, that may actually make it visible better against the background (depending on the background, of course).

An advantage of the blue shift is of course that it allows to determine how fast an object's moving, so that's how Athena figured out how quickly it was approaching the Prometheus.

Don't mistake my nitpicking for criticism, though. I've definitely watched/read far less realistic stuff and enjoyed it a lot. I was just giving you questions to ask yourself as you go forward, considering you stated you want realism.

I appreciate your comments! I actually feel a bit flattered that there are people who spend some of their time to help me improve my work.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Assuming the projectile is fired 30 light-minutes away from the Prometheus and has an average velocity of 2/3 c (for the sake of simplicity, I'll assume that this velocity stays the same all the time), the light from the launch of the missile arrives about 10 minutes before the impact. If it's fired from farther away (and I'm sure you'll agree that a solar system has enough space for the enemy to be more than 30 light-minutes away), they have even more time to prepare.

As for the detection, the missile would of course reflect light from the star and the engine's exhaust might emit particles itself. It seems possibly that that light may be detected. Of course, it'll be blue-shifted significantly because the source of the light approaches rapidly, but, depending on the sensor technology, that may actually make it visible better against the background (depending on the background, of course).

An advantage of the blue shift is of course that it allows to determine how fast an object's moving, so that's how Athena figured out how quickly it was approaching the Prometheus.

So, you'd see the thing being fired, but might not see much more, although, I'd believe the computer could extrapolate the projectile's course based on the limited measurements it could take. I guess it could just be a matter of calculation, then.

Happy to help, :wink:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good storyline. I especially enjoy the start, richly contrasting demographics is always a good setting for a riot.

Thanks! I might at some point also write a short story about how it was on Earth in that universe.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This thread is quite old. Please consider starting a new thread rather than reviving this one.

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...