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Bad joke time...


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A man walks into a bar. He hets a nosebleed.

A rabbi, a priest and a horse walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. When he asks what it'll cost him, the bartender says "For you, no charge."

A chemist and a truck driver walk into a bar. The chemist says "I'm a chemist, so I'll have some H2O." The truck driver says "You don't have to be so pretentious about it. I'll have a water". The chemist curses over his failed assassination attempt.

EDIT: Here's one I didn't have time to write at the time

"Knock knock"

"It's open."

Edited by KvickFlygarn87
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Hans and Marlene lived and worked all their lives in Munich. When they retired, they decided to move to Holland, where they bought a cozy house with a couple of windmills on the property. The windmill business not being what it once was, they decided to convert them into a dog kennels as a way to keep busy. Business was very slow, given that they didn't have a network of friends in Holland. So they decided to use their network of friends in Germany to drum up business. Their first break came when the Bloodhound Breeder's Club of Munich came to Holland to attend a dog show, bringing dozens of dogs who needed kenneling with them.

The first night the dogs were there, Hans and Marlene beat themselves out getting the dogs squared away in the converted windmills and collapsed into bed together, exhausted from their labors. Later that night the wind started to pick up, building until it was a very fresh breeze. The sails of the windmills filled with the blustery air and began to turn, the old gears creaking and groaning. Hearing the noise, the dogs below started to awaken and bark, each adding its voice to the last until there was a cacophony of noise spilling from the kennels.

Marlene woke with a start and couldn't identify the commotion coming from outside. She elbowed a sleepy Hans awake.

"Hans," she whispered anxiously, "What do you think that racket is?" Hans stood up sleepily, trudged to the window and looked out.

"Not to worry, dear," Hans yawned. "The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich."

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Sorry, not science related but this still makes me chuckle.

Two farmers standing and looking at the crops with the first farmers dog. The dog starts licking his naughty bits (as dogs do), and the other farmer says,

"Man I sure wish I could do that!" And the owner of the dog says:

"Well, you'd better pet him first."

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A horse walked into a bar. The bartender promptly called the RSPCA and the horse was escorted out of the establishment.

A man walked into a bar. He went to the doctor because he got a nosebleed.

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