[Rough Copy] [Short Story] The Beginning Of It All

[michaelsteele3]

First attempt at a (Fanfiction?) of KSP. Leave feedback, and this is just a rough-copy!

Chapter one.

"So what's on tonight, Bill?" Jebediah Kerman asked.

"Nothing good, really. Where's Bob?" Bill replied

"He's... working on something? Exactly what it is I'm not sure."

Bob Kerman suddenly came running down the hallway and into the living room to join the two. He seemed to be more excited than usual. He was covered in ashes and was getting dirt all over the floor.

"You're cleaning that, Bob." Jebediah said, slightly irritated.

"We'll deal with that later. I want you guys to see something!" Bob said excitedly.

The three walked outside and into the backyard. They lived in a small suburban neighborhood. The slight smell of a BBQ could be smelled, and an occasional dark barking.

"Look at this!" Bob ran into the toolshed and brought out a small model rocket. It was colored with red and black stripes, with a nose cone at the top. On the side it had written on it with a marker: "Mun or Bust"

"Watcha gonna do with that? Go to the Mun?" Jebediah joked.

"Real funny. Now watch this." Bob said as he placed it carefully set it on the ground and brought out a box of matches. He lit one and lit a fuse. It traveled across the lawn and to the rocket.

"5, 4, 3, 2..." the rocket had launched before Bob could count to 1. It soared into the sky, leaving behind a trail. The trio stared with amazement as it soared across the sky- wait, across? It was at this time that the rocket had fallen sideways and was headed strait for the forest.

They ran as fast as possible to the site of the crash. The rocket had landed in a tree, but thankfully it did not cause a forest fire.

"This gives me an idea..." Said Jeb.

I know it's awful, but again. Rough copy. It's not done, and the next chapter should be posted later on. Tell me what you guys think so far!

[GamerMitch]

Great Start! Just a couple suggestions:

1.After every new person speaking, add a new space. Example:

"Hi" Bob said.

"What's up?" Jeb replied.

2. Try looking up some synonyms for the words you used.Example:

The slight smell of a BBQ could be smelled

Find a synonym for "smelled"

3.Look at "the revenge of genenand kerman",my own story, for any Ideas or help you might need.Link in my signature.

Looking forward to chapter two!

[KSK]

Nice start! This is really going back to the very beginning.

I agree with GamerMitch's comments. Spaces between lines of dialogue makes the story easier to read. Your punctuation is good though - it took me ages to start putting commas in the right place, i.e. "What are we doing today, Bob?" and not "What are we doing today Bob."

Synonyms for "smelled" would work, or alternatively, having one of the characters smelling the barbecue makes the sentence less passive: "The three walked outside and into the backyard. They lived in a small suburban neighborhood. Jeb could smell barbecue smoke drifting over the fence."

These are minor points though - I'm looking forward to chapter II as well.

[michaelsteele3]

Great Start! Just a couple suggestions:

1.After every new person speaking, add a new space. Example:

"Hi" Bob said.

"What's up?" Jeb replied.

2. Try looking up some synonyms for the words you used.Example:

The slight smell of a BBQ could be smelled

Find a synonym for "smelled"

3.Look at "the revenge of genenand kerman",my own story, for any Ideas or help you might need.Link in my signature.

Looking forward to chapter two!

Response to 1: Yeah, I normally do that when writing. This was made when I was a little bit tired. (Otherwise it would be longer and better)

Thanks for the support!

[michaelsteele3]

New chapter time!

Chapter 2: Everybody Makes Mistakes

Jebediah set a blueprint paper for a new model rocket on their wobbly kitchen table.

"Okay," Bob began, "Here is what we're going to do. To avoid a near-disaster like last time, we are going to use a small parachute. But since this parachute is weak, we have to make it set off after we use a decoupler, (Or however you spell it:P) to separate the liquid fuel tank from the top." Bob said this as he pointed to a small ring-shaped device between the top and the tanks.

"Afterwards, it should be able to slowly fall down to the ground, and we can see how it did! Any questions?"

Bob looked to Jeb, who shook his head. He then looked over to Bill.

"What? Sorry I was too busy not paying attention to not pay attention." Bill said innocently.

Bob gave Bill an angry glare, but looked back at the blueprint to explain it again anyways. Bill always seemed to act like this, but both Jebediah and Bob seemed to always forget about it.

"Well, how are we going to... program it or whatever to separate?" Jeb asked.

"It's too complicated to explain, and Bill's excuse this time not to pay attention would probably be going on vacation to the TV couch for 2 weeks. But you just leave it to me. I'll get you guys when it is ready."

2 Weeks Later...

"Kerbol seems to be extra bright today, at least compared to these past few days. Today's high will be 83. Thank you for watching KNN, and that's your weather for today!" The weather man said as the TV went to commercials.

"Hey, Bob! Today may be a good day to launch that rocket of yours!" Jeb yelled in the direction of the hallway, where their rooms are located.

Bob came rushing down the hallway like he did 2 weeks ago.

"It's done! Wait until you see- oh! Breaking news! I'll tell you after this."

They both turned their heads to look at the TV.

"This is KNN, Kerbal News Network, with breaking news! The Kerbal Space Program is being criticized heavily by the public after the recent discovery that all of the news from them about successfully launching an orbiting shuttle, was FAKE! The KSP seemed to have been doing this to get more funds to actually do anything. Reporters tell us that the reason they were discovered to have no knowledge about space or physics was when a little girl (let's assume Kerbals have genders) asked an "astronomer" what was he looking at in a telescope. The astronomer replied, "I'm looking at Kerbin!" This was caught on the secruity camera, and how the footage was released to the public is unknown. The KSP has admitted to all these details as said that they don't even know how to make a model rocket. This is Gregson Kerman, KNN."

The TV then returned to it's show that was on before the Breaking News interrupted it.

Bob was shocked. The people who he had been following in their footsteps... frauds? He couldn't believe this. He dropped the model rocket, which Jeb caught before it hit the ground, and ran to his room, crying.

Jeb felt bad for Bob, but he had an idea.

A few hours later, Jeb was driving to KSP headquarters, where a huge riot was at. People were throwing everything in sight, including each other. Jeb managed to get out of his car and squeeze through everybody and get through the doors.

"OH GOD! ONE OF THEM GOT IN!" A scientist cowering in the corner said.

"Relax, I'm here to show you something that my friend made. He was, or maybe still is, a huge fan of space. He made this model rocket for the KSP to see. If you could please take it into consideration to let us launch it with everybody around, it would make him very happy."

"Fine! Whatever gets these people away!" The scientist said, still unsure on the results.

Jeb placed the model rocket on the launch pad. It seemed so tiny, since the launch pad was built to support 5000 tons of rocket stuff. Soon, the riot shifted over to the launch pad, and many people were confused.

Jeb pulled out his cellphone and called Bob. When he answered with a "what do you want?" Jeb could still tell he was upset.

"I got a surprise for you. Flick on the TV and go to channel 6."

"Whatever." Bob hung up and dragged himself out of the bed, and turned on the TV.

"As you can see here, the riot has moved to the launch pad, where a model rocket can be seen. A brave Kerbal walked to the headquarters and asked to launch a model rocket for his friend named Bob Kerman. It is said that Bob Kerman made this rocket from scratch without any help whatsoever, and this could be a big step forward in rocket science.

Bob was already on his way.

"And here he comes! Ladies and gentlemen, Bob Kerman!"

There was a huge roar of applause, but a short one. Bob shed a tear of joy, and turned to Jeb to hug him. Jeb handed Bob the launcher.

Bob pressed it, and as if on cue, the crowd counted down. "Five, Four, Three, Two, One, LIFTOFF!!!" The model rocket soared into the sky. Everybody on the ground began having trouble seeing it, but eventually it started to come back down. Bob saw this and pressed a second button the the remote, and it separated. He pressed a third button, and the parachute deployed. It took 15 seconds after this for it to touch the ground. The crowd roared with applause again, this time for a full minute.

Bob saw a familiar person come towards him... His hero... Werner Von Kerman...

To be Continued.

(No, I did not intend KNN to be like CNN)

Edited December 2, 2014 by michaelsteele3

[KSK]

Go, Bob!

Decoupler was spelt correctly by the way.

[michaelsteele3]

Go, Bob!

Decoupler was spelt correctly by the way.

Google chrome had it underlined in red. There was no suggestions, so I thought I was way off. :/