Make a wish... and have it horribly corrupted!

[Ozymandias_the_Goat]

Granted, you live in a conspiracy theorists colony

 

I wish that we would just go to Mars already!

 

[StupidAndy]

granted, but nobody cares, well thats already happening...

i wish that i had a coding class

[Kosmonaut]

Granted. As soon as you step through the door, a new type of psychic computer is invented that does exactly as a person wishes and models the OS and programs after their wants, needs, and personality, and coding becomes obsolete.

I wish for a new computer

[kerbiloid]

Granted.
You run 101st instance of VirtualBox in addition too 100 already running.
You continue thinking that you have a computer cloud inside your notebook and wonder why they are working so slowly.

I wish that ".io" domain zone would mean the Jupiter's moon.

[James Kerman]

Granted.  The whole internet is now routed through Io.  Any request now takes 33 - 53 minutes each way.

I wish beer was free.

[Kosmonaut]

Granted. The legal drinking age everywhere is raised to 117

I wish for a time machine

[StupidAndy]

granted, but on the first mission, you hit your great-grandfather off a cliff and he dies, and you never exist

i wish for this thread to be 536 pages

[KerbinW365]

Granted. 

Not today,

 

I wish for a betr jeybord

[Kosmonaut]

Granted. You forget how to type

I wish that nothing existed anymore, and never will again

[insert_name]

Granted, your soul now floats through oblivion for all eternity.

I wish I had a normal social life

[Kosmonaut]

Granted. You have a normal social life (It isn't as good as it seems)

I wish I had all of the baby hands from all throughout time (Except my own)

[StupidAndy]

granted, but they all attach to your hands, and you can never pick anything up ever again, except when your 79, you finally figure out how to pick stuff up, but you die three seconds later

i wish i could pie

[James Kerman]

Granted.  You invent a sport called pie'ing but you are killed by a custard avalanche during a downhill event.

I wish I had a hoverboard, as promised by science fiction.

[Wildcat111]

Granted. You have a hover board , but you smack your head on it and it explodes (yes they actually do explode)

I wish I could be an astronaut.

Edited December 12, 2016 by Wildcat111

[kerbiloid]

Granted. You're kidnapped by aliens.

Wish I had a Mothership Zeta.

[TopHeavy11]

Granted, but not granted.

 

I wish I could grant my own wishes instead of having to rely on other malicious people.

[Xorth Tanovar]

Granted, but you develop permanent Alzheimer's and cannot remember what you wanted.

 

I wish for a decent lunch today

[insert_name]

Granted you get a good meal but before you can eat it you start vomiting uncontrollably. 

I wish for good grades on finals

[DarkOwl57]

Granted, but it is found out that you cheated, and you fail the semester.

I wish for a White Christmas

[cantab]

Granted. For this Christmas the whole Earth will become entirely white. By killing everyone of other races.

I wish my wood would cut itself to the right lengths.

[TopHeavy11]

Granted. All your wood is now at 90 degree angles.

 

I wish that I had a Pant-Underpant-Apple-Pant!

[Xorth Tanovar]

Granted. you receive pants and underpants. The apple is wedged in a rather uncomfortable location related to same, and may require surgery to remove...

I wish for early dismissal.

[kerbiloid]

Granted. You wake up suddenly wincing back from the sergeant's command: "Dismiss!". And yes, it's early morning.

I wish Qt framework would rule them all.

Edited December 13, 2016 by kerbiloid

[SAS123]

Granted but only after the date 12 December, 1,883,394,553,000,666,846,566 and it is incompatible with all OS.

I wish for nothing

[Xorth Tanovar]

Granted, you receive it in abundance. Of course, this also means no more air and you die from asphyxiation.

I wish for a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich.

Edited December 13, 2016 by Xorth Tanovar