vexx32

Make a wish... and have it horribly corrupted!

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Granted, but the air is instead full of silica dust causing you to die of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

I wish for a self-mowing lawn.

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Granted, your space engineers barely crash at all anymore, but it's mostly because they can't get their rockets to work. Can't crash if you never leave the launch pad.

I wish I had something funnier to say.

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Granted. The British government steals it for their Unconventional Weapons Program, and you don't ever make any money off of it.

I wish I had a lawyer.

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Granted. Unfortunately, your lawyer specializes in a field completely irrelevant to your needs, but charges you anyway.

I wish it was sunny today.

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Granted. The clouds are blown away, along with a good chunk of the atmosphere, by a gigantic asteroid impact.

I wish for a higher power telescope.

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Granted, but it can only point at the sun.

I wish I could be an astronaut.

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3 hours ago, Andem said:

Granted, but it can only point at the sun.

Good thing I made a solar filter today!

3 hours ago, Andem said:

I wish I could be an astronaut.

Granted. You qualify to become an astronaut, but someone else gets the job. 

I wish I lived in the universe where all the world's governments teamed up to build a giant moon colony with a sports complex (including tape measure extending and flying.)

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Granted, the moon colony with sports complex is built and completed. Shortly after receiving its first delivery of colonists, a meteor destroys everything.

I wish I the knew everything.

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That includes grammar. Ashamed by your mistake above, you kill yourself.

I wish I had a lawyer who specializes in a field relevant to my needs.

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He turns out to be illiterate.

I wish I was immortal.

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Unfortunately, unethical alien scientists decide to study your immortality and you spend the rest of eternity locked in a cage far from home.

I wish my cat could talk.

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Granted, but all he says is ludicrously profane slurring and obscenities, along with wildly inaccurate facts about irrelevant subjects.

 

I wish I an inexhaustible supply of funds 

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Granted, but funds becoming unlimited makes them have zero value, causing the economy to collapse, quickly bringing civilization down with it.

 

I wish my dogs would stop waking me up in the morning.

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13 hours ago, Dman979 said:

That includes grammar. Ashamed by your mistake above, you kill yourself.

I wish I had a lawyer who specializes in a field relevant to my needs.

I wish autocorrect wouldn't screw with my grammar.

31 minutes ago, DolphinDude3 said:

Granted, but funds becoming unlimited makes them have zero value, causing the economy to collapse, quickly bringing civilization down with it.

 

I wish my dogs would stop waking me up in the morning.

Granted, but now they just pee on you while you still sleep without waking you up. In fact, you never wake up. Ever. And the dogs never stop peeing.

 

I wish I had free trip to the lunar surface and back.

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Granted. Ashamed by the fact that you didn't grant the wish above you, you kill yourself.

I wish I had a literate lawyer who specializes in a field relevant to my needs.

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Granted, but he's blind and mute, but still manages to point out that I did grant the wish within a reasonable amount of time, and that the best legal advice he can give you is that you should kill yourself for jumping the gun a bit. 

 

I wish, I wish, I hadn't killed that fish.

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Granted, but the fish kills you. With it's laser eyes.

I wish stinging insects had never developed.

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Granted, there are biting insects though. (I have at least 30 bug bites from St. John!) 

l wish that over posting was a thing in forum games.

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Granted, but a couple million years after the sun explodes. 

I wish that Dres is the most visited and loved planet. FOR DRES!!!

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6 hours ago, max_creative said:

Granted, but a couple million years after the sun explodes. 

I wish that Dres is the most visited and loved planet. FOR DRES!!!

The Sun won't explode, it's too small, it'll just turn into a Red Giant and then a White Dwarf, destroying the Inner Solar System in the process.

 

Granted, but people who love the other planets successfully kick Dres out of the Kerbol System.

 

I wish that @max_creative went on less posting sprees.

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Granted, but I'm in the middle of one now. 

I wish people (cough cough dolphin cough dude cough cough) would stop being mean to Dres.

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2 hours ago, max_creative said:

Granted, but I'm in the middle of one now. 

I wish people (cough cough dolphin cough dude cough cough) would stop being mean to Dres.

Granted. Everyone throws a bunch of Dresteroids at Dres, destroying it. Therefore, no one can ever be mean to Dres again. 

I wish I could run an unlimited number of KSP mods.

Edited by Dres

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Granted, but the only mods you can run are Dres awareness and Dres love mods. 

I wish that everyone like turtles.

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