Dating Advice for Nerds/Geeks

[andrew123]

Well, this was about as useful as expected.

Being interesting (or at least having interesting hobbies) is expensive. Back to working on having a career, I guess.

Exercising isn't expensive. It'll only serve to increase your productivity. (trust me, although you'll feel tired at first, you'll only feel better over time).

If you mean being interesting to your interest, it all depends on how much thought you put into it.

[UmbralRaptor]

Exercising isn't expensive. It'll only serve to increase your productivity. (trust me, although you'll feel tired at first, you'll only feel better over time).

Pushups and situps don't require much equipment (aside perhaps from a padded floor), but running tends to burn through shoes. In principle I have a pullup bar, but the current place has no doorways that are appropriate.

It's increasingly feeling like I am a(n) (astro)physics robot, with excursions into math and engineering, but not even enough $interesting_thing like gaming, SF, or martial arts to hold up a useful conversation.

Edited January 17, 2015 by UmbralRaptor

[andrew123]

Pushups and situps don't require much equipment (aside perhaps from a padded floor), but running tends to burn through shoes. In principle I have a pullup bar, but the current place has no doorways that are appropriate.

If you use proper running posture and form, you shouldn't be burning through shoes that quickly.

However, I did go through a pair of nikes every 2-4 months in the beginning. It wasn't that bad, but those shoes were worn out pretty quickly until I learned how to run more efficiently.

Why not get a gym membership? I personally have a rec center (from homeowners cost) near me, but other areas should have a lot of 24 hour fitness, etc.

Fun fact: Elon Musk couldn't afford a shower while making his first company. He took showers at his local gym. XD

I have a black belt in taekwondo.

[UmbralRaptor]

Why not get a gym membership? I personally have a rec center (from homeowners cost) near me, but other areas should have a lot of 24 hour fitness, etc.

If I'm not comfortable spending an extra few hundred a year on shoes, I'm definitely not putting over a thousand a year into a gym membership.

[andrew123]

If I'm not comfortable spending an extra few hundred a year on shoes, I'm definitely not putting over a thousand a year into a gym membership.

I just notice that a lot of people were receiving 1 year gym memberships as presents. Thus the running joke about having too many keychain tags.

Alternatively, you could try jogging near your home/flat. It's actually better than running inside, and you get the added benefit of fresh air and vitamin D.

Edited January 18, 2015 by andrew123

[Frozen_Heart]

Going for a run is pretty cheap. I run about 8 miles a week. Just make sure you have some good shoes.

[andrew123]

Going for a run is pretty cheap. I run about 8 miles a week. Just make sure you have some good shoes.

Agreed. Exercise is one of those things that can greatly benefit you over a long period of time without having to spend thousands.

[Camacha]

Being interesting (or at least having interesting hobbies) is expensive. Back to working on having a career, I guess.

Do not be silly. Exercising, reading, drawing, following MOOC courses, volunteering and a whole array of other activities cost little or nothing. Let us be frank here, those are just lazy excuses not to do anything. It is that attitude that makes you uninteresting, not the lack of resources.

Edited January 18, 2015 by Camacha

[andrew123]

Don't be silly. Exercising, reading, drawing and a whole array of other activities cost little or nothing. Let us be frank here, those are just lazy excuses not to do anything. It is that attitude that makes you uninteresting, not the lack of resources.

Agreed. I'd rather spend my money on running shoes than pay for my Breaking Bad / The Wire addiction on Netflix. Rather than spending money on going out to the bar / other unproductive things, exercise should be one of your top priorities next to your career.

[Camacha]

Agreed. I'd rather spend my money on running shoes than pay for my Breaking Bad / The Wire addiction on Netflix. Rather than spending money on going out to the bar / other unproductive things, exercise should be one of your top priorities next to your career.

Well, that is another part of the story - priorities. A lot can be done if you really want to. Though I do think you can do plenty of interesting things without spending much money, if any. You do not even have to forego other things to do those.

[andrew123]

Well, that is another part of the story - priorities. A lot can be done if you really want to. Though I do think you can do plenty of interesting things without spending much money, if any. You do not even have to forego other things to do those.

If you try out exercise (or any other activity) and feel that it adds an overwhelmingly positive bump to your life, you might rearrange your priorities. That's the point of life: explore. (cue star trek theme)

[Northstar1989]

Thanks for all the advice. I'm glad this ended up as more of an open forum for discussion rather than just giving advice to me.

For what it's worth, I do TONS of interesting things (at least I think they're interesting- which is what matters). I exercise regularly (I have to- I'm currently applying to the Marine Corps), and I've had many girls tell me I'm "charming"... (15 years of trying to flirt helps- I started in earnest when I was a precocious 10 year-old)

Yet NONE of them seem interested in me as a potential boyfriend, or even a date. Even when one shows a little interest, the inevitable end is them out of the blue saying "sorry, I just don't think we're compatible" and refusing to give any more information...

Maybe they're right- but I would LIKE a little more explanation than that...

Regards,

Northstar

P.S. For anyone looking to learn a little more about me, for perspective, here's my OKCupid profile. You'll have to create an account to view it, though, but you can always delete it afterwards...

www.okcupid.com/profile/Northstar1989

Edited January 18, 2015 by Northstar1989

[pxi]

P.S. For anyone looking to learn a little more about me, for perspective, here's my OKCupid profile. You'll have to create an account to view it, though, but you can always delete it afterwards...

www.okcupid.com/profile/Northstar1989

Actually a little google-fu lets you skip that step enough for my interest at least.

Let me give you a tip. Don't get too hung up on girls that want to friend-zone you. This is inevitable, and actually works to your favor if you let it. They already told you why - they don't feel you're compatible. It's really that simple, you either like someone or you don't. Accept it for what it is. Be their friend. They have friends too you know. You'd be surprised how helpful it can be to be introduced to someone else as "hey here's this super-nice guy I know". You won't get that demanding a long exhaustive explanation why the friend-zone-ee doesn't like you in 'that way'.

[xcorps]

I thought this might be very appropriate, since many KSP players are highly intelligent, and some are probably a little awkward in real life.

What dating advice can you offer to other KSP'ers that specifically helps to work around the coolness-factor? (or rather, others' perceived lack thereof- even if we all agree nerds are cool/awesome!) How did you find your significant other? Would your suggest dating other nerds, or trying to date somebody very different? Answer all these questions and more here!

Almost anything goes- I would just ask that you clarify whether your advice is for men trying to date women, women trying to date men, men trying to date men, women trying to date women, etc.

Regards,

Northstar

1) Practice speaking to other people by talking in the mirror. Learn to lead and carry a conversation (qualifying questions, smiling, showing interest etc)

2) Hygiene is a must. Look clean cut, smell good, pay attention to detail. Fingernails, teeth, skin quality

3) Wear nice clothes. Nice =/= expensive or stylish. Nice = clean, pressed, coordinated.

4) TALK TO STRANGERS. YOU MUST DO THIS. Refer to #1.

5) Frequent places that cater to your interests. Don't go to bars if you aren't into the bar scene. Don't go to a church if you are a agnostic. Don't go to the library if you are into the bar scene.

6) Learn how to make yourself seem interesting. The best way to do this is by #1.

Don't rely on dating websites. They are a very weak tool in your efforts to meet people. You might send 1000's of messages to women on dating sites without a response, it's a numbers game.

[KerBlam]

I think you're overthinking it. The chase can be fun, however Women can smell desperation and it drives them away.

Be yourself, smile a lot, get out more. Forget about picking up. If you are happy and confident, the right one will show up when the time is right.

And yeah. take every 'friend-zone' as a compliment and a step in the right direction.

[Duxwing]

To give "dating advice" is to falsely imply that, by doing what one likes not, one will meet another who likes what one does. Almost all people thus met do not, and whoever thus meets them endures the triple miseries of bad times, bad relationships, and bad breakups. The correct inference from general frustration with dating instead should be of such a deep or general problem as a wrong social environment, wrong idea of good partners, or wrong idea of self.

-Duxwing

Edited January 18, 2015 by Duxwing

[StrandedonEarth]

Do what you like: you will find others like you.

-Duxwing

Unless what you like is sitting in your parent's basement playing video games

[Duxwing]

And have you not found us?

-Duxwing

[Superfluous J]

If you want to date and hang out with cool people, lie about who you are and be unhappy so you can "get a date."

If you want to meet someone who you'll be happy with, be yourself and eventually you'll find someone who actually wants to be with you and not someone you're pretending to be.

As for me, of the 3 major relationships I've had in my life, I met my ex-girlfriend at a party, my ex-wife at a bar, and the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with on an online game. I think that says it all, really

[SpaceXray]

I suggest you wait until after you finish your studies. You still have your whole life ahead of you.

Right now getting a girlfriend is a tremendous waste of time, money, and sanity. You probably don't have all of these atm so wait a few years so they grow up and become more sane, then the chance of a long-term relationship will be higher. Best if you get it to last for a year, very small chance a schoolgirl would want to stay with you for longer than that. Even you might get bored of her and this time. Better save the struggle and prevent hurting anyone for now.

Edited January 18, 2015 by SpaceXray

[Louella]

If you're at college/university, and if you can spare the time, you could look into volunteering/part-time work in the Library.

You'll meet a lot of people that way. Many of which will have similar interests to your own.

[Cirocco]

hmm... well I personally think I'm pretty poorly placed to give dating advice (haven't dated that much and honestly, I'm as blind as a mole when it comes to women showing interest in me) but here goes:

- as has been said many times in this forum: be yourself first and foremost. If you're looking for someone who shares interests with you or who likes you for who you are, meeting through a medium which you do not like isn't a great starting point.

- practical note: cleanliness and personal hygiene is obviously very important.

- biggest advice I can give (from personal experience): don't obsess about it. Being single has a lot of advantages too. Just do what you can to enjoy your life, whether that be with a boyfriend/girlfriend or not. too often it seems that it is commonly accepted that you need to be with someone in order to be happy. Totally false. One can lead to the other, but in no way is the former required for, or guaranteed to provide the latter.

EDIT: almost forgot. For all you young geeks/nerds out there, in case you're feeling down about the whole difficulty with dating thing: studies consistently show that nerdy people are the most successful as adults, both in career and relationship aspects. To all young geeks and nerds out there, I promise you: it gets better. I speak from experience.

In closing, I have for you a cringe-worthy joke! Why do gamers make for the best lovers? We know how to push all the right buttons.

Edited January 19, 2015 by Cirocco

[rtxoff]

I agree, a partner complicates your life in almost all cases. Enjoy your single life as long as you can.

[Red Iron Crown]

studies consistently show that nerdy people are the most successful as adults, both in career and relationship aspects.

I'd be interested to read some of those studies, particularly about how they define "nerdy" and "successful". Do you have links by any chance?

[Cirocco]

I admit it's been a while since I looked up/read one so I don't have one handy. I'm at work now, I'll see if I can find some examples when I get back home. If I recall correctly the last one I read was one who put hours of video game time in youth against length of relationships and net income at 30+ years.

Again, that's just from memory though, I'll see if I can dig up some practical examples

EDIT: okay this is bloody annoying. Quick google search offers only case examples such as bill gates, mark zuckerberg, elon musk etc. but very little objective wide range studies; And the ones that do exist either don't offer any insight in how they defined "nerdy" or don't use the term at all, referring simply to "geeky" or "social outcasts". Success however is more clearly defined: it is usually measured in income in case of career, or relationship length or active ... life in case of relationships.

That being said, general concencus is that a large portion the biggest earners worldwide definitely have "nerdy" backgrounds.

Of course it does all depend on how you define "nerdy" and "success", as Red Iron Crown correctly pointed out. However, I do stand by my statement that studious, more secluded people with an interest in science/math very much so can and often do blossom and are very successful past (high) school.

Edited January 19, 2015 by Cirocco