[Writing] Escar 5

[Twinky827]

This is the story of the first interstellar manned journey. My old characters, have been put on a more serious personality, Jeb is just very brave, hence the smile of determination on takeoff (Usually). Bill is very cautious. Bob is the safety manager, hence the worrying of it being unsafe. Desvan is the Commander, and is very serious. Geoffrey is the pilot, fun loving, but very VERY cautious. And overpowered Bill, might you say. Buzz is the Co - Pilot, and is more fun loving, like Jeb

Chapter 1:

Geoffrey sat back and looked at Escar 5. The massive ship had been docked in the KNSP (Kerbal national space dock) , and was thrusting the engines to warm them up. The year was 0.50 , and scientists had just invented Manned Inter - Stellar travel. The five other Kerbalnauts stared at the ship is amazement too. 'This thing\'s as big as the World Bank building in Avia!' Exclaimed Jeb as he looked on a giant holographic ruler, from his Killor Tech pad. 'Mmm,' Said Desvan. 'Sure hope she\'s safe..' Said Bob, checking multiple clipboards at the same time. Bill sighed, 'I remember the first rocket we launched. I almost miss the old fun loving Jeb. At least they have KSC. Sort-of.' KSC was now the KSM (Kerbal Space Meuseum. 'First ones that were brave enough to be Kerbalnauts. Back in the year 0.4.' Said Jeb, looking homesick. 'Mmm, we came after you, the Thomprey, Charlie, Mark....' Said Desvan. The engines died out one more time. 'ALL KERBALNAUTS PLEASE BOARD THE SHIP.' Said a loudspeaker of the wall. They all took one last look at Kerbin. When they got back, everything would be different. The light speed warp drive sped up time for them, but not for others. They then boarded, some crying, some holding back tears. Some kissed their wives at children one last time. As they boarded the ship, the ramps slowly slid back into the ship. And the doors closed. One final time. When they all got to their stations, Bill sniffed, 'A-all engines are s-stable.' A low groan started up, as the habitable area started spinning, creating artificial gravity. Then the whole space dock turned, and the tunnel they were docked in started spinning. Faster, faster, and faster. Until finally Jeb throttled back

20 years later. Space flight time they returned....

The year was 10.1000, And Kerbin was no more. Bob screamed.

[Twinky827]

No feedback?

[StelarCF]

Hmm. Well IDK but you should put more paragraphs. Also it kind of lacks sense a bit. I had to read the phrase 'The engines died out one more time' about 3 or 4 times until I understood what you meant. (and I still don\'t see how that makes sense in that context)