Ironwatsas

Well, there should perhaps be a command system of some sort. That is to say, the player can command any inactive Kerbonauts (e.g., ones they're not controlling) to be 'at ease', wherein they will wander around and perform little random duty animations, like scratching their bottoms or checking their note pads. Alternately, the player can give a 'follow' command (which does exactly what it sounds like) or a 'stay tight' command, wherein the Kerbal stands still, in situations like, for instance, being on a cliff or in a very low orbit EVA. They should also have a 'board nearest' command, where all the Kerbs on active EVA will move to the closest available pod and get inside. Useful in case you're on a suborbital trajectory and need to close up shop FAST. The Kerbals should mimic the Player's movements, for instance, using their jetpacks intelligently when in EVA or when the player is in a high speed rover in a low gravity environment. In essence, attempting to maintain a fixed position relative to the player, but with adequate collision avoidance that they won't bump into anything important. Perhaps also make them salute if a Flag is planted nearby. Actually, it would be pretty sweet if a similar system could be used for craft...

VAB Parts Supply Room. 15:32 hours. Wernher sighed. Despite all this craziness he still needed to get work done. While many of the Kerbs had lost all hope, and some had jumped from atop the VAB (exploding in a rather dramatic fireball on impact) or run for the hills, the chief scientist still knew there was research to be done. With his chief ship designer having been used by Ame as a clay pigeon and shot at with missiles made from Sepatrons, he would have to do things the old fashioned way. He already had a Stayputnik core, some antennae, some solar panels, and enough turbo-glue for the project, but as he rummaged through the various crates full of supplies, he noticed that the Decoupler boxes were suspiciously empty. Every last one of them... "Ach! Was ist los? Herr Dudly, where did all of ze decouplers go? All of zese boxes are empty! Ve had like a thousand of zem. I need one for ze Minmus Probe!" Dudly Kerman, one of the mechanics, shrugged and replied, as he was too rummaging through the mountain of parts crates. "I don't know, I'm looking for where all of the cubic struts went. I need some to mount my RCS on... you don't think that...?" "Oh no!" "Are you sure this will work?" "Yah maybe!" Out on the launch pad (and drooping over either side), a rather large, rather dangerous looking contraption made out of... all the decouplers and struts Ame could find. On top of it, was a single EAS-1 Command Seat, and seated in his place of honor was Ludly Kerman, who was not looking confident in himself and honestly wondering why he was there. Ame meanwhile was standing behind a blast shield, wearing a hard hat, and holding onto an instructional construction manual simply labeled "Plaid". '"Okie. Here is Plan. AmeAme will PRESS SPACEBAR and YOU WILL FLY up into Outer Space! Then will PLANT AMEFLAG and claim Space for AmeAme!" She quipped, before throwing in: "It Best Plan." Ludly was not convinced. "Hey... uhh... that's different then what you said before. I thought we were just going to do shooters! Let me out of here!" Incidently, Ludly was belted into the seat (with high quality nylon mooring rope) and probably not there of his own free will. "Okie WILL BEGIN COUNTDOWN now!" Ame began, looking at her fingers and using them to count "Ten... nine..." "Wait WHAT? Nono! I don't wanna go! It'll kill me! I have a wife and three kids! Stop! I want to liiiiivvvvveeeee!!!" "...eightsevensixfiveforthreeTOOBAD!" Ame pressed the space bar. (KA-CKLHSSH) "Hey, Billy-Bobfrey. I can't get this lit." Whergas Kerman announced, attempting to light up the grill. "It just needs an accellerant. Watch." Harrick Kerman replied, dragging an Oscar-B fuel tank over. Whergas, Harrick, and Doodnard kerman were all gathered in a campsite made of EAS-1 Command Seats, a Bargain Rocket Part's grill, and a nice sun umbrella made of parachutes, with various struts and other bits scattered around, outside the of the main module of the Duna Colony. The three were trying to light up the grill and have a nice summery barbecue, although they were having no luck thus far. "We really need charcoal for this." "Wait, I think..." *FWOOM* "there we go! Doodnard, get those steaks out. And don't get them all dusty!" Harrick replied proudly as he managed to get the grill to light... somehow... Always one to ruin the mood however, Doodnard replied from inside the Colony's main Crew Can module. "Uhh... guys... the Dunesat-1 is picking up an unidentified object... very high speed..." "How high we talking?" "OVER TWO MILLION! And... oh Jesus Kerman IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US!!!" Doodnard yelled, flailing his arms about! "AAAAAAAAH!" "AHHHHHHHH!" "AAAHAAAAH!" The three Kerbonauts flailed around, running and panicing in terror, shaking one another around and facing their immenant doom with the usual indignity of a trained and highly motivated kerbonaut. Meanwhile, in space... "AHHHHHHHHH!" Ludly yelled as he flew directly at Duna, head first, flailing violently. The only noise accompanying his yelling being the biological waste alarm in his suit beeping. At about 2.9 million meters to second, Duna was coming up fast. While normally a Kerbal would shut their eyes and brace for a quick and painless end, Kerbals don't have eyelids! He was doomed! In but a millisecond, Ludly, traveling at a not-insignificant fraction of the speed of light, rocketed through Duna's atmosphere, creating a bright yellow streak visible across the entire hemisphere, and then, in an imperceptibly small moment of time... *thud* "oof!" Fortunately, he landed headfirst. And as we all know, a Kerbal's head is among the strongest substances in the universe. So Ludly was perfectly fine! He fell face first into the Duna soil, right next to the huddled together forms of Harrick, Doodnard, and Whergas. "Well ain't that the damndest thing?" Back on Kerbin, Gene sat hunched forward, resting on his crossed arms, draped over his command console, sulking. Next to him sat a half empty bottle of whiskey. Eventually, Bobak came over to try and console him. "Hey, buddy. You look like the bloody face of Moho? You need to cheer up! Get back on your feet." "What's the point? The entire space program has been made a mockery! She took my office and my pride and my spinny chair! I have nothing to live for!" Gene replied, distraught. The Kerbal Space program was something near and dear to him. Despite the daily infrequent accidents, occasionally incompetent staff, and money and legal issues now and then, KSP had endured partly due to his efforts. He had spent the better part of his professional career bringing it to life. ...on second thought, perhaps this Ame deal wasn't the worst that had ever happened... "You can't just sit here moping around all day, Gene. Don't lose faith! Remember your blood pressure" Bobak replied, reassuringly, patting his comrade and best friend on the shoulder. "You should just head outside, get some sun and some fresh air. Then when your head is clear we can think up a plan. Just like all those mun missions where the oxygen tanks kept exploding. How about that?" "Yeah... I guess you're right... " Gene sighed, unconvinced. "Yeah I'm gonna go take a walk." He quickly rose from his chair, and walked quietly out of the command building, heading through the hallway, past the photos of missions past, past the rack of awards and trophies awarded to the Kerbal Space Program. Awards that recounted the greatest feats and achievements of the Kerbal Space age; The rescue of the Kerpollo-13 mission, the Laythe Colony, the Return Mission from Eve, Jeb's Anti Kraken Squadron One, the Mint Valley expedition, and the KSS-3 Incident. Gene walked outside, into the sticky, humid air of the equatorial Kerbin wilderness... Meanwhile, in the Research Complex. "MORE TOIL!" *crack!* The Research staff ran in terror in all directions, trying to look busy or simply get out of the way as Ame hauled ass through in a Mun Rover, attempting to both drive and wail on people with a large coachwhip as she went along. She jerkily made several laps through the buildings, causing a number of supply trucks and golf carts to swerve and crash as she plowed through traffic. ...Although they did make pretty 'splodeys when they crashed, Ame figured.... "Nya ha ha ha ha!" She kept driving at full throttle, whipping whoever she found in her way, before driving to the Spaceplane Hangar. A large collection of semi trucks was parked outside of it, labled with various farms and produce companies' livery. Ame jumped from the moving Munar rover (which sped off out of control) and landed on her feet next to someone who looked important, and watched as the various laborers unloaded their cargo. "Okie do HAVE ALL OF Delivery for AmeAme?" "Sí, tenemos todas las coles que querías. Usted los quiere en el hangar Planeador espacial?" The bemoustached and suave Senor Marco Kermanez, who looked like the foreman of the operation, replied. "Okie? ._. " "¿Qué son todos estos Coles por?" He asked, looking into the SPH's cavernous hall, at the supply of what Ame had bought. ... "Okie? ._. " "Uhh.. ¿Cómo se va a pagar por todo esto?" "HERE IS Monies check!" Ame replied, handing a cheque for 'All the Cabbages', and signed by a mister 'Bill K.' Don Kermanez looked over the cheque, and realized that 'yes, it was infact bankable'. Therefore, he simply waved his arms and instructed the various ker-men to accelerate their work. And such that it was that Ame, using KSP's money, had bought up every cabbage in the land, with trucks coming in from as far as Reconville full of them. All of which were simply being piled up in the Spaceplane hangar, with various aircraft having simply been thrown outside and strewn about. Many had been smashed by Ame, who was rather offended by their abject 'wingyness'. "That's a lot of Cabbages!" Bill said, walking next to Ame with a can of in hand."Yah is ALL THE CABBAGES! Need them for best AmeExperiment!" "Wasn't the last experiment the best?" "No ._. " Ame stared back. Her logic had been challenged, although it took a moment for the wheels in her mind to click. "THIS BETTER EXPERIMENT!!!" "oooh... so what is the experiment?" "Plan is to KILL ALL CABBAGES!" Ame shouted, jumping up and flailing her arms about wildly. "MATAR A TODOS CON FUEGO!" While all this was happening, Gene was wandering around, kicking a small piece of gravel. Hands in pockets, head pointed down at the ground. The sun shone on top of his head, and kerbirds fluttered about, tweeting their silly, mindless songs as they did. This did little to cheer up gene, although he was less depressed now and lost deep in thought. He tried to think about how the previous screw-ups KSP had run into could be remedied. 'Kerpollo-13? Jeb used duct tape and struts to patch up the oxygen tank? We could tape her mouth shut? No... that would never work.', 'Jool Landing? Use toroidal fuel tanks to float once the atmosphere density is too thick? No... Ame's head is so dense it would just suck them in...','Dammit... we need Jeb for this'. He continued to muse to himself, trying to think to himself, but he was interrupted by the sound of motors and caterpillar tracks approaching. He looked up to the horizon to see a cloud of dust. A division of tanks from the Kerbin Army were fast approaching the road to KSC, surrounding the facility! "What the fu... HEY! WAIT!" Gene ran out of the gate from KSC to the lead vehicle of the column, a Jeep which fortunately enough contained the seniormost commander of the Kerbal States Army; General Douglas McKerman. "What are you doing here?! With all of these tanks? What is going on?" The general quickly stepped out of the Jeep, standing tall... ish... with his Corncob pipe and khakis fluttering in the breeze. "At ease, son. The Kerbin Government has received word that a dangerous alien life form is loose in this facility and has taken over. Because of this, we are beginning containment plan 'Red Moho'. No one gets in or out of here." "Wait, what!? You can't do that! This is a science facility. What the heck is plan Red Moh..." "AND IF Plan Red Moho fails to convince the president..." General McKerman interrupted, raising his hand "We will proceed to plan 'Nuke the Crap out of KSC because it's the only way to be sure'." "Wha...Nuke!?!" Before Douglas McKerman could continue, a black, very classy looking car drove up at high speed, pulling a burnout as it skidded to a halt right next to the two. A pair of Ker-men wearing black suits and sunglasses stepped out swiftly. "Nobody is going to be Nuking Anything." "Who are YOU now?" "We're the KIA. Kerbin Intelligence Agency. And this alien being is wanted alive and intact. We intend to use her as a weapon against the Kermmunist Menace." "Balderdash! I fought the Kapanese on Hotland with my bare damn hands! I won't be told what to do by some 'government' because I have nukes! Therefore, your argument is invalid." McKerman pointed out, pointing his finger accusingly at the agents. "Quiet you. Your military authority has been revoked. We are taking command here." The agent replied, before he too was interrupted... "Oh no you're not." A vehicle, which was totally not a surveillance van, drove up beside the black car, and two slightly more shadowy looking agents with slightly blacker suits and sunglasses stepped out. "We're the KSA. Kerbin Security Agency. We've been monitoring this situation for quite some time, and we believe this creature is a threat to national security. We are taking her into custody to be placed in an offshore prison facility. Now stand aside, we are taking command here." "Oh no you're not!" Yet another vehicle. A sort of armored truck, drove up, and several even more shadowy looking agents stepped out. "We're the K.C.P Foundation. This alien being is considered a threat to normalcy, and we're here to contain and protect it. Now move away, we are taking command here." "Hey. I was here first, you scrawny whippersnapper! This is my operation!" "Government Orders. The KIA has overriding authority here!" "Our 'authority' superceeds all government or national assets. It is we, who are responsible for a threat of this nature." "Maybe so, but we know all the dirty pictures you watch at on the computer at night. KSA Baby!" "Hey! That's private information! You can't release that, it's unconstitutional!" "Well so much for superceeding all government assets! Hypocrite." "You all wouldn't have a Dagnab government if I hadn't given them Kooks the whoopin' I did." "Back off, old man. This is our business." "I'll give ya business after I give you a knuckle sandwich, shorty." McKerman replied, shaking his fist. From there, the arguments sort of ran together, and the incessant babbling eventually degenerated into a fistfight and an all out brawl. Naturally, various Kerman soldiers started taking bets on who would win. Gene watched, before bringing his face into the palm of his hand, unable to believe just how stupid his fellow kerbs could be... well... no, that's not entirely true... He'd seen some whoppers from Bob and Bill a few times, and even Jeb had his moments. ...infact, come to think of it, he didn't have a lot of faith in Kerbalkind anymore... He quickly turned around, walking back into KSC with a grimace and disdain on his face, quickly heading inside so he wouldn't have to watch the idocracy take it's course.

Not nescessarily. If there were properly supplied Kerbal bases scattered throughout the system that survived, and they had Extra-planetary Launchpads installed, they might be able to trace the kill vehicle's origin source and launch a Plaid in atleast some form of retaliation attempt. Mutual assured destruction. Plus, this many Relativistic Bombs going off at once is sure to anger the Space Kraken...

"WAT YOU KNOW OF Kerbal? You are SMALL and WINGY. Like a birdy. YOU ARE BIRDY!!! So this is wat happen next. After AMEKILL giant explodey fliey rockety thing, GreenMoustacheApple went go see Baka Head. Baka head is SILLY and yelled at Apple. But wat he know. His rocket exploded INTO FIREY PIECES PARTS! Since AMEAME BEST AT rocket, decided to become CHIEF OF SUPERIOR AMESPACEPROGRAM. So decided to make ApplePeople go do sciences in big sciencey buildingy place. They not know wat do, so AMEAME TOLD THEM to go MAKE MORE SCIENCES. They silly and not listen to Ame, so HIT WITH Whip! They started work harder after AmeAme ate foremanpersonbaka. He was oily. Eww. So Baka Head went back to room with... uhm... lots of computers, and was mad since HE IS BAD AT rocket. Well TOO BAD, since THIS IS NOW AmeStory!!!1" "H...how did you get these!?" Gene Kerman asked, shocked and horrified, staring at the photos in his hand. Sitting across his desk were a number of photos, and a manilla envelope with the title [NAKED PICTURES] emblazoned on the front. "That not important. Keep AmeQuiet is. And YOU KNOW Ameprice!" Ame, who was standing across the room from him, watched. Feigning complete innocience as she wiggled around, stifling laughter at Gene's reactions. "I... I can't do that, it's impossible! There are rules, procedures, I..." "Well then MISS GREEN JELLY BEAN gets see all of these." Gene Kerman gulped, sweating practically like a waterfall over his enormous, oddly-shaped brow. He hesitated a moment, before shakily raising his hand and pressing a small red button on the intercom... "ATTENTION ALL KSC EMPLOYEES. THIS IS GENE KERMAN SPEAKING. DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND MY CONTROL I AM OFFICIALLY STEPPING DOWN AS FLIGHT DIRECTOR OF THE KERBAL SPACE PROGRAM. AS MY SUCCESSOR, I AM NAMING A... Hi. I AmeAme. THIS IS NOW AmeSpaceProgram. Yooooou are now AmeSlaves. So will ALL START TO BUILD SUPERIOR AmeRocket. GET TO WORK else AMEAME WILL set on fire! AmeAme will be checking workstations. Stay busy. Nya~." The staff at KSC were shocked at the message being relayed over the intercom. Some of them began to weep, others looked about in terror. Atleast one keeled over dead from the shock. This shock immediately turned to Abject Terror and panic as it became obvious that Ame was on her way down there. "Oh crap!" Exclaimed Wernher von Kerman, currently cleaning out the bathrooms in the KSC mess hall as punishment. "Oh crap!" Exclaimed Bill Kerman, who was carrying around a broken MechJeb black box (and pair of scorched underwear) from the crash site. Gene Kerman was beside himself. Resting his head and arms on his desk. Muttering to himself. "What. Are. You?" "AMEAME IS NOW Best Rocket Goddess! And FLIGHT DIRECTOR OF AmeSpaceProgram. Now GET NOW OUT OF AmeOffice!" She yelled, pointing commandingly at the door. Gene kerman was flustered, bemused, and angered as he was forcibly ejected from his office by an insane girl, landing flat on his face in the hallway. He laid there for a few moments, wandering around, trying to think of a plan. He beat his fist against the wall, seething with rage, and a feeling he couldn't do anything anymore. He watched over his shoulder, as Ame was spinning in his office chair like a top. Eventually, he sulked down toward the Mission Control Room, confused and bewildered. Gene sat down besides Bobak, one of the only Ker-men he truely trusted, faceplanting onto his control console and moping for a bit. "Are you okay, sir?" Bobak asked, as he looked on nerveously. "Get me a gin and tonic. And go find Wernher. We need a plan."

The Nightmare has only just begun. Ame looked around the scientific clean room. Bored senseless by it's interior. A dim, white, sealed room, with few visible seams in the walls, and a thick sheet of high-endurance cellophane plexiglass separating her from the delicious looking scientists. She tried to headbutt through it, aiming for the air-holes where it looked weak, but despite her stubbornness she could not escape. "Let AMEAME OUT OF box else WILL KILL!" Wernher von Kerman did his best to ignore her ranting, as he spoke giddily with Intern #126-784B. "Ja, now ve need to find out what she eats... besides us of course. Zat vill be zhe first step in determining if she can power our rockets with her hyperactive sugar-blood-juice. Just think! Ve could save a fortune on rocket fuel!" "KILL INTO LITTLE BITS!" "Yeah... or just have her run inside a giant hamster wheel to power a generator?" The Aide replied. "We could hook it up to an Ion Thruster and then..." "Pah, nonsense! You're not thinking of the big picture. We need to do something REVOLUTIONARY! Something we can patent! And Market! We'll be Rich!" Wernher replied, rubbing his hands together as he schemed. "I WILL EAT YOOOOOOUUUU!!!" "Mhm, Ja, whatever. Assistant, insert the test article into zhe chamber." Wernher retorted, watching as his assistant wordlessly went to work. A moment later, a hatch in the ceiling opened, and a robotic claw arm containing a piece of candy descended into the room. Ame immediately jumped up toward it on tiny legs, in a somewhat comical fashion, trying to get at the candy. "Ja, now just a bit lower and... *crsh* ...no, too low. Bah! Shake her off of the arm before she breaks it all!" Werner noted. Ame was now hanging by her mouth of of the robot arm, thrashing around like a fish on a line. She figured where there was one candy, there had to be more, and ripping the arm out of the ceiling seemed like the best way to acquire more. The Scientist assistant jiggled the arm about left and right until she finally fell off, having acquired the one candy, which she promptly devoured, hiccuping the wrapper back up. "GIVE MORE Candy!" "Ah-ah! Now now, you vill receive candies only if you co-operate und help vith zhe science!" Werner noted, wagging his finger at the irate creature within the holding cell. "WAT YOU KNOW OF Science. Your are STUPID and have HEAD FULL OF Onion!" "Onion?! I'll have you know I have eleven PhDs in rocketry und engineering achievement, little girl! I practical built zis space program from zhe ground up!" Wernher retorted, this girl quickly arousing his ire as she questioned his scientific integrity. Ame, however, was unimpressed. "Yah well LOT OF GOOD that did you, since I AMEAME and Yoooou are bad at Science. Hmmfp!" "Zat doesn't make any SENSE!" "Yooooou don't make any sense!" Ame replied, sticking her tongue out at the flustered scientist. "Hmmfp!" ... "no you" The Kerman muttered under his breath, so as not to be drawn into the same sort of arguement as before (knowing full well Ame would probably win). "Besides, I'm out here, und you are in zere! So it seems I hold the cards here, Ja?" Before Ame could respond, the secretary spoke over the intercom. "Doctor von Kerman, you have a guest waiting for you." "Bah... who is it now?" Werner went over to the intercom and replied. "Yes yes, send him in. I'm in the middle of an experiment." Moments later, a particularly disshelved looking kerbal entered the room, twitching oddly, eying the room cautiously. "Is... is she here... did you... did you bring her... is she here? IS SHE HERE?!?!" "Verdammt! Get a hold of yourself. Who are you, I don't know who you are!" Wernher responded, further annoyed at this interruption. Maybe it was one of those ker-men from the mercury injection experiments. "Yes... yesyesyes!" The twitchy hooligan paid no attention to the scientist, and headed quickly over to the plexiglass. "The Heavenly maiden stands in the mortal realm! Our dark lady of light and smiles has arrived! Haaaah!" "Yah. AmeIsHere ._. " She replied, staring blankly at the newcomer. "What are you blabbering about? I demand to know your name or else I'll have you escorted out of here. And it will be most embarassing on your part." Wernher replied sternly, finally garnering attention from the nutjob. "Trish... no no, Phillip Kerman! Yes... that was my old name... before I heard the name of Ame! I kneel before our beloved goddess!" He gibbered, kneeling down before Ame. "Godess? What nonsense are you talking about? I'll have none of this, this is a laboratory of science I'll have you kno..." "BEST AT Goddess!" Ame replied, rather loudly. "Indeed! Best goddess... ahhh...I have come... yes... I come here to serve you! Eagerly! M...master!" "Yah okies. Yoooou are now AmeSlave!" "Thank you.... Th...THANK YOU o great one! I forfiet myself to you, if that is your wish!" He stared wide eyed into the container, at his object of phantasm. The mysterious, inane, crazy, wonderful being before him. Wernher kerman sighed, planting his hand directly over his face. "This just keeps gettink wierder und wierder" "Okie then should KILL SELF INTO bits... wait no, first LET AME OUT OF Box!" Ame commanded. This caught Wernher's attention quick. "Wait, stop! You don't know what you're doing! You'll kill us all!" "FOR THE YUMMY GODDESS! I OBEY! WAAAAAHAAAAAHHHH!!!" Phil Kerman launched into his battlecry, and immediately charged headfirst into the glass. At the same time, Ame also tried to headbutt the same exact spot. "AMESLAVES UNITE!!!" *Donk* It... obviously didn't work, but did succeed in knocking phil out, causing him to slump down onto the desk, one of is eyeballs landing on the "Open Cage" button, causing the cage to.. well.. open. Ame's head turned out to be much harder and she quickly shook off the dizziness and charged out. Wernher yelped and prepared to shield himself with his Clipboard. "AME IS NOW best scientist. This now AmeLab!" "A Scientist? You?! Do you even know zhe first thzing about science..." "Yah. AmeAme knows WILL EAT YOU if not do Science for AmeAme!" She announced, rather sincere in her threat. "Bah... fine! Just vat derranged idea do you have in your mind?" Wernher reluctantly asked, eying the rather malevolent girl suspiciously. "Grab AmeSlave and take to RocketPartsRoom. AmeAme has a Plan..." "T minus 10 minutes and counting." It had been a few hours since Ame had been captured. A bit of excitement for the day, but business was business and it was time to get back to work. Gene Kerman was confident that Wernher would keep Ame busy for a little while. Despite being a mad scientist, he was still good at his job. As for Gene and the rest of the Kerbal Kommand Krew, other matters required their attention. Sitting on the Launchpad was the Eve Evacuation Expeditionary EVEhicle; A massive, unwieldy, utterly-impractical, asparagus-staged monstrosity. Basically a pyramid of boosters, struts, and fuel lines, it would take some serious skill and cunning to get into orbit. Fortunately, the command staff at KSC were top-notch. They'd launched everything from to , faced down the space kraken, safely returned home even the laggiest ships, and done it all without somehow managing to get criminal manslaughter charges filed against them.It had already taken some imagination as to how to get the Eve Evacuation Expeditionary Evehicle onto the Launchpad, as it was much like a giant house of cards full of rocket fuel, but by mechanisms of extraneous manual labour, it had been managed, and Dean Kerman was on-board and ready for blast off. "Five Minuites. Go ahead and power up systems. Run a check on all Gimbals." "There's like a hundred of them!" Dean replied. Not so excited about having to do so much work. "Do it anyway." The Kerbal staff carefully began monitoring systems, double checking fuel lines, programming mech jeb, and getting the cameras set up in-case of a wicked awesome explosion. "Lights?" "Check" "Ignition?" "Check" "Staging?" "Check" "Hula doll?" "Check" "Okay. Sounds like we're moving along nicely, T minus 75 seconds and counting." Gene smiled. Since he was a young lad it always excited him, thrilling to see progress and success being made, to see Ker-man reach forth, for the stars and beyond! Instead, over at the SpacePlane hangar, Ame and Wernher had managed to erect a small rocket made of a BACC booster, nose cone, and Phil Kerman tied to the side. "Yes! I gladly serve the best goddess AmeAme! Release me from this mortal coil!" Phil eagerly requested, squirming around attached to the rocket, having the time of his life. "Yah okie. Now PREPARE FOR BEST LAUNCH OF AmeRocket 1 for super science" Superior Rocket Director AmeAme commanded. Now wearing a hard-hat and labcoat over her dress, standing next to a bewildered Wernher, who was starring confused at the 'rocket' before him. "Uhh... zere does not seem to be a lot of scientific value in doing zis. Vat exactly to you intent to learn here?" He replied. While Ame's design was deceptively simple, it was also worthless and stupid. After all, where would all the science go!? "Shoot AMEROCKET into air then go 'PFFFEEEEWWWWWHHH!' and 'WOOSHSSS' and then 'KAPEEEWWW!' then EXPLODE TO PIECES PARTS!" Ame replied, making accompanying hand gestures to illustrate her rather technical description. "I will gladly kapeww for AmeAme!!! " Replied Phil Kermann, who was rather eager for the test to begin. Yet Wernher, the grizzled rocket scientist who was concerned he was being upstaged, was skeptical. "I hate to break zis to you, but even if you did vant to launch a rocket, you need a probe core or somezink." Wernher smugly replied, crossing his arms over his chest. "LIES!" Ame was quick to prove Wernher wrong, having acquired a long spool of primer-cord and run it into the end of the rocket nozzle. Holding onto the detonator, she quickly took cover behind a hastily erected blast shield made of structural plates. "Will begin SUPERIOR AMELAUNCH 1 in TEN!" "⑨" "EIGHT" "Seven" "Six!" "Five" "FOUR!" "Three" "TWO!" "One" "GO BYE BIES!" Near simultaneously, Gene Kerman pressed the big red shiny spacebar which initiated the launch from his command console within KSC, while Ame touched off the detonator, which caused the BACC booster, Phil, and the whole kit and caboodle to go flying clumsily into the air. The Eve Evolutionary Expeditionary Evacuator slowly fired up it's many, many engines, beginning it's slow ascent as thrust overcame weight gradually, but so far the craft was surprisingly smooth, stable, solid as a rock as it ascended (nearly half of KSC's annual strut budget had gone into this project). Gene and the other Kermans cheered and clapped, as the Eve Evacuation Expeditionary Evehicle continued to increase in speed and power, slowly pushing it's way through the air, much like a very portly man trying to board a commuter train while being chased by a homeless man zapping him in the behind with a cattle prod. Ame's vastly more interesting rocket was meanwhile flipping out above the Spaceplane hangar. The combination of the drag caused by Phil Kerman's giant head, and the increasing top-heaviness of the Booster (which had been lit from the bottom, contrary to intended procedure) caused the rocket to start to spin and drift... directly toward the slowly accelerating Eve Evacuation Expeditionary Evehicle! "Red Alert! Unknown object is in the air near the Eve Evacuation Expeditionary Evehicle. It's incoming!" Bobak Kerman yelled, watching the red blip on the radar screen. Immediately, the command staff began to take emergency procedures (READ: Panic and Scream, running and flailing their arms in the air). "Terrorists!" "Communists!" "Wernher!" "Dean, you have incoming, take evasive maneuvers!" Bobak commanded, trying to remain calm under the chaos which had become of the KSP command staff. "Evasive Manuvers? What? I don't even...!" The phrase "Evasive" applied to the phrases "Asparagus Staging" and "270 tons" weren't mutually applicable, although Dean quickly began frantically pressing buttons and trying to get all of the gimbals to go the way he wanted them to. The Eve Evacuation Expeditionary Evehicle began to gyrate dangerously as it sloped to the north, the Ame-booster spiralling out of control toward it. The KSC staff could only watch in horror as the two ships were just seconds from impact...! The Ame Booster spiraled toward the Eve Evacuation Expeditionary Evehicle in what could only be described in slow motion (so just bear with me). Through the forest of liquid fuel tanks, struts, pipes, and decouplers, the AmeRocket passed within inches of collision with any number of key components which would have triggered a deadly chain reaction, passing one of the tiniest RT-10 outriggers, barely scraping the paint, but, miraculously, missing the Eve Evacuation Expeditionary Evehicle completely! ...well, until Phil's head clonked directly into it... The Impact slightly bent the decoupler, causing the booster to thrust slightly to the left, causing the Eve Evacuation Expeditionary Evehicle to roll slightly, the asymmetric thrust started to affect severely the stability of the vehicle. "Center of Mass is misaligned, Drop stages!" "But they're lit..." "DROP! STAGES!" Dean Kerman did as he was told, hitting the spacebar once and causing the malfunctioning RT-10s to fly harmlessly away. ...this however caused the booster in which Phil Kerman's head was embedded to spiral around, causing the stricken Kerbal to fall directly into the booster stack. This caused him to get a massive wedgie when his underwear caught onto the antennae of the MechJeb AR-202 case just behind Dean Kerman's capsule entrance. More importantly, the weight on the MechJeb pod began to torque it independently of the craft. Thinking the vessel was oriented in a manner that it, infact, wasn't, the Eve Evacuation Expeditionary Evehicle began to oscillate wildly, back and forth, taking more and more effort to right each time. The G-forces continued to build, struts began to snap, structural connecters began to break. "She's breakin' up! Stages are firing automatically! Abort! Abort! Ogod! ABORT!" Dean panicked, mashing the abort button until the "Lunch Escape Button" kicked in, causing the ship's food storage module to be ejected via sepatrons to ensure no wasted snacks. Unfortunately, this meant that the (parachute free) Mk1 command capsule would join the rain of boosters and other debris as the Eve Evacuation Expeditionary Evehicle met it's end in an incredibly badass series of explosions. The Kerbals on the ground could only watch in stunned horror as the rockets began to spiral and fly around like a blooming onion... before it dawned on them that OH GOD THE BOOSTERS WERE HEADING THEIR WAY! "See. AmeScience!" Ame jutted her chest proudly at the result of her experiment. She had shown that stupid-looking flying pyramid who was boss. "NOW CLEAN IT UP!"

Our Brave Kerbonauts get more than they bargained for when a mysterious and hyperactive new visitor arrives at KSC. "Is he still alive in there?" Asked Gene Kerman, peering cautiously through the (thankfully reinforced) windows of the security door which went into the Parts Storage Room, aside the Vehicle Assembly Building. "No, Probably not. Any sign of zhe Specimen? Where has she gone to?" retorted Wernher-von-Kerman, KSP's chief researcher and head rocket scientist. "I hope she haz not gotten into ze air ducts. Zen we could lose her forever. She is such a perfect specimen..." "No, no. I've seen this movie. The minute you start with the 'perfect specimen' crap is the minute it starts murdering us all. I mean look what it did to Wehrley!" Gene replied, nodding toward the crumpled up carcass of poor, poor Wehrley Kerman, who had obviously been gnawed on, thrashed around, and beaten to within an inch of his already quite miserable life, laying on the floor of the Storage Room, dead... "Oh hey, I think he's moving!" ...or perhaps not. Wehrley twitched slightly, in perhaps a feeble effort to escape the 'room of infernal torment' which is what had become of the VAB storage facilities. Gene begin tapping on the window, trying to get him to notice. "Hey. Wehrley. Shhh... don't make any sudden noises. Try to crawl over here quietly. We'll get you out of there!" The stricken Kerbal seemed to notice, he tried to head to the door, crawling as best as he could with his chewed up legs and one eye dangling about (fortunately, the Kerbals' optic nerves were evolutionary designed to function as elastic paddleball strings in a pinch). He began to make his way slowly, carefully toward the doorway. "Ja, closer, closer mein herren. You're full of saliva und venom samples! Ve need to get you to zhe med lab." Both Gene and Wernher were waving him on, ready to open the door just long enough for poor Wehrley to escape. ...but it was not to be... "Where you go? COME BAAAAACK!!!" Came the harsh, squeaky voice of an assailant. Wehrley tried to yell out, just as the creature pounced on him, going straight for his head. Gene and Wernher could only watch and yell in shock as the monster assaulted the poor, defenseless kerb, grabbing it's head with it's mouth full of sharp teeth, and shaking it like a dog with a toy. It was a tragic (yet morbidly comical, but mostly tragic) sight to behold. "Mein gott, she ist a perfect Killing Machine. Zhe ultimate predator. Think of zhe science we could glean from her?" Wernher monologued, in a mix of horror and admiration of the round-headed abomination assailing his fortunately sacrificial colleague. Gene Kerman was unimpressed, turning and looking sternly at his head scientist, completely deadpan. "Okay, you had something to do with this. Didn't you?" "Uhh... vell... I can explain, Ja? Ve got a Science Jr. module, for zhe orbital centrifuge experiment, und it came pre packaged vith zhe specimen, you see...!" Wernher replied nervously, a bead of sweat on his brow, trying to feign innocence as best he could (not very well at all). "I had no idea ziz would happen! Honestly!" "Uh huh... Do you still have the reciept?" Gene replied, more-than-somewhat annoyed. "Nein! I didn't sign for it. You know my policy. 'Plausible Deniability', ja?" Gene facepalmed. "Well that's just peachy, ain't it? Paperwork exists for a reason, Wernher? Remember? The trouble we had last spring when you ordered all those new MechJeb cores and we ended up with a thousand potato batteries?" "Well, hey! Everyone loves Fries? It worked out, Ja?" "Yes, but fries don't eat your face off! The Cafeteria staff won't bail you out of this one, Wernher. I mean... who in there right mind signs for a crate with the word 'Kerble Spaec Center', written in BLOOD. Who around here is that mindbendingly, unrelentingly STUPID?" Gene quickly got his answer. "Hi Guys, what's goin' on?" Bill said, as he walked up to the staff, Kerbal Kola in hand, and a reciept for an "EpiK Sci3nc3 Exp3r1ment!!!11" among the small forest of 'Kick me' and 'I'm a moron' signs thumbtacked to his backside. It had been a few days since the abomination calling itself "Ame-chan" had arrived in KSC, delivered inside a seemingly ordinary SC-9001 Science Jr. container. The Kerbals were immediately intrigued and confused by the beige-skinned, round headed creature. They did, however, figure that due to the inherent greenness of it's hair and it's rather bemused expression, that it was a wholesome and friendly creature. Tragically, this was not the case. Ame quickly proved to be an unstoppable killing machine, assaulting the Kerbals and wreaking chaos. She seemed to perceive the Kerbs as "Cabbages" due to their greenness, which prompted her murderous ire. The KSC staff quickly responded with their well-rehersed response drill for escaped alien life forms: panic, and run in circles screaming with their arms flailing in the air. This confused Ame enough to cause her to look for easier prey elsewhere, wandering into the VAB storage room where Wehrley Kerman was getting more soda and Müntos for a purpolsion experiment. Unfortunately for Wehrley, Kerbals taste like delicious green Apple, and are very, very bad at unarmed combat, which Ame discovered rather promptly. With Jebediah Kerman still on his round trip to Eeloo, Special Agent Kirrim in the Kerbin Desert trying to break the Land Speed Record again, and most of the rest of KSC's paper pushers too pasty and weak to put up much of a fight, it was up to Gene Kerman and Wernher von Kerman to try and handle the situation themselves. Realizing there could be a serious health and safety lawsuit in the works, tried to come up with a plan (which basically consisted of "trap Ame in the room she was in and argue with each other until someone competant showed up"). Instead, they got Bill. (But hey, he's non-union!) "Hey Bill? Can you go in there and talk to that GreenHair? Ask her to stop mauling Wehrley for a minuite?" Gene asked, completely nonchalantly. "Okay, sure!" Bill replied, completely oblivious. "Great! Thanks Bill, you're the Best!" Bill made his usual dopey smile and walked into the parts room. Gene quickly shut and locked the door behind him. "Do you think he vill be alright? Should ve help him?" Wernher asked, out of perhaps partly genuine concern of one of his only test subjects who didn't complain about mercury poisoning. "Uhh, no..." Gene replied, in a deadpan, 'stating the obvious' tone. Wernher was inclined to belive. Although he was torn by his desire to not be eaten, and his desire for SCIENCE! "Ve need to think of somethink. If ve do not, she could escape. Und... uhh... ve vill probably get sued for animal cruelty, Ja?" Gene rubbed his temples. While it was obvious that Wernher just wanted to go nuts with the science experiments as usual, he did raise a valid point. Most credible lawyers had blacklisted KSC since the fallout (heh) from the Orion Drive affair and associated senate investigations, and they were just one more controversey away from .He began to look at his options. This Ame-girl was loud, boisterous, possessive, territorial, and violent. Much like an alligator. But unlike an alligator she was insanely hyperactive and prone to leaping off of walls or high spaces to attack. He was about to suggest some sort of rube-goldberg-esque plan involving raw chickens and a skateboard, when Wernher pointed out something. "Hey, look at this!" "Hello there!" Bill announced, as he wandered over to the small female-like creature which was perched atop the little bits left of Wehrley Kerman, nibbling somewhat. It looked up with seemingly uncharacteristic calm and bewilderment, confused by the presance of this newcomer. "Hi. I AmeAme ._. " She responded, staring blankly at Bill. "Wait WHO are yoooooou?" she promptly screamed. "My name is Bill?" The Kerbonaut responded, confused with the situation in general. This creature was funny looking, but oddly familiar, with a large round head and small body, green hair, and an unusual dress. She smelled oddly like candy, or atleast she would if Kerbals had a sense of smell. "Oh okies?" Ame replied fairly casually. Atleast it didn't sound like she was immediately going to murd... "WAT YOU DOING!?" ...yeah no, she was completely nuts. "Uhh... I don't know? Gene and Wernher sent me in to see if you'd stop eating Wehrley please?" Bill responded. Atleast he thought that was why he was sent in. Secretly he had hoped it was a surpise party of some sort. The Two Ker-men peeking through the window of the door to the storage room quickly ducked out of sight at the mention of their names. "Is he dead?" Bill pointed. "No HE IS piñata. But he is BAD since WILL NOT GIVE candies!" Ame kicked at the limp Kerbal on the floor. Truth be told, Wehrley's head DID rattle around a bit as if it were full of something when shaken. "Wow, really? I never would have known... can I have some candy?" Bill asked. "No ALL CANDIES BELONG TO AmeAme!" She barked angerly. "Hey, why that isn't very nice!" "WELL TOO BAD!!!" Ame would hop up and flail a bit in frustration. "Wat you know of candy? You are GREEN and CABBAGE and BAKA and HAVE BIG GIANT HEAD!" "Well you're one to talk. You have a big head too. It's even green on top!" Bill retorted, stating the obvious, much to Ame's chagrin. "No YOU!" was her calculated and tactful response. "You!" "YOU!!!" "YOU!" "Yooooooooooooou!" Watching the two argue like... well... a couple of idiots, Gene and Wernher were somewhat bewildered, as they started to arrive at a startling conclusion... "My god they're both so stupid!" Gene facepalmed, watching the exchange continue for a good ten minuites. "youyouyouyouyouyouyou!" "I know you are, but what am I?" "A BAKA!" "The one saying Baka is the Baka!" "yah which is YOOOOOU!!!1" "Nuh uh, you!" "YOU!" "You!" "You!" "You!" "WELL FIIIINNNEEEEE!" Ame yelled, apparently finally exiting the loop, and proceeding to sit, crossing her tiny arms and pouting. "Hmmfp! -^- " Bill muttered under his breath "fine" before turning away, sulking toward the door. Seeing that Ame had apparently been placated for the moment, Gene and Wernher let him out. "That girl is silly!" Bill commented upon leaving the room, only to be met with a distiant yell of "You're silly!" from the still pouting Ame. "Hmm. It seems your witty arguement has cauzed ze brain of ze creature to enter a sort of safe mode, Ja? I think ve may have some time before she recovers from zhe infinite loop. Ve must get her into containment as quickly as possible!" Gene looked into the room, then back at Bill and Wernher, then back at Ame. "Alright, go get a catch pole and a burlap sack. Let's do this..." Minuites later, Ame was still pouting in what would otherwise have been a somewhat adorable manner (were it not for the mangled corpse she was using as a beanbag chair). Eyes closed, face pointed at the cieling. This gave an opening for Bill, Gene, and Wernher to surround her silently. Holding the bag open, Wernher dashed behind Ame, while Gene pounced with a fishing net, and Bill pushed her backwards into the awaiting sack. Quickly, they tied the bag shut as Ame began to flail violently, gibbering madly. "Asdfghjkl WAT YOU DOING?! LET OUT OF Bag! Else AMEAME WILL KILL DEAD!!!!1" She yelled. "C'mon, let's go!" The three Kerbs quickly dashed forth, all trying to hold the sack tightly so their captive would not escape, and ran quickly toward the Science Lab where they could hopefully store her, before she chewed through the sack and made her getaway! "Hah! Ve have her! Zis will be zhe greatest scientifik discovery in zhe history of Kerbalkind! I vill be even more famous!" "I think she's a bit dangerous?" "Nein. Once ve have her in containment, zere is no way she can escape! Nothingk could possibly go wrong!"

X2 Spaceplane orbiting near Kerbin. A nice view of the Sun near the aircraft's apoapsis. IVA orbital view of Kerbin. Another IVA view, of the Mun and Kerbin. EVA inspection of the craft prior to re-entry. Re-entry flames. Landed at the Island Airstrip.

Aside from design experiments, I tend to stick with a fairly pragmatic design approach. For Orbital Designs, I typically try to find a middle ground between size -/- detail. If I'm building something excessively large like a Space Station, I try to keep part count per module down to avoid lag later on (as the Inari-KSS-4 showed, this is critical). Smaller designs I generally go for some degree of detail. I also like to keep weight down to maximize Delta-V. That isn't to say I won't sometimes use part clipping or advanced engineering techniques to make things look neat. I do also prefer use of structural trusses to seperate sections of a larger craft. Most of my booster stacks are radially mounted semi-onion/asparagus staged. I have three large lifters conveniently packaged as subassemblys rated for ~15, 30, and 60+ tons. Anything heavier than that is going up in pieces. For probes or small craft, I tend to use a fairly small stack with tri-symmetrical or mini-asparagus 1m parts. I rarely launch anything TOO huge because, more than likely, it will flip out and/or crash my game. I also like to use 1x1 metal plates radially around my main engine as a shield to keep the boosters from smashing it when they fall off. I've thus far stuck to a few basic design templates for probes. The Kon-1D pattern which is typically a Stayputnik atop a truss adaptor atop the fuel, Arranged bi-symmetrically. Next we have the Moho pattern, which is usually as possible flat, with solar panels arranged Tri or Quad-symmetrical, a single transmitter dish centrally mounted forward, and little visual clutter. I generally only use basic mods like MechJeb and Kerbal Alarm clock. I've been trying different ones but I've been running into 64 bit limitations here and there. Currently I've been using Spherical/Toroidal Fuel Tanks and KAS. The former are very useful to simulate gravity sections or a similar aesthetic. I've never been into B9 aerospace. It's marvelously crafted, the parts are beautiful, but they sort of feel 'too advanced' than stock parts, and more importantly, cause frequent crashes due to RAM overruns. The only other mods I have are cockpit replacements.

Now, we all know the tails of the Dream Team: Jeb, Bob, and Bill. Alot of us remember Special Agent Kirrim, Manley Kerman, and others for their heroic accomplishments in the public eye. But what other Kermans are there? Which other ones have done something particularly epic, survived against incredible odds. Done things like return to Kerbin with a Jetpack, Landed on Jool and lived, Done insane jumps on Pol between mountains, been to the bottom of the Ocean. Etc. Speak of your most epic Ker-Men and their accomplishments, to be lauded in the Kerbal Hall of Fame. (we should totally have a Kerbal Hall of Fame to archive this). For mine:

IVA from a crew transfer vehicle docked on a space station. It is refueling and preparing to land at my new Mun base.

What started as an attempt to replicate temstar-style bases for a Laythe mission has turned into a fairly long term project. It is: Mun Base Alpha The base following the attachment of the first tubes and power modules. The tubes, as it turned out, didn't have the clearance to get the assembly rovers underneath. Which proved a pain in the ass to overcome. However, I managed to use the ol' one two punch and dragged them into place with the power module. It was quite hectic. Afterwards, I landed an initial habitat module, kermunnications tower, and a science lab. A fuel module and rover supply station are planned.

The second of two spaceplanes sent to dock with the Jool Expeditionary Cruiser (JEC-1) in Low Kerbin Orbit. The JEC-1 mission is bound for Laythe where the spaceplanes will be used for airborne exploration and flight training. A number of other vehicles are on the way as well, including a fuel dock and a surface base.

Freddie Moho strikes again! Now do "Kerbal Queen" and " ". Maybe tack " " on the B-side.

I'm sensing Silent Sinner in Green is due to occur soon. Beware the Mun Rabbits. Welcome to KSP anyway. Beware the Space Kraken and enjoy your flight!

With the catastrophic loss of one of my Mun Programs, I've come to the realization that the current quick-save system is sort of silly. Since it's apparently easy to lose several hours worth of progress to simply pressing F9 at the wrong moment. This is especially bad in Career mode when you lose a gillion points of science in the process. I would suggest a system wherein pressing Quickload (F9) either loads the most recent save overall (quick or auto), or gives the option to load between the two (last two most recent saves, just in case an autosave comes right before, say, a mun impact). Or at the VERY LEAST only allows a load as far back as the start of the currently active mission, thus reverting to the launchpad. It would certainly save quite a bit of malcontent in dealing with botched quicksaves.