'Ups and Downs' - Elevating tales from Recreational Deaeronautics

[Evanitis]

Good day visitor, this is Evan K. Kerman - CEO of the Recreational Deaeronautics. Let me welocme you at my company's info page.

I know that the presentation is a bit spartan at the moment - our graphician is busy designing R&D brochures for travel agencies, but he sworn to attend to the spicing up of this site too in order to keep his job. I also left my camera at the egghead-building when I went there for an inspiring, motivatory yelling and table-bashing. One of them will soon get himself together and bring it back to me. Than I'll be able to upload the photos, so everyone can just skip my lines and jump to the shiny pictures.

So..

Regardless if you are a job applicant, a possible intern or just a tourist with those silly shorts, I deem it important that you get familiarized with the principles that govern the the work we do at the company. In a nutshell:

- Math is for sissies. Manyl kerbals guesstimate, eyeball and field-test stuff. Pilots and engineers that got caught checking TWRs, dVs and other mumbo-jumbos are either fired or volunteered for very boring, long-long term missions to very distant planets or stars.

- The most important resource is the CEO's time. Mine. I don't have the patience to watch super efficient long-long nuclear burns. Waste someone else's time you nitwits, slap on more boosters koddamnit. Make it happen fast and flashy, let -me- worry about finances and kerbal resources!

- Field-testing is the best. Checking the equipment on the launchpad, in the atmosphere, on LKO or on those puny moons is for lowly beings. We expect the employees to do their work perfectly on the first time, even blindfolded. And (not that it ever happened), but if there is a forkup, make it happen really really far out, so we can communicate it to the press the way we want it.

- Work safety and environmental awareness is imperative to display, because I never understand the silly wording of the letters we get from lawyers and those nitpicking NGOs. Make sure that all the radioctave wrecks that we leave in orbit for eternity are painted black, so it's harder to spot.

Now you know the secrets that allowed us to 'skyrocket' with our aerospace program (noticed my witty play on words there?). These principles allowed us to vastly outpreform every space agency that achieved less than us. Let me remind you that it's -our- world-famous Robert Kerman who published the very controversial 'Kerman-equasion': "The apparent size of stellar bodies is inversly proportional with the distance of the observer." I'm not saying that I fully understand this complex theorem, but the first publication got every boring TV station to mention us, thus I'm really proud.

Ok, now I got bored, so I'm off to jet-surfing. I'll send in the first kerbal with a hard-hat to tell you about some of our groundbreaking achievments or whatever.

Cheers!

Evan K. Kerman - boss

Edited June 17, 2015 by Evanitis

[Evanitis]

A Horizontal Launch Only Space Program

(we thought about calling it HLOSP, but we decided not to)

- Contract packs: Anomaly surveyor, Kerbal Aircraft Builders

- Waypoint Manager

- Stage Recovery

- MechJeb

- KAC

Hey folks, this is Bill. I was asked to fill you in with stuff. I mean space related stuff. Naturally. So... Dunno why I was asked for that. I do blueprints and calcualtions and stuff. Not words. I think I will just throw pretty pictures around. Though the basics: The boss wanted a space-program without rockets. Dun' really know why. Some mentioned environmental reasons, others said that a certain famous J. Kerman only signed the contract if every single vehicle we launch is a plane, so he could fly it. Though that's just a legend - we have never seen the said kerbin-famous pilot. Ever. We have a flock of rabid lawyers helping us to deny any malignant accusations that the said pilot (or anyone else, while we are at it) climbed in to the construction that was designed to demolish the VAB and the Launchpad. It was unmanned. We definately didn't plan Val to operate it.

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Some question our decision of bringing down these buildings. They said it's completely unnecessary, and they would have believed that we didn't launch rockets at night when nobody watches. Others implied that it was done for superstitious reasons. That is a completely wrongful accusation. We did it for environmental reasons, and to provide a better sight for the folks in the administration building. Totally not because a certain ballad suggests that a sacrifice brings good fortune.

[TABLE=class: verse]

[TR]

[TD]Once twelve master masons put their heads together,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Déva’s lofty castle that they would erect there.[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]They would erect it for two full pecks of silver,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Two full pecks of silver, two full pecks of guilder.[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Thereupon they set out, Déva town they went to,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Déva’s lofty castle building they did set to.[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]What they built by midday, down it fell by evening,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]What they built by evening, down it fell by morning.[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD][/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Once more they took counsel, all twelve master masons,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]How to stop walls crumbling, how the building hasten;[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Till at last agreed they, came to this solution,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]All between themselves they made a resolution:[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“Any of our wives who be the first arriver,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Gently we should take her, throw her in the fire,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Mix with lime her ashes, tender ashes softly[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]For to strengthen with it Déva’s castle lofty.â€Â[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD] “Coachman mine, coachman mine, eldest of my servants,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Hark my hest which is to go and see my husband,â€Â[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Spoke and said the wife of Kelemen the mason,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“Hitch the horses quickly, harness them, come, hasten,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Hitch the horses quickly, bring them up the drive-way,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Let’s set out for Déva, take we to the highway.“[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD][/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]When that they were gone but half the journey forward,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Came there such foul weather, fast it rained and showered.[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“Mistress mine, my starlet, let us stop, go backward:[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Yesternight I had a bad sign in my sleeping,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]In my sleep at night I such a dream was dreaming,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Kelemen the mason’s courtyard I was treading,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Why his yard was all round covered in black mourning,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Right there in the middle stood a deep well yawning,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]And his little son was dead in it all drownded;[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Now this dream today might prove itself well-founded.[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Mistress mine, my starlet, let us stop and turn back!â€Â[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“Coachman mine, coachman mine, never shall we turn back,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Nor the horses yours are, nor the carriage yours is,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]On you drive the coach and crack whip on the horses.“[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD][/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Towards Déva’s castle as they went advancing,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Kelemen the mason saw them at a glancing;[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Sore afraid became he, uttered loud this prayer:[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“O my God and Lord, please, take them away from here![/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]May the legs be broken of my chestnut steeds four,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]May the spokes be shattered of my coach’s wheels all,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]May the Lord Almighty’s thunderbolt come strike down,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]May my horses snort and turn the carriage right home!â€Â[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Towards Déva’s castle on the coach advances,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Neither horse nor coach did meet with no mischances.[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD][/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“Good morrow, good morrow, all twelve master masons,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Good morrow to you, Kelemen the mason,â€Â[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]So the woman hailed them and her husband answered:[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“Good morrow, my wife, to you too,†he at once said,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“Why did you come here to meet your death so dire,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Gently we should take you, throw you in the fire.[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]We the twelve stonemasons came to this agreement:[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]If a wife should come here, this should be her treatment:[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]We should take her gently, throw her in the fire,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Mix with lime her ashes taken from the pyre,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Déva’s lofty castle make thereby well strengthened,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Only that way can we gain the hard-won payment.“[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD][/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Mistress Kelemen no sooner saw the meaning[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Than a woeful heart with thus began a-moaning:[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“Pray wait you, pray wait you, twelve who mean to murder[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Till I take my farewell, wait you till no further,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD] Till I take my farewell women-friends of mine from,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]From my women-friends and bonny little son from;[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]For the dead they’re ringing, three times rings the church-bell,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]But my lonely soul for none will toll the dead-knell.â€Â[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]With that Kelemen’s wife home she went departing[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]For to say her farewells and take her final parting,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Take her final farewell women-friends of hers from,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]From her women-friends and bonny little son from.[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD][/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Mistress Kelemen then back she went a-hieing,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Towards Déva’s castle all the way a-crying;[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]There they took her gently, throwed her in the fire,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Mixed with lime her ashes taken from the pyre,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Only thus could build they Déva’s castle higher,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]And the full tall price win which they did require.[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD][/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Kelemen the mason when he went his gate in,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Saw his little son come running for to greet him:[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“Welcome home, my father, dear beloved father![/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Where is she, where is she, mother, dear my mother?â€Â[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Then his father answered, thus began a-speaking:[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“Never you mind, dear son, she’ll be home by evening.â€Â[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD][/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“Lackaday, welladay, evening’s come and sun set,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Still my mother dear she failed to come back home yet![/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]O my father, father, tell me, tell me truly[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Where’s my mother gone to, where my mother could be.â€Â[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“Go you, son, you go to Déva’s castle lofty,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]There your mother’s walled in, midst the stones lies coldly.â€Â[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD][/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Up and went his son then, set out tears a-falling,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Set out for to find her Déva’s castle tall in;[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Three times did he shout on Déva’s castle lofty:[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“Mother, mother, speak up, speak to me once softly!â€Â[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]“Son, I cannot speak up, for the stone wall presses,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Heavy stones lie o’er me, body, limbs and tresses.“[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD][/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]There her heart did break and under her the ground, too,[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]And her little son he fell the chasm into.[/TD]

[/TR]

[/TABLE]

So anyways. We started the operations by sending Val around in a plane to distant, hard-to reach spots of Kerbin. She took some amazing photos so we told everyone that those were made on the surface of Jool to raise funds for our more serious projects.

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As the last few pics suggested that she's stranded on a distant stellar body, we got so much cash that we could actually try reaching space! Hooray! Here is the detailed log, starting with out first wingflaps, ending with elevating designs from the pineapple of Kerbal engineering.

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Sadly, we unlocked turboramjets despite the 50% science gain. Everything will be too easy from now on. We might as well just rebuild the VAB.

Edited July 28, 2015 by Evanitis