Kerbal History in the Real Solar System

[Whirligig Girl]

Kerbals land on Earth, Cape Canaveral to be exact, in 1951 (RealSolarSystem mod). They find themselves stranded.

Gusry Kerman and Lucy von Kerman leave their group to try and find snacks and shelter. They find to their amazement, the existence of a rocket facility. A Sign reads in perfect kerblish "Cape Canaveral Air Force Station." Lucy leads Gusry into the building. "There must be an entire civilization here!" Gusry speculated. Lucy and Gusry found a few engineers and convinced them to let their families stay in the air force base, and in exchange they would be given alien help with the rocket program.

The Russians launch their space satellite in 1957. America and the Kerbals are scared. The Vanguard 1 satellite won't work, and Lucy von Kerman and her engineering team knows it. Unfortunately, the Americans, in their horrid human way, discriminate against Kerbals, imagining them to be subhuman. They don't listen to the Kerbals, and the Vanguard rocket fails. "Flopnik!" A newspaper says "Kaputnik!" Another one reads. "Stayputnik!" A Kerbal screams at the head engineer of the Vanguard team. They move on to work with another rocket team. "Americans can be so rude! Let's work with Kermans!" Gusry announced. "You mean Germans. Besides, they are Americans. They're humans anyway." Johnsby Kerman responded.

Meanwhile, not all of the Kerbals that arrived have joined the American space program. Or any space program. Instead, they have been trying to leanr about human culture, even getting American jobs and eating American pies. Unfortunately, America at the time was not known for being particularly free. You see, being in the American south, there were a series of laws called "Jim Crow Laws." They specifically discriminated against african american individuals. After the arrival of Kerbalkind became part of the public consciousness, a new series of laws were passed in the south, called "Jim Kerman Laws." They were essentially an amendment to the Jim Crow Laws that extended them to Kerbals. For a long time after that, Kerbals were forced to work in the dirtiest jobs. Only a few Kerbals were ever given higher jobs, because they had proven themselves to be human. Lucy Kerman was fired for being a woman. Gusry was supposedly too dumb to be human.

The Mercury Program was failing. The Atlas rockets that were meant to carry the "Mercury Seven" astronauts into orbit had failed again and again. The Kerbals didn't want to see the American space program fail. They were fond of the capitalist nature of the nation, and did not want to see it conquered by socialist nuclear bombs that would clearly be the result of a failure to succeed in the space race. The Redstone rocket was being developed at that time, but the rocket was severely behind schedual. The Kerbals had to help. Gusry and his rocket team went out to find rocket parts, and maybe then they could save the day. "If only we had Jeb's Junkyard here. They always have the right parts." Hadfel complained. "Look at this!" Shouted Eirnabelle. "This huge tube is just the right diameter for the Mercury space capsule! We can use it as the rocket body." She tried, and failed, to lift it. Dudrin brought a stolen truck, and brought the tube and other found parts to their home. They were very quickly able to piece together and weld the components together. It was a Redstone rocket, with all the bugs of the rocket engine worked out and with a stronger hull. They had it shipped to the Redstone base to replace the test model. "I hope I remember the blueprints for the Launch-Vehicle Type Thirty rocket engine correctly." One of the Kerbals mentioned while standing around a television to watch the redstone test launch. The Rocket flew brilliantly, but it was very quickly noticed by the mission controllers that the rocket was not a Redstone rocket. The rocket had too low thrust, the rocket was too heavy, and the rocket was not responding to any of their commands. In fact, the commands were being given by Lucy von Kerman who was using a disconnected flight stick and a lot of wires connected to the Communatron Antenna that had been salvaged from their spacecraft. The rocket flew into almost-space. All of the Kerbals cheered. All of the Americans facepalmed.

Now the year is 1962. The civil rights movement is continuing to be happening. The Kerbals are taking their first, tentative steps into these protests and boycotts. They have provided an alternative public transportation for those who are boycotting the buses. The Duna-Buggies can seat 10, and go up to 50 miles per hour. The Gemini Program is also happening. The Kerbals have been unable to get involved in the Gemini program due to Jim Kerman laws. "Rockomax parts would be perfect for that launch stage." Gusry thought.

Meanwhile, there is a Kerbal comedy duo named Joegard and Lenbur Kerman. They wrote a song or something about them. They became civil rights advocates.

What if Joegard and Lenbur Wasn't Kill?

Oh Joegard and Lenbur

The comedy duo

They thought their jokes were funny

but the soliders didn't think so.

Everytime they joked of humans

the soldiers booed.

Everytime they joked of Kerbals

the soldiers wooed.

They realized they were being discriminated against

they left the air force base, and joined the protests

They were the best civil rights advocates of their time

They were the best friends of Martin Luther King

And they all turned out to be running out of time.

Come year of 1968,

there's guns pointed sold by a dollar bill

And the Kerbal rights advocates had just one question.

What if Joegard and Lenbur wasn't kill?

It wasn't a particularly catchy song. Also it's still 1962. 1968 happened later.

Joegard and Lenbur's civil rights leadership caused Kerbals and African Americans and Asians and Women and all of the other people that were not white male christian americans to be legally unable to be discriminated against.

The Kerbals were now a big part of NASA. The Saturn Rockets were being developed, and some of the Kerbals who had worked at Kerbodyne and Rockomax decided to help out the Rocketdyne engineers. Mainsail and KR-1 technology improved upon the F-1 engine, and there were a few stories of times when there were fights between kerbodyne engineers and rockomax engineers about whether or not to paint the KR-1 Mainsail F-1 hybrid engine orange or to cover it in chrome. The human engineers covertly stole their paint. The KR-1 was essentially an uprated F-1 engine built for Kerbodyne heavy boosters. Thus, the rocket engines used on the Saturn V were the uprated F-1 engines.

The kerbals were splitting off in the NASA teams. Dr. John Houbolt told NASA that the only way to get to the Moon would be to use Lunar Orbit Rendezvous instead of Direct Ascent. Lucy von Kerman joined Houbolt's side, Gusry joined Wernher von Braun's side. In fact, most of the Kerbals were on Wernher von Braun's side. Their philosophy of "More/Big Boosters" was compatible with the Direct ascent and incompatible with LOR. In the end, despite Kerbals insisting that LOR is dumb and stupid, LOR won the contest.

With Kerbal cooperation and construction techniques, the Lunar landing occurred in December 1968. The soviets were surprised. They had to get their success back. They abducted some of the Kerbal engineers. The Soviet Kerbals were happy with the russian design philosophy of "Moar Boosters." Their moon rocket had 30 engines on the first stage alone. When the soviet NK-15 engines were replaced with the more reliable Rockomax Engine Ignition-Five "Skipper" engines, the rocket was able to get off the launch pad for the first time. The soviet moon landing occurred in 1971. The Americans, meanwhile, were already drawing heavily upon Kerbal life support technology and were taking the first steps in building a Lunar Base. The first Kerbal on Earth's Moon was the chief engineer of the Lunar base, Derderry Kerman.

The Mars landing crew were rather diverse. A White lady command pilot, a Black man engineer, a Kerbal geologist, and a Japanese-American lander pilot. The soviets were fuming. Their N1 was not... entirely reliable. They had to develop a rocket to truly rival the Saturn VI in performance. The N2 rocket would be such a vehicle. Only 15 engines, the engines were more powerful and less dangerous. The rocket was more reliable, and more powerful. Before the American Mars crew left the surface, the Soviet Mars base was already on its way to Mars after being assembled in orbit over three launches.

The American crew left Mars in the hands of the Soviets, and by the time they came back with a base, the Soviets were pulling ahead with their space program. They were building a massive station in orbit that would carry propellant for future voyages. The Americans responded with the massive "Saturn Workshop" station. They launched an S-II stage and three S-IVB stages into orbit, and turned them into wet workshops, docking them together, and extending massive solar wings to provide enough power for the machines and science devices onboard. They launched a spaceship called "Pilgrim 1" on a Saturn VI MLV rocket. It was a spaceship with a nuclear reactor and three spinning arms that would generate artificial gravity for a crew headed for Jupiter. The ship carried several Apollo-derived landers and a crew of 20. 7 of the crew were Kerbals.

After a few more years, the Soviets were broken down. Russia became a democracy (albiet rather corrupt), and with the fall of the USSR, their space program fell as well. Americans pulled ahead in the space race with manned expedition of the Saturn in the 1980s and 90s.

In 2011, a small Mexican company developed a historical documentary video game which may or may not have been slammed into an alternate universe.

Now it's 2015. The Minions movie came out this year. I saw the movie with my friends Albert Kerman and Mirrine Kerman. She said it was racist in several ways. I took her word for it. Kerbals are now everywhere across the globe. We all live in what is essentially harmony. Personally I think it would be a good change to have a Kerbal president next year. #VoteJeb2016. #JebKermanNotTheOtherGuy.

Some scientists have calculated that by now, Terran radio messages will have reached the Kerbal home planet "Kerbin." With all of the technology they had when the Kerbals left their home nearly a hundred thousand years ago, perhaps they might come to Earth and give us their technology. Or perhaps wage war, considering how poorly our kind had treated Kerbalkind in the earliest days.

Edited July 27, 2015 by GregroxMun