Suicide scientist

[Foxster]

"Hello...

Can anyone hear me?"

[Foxster]

"Hi, y'all.

You are coming in 10-2 on the old Kerbin One channel.

What's your handle, little lady, and where's your 20 at?"

...

"My name is Valentina.

I'm an astronaut. 

Right now I'm in a stolen spacecraft orbiting about 25km above the Mun.

Are you from KASA?"

Edited October 21, 2016 by Foxster

[Foxster]

...

"KASA? Hell, no. I'm in my shed. 

What in the Kraken's name are you doing at the Mun?"

[Foxster]

"Its a long story. 

You see, I met this guy at astronaut school and we got to be very good friends. If you know what I mean. 

There was no future in it because he's married and has seven kids, but we had a little slice of happiness for a while.

Then he was volunteered for a mission to the Mun. He was stranded there by KASA and they just gave up on him.  

When I was made part of the backup crew for Minmus 1 I decided I'd steal the ship and rescue Robinson.

Trouble is, this spacecraft was designed to land on Minmus, not the Mun. I don't think the ship has the TWR in the landing engines for a safe touchdown and return. 

I've been orbiting the Mun for four days. I can't contact Robinson. I've been trying to pluck up the courage to try for a landing but I don't have the nerve. I could even end up crashing into Robinson's spacecraft on the surface..."

[Foxster]

"Well, honey-cheeks, you are certainly in a whole barrel of pickles right there.

Let me think...

Well, now, I used to play a whole hog-load of a game called Human Space Program when I was knee-high to a marmoset. I learned a heap about spacecraft and orbital mechanics and such from that. I figure with your pertness and my game skills we should be able to figure something out.   

Can you take a picture of your spacecraft and squirt it on down to me on the B-channel?"

[Foxster]

"Thank you so much. I've been so very alone. It's wonderful to hear another voice. Especially one that is so deep and masculine. 

I hope you don't mind me asking...err... are you married?

Anyway, I'll just step out and snap a picture..."

 

Edited October 21, 2016 by Foxster

[Foxster]

"Hell, my little saccharin-thighs, why didn't you say you still had the main engine attached? 

You don't need to rely on them puny landing engines when you can float on down on that fat old main engine.

...and no, I'm not married. Gotta tell you though, I'm not the man I was since the garden shears accident last year...

Now you fire up that main engine and go get your man!" 

[Foxster]

"Hi. Still there?

Here's a hullcam shot heading down towards Robinson's craft...

I think this might work!

...I'm only curious...exactly how much did you lose in the garden shears accident? All, some, or maybe just a bit?"

...

"It worked!

I made a soft landing and can see Robinson's craft through the porthole. 

My spacecraft has a little bit of a lean. Do you think this might make it tricky to take off?"

 

 

Edited October 21, 2016 by Foxster

[Foxster]

"Well done, candy-spleen!

Knew you could do it. 

Let me just take a gander at that there remote-probe picture of your spaceship.

'A bit of a lean' you say?!

You are in more trouble than a meerkat in a blender, missy.

Any sign of your fella?

Oh...It was the top third I lost in the accident. Just a 9" stub left." 

....

*Knocks on hatch*

"Robinson, are you there? It's me, Valentina. I've come to rescue you. Can you come out?"

Edited October 21, 2016 by Foxster

[Foxster]

R: "Valentina! How?"

V: "I stole a spaceship, flew it here and, with a little help from a special friend, here I am. Glad to see me?"

R: "Am I ever! I watched the last of the Game of Thrones box-set last night and have been bored silly ever since. Are we getting off this rock?" 

V: "I hope so. I was trying to parallel-park my spaceship and it went a bit wrong. Wanna come see?"

R: "Sure. Love to...By the way, hope you don't mind me asking, but have you been hitting the snacks recently? Only that spacesuit looks kinda snug."

V: *sigh* "I had to tell you eventually...I'm having a baby."

R: "What? Wow. I guess...Well, sure, that's just great! Even more reason to get back to Kerbin."

V: "There's one thing though...you aren't the father."

R: "What the hell! There's been someone else all the time we've been together?"

V: "Umm...not exactly 'someone'. You know that male-voice choir that gave me a lift home in their van after my car broke down? It's them. All of them. And some of their brothers. And one guy's sister. Frankly, any of them could be the father. Didn't you ever wonder why I was limping?"

R: "I don't know what to say. A whole male-voice choir and some others? Hell. Well we can sort this out back on Kerbin. Until then just keep quiet and try to stay out of my way!"

[Foxster]

Back at the ship with 'a bit of a lean'...

R: "What am I going to do here? This thing is gonna be hard to get off the ground.

      Extending landing struts...blowing science-return pod coupling...setting reaction wheel to max..swinging her to point uphill...setting all engines to full throttle..."

 

[Foxster]

R: "We are up. Yay!"

R: "Just need to ease her into an orbit now..."

R: "Time to set the sails for home!"

 

Edited October 21, 2016 by Foxster

[Foxster]

*Crackle*

"Come back, princess. You have a 10-99?"

....

"Hi again, handsome. Yes, mission accomplished and we are heading home. Should be back in a couple of weeks. Wanna buy me a drink when I'm home?"

*Crackle*

"Sorry, my little toffee-elbow, you are 10-1 and I'm...you...I'm gone..."

*Crackle*

 

[Foxster]

16 days later, entering Kerbin orbit...

R: "What the hell do you mean there are no parachutes on the spacecraft? How did you think we'd get it down? With fairy dust?"

V: "Sorry, Robinson, I just didn't think..."

R: "That's right. You didn't think. So instead of being stranded on the Mun, I'm now stranded in Kerbin orbit with you!" *sigh* 

V: "Breaker, breaker. Anyone got their ears on?"

 

The end?

 

 

Edited October 21, 2016 by Foxster

[greenTurtle1134]

Now, does it have enough delta-vee to land and return? Seeing that it was designed for a one-way trip to Minmus.

(afterwards)

Sorry! This is a big issue! For some reason I posted only based on the first page of posts!

(reads it)

Hm... it's becoming a soap opera now.

Edited November 1, 2016 by greenTurtle1134
Clarify why I posted an out-of-place comment.

[0111narwhalz]

Your Kerbin...frightens me. Deeply.

[Foxster]

I just re-read this myself. I  don't remember writing all of that. I was off work ill with the flu that day and running a temperature. 

Still, though I say it myself, it is "interesting"!

[DrunkenKerbalnaut]

10 FOOT POLES, HERE!

GETCHA 10 FOOT POLES!

3 for a dollar. 

[Sharpy]

I'm really, really tempted to complete three challenges at once.

This one.

Elcano

and Caveman.

I'm on last 90 points of the Caveman challenge, and have all the basic parts needed for this unlocked. And it really makes more sense to do this one on wheels than by hopping.

[Moesly_Armlis]

What is this Kerbal Negligent Program?

You should take better car of your kerbals like in our glorious space program.

Spoiler

Pictured here is our brave scientist ascending to glory and prestige.  The mission is to gather EVA reports from space and restore the science equipment waiting in orbit around Mun.  Primitive facilities and loss of consciousness will not hamper our efforts. We will persevere..

 

Edited November 2, 2016 by MoeslyArmlis

[Foxster]

33 minutes ago, MoeslyArmlis said:

What is this Kerbal Negligent Program?

You should take better car of your kerbals like in our glorious space program.

  Hide contents

Pictured here is our brave scientist ascending to glory and prestige.  The mission is to gather EVA science from space .  Primitive facilities and loss of consciousness will not hamper our efforts. We will persevere..

 

Yes but once he's gathered the science on EVA and stored it in the capsule he can be stranded in space, saving having to return that extra 1/10t dead-weight. 

[Moesly_Armlis]

24 minutes ago, Foxster said:

Yes but once he's gathered the science on EVA and stored it in the capsule he can be stranded in space, saving having to return that extra 1/10t dead-weight. 

 

We tend to think of this as the beginning of a space station.  Once Bob is up there why bring him back?  Leveling up was a reason before but now this can be done in the field. 

The idea of leaving a scientist stranded in the budding space station seems logical up until some sort of life support is added, but, that will never happen.

 

[Kerbinchaser]

You... You monster! I'm contacting the KAPA (Kerbal abuse and protection agency) They will be on you in an instant. 

Edited November 3, 2016 by Lo Var Lachland
Really auto correct? Really?

[Jonfliesgoats]

This really disturbs me.  It shouldn't.  These are fake Kerbals after all.  Still, we are just killing Kerbals like they mean nothing to us?!?!  I know it's a game, but....I mean, launchanother mission to rescue your Kerbal Scientist.  Call it a long duration solo expedition.  Just leaving a brace volunteer to die?  That's not what spaceflight is about!  Maybe for Stalin, but not for us!  We bring our Kerbals back or make every attempt to do so!  

I can shoot innocent bystanders in other games, level cities and kill children, but not Kerbals.  We don't abandon Kerbals!

Wait, in 1.2 you don't have to return to Kerbin to gain experience?

Edited November 3, 2016 by Jonfliesgoats

[Foxster]

2 hours ago, Jonfliesgoats said:

This really disturbs me...  We don't abandon Kerbals!...

Every one of our astronauts was carefully volunteered. No one goes on a mission who doesn't want to have their family made homeless.

Sometimes the gene pool needs a little chlorine. Basically we are  making the Kerbal race fitter by weeding out those without essential survival traits such as avoiding our space program.

It is important to concentrate on the results here. As a direct result of the sacrifice made by these scientists, we now have the ability to maroon Kerbals not only on the Mun but Minmus too and, even as we speak, we are making plans to place Kerbals (briefly) on the surface of both Jool and the Sun!  

Edited November 3, 2016 by Foxster