Natagee's Dilemma

[The Flying Kerbal]

"I absolutely and positively REFUSE to climb into that thing!"

Strong words indeed, and even more unusual coming from a Kerbanaut belonging to Rusty Star Rockets (RSR) who are known for their somewhat cavalier attitude to quality control and H&S, yet these very words were to be heard ringing throughout the cosmos, originating from a Munar orbit.

It had been a quiet week round at the KSC, scheduled flights were all on hold as Kerlington Model Rockets and Paper Products Inc was late in delivering the latest order for command pods, and the KSA's chief administrator James Kerman was catching up on some paperwork.  Suddenly the door flew open and in rushed Marconi Kerman, the agency's chief radio communications officer, "James, we've just picked up a Mayday from an RSR spacecraft which has suffered an explosion in a decoupler.  All engines have been jettisoned, along with its solar panels and it's trapped in an orbit of Mun."  James dropped his pen and rubbed his face with both hands, a little characteristic which indicated he was considering what he'd just been told.

Now it has to be said there was very little love lost between the KSA and RSR, indeed it would be no exaggeration to say they absolutely loathed and despised each other with a passion, but an unwritten truce was always declared whenever a Kerbanaut was in danger and needing help.

"Well there isn't much we can do about it this time," said James, "we simply have no pods capable of carrying a Kerbal available right now." came the gloomy response.  Just then the phone rang on his desk, it was Sergei Kerman, chief designer and brains behind RSR.  "Sergei, our radio receivers have just picked up the distress signal coming from Mun." James said into the phone.  There was a pause as he listened to Sergei's response and then he continued, "I'm sorry but this time we can't help you, we just haven't any way of supporting a Kerbal in space at the minute, unless you have something we could attach to one of our lift vehicles?"  There was another pause, and then in a somewhat startled tone Kerman said, "What... Cheapskate has offered to provide a capsule, but how... they don't operate Kerballed capsules?"

Cheapskate Aerospace is a subsidiary of the massive and highly successful Cheapskate Toys & Novelties Inc. set up by Ebenezer Kerman about ten years ago.  They are synonymous with cheap and nasty toys made from very poor quality materials, which would be broken before the end of the day they were given to every mummy's little Kerbal to play with.  Knowing this, the company targeted the mothers with their advertising instead of the children, pointing out that with their toys the house was never left in a mess at bedtime, simply because by bedtime they would all be smashed and in the bin, not lying all over the floor!  And it worked, even if they were expensive and made out of cheap rubbish, the company rapidly grew to become one of the biggest private operations on Kerbin.  So, having captured the toy and novelty market, the only path they could now take was to enter the space industry.  Concentrating on launch vehicles which were cheap to make, they charged top prices to launch satellites for private companies, using boosters such as their Miser for sub orbital probes, the Penny Pincher for inserting satellites into LKO, and the Skinflint - their largest booster to date - capable of pushing satellites into orbits around Mun and Minmus.  They cut costs at every possible opportunity, using SRB's whenever possible and seldom even enclosing a payload in a fairing, saving a few extra pennies by leaving it exposed to the atmosphere during launch.  Remarkably considering their attitude, to date they have a 100% success rate and even the KSA have used their services on occasion.  However James Kerman was unaware of any interest over at Cheapskate into sending a Kerbal into space until just now.

"And you're saying Cheapskate has a pod and will let us have it to rescue your Kerbanaut, Sergei..?  Well in that case I'll send a transporter over to them and bring it round to the KSC where we'll prep it for launch." said James in a surprised voice.  There was another pause and then he finished of the call by saying "He said he'd bring it round in the back of his pickup???  What the heck is it that we're going to be dealing with here?  Anyway we'll do what we can and see how it goes.  All the best Sergei".  Again rubbing his face with both hands, James looked at Marconi and said, "What do you think of that Marconi, Cheapskate has developed a pod capable of sustaining a Kerbal in space?  Ebenezer is bringing it here... in his pickup!"  Marconi looked at his boss with incredulity, "In a pickup, it must be pretty small." he said.

About an hour and a half later James, Gene and Bill watched as Ebenezer's pickup swung into the driveway up to the KSC.  Gene couldn't help but laugh; looking at the pickup he said, "Look at the shape of that thing, it's falling apart with age, rotten with rust and Ebenezer, one of the richest Kerbals in the world is too mean and tightfisted to buy a new one!"  Bill then chipped in, "If he keeps it another four or five years RSR will probably buy it from him and try sending someone into space in it!"  All present burst out laughing at Bill's smart alec comment, and knowing RSR what he said mightn't be too far from the truth!  In the back of the pickup a tarpaulin was draped over something; although impossible to see what it was, it's outline betrayed its rather diminutive proportions.  Racing over to the VAB to see what Ebenezer was delivering, the three KSA Kerbals were stunned into silence when the rescue vessel was first revealed.  "This is a prototype of our next venture into space," said Ebenezer, "and with it we intend to operate a budget space tourism service for the ordinary Kerbal-on-the-street.  Why should space only be open to the super rich?"

"But... but... but there's no capsule..." Bill stammered out, "...it's just a command chair on top of an engine!"

"I know, brilliant isn't it?" came the reply.  "Think about it, up to now Kerbals have paid thousands and thousands to be shoved into a tiny capsule with a minuscule window they can scarcely see through, and blasted into space to see basically nothing!  But now with our new "Opentop" range of space craft - and Opentop is registered by Cheapskate by the way - you are strapped into a seat with a perfect all round view, which lets you experience space in a whole new way!"

"But... even if a passenger does survive the launch and get into space, how do they survive reentry?" asked Gene.

"But this is the whole beauty of it!  For example, let's face it, space is cold, but our new "Atmospheric Heating System", and that one's registered too, will ensure the passenger's nice and warm by the time he or she arrives back on Kerbin".

"How does that work?"

"Easy, all that heat produced during reentry, we just use it to warm the passenger up... watch your mouth there James, it's open so wide you'll have a fly in it if you're not careful!"

"Have you flown this thing yet?" asked Bill.

"Well this is the Mk II version" answered Ebenezer.  "The Mk I was tested in a sub-orbital, and LKO flight and survived both with ease.  We then strapped it to a Skinflint and sent it on a Munar flyby and free return trajectory.  However the heat shield proved to be unable to provide sufficient protection to the probe core against the extra heat generated when entering the atmosphere from the Mun, and the thing exploded.  So we stuck a bit more ablator on it, widened it a bit, and made a few other adjustments and voila... we got ourselves the Mk II!  It did add a bit of extra cost to the thing unfortunately, but we've got round that by offering passengers spacesuits as an optional extra for a fee that helps offset this".

"So has this Mk II flown yet?" chipped in James.

"It's been put through a reentry from LKO and survived with ease, but we're unable to lift it out to the Mun with the extra weight added by the modifications" answered Ebenezer.  "Our new lift vehicle, to be called the Moneygrabber, is nowhere near operational yet, which is why we need you guys to launch it for us to rescue this stranded Kerbanaut.

The KSA Kerbals were dumbstruck by what they'd just heard, indeed James and Gene seriously considered refusing to launch the thing, but then decided that if they didn't the stranded RSR Kerbanaut faced certain death in a capsule which had no fuel and must be rapidly running out of electric charge.  So instead they wheeled it into the VAB on its trolley to be attached to a lift vehicle which Wernher had calculated could handle such a light load, although bags of sand would have to be added as ballast.

 

Sitting on it's trolley outside the VAB, the Opentop Mk II came as a surprise to the KSA.

Waiting to be attached to the booster.

Working as quickly as possible, the tiny vessel was prepped for launch... fitted to the lift vehicle and, although Cheapskate may not use them, the KSA insisted on enclosing it in a fairing, together with the additional ballast.  In record time the package was rolled out to the launch pad, all tanks fuelled and ready for blast off.

"Ignition sequence start... three... two... one... commit... and... LIFT OFF"  The roar of the two "Bumper" SRB's vibrated and shook the very fabric of the buildings at the KSC, everyone fell silent as it was impossible to be heard over the din of the rocket as it set off skyward with the only chance the RSR Kerbanaut, who was now known to be called Natagee Kerman, had of salvation.

"...commit... and... LIFT OFF"

Sixty four seconds after lift off and the two SRB's were spent; the decouplers fired to throw them off the rocket and simultaneously the LV-T30 engine erupted into life, taking over the job of propelling the vehicle towards LKO.  "All systems nominal, heading bang on, engine pressure maximum, approaching Max Q." a technician reported to Gene.  The fairing didn't open as planned, in the rush to prepare the vehicle, a switch had been set wrong, and rather than releasing at 50,000 meters, it remained in place until the vehicle entered orbit.  Fortunately there was enough reserve Delta V to allow this and once the fairing did release, the rocket looked good for TMI.  The bags of sand would become space debris however, although this did prevent them from raining down on the forever put upon citizens of Kerbin.  "So it looks like we've had our hitch for this mission" Gene said once the fairing issue had resolved itself, "now let's get this thing to Mun".

"...let's get this thing to Mun."

The TMI was completed without any drama and the space vessel was sent on it's way to intercept Mun just over a day away.  Natagee was trapped in a clockwise orbit at an inclination of around thirteen degrees.  As the rescue craft approached Mun, it targeted the hapless RSR capsule, and made a burn as it passed through the ascending node to negate the difference between the orbit of Natagee's wreck and the orbit it would soon be entering.

Natagee was a scientist, but that doesn't really mean very much, not when we're talking about Rusty Star Rockets... and job titles should be considered "advisory" at best when dealing with that particular outfit.  For example, their chief rocket designer, a former hairdresser, only got the job because she happened to be passing the Kerbal Space Centre one morning as a rocket was being launched; this was considered sufficient and she was given the job.  However Natagee did seem to have some background in science, and there's even a photo of a very young Natagee using potatoes to power a small light bulb.  RSR had begged, borrowed and stolen enough old parts and various bits of piping, wiring, etc. to throw together what they alone would call a spacecraft, stuck it on top of a cylinder of explosive, and convinced Natagee it was perfectly safe and besides... it was a really nice colour underneath all that rust.  The flight had been plagued by problems and breakdowns even before lift off, and things hadn't got any better during the flight, until finally as Natagee tried to fire the engine to return back to Kerbin, the decoupler shorted out and jettisoned it instead.  To add insult to injury, the three and a half solar panels - one was so lacking in photovoltaic cells it's probably an exaggeration to even consider it half a panel - were attached to the fuel tank, a trait which has landed RSR in trouble many times before but they still insist on sticking with, so they were lost too.

"Three... two... one... engine start!" said the flight monitor at mission control, "Engine start confirmed, she's entering Munar orbit" he continued.  Sure enough, the Terrier engine fired well before the Pe to help swing the rapidly forming orbit to be much closer to the orbit of the stranded RSR vessel than would have happened if the burn had commenced at the Pe.  It wasn't a particularly long burn, but the result was that, while both apsides were almost exactly lined up with their counterparts in Natagee's orbit, they were at different altitudes.  The next burn occurred at the Ap to raise the Pe to match Natagee's, the Ap would be left as it was for now, higher than the target orbit allowing Natagee's vessel to catch up with the rescue ship.  It took five orbits before the range between the two ships came down below ten Km, "We'll go for rendezvous next time around said Gene as he studied closely the figures and telemetry coming in from around Mun.

"Natagee's heap".

The figures showed the two vehicles coming closer and closer together, "Range now down to 3000 meters... 2.5..." as slight burns of RCS made small adjustments to the trajectory of the rescue ship, keeping it lined up exactly with Natagee's heap.  Because of the angle of approach Natagee was unable to see what had been sent up to rescue her through the glass porthole, although even if she could it would have been hard to figure out exactly what it was through all the dirt and cracks.  it wasn't until she went on EVA to begin her transfer to it that she caught her first glimpse of it.  A sound indicating total shock and disbelief came over the radio at the KSC, as she tried to take in exactly what she was looking at.  "What the... what the <CENSORED> is that supposed to be?" was the next transmission to come through the speakers.  "Natagee, just to remind you you're on transmit and the whole of Kerbin is listening to every single word you say" Gene said into the microphone, subtly trying to tell her to moderate her language.

 

"What the <CENSORED> is that supposed to be?"

"But have you seen this thing?" came the reply, "What am I supposed to do with that, indeed what IS that?"

"Look Natagee, we're in a real jam down here, we simply don't have anything else to send you right now" said Gene, "it's either this or nothing."

"I absolutely and positively REFUSE to climb into that thing!" came the immediate reply, "I'm safer in my disabled capsule than being anywhere near that deathtrap!  Have you seen this thing... it's basically a chair strapped to a load of fuel and an engine!"

"Natagee, it's Bill Kerman from the KSA here; we've looked at this closely, it's been tried and tested, trust me it'll bring you home safely if you try it.  Go on, fly over to it and strap yourself in, you'll be absolutely fine."

Slowly, hesitatingly, Natagee activated her jet pack, beginning to realise she would probably die on this strange vessel, but that was better than certainly dying if she didn't try.  So she flew the few meters separating the two spacecraft, squeezed herself between the solar panels and strapped herself into the command seat.  It was then that she noticed the parachutes...  "Hey, where are the main parachutes, all I can see are four drogue chutes on this thing?"

"We'll get back to you on that", Gene said into the microphone.  Ebenezer, what about the main chutes, how many are there on that thing?

"Main chutes... are you mad?  Have you seen the price of those things?  A radial MK16 parachute costs four hundred quid, and tests have shown it would take two - TWO - to balance the Opentop during reentry.  That's eight hundred quid for a couple of sheets of cloth and some string!  We saved ourselves two hundred by just gluing on four drogue chutes, and they'll do the job just fine!  OK so the landing speed's gonna be a bit high, something will probably explode and whoever's on it may well end up with a few bruises and blisters, but hey, they want to go into space, they must expect things to be a little rough at times!"

Shaking his head in despair, Bill said ruefully to himself, "Maybe she SHOULD stay in the RSR capsule", but it was too late now, already the Opentop was orientating itself in preparation for the burn that would send it on its way back to Kerbin.

"It was then that she noticed the parachutes..."

Gene delayed answering Natagee, waiting until just before the engine fired on the Opentop which would mean she would be unable to abandon it and clamber back inside the RSR capsule.  Just seconds before ignition he finally pressed the transmit button and said into the microphone, "No need for them Natagee, your vessel is so small and light, the drogues will do the job nicely.

"What, what was that... are you all mad down there???  That's it, I'm not staying on this thing, I'm outta... AAARRRRAGHHHHHHHHH."  The Terrier roared into life accelerating the small payload at an incredible rate for such a small engine.  About three quarters of the way through the fuel ran out, staging occurred and the tiny ant took over to complete the burn.  Finally it shut down having successfully completed the manoeuvre that put Natagee on a trajectory that would see her enter Kerbins atmosphere.

"...I'm not staying on this thing, I'm outta... AAARRRRAGHHHHHHHHH."

"Natagee, are you still with us up there?" Gene said into the microphone.  "Hello, Natagee, can you hear me?"

"By all that's good and holy, what the heck just happened?  I don't know if I'm with you or not, but my stomach's still back in my old capsule."

"Good to hear you Natagee.  Now we calculate you'll be entering Kerbin's atmosphere in about six hours time, and will not complete reentry on the first pass."

Six hours... and she scolded and ridiculed everyone involved in placing her in this predicament for every single second.  It got so bad, even the drill instructor in Full Metal jacket would have blushed at her language!

"...She scolded and ridiculed everyone involved... for every single second."

Happy or not with the position she was in, the time went by and Kerbin grew ever larger as she sped towards it and whatever fate had in store for her.  Approximately fifteen minutes before entering the atmosphere, the small craft orientated itself and jettisoned its last engine, then rotated so the heat shield would be facing the direction of travel, able to take the full force of the reentry.

"The small craft... jettisoned its last engine...

"...then rotated so the heat shield would be facing the direction of travel..."

Normally the trajectory of the Opentop would have been set to dive much deeper into the atmosphere so reentry would have been completed on the first pass, but because of what happened to the Mk I when a reentry from Mun was attempted, and the fact nobody knew for certain if the Mk II would be able to survive what lay ahead with more success than its predecessor, it was decided to try a much shallower angle and send the little vessel around it's orbit three times before its final descent.  Slamming into the thin upper layers of the atmosphere had no noticeable effect, the velocity continued to creep up as Natagee on her Opentop raced towards the Pe.  However as the vessel dived deeper and the heat increased, the temperature started climbing sharply until flames started to envelope the spacecraft, testing fully Cheapskate's novel new "Atmospheric Heating System".  Surprisingly the results were encouraging, and while Natagee would later claim a noticeable increase in temperature, the shape of the heat shield pushed the vast majority of the scorching flames around and away from its precious payload.

"...testing fully Cheapskate's novel new 'Atmospheric Heating System' "

The first pass through the atmosphere went without a hitch, the Pe had dropped to approx 53000 meters, and the Ap had dropped to just above 4000 Km.  As the Opentop sped out and away from Kerbin Natagee could hardly believe she was still alive and fit to continue her scolding of those who had dreamt up this "rescue".  Indeed it would be true to say that all present at mission control were glad of the respite from her tirade during communications blackout as the vessel flew through the atmosphere at hypersonic speeds.  It was later discovered when the cheap tape recorder attached to the Opentop was examined, that even then Natagee continued her verbal onslaught, apparently totally unaware nobody could hear her she was so consumed by her rage.

The second pass too went without a hitch, and saw the Ap tumble to just under 1500 Km, the Pe finishing up at 49 Km, the next pass would be the big one.  The little craft hurtled around it's orbit; even though the first two passes had reduced its velocity down to around 2,400 m/s, the tension at mission control was almost palpable.  A silence engulfed the whole building, even Natagee finally went quiet, being fully aware that the next handful of minutes would decide if she would live or die.  For the last time a slight but increasing vibration told her she was once again passing through the Karman line, once again she could feel the temperature increase, once again flames started whistling dangerously close past her...

"This is it Natagee" Gene said into the radio, "good luck we're all with you".

"Like..." came a reply but it was cut off as once again the communications blackout caused by the heat of reentry took effect.  And maybe it was just as well that whatever she said didn't make it into the radio waves, it probably wasn't something little children should ever be exposed to!.

All eyes now turned to the clock in mission control, reacquisition of signal was expected in two and a half minutes... would there be anything out there to answer the calls from Mission Control?

Gene couldn't help himself, professional though he was he couldn't wait any longer, and at two minutes he started speaking into the microphone.  "Natagee, can you hear me... Natagee we're awaiting your signal...".  Only the fizzly crackle of static came over the speakers, Natagee remained silent.  "Natagee can you hear me, are you out there?"  Still only static answered Gene's broadcast.  He was just about to press the transmit button a third time when over the speakers a loud popping sound could be heard, followed a second later by the (all too) familiar voice as Natagee said, "By all the gods of Kerbol, I'm still here.  The parachutes have just deployed and I can see the Kerbin Space Centre way in the distance.  I think I'm going too fast to land at it though, I suspect I'm going for a splashdown in the Sea of Daz!

"The parachutes have just deployed and I can see the Kerbin Space Centre way in the distance".

Tracking now confirmed that a splashdown was imminent, projecting an impact point approx 27 Km east of the KSC.  The navy, already at sea in preparation for recovery, was instantly informed of this and immediately set a course for the splashdown area and cranked up to full speed.

The drogue chutes proved equal to the task of slowing the tiny vehicle to a safe speed, although Natagee did press the button that jettisoned the heat shield.  When she reported this over the radio, poor Ebenezer Kerman instantly reached into his pocket for a hanky as tears burst from his eyes and flowed profusely down his cheeks.  "Oh no... she's threw away the heat shield... and I was so hoping to get some money back on that!"  Pulling a calculator from his pocket he quickly started punching at the keypad.  Going pale and with horror spreading across his face, he looked around desperately for sympathy.  "Even allowing for the loss of ablator, I reckon she just cost me about 230 quid, what's wrong with her head?"  His uncontrolled sobbing only resulted in sniggers and scoffing by all present, for a few minutes all attention was focused away from Natagee and on the miserly Ebenezer, which was too bad because Natagee's adventures weren't quite over just yet...

The Opentop hit the water with sufficient force to shake Natagee's teeth, but fortunately no bones were broken although she would later complain about pain and severe bruising on her rear end.  The force was so great that she failed to notice the Opentop, rather than coming to rest on the surface of the water, was already completely submerged and descending all the time!

"The Opentop hit the water with sufficient force to shake Natagee's teeth."

Down deeper and deeper the vessel plummeted, and for a few seconds Natagee had considered hitting the quick release on the safety belts and returning to the surface.  However the scientist in her then took over, and she quickly realised the opportunity presented to her if she just sat tight and waited to see what was down deep in Kerbin's oceans.  Turning up the oxygen supply to compensate for the increasing pressure, she sat on her seat, marvelling as a few of the oceans secrets revealed themselves to her.  In a very few minutes she had reached depths no Kerbal had ever reached before, setting new records in the process, and still her dive continued.  Keeping up a rain of commentary she described in great detail everything she could see

Finally the vessel hit the seabed at a depth of over 1000 meters.  Not wanting to waste this opportunity, Natagee quickly made an EVA report and grabbed a sample of the ocean floor for further scientific study.

"Finally the vessel hit the seabed at a depth of over 1000 meters"

She then disembarked from the Opentop, striking out for the surface over a kilometre above her head.

"...striking out for the surface..."

When she finally broke the surface, the navy was ready to pick her up and check her over for injuries or any illness which may have developed during her ordeals.  However apart from a few bangs and bruises, she was in remarkably good shape and was released from hospital three days later.

As a footnote, poor old Ebenezer was destined to lose even more money as recovering the vessel proved to be too expensive and has been left on the bottom of the sea.  He has since sought out counselling and is currently undergoing intense therapy to help him get through the ordeal of this financial loss.  While it's still early days, the prognosis is for a complete recovery, especially as he has recently realised that the dive to the bottom of Kerbin's Oceans opens a whole new avenue to make money, offering tourists the opportunity to follow Natagee to the bottom of the sea!  

 

 

Edited November 27, 2017 by The Flying Kerbal

[Alpha 360]

This must have been a lot of work. Please continue the Cheapskate Chronicles, can't wait for the next installment

[The Flying Kerbal]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, I admit I'm not a gifted writer although I did enjoy putting this together.  I'll try to add more instalments when I get the time to do it