The Year 1234

[musicpenguin]

In the year 1234, Kerbal kind was taking its first leap to another world. Jebdiahs, the first kerbal on the muns son was the commander. Jebdiah II, who I will now call jeb was in the rocket with bill and bob the IInd. The armes, The rocket to take us to the other world was on the launchpad. With little chatter between ground and armes, They waited 3 hours. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, "Rockets ignited" 2, 1, "And we have liftoff!" A few minutes later, The rocket was in orbit 200 KM Above kerbin. "Transfer window open I am buring" "Roger that" The were soon on a interception with duna.

EDIT: I used to be terrible at writing.

Edited October 25, 2015 by musicpenguin

[Ohm Machre]

Woah, woah, WOAH!! Slow down, there! XD

I'm not trying to make you feel bad in the very least bit, understand this now.

I believe there is a far, far better way to write this, however.

For one, as my first sentence claims, it moves WAAAY too quickly.

It starts with a year. That's good. Good to set a stable point...

"Jebdiahs, the first kerbal on the muns son was the commander."

Commander? Son? Who, what?

This sentence just kind of bleeds into the next. For one, it's hard to tell a subject. Is the subject the commander, the commander's son, or the Mun?

Next couple of sentences are a touch messy, but passable.

Then it just goes.

One sentence leads to the next, which is a few minutes, then the next which presumably is many HOURS away from the last.

There's really also no descriptors. Beyond that of the commander.

Nothing happens during launch? During the ascension? During orbital maneuvers?

There has to be a clear point of something or another happening. Otherwise, the whole thing falls flat, truthfully.

For instance.......

"Mission Control, this is the Command Tower, we are preparing the rocket for launch, stand by."

The radio buzzes off. Bill the Second and Bob the Second sat in their chairs, a little apprehensive. Bill and Bob were named after their fathers, who also were Kerbonauts in the famed Kerbal Space Program.

"I hope we don't crash again," Bob said, a hint of fear in his voice.

"Well, they did put him into the commander's chair. Again," replied Bill.

"Pipe it you two, I'm feeling rather... sane today," chimed in the Kerbal sitting below their seats. Wearing a special pin on his shirt, inside the suit, Jebediah the Second sat at the controls, apprehensive about their newest mission.

To him, it seemed like every mission they were ever on ended in explosions or crashes; in reality, it was usually his fault. Oversteering, overthrottling, or just plain being a little loopy - whatever the reason, it was just his way of doing things.

Unfortunately, this also ended up costing the KSP lots and lots of Krebits. So, in today's mission - a simple interstellar burn from Kerbin to Duna, inside the Armes - they added a little "assistance" to avoid any disasters.

"Mission Control, this is the Tower. Prepare for lift-off in...

"10... 9... 8... 7..."

A high-pitched whine filled the cockpit of the Armes.

"6... 5... 4...

"3 - igniting rockets."

The systems within the cockpit went ablaze, indicating all systems nominal and clear.

"2... 1... LIFTOFF."

With a shudder, the Armes's solid rocket boosters ignited; the throttle underneath Jebediah II's hand pitched straight out, and the shuttle lifted, the docking clamps on either side of the core of the external booster tank detaching.

As the Kerbals inside the Control Tower watched on, the Armes lifted beautifully and cleanly through the atmosphere, clearing 10,000 meters easily before the SRBs detached from the main core. Four external rockets also ignited as part of the staging process, and the shuttle began to shoot up, faster and faster and faster still.

A technician watching the readings proclaimed, "We've cleared 20,000 meters."

"Better than last time," remarked the head of the Control Tower.

"55 kilometers!" exclaimed Bill II. "We're finally going to make it!"

As the shuttle passed 85,000 meters, the external fuel tank finally burned out, the external booster tanks having detached and plummeted to Kerbin a couple of minutes ago. With a *shh-ponk!* the tank detached from the Armes shuttle.

The technician said, "We have separation of the booster core. Apoapsis at 200,000 meters"

The head nodded his head, and picked up his radio.

With a click, he said, "Mission Control, this is the Control Tower. All systems nominal. Begin orbital burn 35 seconds before apo."

"Roger that," replied a slightly grumpy, but secretly excited Jeb II, miffed that he'd been replaced this time by an autopilot system. The radio clicked off.

At the height of the orbiting path, the main rockets on the rear of the shuttle roared to life, a fiery inferno of heat, noise, and destructive beauty. As the seconds passed, the fuel burned lower and lower in the tanks.

Just one minute after igniting, the rockets shut off; the cockpit filled with silence.

Bob II picked up a tape recorder, clicked it on, and spoke:

"This is Bill II of the Kerbal Space Shuttle Armes. As of May 3rd, 1234, at 7:25 A.M., we have entered a stable orbit of 200 kilometers by 201 kilometers around the planet Kerbin."

The Control Tower was filled with excitement as, over their intercoms, and the speakers throughout the Tower, filled with the voice of the young Kerbonaut inside their shuttle. "We will begin our transfer burn within 20 minutes, when our window of transfer opens. Our destination, the planet Duna."

"What now?" inquired the ecstatic Bob to his childhood friend and fellow Kerbonaut Bill.

Jeb replied, "What now? More like, what next.

"What next is, we begin colonization of the stars themselves, my friends!"

Bill happily replied, "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Jeb!"

....wow. That was more fun than I thought it would be. XD That's what I get from ADD, though, a lot of fun time.

Again, I'm really not trying to rain down on you, Music. I'm trying to help out! And, with a little more time put into it, and a little patience, you can write wonderfully! Your premise was great - as I showed by being able to, rather easily, expand upon it.

Hey! If you ever need to show me something that you wanna post, PM me. Maybe I can help you write.... I don't want to say "BETTER", because that implies that you need to get better. xP

Maybe I can help you write a little more fluently, or however you wanna say it.

Again, excellent premise. That's the joy of writing, though. A good premise can become a great little tale, or even a novel if you write long and hard enough, haha! ;D

Cheers, and have a good day!

- Machre