[SCP-4711] The Kerbal

[NASAFanboy]

Item #: SCP-4711

Object Class: Euclid (Request for downgrade to safe declined-O5)(request for upgrade to Keter in process-O5)

The Subject

Special Containment Procedures: Subject is to be contained in an room made of blast-proof steel and measuring 10m on each side.. Subject is to be provided with whatever he asks, unless it is a breach of Foundation regulations. Any explosive matieral within 15 kilometers is to be confisticated and destroyed immediately. Subject cannot leave his containment chamber, and is to be restrained with force if he attempts to. Anything that was once part of an spacecraft or was once in space is to be kept away from the subject. Agents inside NASA are to prevent the construction of any space center in a 2000 kilometer radius. Agents inside NASA are to ensure that the orbit of any satellite or spacestation will never be directly above the subjects containment chamber. Subject is to be launched into space upon reaching his "active" state, and the site is to be provided with a Mercury-Redstone rocket at all times.

Description: Subject is an humanoid creature, wearing an spacesuit. Unlike a human, the subject has a large head and large eyes, and a small body. Subject is one meter in height, and speaks in a dialect of Spanish. Subject does not need food, air, or water, and can subside on his own. The subject has hair, which is black colored and on top of his head. Source of subject is exterrestial, and the subject, when shown a star map, will point to a star that is approxmately 600 light-years away, in the Kepler-22 system. The confirmation of a earth-like planet named Kepler-22b in that system has confirmed any suspisions that Kepler-22 is the subjects home system. When tested, subject has been shown to have an extensive knowledge of spaceflight, engineering and astrophysics, with an IQ of 125. Subject has no idea of self-preservation.

Subject claims to be named █████████████, and claims that his name of his species is █████. He claims that his species is an spacefaring race, and claims to be a part of an expedition to Duna. Subject does not have an idea of how he arrived on Earth, and wishes to return home. The subject has not yet shown any signs of violence.

However, at random times, the subject will enter it's "active" state. Upon entering it's "active" state, the subject will emit small amounts of weak radiation, and will show intense signs of agitation unless put in an command pod resembling a spacecraft command module, and launched into space on an sub-orbital trajectory. As the subject is of high interest to the O5 command, he must be recovered. After 72 hours have passed without being launched into space, a random satellite in orbit will randomly explode and rain debris over the planet. This will keep going until subject is launched. Subject seems to prefer GPS Satellites (See Incident Log-4711-A.), and will destroy one satellite per every twelve hours. After ten days have passed without a launch, the subject will activate into its "Hyper" stage. Upon reaching it's hyperstage, any nuclear device and solid rocket booster within 1000 kilometers will activate and denontate.

Reference: Subject was discovered in the burning debris of a small spacecraft seven miles from the city limits of ███ ███████. Several months before, an anomal object near the moon was found to be heading on an collision course to earth. This is likely the spacecraft described.

The Spacecraft, as imaged by a NASA Probe leaving the earth. (Courtesy of NASA)

Incident Log 4711-A

Dr. █████ refused to launch the suject to space, resulting in the loss of LANDSAT 5. Dr. █████ was demoted to Security Level-1 for failing to launch subject to space. Subject was launched on an Mercury-Redstone rocket that was removed from a muesuem. Active mode stopped upon subject's return to earth. Subject caused the destruction of a US Army base due to one hour in "Hyper" mode. Subject caused the deaths of 155 soldiers, and greatly decreased property values in the region.

The Foundation performed a full-scale evacuation under the guise of a gas leak.

Edited July 14, 2013 by NASAFanboy

[Fox62]

lol this is awesome. Have you written it up as a suggestion to the SCP Foundation wiki?

[NASAFanboy]

lol this is awesome. Have you written it up as a suggestion to the SCP Foundation wiki?

I tried to join around a dozen times, declined without a reason.

I give up, I'll just stamp this as "Official", and pay no attention to those who complain it's not.

[Flixxbeatz]

You forgot to put references about its purported photosynthetic capabilities

[leopardenthusiast]

You forgot to put references about its purported photosynthetic capabilities

Don't enforce headcanon.

Don'tenforceheadcanondon'tenforceheadcanondon'tenforceheadcanon.

(it's a crime. a terrible terrible crime.)

[Flixxbeatz]

Don't enforce headcanon.

Don'tenforceheadcanondon'tenforceheadcanondon'tenforceheadcanon.

(it's a crime. a terrible terrible crime.)

Will not enforce headcanon. *acquire booster cannons*

[NASAFanboy]

Will not enforce headcanon. *acquire booster cannons*

Oh no. Do not take that within a 100KM range of the subject. That is a breach of regulations.

[Fox62]

I wonder where the Hyper and agitated modes come from?

[RedDwarfIV]

I wonder where the Hyper and agitated modes come from?

They are the explanation for why the Kerbal is Euclid/Keter level instead of Safe.

A Kerbal on its own straight from the game would probably be put straight into Safe. After all, stuff only blows up around them because of Kerbin's poor Health And Safety regulations.

[Mekan1k]

You might have been rejected because you forgot to include the secret phrase in your message....

When I signed up, it was "chocolate pudding", but it's changed since then.

[Rjtaml]

Subject claims to be named █████████████ = Subject claims to be named Jebediah

and claims that his name of his species is █████ = and claims that his name of his species is Kerbal.

Dr. █████ refused to launch the subject to space = Dr.Idiot refused to launch the subject into space

^

|| for fun