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Kerbal History


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Year 2282: A man named Zefram Kerman figured out a way to go FTL after decades of research, and just 2 years before, the USK found large ionic engines very useful for battleships.

Taht was before actually :/

2285: Kerbals kare keally kwanting kto kstop kthe K killness. Kcientists kare ktrying kto kinvent ka kure.

2287: Kanime k ktakes kover kentire kapan, kanimizing kkadverts kand kkilms. Kerbals kare k kannoyed kithk K kspelling.

2287.5 Kkk kkk kkkkkk kkk? Kkkkk kkkk! Kkkkk kkkkkkkkk!!!

Edited by cziken20
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Year 2305: Years of chaos finally come to a close when Erbal linguists find a solution to "raziness" - simply invent a new language that obviates the need for the letter "". It isn't a perfect solution, but then again neither was "adding more struts".

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Year 2311: After lots of listening in on the FTL probe, the kerbals discover weird aliens.

They are VERY similar to kerbals, but they have grey skin, huge pitch-black eyes, and long limbs. They are emotionless.

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2312: Those green guys disappear, somehow. No they didn't just go off the planet. Their entire planet disappeared without any sound. No one knows what happened.

2314: Kerbals send an FTL probe to the center of galaxy, which will be then set on an orbit around Black Hole (if it exists!), at the point where speed of light is needed to orbit. It will arrive in 100 years. (don't forget!)

2315: Antimatter is found to be very dangerous if not stored properly. It destroyed an entire country, the country was named Kermany.

(yes i am writing k's simply because kerbals found a solution to this, but i don't know any language where k does not exist, so im' writing it)

Edited by cziken20
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2320: A second FTL ship has transmitted a picture an odd white saucer with 2 engines and a pipe behind it.

It was sending radio signals of all kinds of frequencies at them, and they eventually found that the signals were a language of sorts.

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2325: In a rather minor turn of events, widespread use begins of a letter that sounds exactly like a "K" and can be used in all the same contexts. It's even written as a "K", but Kerbal linguistic experts are always keen to remind the laykerbal that it is not the letter "K" that was originally included in the Kerbal language. Nothing significant changes for anyone and basically nobody really cares.

2325.75: Rebellious Kerbal musicians develop a new genre of music involving a sort of non-melodic poetry combined with a phat beat. The new music is dubbed "Krap."

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2326: For counterattack to Krap (it sounds like crap), some music artists create "Krock" and "Klues". also somebody named Justin Kerman invent Kop, but he sounds like girl, and everybody hatered him (to hater - the act of being a hater of something, hate- the act of not liking something very much)

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2328.25: Mass conflicts are resolved by the invention of the International Prototype Kerbogram, a near-perfect sphere (by Kerbal standards at least) with a mass as close as they could get it to the average masses of Kerbin's various other protorype kerbograms. From this point forward the IPK is used by scientists across Kerbin to ensure consistency in measurements.

2328.26: The IPK is thrown into a big hole by superstitious Kerbals who had convinced themselves it was a Kraken egg.

2328.3: The superstitious Kerbals are thrown in that same hole by angry scientists.

2328.3001: Kmaug the Kolden flies out of his hole in a rage over all the random junk being dumped on top of him. In the midst of his wanton destruction, he ends up incinerating Justin Kerman.

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2356: The first antimatter FTL drive test ended in failure - antimatter leaking out. The crew spent 2 months cleaning the spill.

2414: Gene Kerman expected the probe to send signal, but it didn't. Perhaps maybe some 30000 years later the signal will return.

2425: The optical communication system is invented by having laser pointed on a normal antenna, providing several GB of useless data.

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2430: For reasons unknown, the entire power grid of a large city is knocked out. The location of the disturbance is discovered, and so is its cause: a steam locomotive buried into a transformer. Some notice that the locomotive looks eerily similar to the one owned by Emmet Kerman. It is dismantled, and inside is found a baby kraken drive, modified so as not to emit harmful radiation, spin the vehicle wildly, or anything of that nature. The modifications are duplicated and added onto old BKD blueprints. The new BKD is rigorously tested, and is a resounding success. Production of flying cars resumes. A black box on the train shows that several lightning strikes, collisions, and overloads of the flux kapacitor caused the train to randomly time travel.

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2431: Firm that created the working BKD is bankrupt. Simplz because onlz 3 Kerbals were rich enough to buy that device. They were Bill G. Kerman, which used it for his super comfort flying toilet, Muhammad Kerman, which died when using it not properly, and Hartashagaflagaramadad Kerman, which strangely disappeared just after buying it.

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2432: The 2431 thing was just some rumor as to why the BKD hadn't appeared on the market yet. Production is in full swing, with everyone from the common office worker up to the richest businessmen able to afford a flying car. Once partially abandoned and decrypt buildings are restored to their former glory, as they once again welcome the very vehicles that spurred their construction.

2433: Kerbals begin researching temporal displacement.

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2434: BKD were are great succes sure! But it is found they don't work outside the atmosphere :( No more anti-gravity rockets. But kerbals thought they could simply use it as an atmosphere rocket engine. So why not?

2435: Kerbals after some a lot of arguing, going out and getting back finally come to agreement that philospohical stringy-thingy-boingy (they don't evn know what it is) actually exists and it is the reason for gravity to exist.

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