KSON Minmus Mission Report

[Drunkrobot]

Recently, I have completed my first career mode manned mission to Minmus. To complete this mission (and acquire sweet, delicious science), I had forced myself to do what is (in my opinion) crazy and suicidal. But hey, that's Kerbal Space Program for ya!

---

At KSC-Astronaut Lounge

Shepford: I'm telling you, Buzz, we're never getting a good mission.

Buzz: Don't be so pessimistic. We and Halfury played back-up for Jeb, Bill and Bob for their Munshot, didn't we? Getting on a backup crew pretty much guarantees a slot on a later prime.

S: I said GOOD mission. The top-brass are talking about putting up a "space station". Ask any lab rat on this Kosmodrome what they're doing, they're either sketching up designs for a laboratory module for said space station, or shaping up an air-breathing rocket, for a vehicle to reach said space station without making it rain rocket parts. It all points towards this hypothetical "later prime crew" going up 100km to live in a tin can for a few weeks. Spending ten days inside a Moho capsule is enough for me.

B: I wouldn't be quick to make up my mind. Kirrim's been mentioning that the Administer had put out an order for two Satnie Vs a few months ago, both be used this year. Sure, one of them's for sending up the station, but the other? Whatever it's used for, it's gonna be pretty flippin' cool.

Gene: Boy's! How are you both doing?

S: We're doing fine, sir. Bored out of our minds, but we're fine.

G: Well, that is about to change. How would you two kids like to go to Minmus?

---

S: KSON? Why is it named after a comet?

G: Your mission is expected to be the highlight of this year's activity in space, just like comet KSON!

B: But didn't KSON go round Kerbol and disappoint everyone by fizzling out of existence?

G: You've hit the nail on the head, Buzz! I'll leave you two with Wernher to explain the rocket itself.

Wernher: What do you think? It's impressive, no?

B: The Satnie V is certainly impressive, but that was to be expected. But what's that on top of it?

W: We've decided to split the craft that will journey to Minmus into two-a lander module, that one of you will use to actually reach the surface...

S: Can I say one thing.

W: Go ahead.

S: I CALL LANDER!

B: I CALL-DARNIT! If there's one person on this planet more famous for being second than you, it's me!

W: ...While the Command Module stays in orbit around Minmus, and brings the two of you back to Kerbin.

S: What's that thing in the middle?

W: That is the EXtravehicular Pressurized/Radiated Instruments for Minmus Excursion aNd Testing, or EX.P/R.I.M.E.N.T module.

B: It's missing the second "E".

W: We know. The chief acronym officer has had a month's pay docked form his salary. Anyway, the Lander Pilot-that's you, Shepford-will bring it down with him to the surface, run the tests on the ground, do an EVA, and come back up to rendezvous with the CM. EX.P/R.I.M.E.N.T is then docked to the CM, the lander undocks, and the two of you come back.

B: Question.

W: Yes?

B: That big capsule is designed to only keep the crew alive for a round trip to the Mun. How's it going to last all the way to Minmus?

W: Simple-We're only keeping two Kerbals alive, not three!

---

Six months later:

S: YEEEEEEEEEAH!

B: NOOOOOOOOO!

Duke (CAPCOM): Relax, guys. You've got a good trajectory. Right down the middle.

B: You try to remain calm when you have an inferno glued to your ass!

D: Stay classy, Buzz, you're on TV.

S: We report, Stage-A detached. Making final orbital insertion burn now.

S: I love being an astronaut. Pay is terrible, you work in a cramped, noisy, dangerous office, you eat through a straw, the team-building exercises are non-stop, and good luck getting health coverage. But sweet lord, what a view.

---

G: Attention all flight controllers, I need a go/no-go for Trans-Minmus Injection Burn. BOOSTER?

BOOSTER: Ya, go.

G: RETRO?

RETRO: We're go, FLIGHT.

G: FIDO?

FIDO: Go for TMI.

G: GUIDANCE?

GUIDANCE: Go.

G: EECOM?

EECOM: Go.

G: GNC?

GNC: Go, FLIGHT.

G: INCO?

INCO: We're go.

G: NETWORK?

NETWORK: Go.

G: TELMU?

TELMU: That's a go.

G: FAO?

FAO: We're go.

G: SURGEON?

SURGEON: Buzz is hyperventilating, but we're go.

G: CAPCOM?

CAPCOM: Shepford says go.

G: We are go for TMI, we are go for Minmus.

---

S: Are you feeling better yet?

B: When I'm not being crushed into my seat, yes.

S: You hear about those "thermal rockets" that the Beta propulsion team have been working on? NERVA, I think they call it? Apparently, the Thrust-to-Weight of the thing isn't all that high. Maybe they would give a smoother ride?

B: You know you're in the wrong profession when "nuclear reactor with a hole in the back of it" is the preferred, comfy choice.

D: Guys, FIDO reports you've made a perfect burn. You make a course straight to Minmus, fly-by, and then go on to a collision with the Mun.

S: That's great news Duke. We brake into an orbit around Minmus, and Stage-C makes a "hard-landing" on the Mun. Brilliant!

B: Just one quick question. What if neither of our engines work? What do we do to avoid crashing?

D: ...You have go to dock with EX.P/R.I.M.E.N.T.

S: C'mon, Dr. Docking. Show your work.

B: I'm doing it, keep your pants on.

B: Like a Boss.

Our sailors of the Kosmos put Sir Issac Kerman in the pilots seat, and make their way to the tiny frozen world of Minmus.

S: What's that speak of dirt on the window?

B: That, Shepford Kerman, elite astronaut and hero of the Kerbal race, is Minmus.

S: Oh.

In orbit around Minmus

S: KSC, we are pressurizing the rest of the universe. I'm leaving the CM now.

S: This is the greatest moment of my life.

B: Excited for your landing?

S: No, I'm just glad that I'm not sharing the same atmosphere as you anymore.

B: The feeling is mutual.

S: Alright, let's go get some rocks!

D: Your landing site is near to the Minmie I surface probe. Go see how well it's been doing all this time.

S: I would like to say I'm tense, but it takes SO LONG to fall on this moon.

B: Imagine playing golf. A good drive would get it halfway round the thing.

S: Contact light! Engine cutoff! I've made it down, KSC!

B: That's good to hear, Shepford! I've got the best view you could get up here. You're a brisk walk away from Minmie I.

Shepford get's some needed rest for what he about to do.

---

In the KBC "live news" room, Kerbin

Emmett: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls around the world, I'm Emmett Kerman, and this is the KBC.

Alan "Shepford" Kerman, only the forth Kerbal in the history of our species to walk on another world, and the first to do so on Minmus. Who could forget Jebediah's historic "one small step". Now, as we get live TV images of KSON Minmus lander, with Shepford hanging on the mobility extender, we will see what he has chosen to say to mark this momentous occasion.

S: YAHA! Jeb, it may had been one giant leap from you, but I remembered to soften the landing suspension. Gosh-DARN this moon is beautiful.

E: Hmmmm, "Yaha" it is then.

---

S: It takes a few seconds to land on each step. The surface doesn't "crunch", it looks to be a flat sheet of ice. I'm developing the need to take off my helmet and eat key lime pie.

D: But you hate key lime pie.

S: I know, that's whats so weird about it.

---

Meanwhile, in Minmus orbit

D: Ok Buzz, we're about to hit LOS, see you on the other si--

B: Well, this is it. I'm totally alone. With Shepford and the rest of Kerbalkind on the other side of Minmus, I'm more isolated than anyone who has ever existed. Anything I say, there is no chance of anyone ever hearing me.

...

I COLLECT STAMPS! There, I've finally said it. I admit it, I collect stamps. That's the first step, isn't it, to kicking a habit, admitting what is wrong with you?

---

S: The patriotism-enhancing device is activated, KSC.

D: Copy that, we are felling very patriotic down here.

S: I'm making my way to Minmie. I suggest some sort of car to be brought along on future missions.

D: Scared of a little walk? Double time it, pilot!

S:It's bigger than I expected from the pictures. It hasn't been pushed over or anything, which probably means that the rocks don't come alive when I'm not looking at them. The primary antenna had failed to open, it seems. Wait, let me try something.

S: O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

D: Shepford, please get back into the lander, before you lose your last marble.

---

B: 30 metres, 20 metres, 10 metres, 5 metres, and docked.

S: Hey Buzz.

B: What is it?

S: WAAAAAAZUUUUUUUUUUP!

B: Get in before I lock the hatch.

S: Lander detached. We're ready to come back home.

S: Hey Buzz.

B: What?

S: Remember when we launched?

B: What about it?

S: Remember how I enjoyed it?

B: Yes.

S: Now's the time to worry.

D: Good chute, guys! Brace yourselves for final approach and litho-breaking.

---

Now, some of you may have noticed something. When a Kerbal takes a surface sample, or does an EVA report, and gets back into a pod, both get stored into that pod, and they can't be transferred to different pods. How did I get around this?

S: This is the stupidest thing I've ever done!

Minmus has such low gravity that the EVA pack has enough delta-v to reach orbit. Shepford did the science, blasted his way to the CM, and got in, packaging the report/sample into the correct pod, then got back out and landed next to the lander.

Fix your game, Squad!

Anyway, thank you for reading this post! I appreciate the fact you put time into reading this, unlike those worthless quitters whp stopped reading halfway through. I don't usually submit into Fan Works, so tell me if this doesn't belong where it is. See ya!

Edited December 15, 2013 by Drunkrobot