Cartographer

[Poryy]

An idea I had a while ago. Please submit constructive criticism.

Cartographer

Part One

He walked the rim of the thin brass catwalk surrounding the intricate machine below. Below lay nearly 6 kilometres of machinery. Gears, photon conduits, and fiber optic wire were combined to create one huge device. He looked up from his brisk pace around the upper walkway, searching from the nearest bridge into the inner sphere. He located one quickly, and walked over it into the inner sphere chambers.

It was silent, here. The constant clicking, humming, and buzzing was dampened by the sonic nullifiers in the walls around the sphere. He didn't understand the technology, and he did not care. He was here for one reason, and that was all.

In the middle of the sphere, suspended by impossible means, was a delicate-looking assortment of brass and titanium wire rings, and floating holographs each representing one star. He was not interested by the scale of the Cartographer, for he had been here before. He looked down off of the catwalk, and saw the arcane devices that powered, updated, and suspended the Cartographer in place.

A delicate, complexly jointed mechanical arm extended from the floor, and extended a needle. He did not resist as the arm took a biological sample. A small light on the arm's end, next to the needle, lit up purple, and a bridge of solid light appeared in front of him, allowing him to walk to a floating console. Reverently, he took a black data storage device from a pocket in his grey robe, and inserted it into the console. There was a brief pause, and then more lights started appearing on the Cartographer's map. One was smaller than the others, too small, in fact, to be a star, but it was. He turned to leave and took a step back onto the light-bridge. An impact on the back of his head was his only warning, as another mechanical arm swung into it's cradle, and crashed into him. Knocked unconscious by the blow, he fell into the put containing the arcane devices that maintained the map.

There was an energy surge as the Cartographer's systems detected a falling object. With a high pitched whine, a large wire apparatus on the bottom of the pit began to spin and pointed towards the falling body. There was no sound. The body vanished, with a sharp scent of ozone and exotic flourocarbons.

Part Two

It was midnight here. Two moons hung above, and the sky was a dark black-blue, with many stars. A body lay in a small crater in the ground, with a black data storage device embedded in the flawless grass beside it. The body stirred in the crater. He looked up, and noticed the concerned-looking face staring at him. It was not far above him, and was shaped like an ancient can, with huge eyes protruding from taut green skin. The creature watching him blinked once, and stretched out it's stubby green fingers to help him up. It opened it's small mouth, and said one word.

"Ogargótarc." He took the hand and stood up, and brushed himself off with both five-fingered hands. Disoriented, he swayed and steadied himself to speak. "Who are you? Do you understand me?" The alien nodded enthusiastically, and smiled. It repeated the same word again. "Ogargótarc." When the alien saw his confused expression, it replied again. "Cartographer."

He awoke suddenly, at the time he had programmed into his cerebral implants when he had worked on the Cartographer project. He looked around wildly, wondering where he was. This was not his sleeping chamber in the outer spheres of the Cartographer. His eyes scanned the room he was in. The walls were black and grey, with a single yellow door at the far end, and a painting depicting two of the alien creatures standing on a huge bluish iron pyramid. In the background of the painting, he could see a huge green sphere. The caption below read "Kerbals on Vall". His mind stored this as useful knowledge.

He sat for a few minutes, staring at the strange material that made up the walls and floor. It had a strange texture, and seemed to be completely flat, despite having a rough texture. Finally, after what may have been an hour or ten minutes, a single Kerbal walked into the room, and extended it's hand. In the stubby four-fingered hand lay a robust-looking headset, with a microphone and ear covers that looped around his skull completely. He put it on, not willing to offend the being before him.

The Kerbal reached up, extending it's arm far more than he thought possible. The appendage pressed a button on the right ear cover of his headset, and there was a sharp noise and suddenly a clearer sound. The Kerbal nodded and sat down. It opened it's mouth. "My name is Wernher. We have much to discuss."

Part Three

"We have explored our entire solar system,"Wernher began. "But we have not explored all of space. When I helped found the Space Program, I swore an oath to help Kerbalkind expand into the stars. We explored our entire system, but all we found were sterile planets. Kerbalkind could never live on them. But then, we found you, and you are what we have been looking for. Proof that we could truly expand. Tell me, what do you say to helping me?" The mapmaker at the other end of the table was unfazed, and replied.

"I will help you, but only if you promise to teach me about this world and this system. All I wish is knowledge."

Edited June 19, 2014 by Poryy

[KSK]

Intriguing start that instantly raises lots of questions. I really liked the description of the Cartographer too (whoever or whatever it is!) Great way to begin a story - hope there's more to come.

If I was being really, really picky, there are a couple of typos and the second sentence of Part 2 doesn't scan so well (too many repetitions of 'sky'). However they only stick out because the rest of the writing is so good!

[Poryy]

Added more stuff; fixed paragraph two's repetition.

[KSK]

The plot thickens already - and that's a good fix on paragraph two!