Keraloo-2: Mun and Bust (A 6.4:1 Kerbin IKEA Mission Report)

[Sauron]

Part 1:

After many missions by small national space agencies and the occasional private corporation or dashing thrill-seeker, kerbalkind came to the conclusion that the only way to satisfy their insatiable thirst for exploration and adventure was to pool their resources. To that end, IKEA, the International Kerbal Exploration Association, was created. Their first task, supported by the UKS (launching from Kermansburg), the KSR (launching from Roka Cosmodrome), PDSRK (Launching from Orok Spaceport), the Republic of Narf, the Federal Republic of Krutch, and the kingdom of Dongle (all launching from Pleasant Valley). Even the smallest countries contributed as best they could. North Kerea donated some of its substantial hoard of delicious blutonium for snacks (and also NTRs if there's any left over). Jebediah Kerman and his band of slightly mad engineers and pilots also made major contributions. In recognition of his pioneering role in Kerbal spaceflight it was agreed that Jeb's Junkyard would be renovated and renamed the Kerbal Space Center, a neutral launch site and the location of the first manned mission to the Mun.

To accomplish this tall task, engineers concluded that they were, in the words of the father of spaceflight himself, "gonna need a lot more boosters." Specifically, enough to launch approximately 100 tons into Kerbin orbit. This new rocket was named Keraloo, after the giant blue lizard that supports the world on its back. Three unmanned test missions were scheduled but after engineers rapidly got bored and it became clear that nobody could possibly afford two more unmanned launches of such a huge rocket, the engineers cleared the crash test dummies out of Keraloo-2 and replaced them with the always smiling Jebediah Kerman (Commander), former president of the UKS and space enthusiast, Robert "Bob" Kerman (CM Pilot), and Alcal Kerman, the mostly bold two-and-a-half time hero of the Kerbal Socialist Republic (MM Pilot). Rooly Kerman (PDSRK) and the unfortunately named Hanger Kerman (UKS) were chosen to be the capsule communicators.

At dawn, Keraloo-2 was rolled onto Pad 1 at KSC and 1000 metric tons of highly energetic propellant was exploded in something vaguely like a controlled fashion.

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Rooly: "We're a bit close to the rocket, don't you think, Comrade Hanger?"

Hanger: "I'm not sure Jeb's old cinderblock shelter is doing to help us. Oh Zod (we kneel before him...) we're gonna die."

Jeb: "I made that thing myself, boys! It held up during the Jebini launches just fine. A bit singed...and a few fires. But that's nothing to worry about! I'm sure it'll handle 12,000 Kilonewtons of RAW POWER just fine. After all, *I* built it! The only reason we didn't put more mainsails on this baby is because the appropriations people can't count any higher than eight!"

Rooly: "Yes. We are most definitely going to die. It was good knowing you, Comrade."

Jeb: "JUST PRESS THAT BIG RED BUTTON ALREADY! WE'RE GOING TO SPACE, BOYS!...Err boy. And girl."

Hanger: "What did I do to make you angry, Zod?"

*Squeezing his eyes shut with his hand in his ears, Hanger uses his forehead to press the Big Red Button*

Bob: "SPAAAAAACE!"

Alcal: "I think I left my toaster plugged in... OHMYZODLOUD! LOUDLOUDLOUD! MY EARDRUMS MUST SCREAM BUT THEY HAVE NO MOUTHS! AHHHHH!"

Jeb: "YEEHAW!"

Rooly: "Comrade?"

*Crawling out from a ruined pile of charred cinderblocks some time later*

Hanger: "You're stepping on my head!"

Jeb: "This is Keraloo to KSC. We are at 35 klicks. Everything looks nominal here."

Rooly: "We copy, Comrade Jebediah. You are go for Staging. Repeat, you are go for Staging."

*Rooly sets down his portable radio and inhales a fistfull of painkillers.*

Jeb: "Let's do this!"

Alcal: "Please make the loud noises stop! I want out!"

*Alcal restrains herself from yanking the big handle labeled ABORT.*

Bob: "SPAAAACE!"

Alcal: "Guys? Do you feel that?"

Jeb: "Eh. Just a few loose screws. It's nothing to fret over."

Bob: "Spaaace?"

Alcal: "This is Keraloo to Control. We're having some unexpected oscillation. Jeb thinks it's loose screws."

Hanger: "We copy, Keraloo. The engineers are telling me that that's normal. The KR2-XL is a bit angry. They think that they should have sacrificed a few more chickens to appease the fire spirit before launch. But they're sure you'll be fine."

*Hanger rubs his bandaged head. Kerbal heads are tough enough to take a cinderblock or four. But that doesn't mean he likes it.*

Alcal: "We have a fire spirit. WE HAVE A FIRE SPIRIT! OHZOD! AHHHH!"

Rooly: "Who is that guy anyway and how did he get into mission control! GET HIM OUT! Never mind that, Keraloo. The *real* engineers say you should be fine. You're still within the nominal limits."

*Rooly covers his mic and talks to Flight Dynamics.*

Rooly: "Give or take five percent. Mostly give."

Jeb: "We are at 80 klicks and uncontroversially in space. The Kerman line was a while ago actually. I think we missed it. You hear that Bob? We're in space!"

Bob: "This is very exciting! I never thought I'd actually get the chance do this."

Alcal: "One minute to stage two separation. The sooner we get rid of that fire spirit the less likely we are to die horribly. Also, I may have accidentally jettisoned the escape tower because I can't see it out the window anymore."

Jeb: "This is Keraloo to Control. We're begining our checkout orbit now. 55 minutes to ejection burn and all is nominal."

Hanger: "We copy."

Bob: "I can taste the Mun already!"

Alcal: "Stage three is working just fine. The regular KR2-L is a lot less temperamental without the fire spirit."

Jeb: "But we've got so much extra thrust!"

Tune in again next week for the exploits of our daring kerbonauts!