Eve of Destruction

[SlowThought]

Jebediah and Bill sit outside the hangar, watching launch preparations for Golem Eve 4, another in a series of unmanned exploratory missions.

Jeb: You heard what happened to the last one, didn't you?

Bill: No, I didn't. I guess I assumed no news was good news.

Jeb: Have you EVER known KASA to sit on good news?

Bill: Ok, ok, so what happened?

Jeb: Well, they had more problems with the first stage.

They both stare intently at the cluster of boosters around the bottom of the ship.

Bill: It was the "asparagus" strategy again.

Jeb: Yep. Somehow they got the order of the staging messed up, started shedding full tanks of fuel while hanging onto dead boosters. And of course that fouled up the plumbing for the rest of the stages.

Bill: So they crashed a nuclear reactor into the ocean?

Jeb: No, and that's why it's REALLY hush hush. They lit the nuke off in the atmosphere!

Bill turns green (well, greener).

Bill: OUR atmosphere?

Jeb: Yep! They really thought they'd gotten away with something there, and the mission was always planned with gobs of extra Delta V. Even so, they opted for a Munar gravity assist, only...

Bill: Only what?

Jeb: Only they managed not to miss the Mun.

Bill: Ouch! That sounds familiar. Isn't that how they lost the first one?

Jeb: Pretty much, only it was Gilly, not the Mun.

Bill: And the second one, they ran the nuke into Eve, which wasn't the plan.

Jeb: Yeah, but that wasn't really their fault. Who knew Eve's atmosphere was so thick? The real screwup there was managing to run out of battery power on the way down, before they could transmit any science.

Bill: But the chute deployed on that one. GE 2 might have survived.

Jeb: Maybe structurally, but it's dead, slowly getting cold, or hot, or anyway approaching the ambient temperature of Eve, whatever that might be.

The boys' conversation is interrupted by a loud rumble as GE 4 rises into the sky. They see the first few stages separate, apparently without incident. As the probe disappears in the distance, the boys wander over to the tracking station to see how things are going. As they enter the building, they wave to Doc von Kerman and his assistants at the control board, but are ignored.

Bill: Look, they're trying the Munar assist thing again.

Jeb: Clever, a course correction. Maybe engineers ARE capable of learning.

von Kerman: Vy moost deez things always happen on the far zide? Quick, double check the peri burn programming before vee looz ze zignal!

The boys wait until GE 4 reemerges from the Mun's shadow, apparently on course. As the engineers cheer, they slip out. As they return a few months later, they note an odd odor, and that all the engineers appear a bit dishevelled and unkempt.

von Kerman: Ve approach ze atmosphere. Stand by to retract zolar panels!

von Kerman: Gut! Release the reactor! Ztand by for landing approach!

Bill: Things seem to be going pretty well this time.

Jeb: Wait for it...

von Kerman: Take ze atmospheric readings, but do not tranzmit! Ve vait for ze zolar panels to redeploy.

Anonymous Engineer (AE): We've got the readings. Chute's deployed. Solar panels are extending... err, solar panels are falling.

von Kerman: VHAT?! Tell me, dumkopf, that we used the ruggedized, redeployable solar panels...

AE: Urp.

Bill: Priceless.

Jeb: Wait for it...

AE: Approaching touchdown on... on... on an ocean?

von Kerman: VHAT? Vy vasn't I told there's vater on Eve?

AE: We have, er, splashdown. Negative function on seismic sensor.

von Kerman: Nefer mind. Tranzmit! Before the batteriez die!

Bill: (again)

Jeb: Well, I think things are looking up for the MANNED mission to Eve.

Edited July 8, 2014 by SlowThought
Minor typo

[SlowThought]

Jeb: Well, I think things are looking up for the MANNED mission to Eve.

Well of course, I didn't give up quite that easily, and GE 5 was a success.